I opened my eyes and looked around me. What the hell was I going to do about the floors? “Yes, he is a dickwad!” I grappled around in my pocket and pulled out my phone.
I pressed send on his number before Jazz realized what I was doing. She made a grab for the phone, and I scooted away just as it started ringing. I realized I’d never called him before. A voicemail clicked on, and Jack’s voice caressed my ear and said simply, “Leave a message.”
Grrr.
“You can’t growl at him!” Jazz said, her eyes wide, before slapping a hand over her mouth.
I hadn’t realized I’d done that out loud.
“Yes, I can. Grrrr,” I said loudly for good measure. “Grr, Jack. I am pissed. I am beyond pissed.”
I got to my feet and paced around the bare floors, my temper rising. “What the hell was all that Jack? And what on earth did you hope to accomplish by getting my floors done? Seriously? Did you think I would be so indebted to you I would do whatever you wanted? Sweet, innocent, little Keri Ann can be your bit on the side while you figure your Goddamn life out? Buy her affection with an extravagant gift? I am going to pay you back every last cent. I don’t owe anyone. I won’t owe anyone, ever. And don’t tell me it’s just a gift, Jack. That’s the kind of gift I can’t accept.”
I started laughing hysterically. “Perhaps you thought you could buy my virginity? Is that what kinky fetish is big in Hollywood these days?” I laughed again, though it sounded like a howl, and I realized I had tears running down my cheeks.
“Give me the damn phone!” Jazz hissed, practically tackling me to the ground. “You’re not making any sense!”
But I wasn’t done. Apparently I still had one last humiliating arrow in my quiver.
“You don’t just walk around the place paying people to fall in love with you so you don’t have to be lonely. Be lonely Jack. It’s character building. God knows you need it.” And I hung up.
Jazz was staring at me with her mouth open.
“My God, I hope you dialed a wrong number.”
I looked at her, probably with a similar look of dawning horror on my face.
“Oh shit,” I managed.
“Oh shit is right. You just pulled a major psycho stunt. On the up side, you’re drunk, and I think that’ll be pretty obvious to him, so perhaps he’ll just chalk it up to ... you being drunk.”
“And on the down side?” I asked. The up side was looking pretty dire to me right now. But the down side was that I had pretty much insulted him in every way I could.
A huge crack of thunder sounded outside making us both jump.
“Well, on the down side, you basically admitted to him you’re in love with him.”
Oh, that down side.
The lights flickered on and off.
“Oh fuckity, fuck. I think I’m going to need another margarita.”
“Honey, you need a hot shower and some pj’s before the power goes off. You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow when you wake up anyway, no need to make it worse. I’m going to fix us some hot chocolate.” Jazz pulled me into a quick hug, and then collected the offending margarita pitcher and glasses and stumbled her way to the kitchen. How did that girl keep a straight head on her shoulders? Oh man, I couldn’t believe what I had just done.
T W E N T Y
The shower had done wonders. And the huge dollop of vanilla ice cream I was currently dumping into my hot chocolate would do a lot more. The power had gone out just as I went to blow dry my hair. So now Jazz and I were sitting in the dark living room in front of the crackling fireplace on a blanket eating all the available ice cream before it melted. My wet hair was scraped back, and I wore my most favorite flannel pajama pants in pink tartan and a black tight t-shirt with a huge skull across the front.
I loved Jack Eversea. I really did. Not Max, but the actual guy. This was really shitty. Maybe it was the way he took my nervously barbed insults with such amusement, or maybe it was the fact we traded movie quotes perfectly, or maybe because he was so damned hot ... except I liked to think I was a little less shallow than that. But for the sake of honesty, it was fairly clear even Mother Theresa would have gotten a twinkle in her eye when it came to Jack. Or perhaps, it was that I ... saw him. The frightened and lonely boy who had put himself in the limelight with a fierce passion for his craft, despite the fact he could have hidden in shadows after whatever it was his mother had run from. I wasn’t a child psychologist, and I didn’t know for sure what he or she had endured, but I knew whatever had happened would have crippled most people with a life long fear.
But he was flawed. Majorly flawed. Not flawed enough for me not to love him, but flawed enough I would be staying away. Very far away.
He didn’t have the kind of bravery I needed if he was willing to lie to his girlfriend and keep a relationship alive for the sake of his career, if that was truly what was going on. And if it wasn’t—he had lied to me.
I handed the tub of vanilla back to Jazz. “I really wanted him to deny it, Jazz. He should’ve seen the text and realized why I was upset and denied it. He should’ve told me it was a big mistake. Except it wasn’t, was it?” I wasn’t sure why I was stating the obvious.
“I know, hon. I’m sorry.”
I took a long sip of rich hot chocolate and cool vanilla ice cream. “Do you have any magazines in your car still?” She literally couldn’t buy a pack of gum without buying a tabloid magazine, too. I would bet the last scoop of Turtle Tracks she had picked up the latest one tonight while buying the tequila.
She nodded. “But I ain’t going out there to get ‘em.”
Another rumble of thunder punctuated her words.
“Never mind. It was a dumb idea and will only prolong the agony. I just realized I’ve never really paid much attention to his life, and it’s all out there.” I thought of how private he claimed to be, and the secret he’d shared with me. “Well, most of it. The public stuff anyway.”
“Yeah, don’t start getting masochistic. This is a worst case scenario for a break up to have all that tantalizing information out there.”
“Break up?” I snorted. “Apparently, we were never together.”
“The only things I do know are that people are still wondering where he is, and Audrey put out a public statement.”
“Really? What did it say?” I hated my weakness, but I was curious.
“Something along the lines of how sorry she was, and that it was a momentary indiscretion, and that she loved and respected him deeply etcetera, etcetera. But I am assuming she put out a public statement because she doesn’t know where he is either.”
I mulled that over a second before another thought occurred to me. “Dare I ask what the book is for book club tomorrow? I’m assuming the reason you forgot to tell me is because I’ve read it already?” I rubbed my temples at the tequila headache slowly coming on.
Jazz grimaced. “Yes, well the older ladies hadn’t read them yet ... and with the movie coming out soon ...” She trailed off.
Tomorrow would suck. “Look, it’s not like you knew we would actually meet the guy when you picked them, so don’t worry about it,” I said, instantly forgiving her.
“Yeah, but at this stage I wish we were reading Anna Karenina.”
I pressed send on his number before Jazz realized what I was doing. She made a grab for the phone, and I scooted away just as it started ringing. I realized I’d never called him before. A voicemail clicked on, and Jack’s voice caressed my ear and said simply, “Leave a message.”
Grrr.
“You can’t growl at him!” Jazz said, her eyes wide, before slapping a hand over her mouth.
I hadn’t realized I’d done that out loud.
“Yes, I can. Grrrr,” I said loudly for good measure. “Grr, Jack. I am pissed. I am beyond pissed.”
I got to my feet and paced around the bare floors, my temper rising. “What the hell was all that Jack? And what on earth did you hope to accomplish by getting my floors done? Seriously? Did you think I would be so indebted to you I would do whatever you wanted? Sweet, innocent, little Keri Ann can be your bit on the side while you figure your Goddamn life out? Buy her affection with an extravagant gift? I am going to pay you back every last cent. I don’t owe anyone. I won’t owe anyone, ever. And don’t tell me it’s just a gift, Jack. That’s the kind of gift I can’t accept.”
I started laughing hysterically. “Perhaps you thought you could buy my virginity? Is that what kinky fetish is big in Hollywood these days?” I laughed again, though it sounded like a howl, and I realized I had tears running down my cheeks.
“Give me the damn phone!” Jazz hissed, practically tackling me to the ground. “You’re not making any sense!”
But I wasn’t done. Apparently I still had one last humiliating arrow in my quiver.
“You don’t just walk around the place paying people to fall in love with you so you don’t have to be lonely. Be lonely Jack. It’s character building. God knows you need it.” And I hung up.
Jazz was staring at me with her mouth open.
“My God, I hope you dialed a wrong number.”
I looked at her, probably with a similar look of dawning horror on my face.
“Oh shit,” I managed.
“Oh shit is right. You just pulled a major psycho stunt. On the up side, you’re drunk, and I think that’ll be pretty obvious to him, so perhaps he’ll just chalk it up to ... you being drunk.”
“And on the down side?” I asked. The up side was looking pretty dire to me right now. But the down side was that I had pretty much insulted him in every way I could.
A huge crack of thunder sounded outside making us both jump.
“Well, on the down side, you basically admitted to him you’re in love with him.”
Oh, that down side.
The lights flickered on and off.
“Oh fuckity, fuck. I think I’m going to need another margarita.”
“Honey, you need a hot shower and some pj’s before the power goes off. You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow when you wake up anyway, no need to make it worse. I’m going to fix us some hot chocolate.” Jazz pulled me into a quick hug, and then collected the offending margarita pitcher and glasses and stumbled her way to the kitchen. How did that girl keep a straight head on her shoulders? Oh man, I couldn’t believe what I had just done.
T W E N T Y
The shower had done wonders. And the huge dollop of vanilla ice cream I was currently dumping into my hot chocolate would do a lot more. The power had gone out just as I went to blow dry my hair. So now Jazz and I were sitting in the dark living room in front of the crackling fireplace on a blanket eating all the available ice cream before it melted. My wet hair was scraped back, and I wore my most favorite flannel pajama pants in pink tartan and a black tight t-shirt with a huge skull across the front.
I loved Jack Eversea. I really did. Not Max, but the actual guy. This was really shitty. Maybe it was the way he took my nervously barbed insults with such amusement, or maybe it was the fact we traded movie quotes perfectly, or maybe because he was so damned hot ... except I liked to think I was a little less shallow than that. But for the sake of honesty, it was fairly clear even Mother Theresa would have gotten a twinkle in her eye when it came to Jack. Or perhaps, it was that I ... saw him. The frightened and lonely boy who had put himself in the limelight with a fierce passion for his craft, despite the fact he could have hidden in shadows after whatever it was his mother had run from. I wasn’t a child psychologist, and I didn’t know for sure what he or she had endured, but I knew whatever had happened would have crippled most people with a life long fear.
But he was flawed. Majorly flawed. Not flawed enough for me not to love him, but flawed enough I would be staying away. Very far away.
He didn’t have the kind of bravery I needed if he was willing to lie to his girlfriend and keep a relationship alive for the sake of his career, if that was truly what was going on. And if it wasn’t—he had lied to me.
I handed the tub of vanilla back to Jazz. “I really wanted him to deny it, Jazz. He should’ve seen the text and realized why I was upset and denied it. He should’ve told me it was a big mistake. Except it wasn’t, was it?” I wasn’t sure why I was stating the obvious.
“I know, hon. I’m sorry.”
I took a long sip of rich hot chocolate and cool vanilla ice cream. “Do you have any magazines in your car still?” She literally couldn’t buy a pack of gum without buying a tabloid magazine, too. I would bet the last scoop of Turtle Tracks she had picked up the latest one tonight while buying the tequila.
She nodded. “But I ain’t going out there to get ‘em.”
Another rumble of thunder punctuated her words.
“Never mind. It was a dumb idea and will only prolong the agony. I just realized I’ve never really paid much attention to his life, and it’s all out there.” I thought of how private he claimed to be, and the secret he’d shared with me. “Well, most of it. The public stuff anyway.”
“Yeah, don’t start getting masochistic. This is a worst case scenario for a break up to have all that tantalizing information out there.”
“Break up?” I snorted. “Apparently, we were never together.”
“The only things I do know are that people are still wondering where he is, and Audrey put out a public statement.”
“Really? What did it say?” I hated my weakness, but I was curious.
“Something along the lines of how sorry she was, and that it was a momentary indiscretion, and that she loved and respected him deeply etcetera, etcetera. But I am assuming she put out a public statement because she doesn’t know where he is either.”
I mulled that over a second before another thought occurred to me. “Dare I ask what the book is for book club tomorrow? I’m assuming the reason you forgot to tell me is because I’ve read it already?” I rubbed my temples at the tequila headache slowly coming on.
Jazz grimaced. “Yes, well the older ladies hadn’t read them yet ... and with the movie coming out soon ...” She trailed off.
Tomorrow would suck. “Look, it’s not like you knew we would actually meet the guy when you picked them, so don’t worry about it,” I said, instantly forgiving her.
“Yeah, but at this stage I wish we were reading Anna Karenina.”
