"See, that's the thing." He sat on another couch and cursed when a bunch of cords obstructed his way. He shoved them aside. "I thought maybe you didn't want to date me because you weren't over Sallaway. I thought you needed time and I was going to try and give that to you. I wanted to give that to you, but then I saw how Kade handled you. Literally handled you at their party and I went crazy. I couldn't believe that ass—" He stopped as he saw my face. "I'm just real sorry. I am, Sam. And I'd really like for you and me to be okay. I know Becky's been hammering at my ass since day one with you. She won't let it go."
"So are you here for me or for her?"
"Both," he groaned. A grin slipped past his lips. "Miranda is livid with me. She wanted to upstage you, but the whole thing between me and Mason made it impossible for her to do what she wanted. I kept telling her it wouldn't work. You wouldn't care."
"What was she going to do?"
"I'm not sure what it was, but she was sure you were going to get mad."
"How would you know I wouldn't care?"
He threw me a look. "Because you don't care about anything. It's your ammo. You don't give a damn and no one can touch you because of it."
I folded my arms over my chest. "Really?"
"Yeah. I think that's why you go on those long runs, so you don't feel anything."
My foot twitched as he said that. Since Mark told me about the party, I was planning on going for a run as soon as I got home after school. Being numb got me through every day. Why mess up a good thing?
"So…are you still pissed at me?"
I started laughing and once I started, I found that I couldn't stop. I bent over and continued to laugh into my knees. My shoulders were shaking so much. Then sobs started to come and I couldn't stop them either.
"Sam?"
I couldn't respond. Tears flowed freely down my face, but I kept laughing. They started to blend in a form of hiccups that my body kept bursting out with.
"I'm really confused. Are you okay?" He sat beside me and I felt his hand touch my back. He jerked it up right away, and then touched between my shoulder blades again. "Are you okay?"
I wasn't. My word, I wasn't.
The laughter subsided and I kept crying. I couldn't stop the tears. Each sob wracked its way through my body and then Adam turned me into him. I couldn't help it. I knew I shouldn't have, but I burrowed into him and more and more sobs kept wreaking havoc over me. He patted my shoulder and then held me against him. He lowered his head so his chin rested on my shoulder and he murmured against my neck, "Let it all go. Let it out. It's the only way. Let it all out, Sam." His hand started to rub circles on my back.
"Oh my god. I'm sorry." I pulled away and wiped at my cheeks. I couldn't believe I'd done this. "I've been a mess lately."
He frowned and his lip twitched. I knew he had something to say, but he held it back. Whatever it was, I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't handle it so I stood and backed away.
"Sam, you can cry, you know. I'm here for you. Anytime. Call me and I'll come get you. I promise."
He seemed so sincere. Something dark filled me and I shook my head. "And when you see me with Mason again? What are you going to do then?"
His hands pressed against his side and his shoulders straightened. He kept his voice neutral. "Nothing. I promise. I won't do a thing anymore." Each word seemed to bring him pain. "If you want to be with him, then so be it. I wish you…happiness…"
He looked away and his jaw clenched.
It wasn't over. "You might mean your apology now, but nothing's really changed. You hate that I'm with him—"
"If you're with him then why are you crying on my shoulder?" he bit out. "He's not here for you. Have you ever cried on his shoulder?"
"This was good timing for you."
"Like hell it was! You broke down in front of me. I rather doubt there are a lot of people that you've broken down in front of. You're always so in control of your emotions, but not now. You let me in. That's what happened here. You trust me, even if you don't know it, you trust me. I know you do."
"Stop." The word slipped from me. My voice was shaky.
"Sam, think about that." He held a hand out to me and I couldn't bear the sight of his pleading.
I shouldered away his hand and slipped from the room. As soon as I had collected my bag, I bolted from school. The week had started with a bang and it ended with one. As soon as I got home, I went on a run and three and a half hours later I limped my way home.
I'd been running too much. It was starting to become unhealthy, but it did its job. I collapsed in my bed as soon as I left the shower. When I woke it was dark out and I grimaced in confusion. My phone peeled through the cool night air and it lit up my desk.
I groaned, but pulled myself up and stumbled to it.
Logan's name flashed across the screen.
I snapped it open, not sure if I was ready for this. I mumbled out, "ello?"
"You didn't come to the game?"
"Huh?" I squinted at the clock. It was after nine? I should still be in bed. "Logan," I groaned. "I was sleeping."
"Our biggest game this season and you weren't here!"
"Oh god." I pressed a hand to my head. "You're not going away, are you?"
"No, look, I'm pissed. You should've been here tonight."
My insides started to stir awake. "Are you kidding me? How was I supposed to know? I haven't talked to either of you all week."
There was silence for a second. "You haven't?"
"No," I snapped out. "I had to hear from Mark Decraw that you guys are having a party tomorrow night."
"Oh…I'm sorry, Sam. I really am. I thought we told you about that."
"How would you? You'd have to communicate with me to do that."
"No, I thought, oh man, I thought Mason must've been talking to you since the two of you are…"
"Stop right there. We're not dating. We're not anything. For me to know what we are there'd have to be a conversation about it and I haven't heard a word from him so there's definitely been no conversation about that." My chest was heaving up and down. I patted at it. I needed to calm down.
"So are you here for me or for her?"
"Both," he groaned. A grin slipped past his lips. "Miranda is livid with me. She wanted to upstage you, but the whole thing between me and Mason made it impossible for her to do what she wanted. I kept telling her it wouldn't work. You wouldn't care."
"What was she going to do?"
"I'm not sure what it was, but she was sure you were going to get mad."
"How would you know I wouldn't care?"
He threw me a look. "Because you don't care about anything. It's your ammo. You don't give a damn and no one can touch you because of it."
I folded my arms over my chest. "Really?"
"Yeah. I think that's why you go on those long runs, so you don't feel anything."
My foot twitched as he said that. Since Mark told me about the party, I was planning on going for a run as soon as I got home after school. Being numb got me through every day. Why mess up a good thing?
"So…are you still pissed at me?"
I started laughing and once I started, I found that I couldn't stop. I bent over and continued to laugh into my knees. My shoulders were shaking so much. Then sobs started to come and I couldn't stop them either.
"Sam?"
I couldn't respond. Tears flowed freely down my face, but I kept laughing. They started to blend in a form of hiccups that my body kept bursting out with.
"I'm really confused. Are you okay?" He sat beside me and I felt his hand touch my back. He jerked it up right away, and then touched between my shoulder blades again. "Are you okay?"
I wasn't. My word, I wasn't.
The laughter subsided and I kept crying. I couldn't stop the tears. Each sob wracked its way through my body and then Adam turned me into him. I couldn't help it. I knew I shouldn't have, but I burrowed into him and more and more sobs kept wreaking havoc over me. He patted my shoulder and then held me against him. He lowered his head so his chin rested on my shoulder and he murmured against my neck, "Let it all go. Let it out. It's the only way. Let it all out, Sam." His hand started to rub circles on my back.
"Oh my god. I'm sorry." I pulled away and wiped at my cheeks. I couldn't believe I'd done this. "I've been a mess lately."
He frowned and his lip twitched. I knew he had something to say, but he held it back. Whatever it was, I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't handle it so I stood and backed away.
"Sam, you can cry, you know. I'm here for you. Anytime. Call me and I'll come get you. I promise."
He seemed so sincere. Something dark filled me and I shook my head. "And when you see me with Mason again? What are you going to do then?"
His hands pressed against his side and his shoulders straightened. He kept his voice neutral. "Nothing. I promise. I won't do a thing anymore." Each word seemed to bring him pain. "If you want to be with him, then so be it. I wish you…happiness…"
He looked away and his jaw clenched.
It wasn't over. "You might mean your apology now, but nothing's really changed. You hate that I'm with him—"
"If you're with him then why are you crying on my shoulder?" he bit out. "He's not here for you. Have you ever cried on his shoulder?"
"This was good timing for you."
"Like hell it was! You broke down in front of me. I rather doubt there are a lot of people that you've broken down in front of. You're always so in control of your emotions, but not now. You let me in. That's what happened here. You trust me, even if you don't know it, you trust me. I know you do."
"Stop." The word slipped from me. My voice was shaky.
"Sam, think about that." He held a hand out to me and I couldn't bear the sight of his pleading.
I shouldered away his hand and slipped from the room. As soon as I had collected my bag, I bolted from school. The week had started with a bang and it ended with one. As soon as I got home, I went on a run and three and a half hours later I limped my way home.
I'd been running too much. It was starting to become unhealthy, but it did its job. I collapsed in my bed as soon as I left the shower. When I woke it was dark out and I grimaced in confusion. My phone peeled through the cool night air and it lit up my desk.
I groaned, but pulled myself up and stumbled to it.
Logan's name flashed across the screen.
I snapped it open, not sure if I was ready for this. I mumbled out, "ello?"
"You didn't come to the game?"
"Huh?" I squinted at the clock. It was after nine? I should still be in bed. "Logan," I groaned. "I was sleeping."
"Our biggest game this season and you weren't here!"
"Oh god." I pressed a hand to my head. "You're not going away, are you?"
"No, look, I'm pissed. You should've been here tonight."
My insides started to stir awake. "Are you kidding me? How was I supposed to know? I haven't talked to either of you all week."
There was silence for a second. "You haven't?"
"No," I snapped out. "I had to hear from Mark Decraw that you guys are having a party tomorrow night."
"Oh…I'm sorry, Sam. I really am. I thought we told you about that."
"How would you? You'd have to communicate with me to do that."
"No, I thought, oh man, I thought Mason must've been talking to you since the two of you are…"
"Stop right there. We're not dating. We're not anything. For me to know what we are there'd have to be a conversation about it and I haven't heard a word from him so there's definitely been no conversation about that." My chest was heaving up and down. I patted at it. I needed to calm down.
