Everything for Her
Page 49
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“Still mad at the boyfriend?” Skyler asks, startling me as she looks over the top of the cubicle wall at me. Her perfect eyebrow is raised in question. I must have been lost in thought because I didn’t even hear her walk past my desk.
“That’s putting it mildly.” I know she’s only talking about the fight Miles got into with Joel. I’m actually a little worried about who else might have seen it and if anyone but her knows that I’ve been dating the boss. I don’t even want to think what those rumors will turn into.
“It was a dick move, but I have to say sometimes that whole caveman thing works for people. I know Jamie likes it when I get all territorial over her.” She smiles like she does it on purpose to get her girlfriend all worked up.
“At least you won’t have to see him much. Not like he’s ever around here. I’ve only seen him once in real life and it was when he was picking you up.” She shrugs like it’s not a big deal, but it is.
To me it is, anyway. I can’t see him or I might crack. Hell, who am I kidding? I’ll fucking shatter. I drop my head into my hands in despair. I groan and look back up at Skyler. “God, I’m so stupid. You knew who he was, didn’t you?”
“Well, yeah.” She looks at me like I’m crazy.
“I didn’t know who he was until yesterday,” I admit.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her eyes look like they’re about to bulge out of her head.
Then it finally clicks into place. The day she was short with me. She must have been thinking what everyone else would be thinking if they found out about Oz and me. That I was banging the boss for my job. The sad part is I’m not so sure it’s not true. If Oz didn’t have his sights on me, I probably wouldn’t be here to begin with. I don’t know if that should make me mad or not. It’s not like I’d gotten a scholarship they’d been handing out for years. This was something new and apparently created for me. I’d gotten a few small grants from community colleges, but nothing like the full ride to Yale they gave me. It had all the odds and ends, of boarding, books, a meal pass, plus some.
“I know.” I suck my bottom lip between my teeth, biting it as I look back at my computer screen.
Skyler comes around, leaning against the edge of my desk. I look over at her. What sucks is I don’t even know if I can trust her. I’m clearly terrible at telling who my true friends are and who’s being paid to watch me.
“Did you end it with him?”
I nod. For some reason I can’t bring myself to say yes. The simple nod is all I have in me.
She’s silent for a second, and then lets out a little sigh. “Is it really so bad he didn’t tell you he was a big-time billionaire? I can think of worse things you could find out about your boyfriend,” she teases.
Oh, I have a list I want to tell her, but instead I give her a half smile. I don’t want to be the girl that cries in the office, and if I start talking, that will likely happen. Worse, I’d be crying over the boss. I couldn’t get more cliché.
“God, I bet this meeting is going to be so fucking boring.” I turn my head to see Eric standing by my cubicle. He looks like he just rolled out of bed, or maybe that’s the messy hair thing I’ve seen some guys doing. I don’t get it. It looks sloppy for work.
“I think it’s a general meeting, going over random company stuff. I hear they do them periodically,” Skyler adds.
Eric shrugs and goes over to his desk.
“Think he’ll be there?” I say quietly so no one else can hear us.
“Is he mad you wanted to end it?”
I nod.
“Yep. He’ll be there.” She reaches out, squeezing my shoulder. “Act like you don’t care.”
If only it was that easy. My cold act this morning, walking five feet from him, was hard enough. I wanted to be indifferent and pretend I didn’t care at all. I thought that would hurt him more than giving him anger or tears. Indifference made it seem like he wasn’t worth any emotion. I wanted to hurt him, and I wanted him to be as miserable as I was.
Because if there’s one thing I can be sure of, it’s that while I might not get what Miles is doing, he wants me. Wants might not even be the right word. Obsession seems to fit better. It’s clearly unhealthy, but the worst part is a little flutter hits me when I think about him being obsessed with me. Even though I know it isn’t right. Even though I know it’s crazy. I’d be lying if I denied that a deep part of me is intrigued by it.
I go back to looking at my screen. I should really try to get something done before this meeting. It’s the whole reason I came in early, to not think about Oz.
I hear a ping on my computer and look up to see a new email.
From: [email protected]
Subject: I’m sorry
I hold my mouse over the email, wanting to click it so bad. I move my cursor over to the trash button and click, then go in and block his email. I’ll crack too easily right now. It’s best if I avoid him, because I know I can stay away. It’s moments like now, when my anger isn’t at its height, that I feel weak. I want to talk to him and ask him so many things to try to stop all the questions bouncing around inside my head. Maybe then I can think. Or maybe I’d only make it worse.
I want to go back to Saturday morning and not get up from the bed. I wish I could have enjoyed that moment a little longer before the lies came crashing in and took not only Miles from me, but Paige, too. The only family I’d ever had. I lost them both in a matter of minutes. Or maybe it was me being stupid again to think I even had them to begin with.
“That’s putting it mildly.” I know she’s only talking about the fight Miles got into with Joel. I’m actually a little worried about who else might have seen it and if anyone but her knows that I’ve been dating the boss. I don’t even want to think what those rumors will turn into.
“It was a dick move, but I have to say sometimes that whole caveman thing works for people. I know Jamie likes it when I get all territorial over her.” She smiles like she does it on purpose to get her girlfriend all worked up.
“At least you won’t have to see him much. Not like he’s ever around here. I’ve only seen him once in real life and it was when he was picking you up.” She shrugs like it’s not a big deal, but it is.
To me it is, anyway. I can’t see him or I might crack. Hell, who am I kidding? I’ll fucking shatter. I drop my head into my hands in despair. I groan and look back up at Skyler. “God, I’m so stupid. You knew who he was, didn’t you?”
“Well, yeah.” She looks at me like I’m crazy.
“I didn’t know who he was until yesterday,” I admit.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her eyes look like they’re about to bulge out of her head.
Then it finally clicks into place. The day she was short with me. She must have been thinking what everyone else would be thinking if they found out about Oz and me. That I was banging the boss for my job. The sad part is I’m not so sure it’s not true. If Oz didn’t have his sights on me, I probably wouldn’t be here to begin with. I don’t know if that should make me mad or not. It’s not like I’d gotten a scholarship they’d been handing out for years. This was something new and apparently created for me. I’d gotten a few small grants from community colleges, but nothing like the full ride to Yale they gave me. It had all the odds and ends, of boarding, books, a meal pass, plus some.
“I know.” I suck my bottom lip between my teeth, biting it as I look back at my computer screen.
Skyler comes around, leaning against the edge of my desk. I look over at her. What sucks is I don’t even know if I can trust her. I’m clearly terrible at telling who my true friends are and who’s being paid to watch me.
“Did you end it with him?”
I nod. For some reason I can’t bring myself to say yes. The simple nod is all I have in me.
She’s silent for a second, and then lets out a little sigh. “Is it really so bad he didn’t tell you he was a big-time billionaire? I can think of worse things you could find out about your boyfriend,” she teases.
Oh, I have a list I want to tell her, but instead I give her a half smile. I don’t want to be the girl that cries in the office, and if I start talking, that will likely happen. Worse, I’d be crying over the boss. I couldn’t get more cliché.
“God, I bet this meeting is going to be so fucking boring.” I turn my head to see Eric standing by my cubicle. He looks like he just rolled out of bed, or maybe that’s the messy hair thing I’ve seen some guys doing. I don’t get it. It looks sloppy for work.
“I think it’s a general meeting, going over random company stuff. I hear they do them periodically,” Skyler adds.
Eric shrugs and goes over to his desk.
“Think he’ll be there?” I say quietly so no one else can hear us.
“Is he mad you wanted to end it?”
I nod.
“Yep. He’ll be there.” She reaches out, squeezing my shoulder. “Act like you don’t care.”
If only it was that easy. My cold act this morning, walking five feet from him, was hard enough. I wanted to be indifferent and pretend I didn’t care at all. I thought that would hurt him more than giving him anger or tears. Indifference made it seem like he wasn’t worth any emotion. I wanted to hurt him, and I wanted him to be as miserable as I was.
Because if there’s one thing I can be sure of, it’s that while I might not get what Miles is doing, he wants me. Wants might not even be the right word. Obsession seems to fit better. It’s clearly unhealthy, but the worst part is a little flutter hits me when I think about him being obsessed with me. Even though I know it isn’t right. Even though I know it’s crazy. I’d be lying if I denied that a deep part of me is intrigued by it.
I go back to looking at my screen. I should really try to get something done before this meeting. It’s the whole reason I came in early, to not think about Oz.
I hear a ping on my computer and look up to see a new email.
From: [email protected]
Subject: I’m sorry
I hold my mouse over the email, wanting to click it so bad. I move my cursor over to the trash button and click, then go in and block his email. I’ll crack too easily right now. It’s best if I avoid him, because I know I can stay away. It’s moments like now, when my anger isn’t at its height, that I feel weak. I want to talk to him and ask him so many things to try to stop all the questions bouncing around inside my head. Maybe then I can think. Or maybe I’d only make it worse.
I want to go back to Saturday morning and not get up from the bed. I wish I could have enjoyed that moment a little longer before the lies came crashing in and took not only Miles from me, but Paige, too. The only family I’d ever had. I lost them both in a matter of minutes. Or maybe it was me being stupid again to think I even had them to begin with.
