“That will give you cancer,” Shelby says. They both laugh, and then Shelby starts crying again.
“Come on. Snap out of it,” Dan Richmond says. “She’s right in the bedroom. You don’t want her to hear you crying.”
Shelby blows her nose on her sleeve.
“Geez,” her father says. “Have you heard of tissues?”
“Does she know?” Shelby asks as they go inside.
“Doesn’t she always know everything?” Shelby’s father has suddenly noticed Pablo’s presence. “I thought you had two dogs.” He seems nervous about Pablo. In the past, Shelby left the big dog with her neighbor when she came out to Long Island. Her dad has never been a dog person. “What the hell is this thing? A Saint Bernard?”
“A Great Pyrenees,” Shelby says. She has begun to think of a plan of action. “I can quit my job and stay while she has chemo.”
“She’s already had it. They started, but they had to stop. It didn’t work. It just made her sicker.”
“Is that why she’s been avoiding me?”
“She didn’t want you to worry. Just so you’re not shocked, Shelby—she’s bald.”
“That’s a bad joke.” When Shelby came back from the psych ward and shaved her head, her mother had wept. How could you do this to yourself? she’d cried.
“No joke. She won’t leave the house. That’s one of the reasons I decided to tell you. I want you to take her to get a wig.”
“Otherwise you wouldn’t have told me?”
“That was her choice, not mine. You think I’m the bad guy, I know.”
“Cancer,” Shelby reminds him. “The wig.”
“There’s a place on Main Street that sells them, but she won’t go with me. I think she’d feel a whole lot better if people didn’t stare at her. She’d look like her old self.”
Blinkie and the General follow Shelby into her parents’ bedroom.
“Hey, Mom.” Shelby has decided not to cry. She’s already done that.
Her mother is in bed, under the covers. Shelby perches beside her. She tries to peek beneath the quilt.
“Don’t look at me,” Shelby’s mother says.
“Do you think I never saw a bald woman? I was a bald woman.”
Sue Richmond laughs. When she’s convinced to sit up, she leans against the quilted headboard. She’s bald and pale and her eyes are red.
“Good Lord, Mom. You look like me.”
The General leaps up, and Sue pets him. “Which one is this?”
“General Tso.”
“Is he the smart one?”
“Smarter than Ben Mink.”
Sometimes Shelby calls Ben, then hangs up when he answers. Their date was such an embarrassment, yet she still has the urge to talk to him. She had her number blocked so he wouldn’t know she was the one calling, but he knew anyway. The last time she phoned he’d said, “Shelby?” She hasn’t called since.
“I liked Ben,” Sue says.
“He was a drug dealer,” Shelby reminds her.
“Still. He was nice. And he became very responsible. I always liked him.”
“Me too,” Shelby admits.
“You didn’t act like it,” her mom says.
“If he had known me, he would have known how much I cared about him.”
“People don’t have ESP,” Sue says.
“They should,” Shelby says moodily. “Everyone should know exactly what everyone else is thinking and then people wouldn’t hurt each other so much.”
Sue takes her hand. “How did this happen to me, Shelby?”
It’s a big question. Shelby asked the very same thing of the psychiatrist who saw her right after the accident. It was in the ER, before she stopped talking, before she realized she would never be the same. The shrink didn’t have an answer then and Shelby doesn’t have one now. Her mother didn’t even smoke. It doesn’t run in the family.
Shelby throws herself across the bed. She used to come into her parents’ room when she was a little girl and couldn’t sleep. “I must have brought you bad luck.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Sue says. “Your dad wants me to get a wig. He thinks I’m depressed, but the real reason is that it depresses him to see me this way.”
“You seem depressed. Which would be totally normal, you know.”
“I’m not depressed,” Sue says. “I’m devastated.”
They both laugh again. Hysterical laughter. The kind that hurts your stomach.
“Maybe I should get a blond wig,” Sue muses. “Maybe your dad and I will get back together if I look more attractive.”
“You are together,” Shelby says.
“I mean in love.”
Her mom looks so wistful, something twists up inside Shelby. She hates shopping, but she says, “Sure. Let’s go. We’ll leave Dad in charge of the dogs.”
Shelby sits with her dad in the kitchen drinking coffee while her mother gets ready. “Can you be nicer to her?” Shelby asks him.
“I am nice. It just changes when you’ve been together for close to thirty years.”
“Well, pretend it doesn’t,” Shelby says coldly. “Pretend you’re her knight in shining armor.”
Shelby’s mom comes out of the bedroom wearing slacks and a sweater, a scarf around her head.
“You look great,” Dan tells his wife. He glances over at Shelby for approval, and for a second she feels bad for him even if he is a creep and selfish. She grabs Blinkie and plops him on her father’s lap. “Oh, great, the blind one. Jesus, Shelby. What am I supposed to do with him?”
“Take good care of him.” She stares at her father. “Try to do something right.”
They go out to the driveway, but when Shelby starts for the passenger side of the car her mother stops her. “I can’t drive,” Sue says. “They did a surgery that affected my arm.”
“Well I can’t either.” Her mom knows she hasn’t driven since the accident.
“Damn it, Shelby! You can drive me where I want to go this one fucking time.”
Shelby is so shocked by her mother’s language she immediately gets behind the wheel. She should be able to do this. Any idiot can drive a car. She starts it up. She’s got that tremor in her hand again.
“Come on. Snap out of it,” Dan Richmond says. “She’s right in the bedroom. You don’t want her to hear you crying.”
Shelby blows her nose on her sleeve.
“Geez,” her father says. “Have you heard of tissues?”
“Does she know?” Shelby asks as they go inside.
“Doesn’t she always know everything?” Shelby’s father has suddenly noticed Pablo’s presence. “I thought you had two dogs.” He seems nervous about Pablo. In the past, Shelby left the big dog with her neighbor when she came out to Long Island. Her dad has never been a dog person. “What the hell is this thing? A Saint Bernard?”
“A Great Pyrenees,” Shelby says. She has begun to think of a plan of action. “I can quit my job and stay while she has chemo.”
“She’s already had it. They started, but they had to stop. It didn’t work. It just made her sicker.”
“Is that why she’s been avoiding me?”
“She didn’t want you to worry. Just so you’re not shocked, Shelby—she’s bald.”
“That’s a bad joke.” When Shelby came back from the psych ward and shaved her head, her mother had wept. How could you do this to yourself? she’d cried.
“No joke. She won’t leave the house. That’s one of the reasons I decided to tell you. I want you to take her to get a wig.”
“Otherwise you wouldn’t have told me?”
“That was her choice, not mine. You think I’m the bad guy, I know.”
“Cancer,” Shelby reminds him. “The wig.”
“There’s a place on Main Street that sells them, but she won’t go with me. I think she’d feel a whole lot better if people didn’t stare at her. She’d look like her old self.”
Blinkie and the General follow Shelby into her parents’ bedroom.
“Hey, Mom.” Shelby has decided not to cry. She’s already done that.
Her mother is in bed, under the covers. Shelby perches beside her. She tries to peek beneath the quilt.
“Don’t look at me,” Shelby’s mother says.
“Do you think I never saw a bald woman? I was a bald woman.”
Sue Richmond laughs. When she’s convinced to sit up, she leans against the quilted headboard. She’s bald and pale and her eyes are red.
“Good Lord, Mom. You look like me.”
The General leaps up, and Sue pets him. “Which one is this?”
“General Tso.”
“Is he the smart one?”
“Smarter than Ben Mink.”
Sometimes Shelby calls Ben, then hangs up when he answers. Their date was such an embarrassment, yet she still has the urge to talk to him. She had her number blocked so he wouldn’t know she was the one calling, but he knew anyway. The last time she phoned he’d said, “Shelby?” She hasn’t called since.
“I liked Ben,” Sue says.
“He was a drug dealer,” Shelby reminds her.
“Still. He was nice. And he became very responsible. I always liked him.”
“Me too,” Shelby admits.
“You didn’t act like it,” her mom says.
“If he had known me, he would have known how much I cared about him.”
“People don’t have ESP,” Sue says.
“They should,” Shelby says moodily. “Everyone should know exactly what everyone else is thinking and then people wouldn’t hurt each other so much.”
Sue takes her hand. “How did this happen to me, Shelby?”
It’s a big question. Shelby asked the very same thing of the psychiatrist who saw her right after the accident. It was in the ER, before she stopped talking, before she realized she would never be the same. The shrink didn’t have an answer then and Shelby doesn’t have one now. Her mother didn’t even smoke. It doesn’t run in the family.
Shelby throws herself across the bed. She used to come into her parents’ room when she was a little girl and couldn’t sleep. “I must have brought you bad luck.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Sue says. “Your dad wants me to get a wig. He thinks I’m depressed, but the real reason is that it depresses him to see me this way.”
“You seem depressed. Which would be totally normal, you know.”
“I’m not depressed,” Sue says. “I’m devastated.”
They both laugh again. Hysterical laughter. The kind that hurts your stomach.
“Maybe I should get a blond wig,” Sue muses. “Maybe your dad and I will get back together if I look more attractive.”
“You are together,” Shelby says.
“I mean in love.”
Her mom looks so wistful, something twists up inside Shelby. She hates shopping, but she says, “Sure. Let’s go. We’ll leave Dad in charge of the dogs.”
Shelby sits with her dad in the kitchen drinking coffee while her mother gets ready. “Can you be nicer to her?” Shelby asks him.
“I am nice. It just changes when you’ve been together for close to thirty years.”
“Well, pretend it doesn’t,” Shelby says coldly. “Pretend you’re her knight in shining armor.”
Shelby’s mom comes out of the bedroom wearing slacks and a sweater, a scarf around her head.
“You look great,” Dan tells his wife. He glances over at Shelby for approval, and for a second she feels bad for him even if he is a creep and selfish. She grabs Blinkie and plops him on her father’s lap. “Oh, great, the blind one. Jesus, Shelby. What am I supposed to do with him?”
“Take good care of him.” She stares at her father. “Try to do something right.”
They go out to the driveway, but when Shelby starts for the passenger side of the car her mother stops her. “I can’t drive,” Sue says. “They did a surgery that affected my arm.”
“Well I can’t either.” Her mom knows she hasn’t driven since the accident.
“Damn it, Shelby! You can drive me where I want to go this one fucking time.”
Shelby is so shocked by her mother’s language she immediately gets behind the wheel. She should be able to do this. Any idiot can drive a car. She starts it up. She’s got that tremor in her hand again.
