“I saw the chandelier project you’re working on.” Jack’s voice came from behind me. “I thought it would be amazing in here.” He was referring to my hobby of collecting old wrought iron, driftwood and sea glass. I had, indeed, been working on fashioning one into a chandelier of sorts thinking to put it in my room or a library room, if I ever converted the parlor. I thought of him seeing all my stuff and unfinished projects in the attic that I had left neglected for too long and felt a moment of embarrassment. Jazz was forever nagging me about it, telling me to bring my pieces to the store. I didn’t know what held me back.
I was hyper-aware of Jack standing behind me, but I had to be imagining he was so close. I swore I felt a zap of energy from his body along the length of mine. Closing my eyes instead of answering him, I wondered if I turned around right now, whether his proximity would be all in my head. And then I felt it, his breath against the back of my neck. I swallowed hard. He slowly inhaled the air around my nape, and the fine hairs stirred to stand on end.
“What is it about you, Keri Ann?” The words were thick and quiet. Lacking the lightness of a whisper, they plummeted down through my body like an anchor. I shivered and willed myself to know what to do. Yes, what was it about me? This normal girl from a normal place, having this extraordinary moment with no hope or means of navigating this unchartered water.
I realized in that moment it didn’t matter. I’d never had a choice. The circumstances of my life meant nothing could have prepared me for the entrance of Jack Eversea into my world. This was his show to run. His moment to live or leave, and he had chosen to be in my house and my life for this brief span of time. He could have gone anywhere. Perhaps, he would have been better off bumping into a person more sure of herself, or more jaded. Maybe another girl, a girl with a tiny bit more experience than I had would have thrown herself into his arms hoping to make him forget his troubles or hers for a little while, taking what she could get and having light-hearted fun while she was at it. But I was just me. I was also, at this particular moment, incapable of moving or responding. Or breathing for that matter.
“Turn around, Keri Ann,” Jack said, softly.
I finally let my breath go and turned. My eyes collided with the place where his neck met his dark sage green t-shirt. His skin was beautiful. Flawless even, save for the smattering of dark stubble shadowing his jaw. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and he smelled ... amazing. Like pine and waterfalls.
The walls were too close in the hall. There was little room to step back. Even though my reflex was to create space between us, he stepped in time with me and my back instantly pressed against the wall.
Was this really happening?
How had we gone from light-hearted banter in the kitchen to this? I was confused and lightheaded all at once. My God, was there enough space in the universe to breathe?
I was aware of his one hand caging me in as his other came up to my face. His skin was warm and slightly rough, his palms callused in a way that belied a life of script reading and spoke more to his true nature. Jack was touching my face. I closed my eyes like if I didn’t look up at him, didn’t make eye contact, this wouldn’t be really happening.
“Please.” My voice sounded strange. I didn’t know what I was asking for. A reprieve maybe, time to process what I was feeling. I had never in my life felt the currents that were coiling up inside me, gathering into ever sharpening spears. I had never expected to feel this way either and certainly had no idea it could feel so amazing and so terrifying all at once.
He slowly tilted my chin up.
“Please what?” he asked as I opened my eyes to his intense stare. His gaze was earnest and questioning and held none of the arrogance I was expecting to glimpse.
My tongue snuck out to moisten my lips just as his thumb slid gently across them. The contact was electrifying.
I froze.
Jack groaned. “Christ,” he managed, his eyes squeezing shut and his forehead creasing, as if in pain.
“I ...” I cleared my throat. “I... please don’t. Please don’t kiss me.”
E L E V E N
Please don’t kiss me?
Jack’s eyes snapped open. I glimpsed confusion for a split second as the words, my ridiculously uttered words, rang out in the silence around us. I wanted to pull them back in so badly. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted his lips on mine, I wanted to know what he tasted like, what his tongue felt like, what his mouth would do when fused with mine. Whether he kissed fast or slow, hard or soft. If he was hot or cool. It suddenly became imperative to know that beyond anything else. I gritted my teeth wishing back the words of my rejection just as he pushed abruptly away from me.
I gasped.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” He blew out a breath and raked his hand, that same hand that had been cradling my face moments before, through his hair. “I thought... shit, I don’t know what I thought. Sorry, Ok? I just seem to be fucking up with you all around, don’t I?” He fell back against the opposite wall putting some distance between us, his face tilted up to the ceiling.
I lifted a shaky hand to my mouth that was aching over a loss it didn’t even know.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t apologize.”
“But I am,” I insisted. I took a deep breath and came clean. What the hell, right? I was already a goner, at least he didn’t have to feel like a heel about it just because I was an inexperienced prude. “I wanted you to kiss me.”
He looked back at me. “So why did you stop me? Apart from the obvious, that you were smart to do so.”
What?
“What do you mean?” I wasn’t going to try to play some sophisticated guessing game with him. I wanted the bare and ugly truth.
He bobbed his head at me. “You first. Why did you stop me?”
Because I might melt. Literally. And because I may never survive it? “A few reasons, you want the main one or the list?”
“A list again? Is one of them that I should have brushed my teeth before coming over?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it, it was such an unexpected question, delivered so teasingly it relieved my nervous tension. I was grateful.
“No!” I shook my head with a smile.
“Good.” He raised his eyebrows, expectantly. “Go on.”
“Well, I haven’t ...” I twisted my fingers as I tried to decide how much to tell him. That I was inexperienced except for one awkward kiss, or that the feelings he made me feel were scaring the crap out of me, and I wasn’t ready for what that could do to me if we were to continue. Maybe I should just tell him I didn’t like him like that. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Anyway, I had just admitted I wanted him to kiss me, so that was a lame one.
“Please don’t tell me you have never been kissed,” he said with a laugh. I looked at him, surprised at his tone. Would he ridicule me if I hadn’t? I was aware I was taking a little too long to answer.
His light tone faded. “Oh my God, seriously?” His body pitched forward slightly off the wall.
“What? No! I mean yes, I have been kissed, once, I mean it wasn’t really ... ” I took an awkward breath. “I mean, it was ok, not a kiss kiss ... ” Why was I babbling and why couldn’t I stop? “I mean, it was, but ... ”
I was hyper-aware of Jack standing behind me, but I had to be imagining he was so close. I swore I felt a zap of energy from his body along the length of mine. Closing my eyes instead of answering him, I wondered if I turned around right now, whether his proximity would be all in my head. And then I felt it, his breath against the back of my neck. I swallowed hard. He slowly inhaled the air around my nape, and the fine hairs stirred to stand on end.
“What is it about you, Keri Ann?” The words were thick and quiet. Lacking the lightness of a whisper, they plummeted down through my body like an anchor. I shivered and willed myself to know what to do. Yes, what was it about me? This normal girl from a normal place, having this extraordinary moment with no hope or means of navigating this unchartered water.
I realized in that moment it didn’t matter. I’d never had a choice. The circumstances of my life meant nothing could have prepared me for the entrance of Jack Eversea into my world. This was his show to run. His moment to live or leave, and he had chosen to be in my house and my life for this brief span of time. He could have gone anywhere. Perhaps, he would have been better off bumping into a person more sure of herself, or more jaded. Maybe another girl, a girl with a tiny bit more experience than I had would have thrown herself into his arms hoping to make him forget his troubles or hers for a little while, taking what she could get and having light-hearted fun while she was at it. But I was just me. I was also, at this particular moment, incapable of moving or responding. Or breathing for that matter.
“Turn around, Keri Ann,” Jack said, softly.
I finally let my breath go and turned. My eyes collided with the place where his neck met his dark sage green t-shirt. His skin was beautiful. Flawless even, save for the smattering of dark stubble shadowing his jaw. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and he smelled ... amazing. Like pine and waterfalls.
The walls were too close in the hall. There was little room to step back. Even though my reflex was to create space between us, he stepped in time with me and my back instantly pressed against the wall.
Was this really happening?
How had we gone from light-hearted banter in the kitchen to this? I was confused and lightheaded all at once. My God, was there enough space in the universe to breathe?
I was aware of his one hand caging me in as his other came up to my face. His skin was warm and slightly rough, his palms callused in a way that belied a life of script reading and spoke more to his true nature. Jack was touching my face. I closed my eyes like if I didn’t look up at him, didn’t make eye contact, this wouldn’t be really happening.
“Please.” My voice sounded strange. I didn’t know what I was asking for. A reprieve maybe, time to process what I was feeling. I had never in my life felt the currents that were coiling up inside me, gathering into ever sharpening spears. I had never expected to feel this way either and certainly had no idea it could feel so amazing and so terrifying all at once.
He slowly tilted my chin up.
“Please what?” he asked as I opened my eyes to his intense stare. His gaze was earnest and questioning and held none of the arrogance I was expecting to glimpse.
My tongue snuck out to moisten my lips just as his thumb slid gently across them. The contact was electrifying.
I froze.
Jack groaned. “Christ,” he managed, his eyes squeezing shut and his forehead creasing, as if in pain.
“I ...” I cleared my throat. “I... please don’t. Please don’t kiss me.”
E L E V E N
Please don’t kiss me?
Jack’s eyes snapped open. I glimpsed confusion for a split second as the words, my ridiculously uttered words, rang out in the silence around us. I wanted to pull them back in so badly. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted his lips on mine, I wanted to know what he tasted like, what his tongue felt like, what his mouth would do when fused with mine. Whether he kissed fast or slow, hard or soft. If he was hot or cool. It suddenly became imperative to know that beyond anything else. I gritted my teeth wishing back the words of my rejection just as he pushed abruptly away from me.
I gasped.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” He blew out a breath and raked his hand, that same hand that had been cradling my face moments before, through his hair. “I thought... shit, I don’t know what I thought. Sorry, Ok? I just seem to be fucking up with you all around, don’t I?” He fell back against the opposite wall putting some distance between us, his face tilted up to the ceiling.
I lifted a shaky hand to my mouth that was aching over a loss it didn’t even know.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t apologize.”
“But I am,” I insisted. I took a deep breath and came clean. What the hell, right? I was already a goner, at least he didn’t have to feel like a heel about it just because I was an inexperienced prude. “I wanted you to kiss me.”
He looked back at me. “So why did you stop me? Apart from the obvious, that you were smart to do so.”
What?
“What do you mean?” I wasn’t going to try to play some sophisticated guessing game with him. I wanted the bare and ugly truth.
He bobbed his head at me. “You first. Why did you stop me?”
Because I might melt. Literally. And because I may never survive it? “A few reasons, you want the main one or the list?”
“A list again? Is one of them that I should have brushed my teeth before coming over?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it, it was such an unexpected question, delivered so teasingly it relieved my nervous tension. I was grateful.
“No!” I shook my head with a smile.
“Good.” He raised his eyebrows, expectantly. “Go on.”
“Well, I haven’t ...” I twisted my fingers as I tried to decide how much to tell him. That I was inexperienced except for one awkward kiss, or that the feelings he made me feel were scaring the crap out of me, and I wasn’t ready for what that could do to me if we were to continue. Maybe I should just tell him I didn’t like him like that. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Anyway, I had just admitted I wanted him to kiss me, so that was a lame one.
“Please don’t tell me you have never been kissed,” he said with a laugh. I looked at him, surprised at his tone. Would he ridicule me if I hadn’t? I was aware I was taking a little too long to answer.
His light tone faded. “Oh my God, seriously?” His body pitched forward slightly off the wall.
“What? No! I mean yes, I have been kissed, once, I mean it wasn’t really ... ” I took an awkward breath. “I mean, it was ok, not a kiss kiss ... ” Why was I babbling and why couldn’t I stop? “I mean, it was, but ... ”
