He turned. His hood slipped back an inch, revealing his face. The ends of his mouth were strained, and there were bags underneath his eyes.
“What are you doing there?”
He sat up. His leg had been resting on the chair across from him, but he removed it and I sat down. He cast a wary look behind me and into the house. “I forgot how much I don’t like parties.”
“Why’d you come?”
He flinched, picking up his beer. It was still full, but he took a little sip and grimaced after he swallowed it. “It’s better than being home.” He lifted a shoulder up in a shrug. “A bunch of the guys invited me and wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I came. I figure I could hide until I go home in a few hours.”
“Stuff with your mom?”
“Something like that.” His eyes narrowed, as if a different thought came to him. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Hey, listen. I lied to you.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Last weekend. I knew you worked there. It’s why I went. I’d never been to that place before, but I didn’t stalk you for a creepy reason or anything. I just wanted to talk about that night, you know, with us.”
“I know.”
“Your boy came up to me. He told me to stay away from you.” Lifting his hands, as if surrendering, he leaned back in his chair. “I’ll be honest. I’d date you, Sam. I’d do it in a heartbeat if you were single, but no shade here. I’m not trying to manipulate you or anything. No tricking. Nothing like that. I really did just want to clear the air.”
“My boy?”
He gestured outside to the backyard. “Logan Kade.”
“He told you to stay away from me?”
“Yeah. Look,” he shook his head, “it wasn’t in a bad way. He was actually nice about it, but I could tell that he wanted to rip my head off. I don’t want to cause problems. I had kinda hoped we could be friends, but like I said, no problem. Since I am interested in you, he’s right. I’ll stay away.”
Jackson was interested in me? He said he would’ve pursued me before, and he was saying the same thing again. There was a ball of tension in my stomach. The more he talked, the deeper it dug down. Jackson was different than Mason or Logan. He understood the shadows, how comfortable it could be there. That was a foreign concept to Mason and Logan. I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. Jackson had been easy to talk to the night he took my virginity, and he still was. That hadn’t gone away, even though I had been ripped apart with guilt over cheating on Jeff. Now he was here and a different part of me was coming back.
“Jackson, you’re fine. You don’t have to worry about Logan.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t know what I meant when I said that, but Jackson was like me. If he had pursued me, I would’ve dated him, but I couldn’t think about that. Things would’ve been different, maybe. I would’ve been with him instead of Jeff when my mom left David for James Kade. For a split second, I envisioned that year if I had been dating Jackson, then the memories of that time came back to me. Mason watching me in the kitchen. Seeing me in the dark when Logan had no clue. The day he made me a sandwich and never said a word about it. All the tension I felt around him. The night Logan went to a party, and Mason stayed home with me. Then the cabin, being with him. I hadn’t been able to fight my feelings for him.
No. It wouldn’t have been different. I just would’ve cheated on Jackson.
Jackson was watching me. He asked, “What’s wrong?”
I stood and spoke softly, “When you told me last week that you were interested, a part of me had wished that you had pursued it. I was miserable with your cousin, and I hope that you would’ve treated me better, but hearing this, I thought about it again. I was so sad with Jeff. You would’ve been a break, just a brief one to take away some of that pain.” My head moved in the slightest shake. “It wouldn’t have lasted. I remember that year, when I moved in with Mason, and even if I had been with you, I would still have ended up with him. I love Mason so much. Being away from him is hard and Logan’s right. I’m lonely. I’m hurting. I miss Mason, but nothing would’ve changed. No matter what path I’m on, all roads lead to him. They always will.”
Jackson nodded and murmured, “I hope he realizes what he’s got with you.”
The corners of my lips tugged, forming a small grin. “He does. I think I’m the one who doesn’t realize it sometimes.”
He lifted his beer and tipped it towards me. “It was nice being considered a maybe-friend for a little while.”
My grin grew. “Yeah.” Logan. Making things right. I groaned. That was the real reason I was there. “He’s outside?”
“Logan?”
I nodded.
He gestured to the backyard. “He and his friends are by the campfire, holding court.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just go and see for yourself. You’ll understand.”
I turned for the last screen door. Pausing, as I was about to push it open, I said, “It was nice to talk to you. It was nice seeing you again.”
“You too.”
I pushed open the screen door, and as it shut behind me, I heard from him again, “You too, Sam.”
The backyard was packed as well. Bean bags were being tossed on one side. Another group was hitting a volleyball over a badminton net and laughing when the ball wouldn’t go over. The garage had its doors lifted. Light flooded out from it, illuminating the front of the garage. A basketball hoop was attached to the top and a couple of guys were holding beers in one hand, shooting a basketball with the other. People stood in groups all around, laughing, drinking, flirting, telling stories. I walked around, looking for a campfire, but it wasn’t until I circled to the other side of the garage that I saw the flame. It was set back in the farthest corner of the backyard and a ring of people had formed around it, but they stood away, standing sideways so they could talk to their friends, but the closer I got, I saw they were sneaking looks at the campfire.
I realized why. Log benches were set around the fire, lined with guys, but there was no laughter coming from that group. Varying intense expressions were on all of them and no girls were there. The girls were in the groups standing away from the campfire, but still looking over at them every few minutes. An exclusive feel filled the air. It intensified the closer I got, until I was standing at the edge of the groups. I, too, couldn’t look away from the guys around the campfire.
“What are you doing there?”
He sat up. His leg had been resting on the chair across from him, but he removed it and I sat down. He cast a wary look behind me and into the house. “I forgot how much I don’t like parties.”
“Why’d you come?”
He flinched, picking up his beer. It was still full, but he took a little sip and grimaced after he swallowed it. “It’s better than being home.” He lifted a shoulder up in a shrug. “A bunch of the guys invited me and wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I came. I figure I could hide until I go home in a few hours.”
“Stuff with your mom?”
“Something like that.” His eyes narrowed, as if a different thought came to him. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Hey, listen. I lied to you.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Last weekend. I knew you worked there. It’s why I went. I’d never been to that place before, but I didn’t stalk you for a creepy reason or anything. I just wanted to talk about that night, you know, with us.”
“I know.”
“Your boy came up to me. He told me to stay away from you.” Lifting his hands, as if surrendering, he leaned back in his chair. “I’ll be honest. I’d date you, Sam. I’d do it in a heartbeat if you were single, but no shade here. I’m not trying to manipulate you or anything. No tricking. Nothing like that. I really did just want to clear the air.”
“My boy?”
He gestured outside to the backyard. “Logan Kade.”
“He told you to stay away from me?”
“Yeah. Look,” he shook his head, “it wasn’t in a bad way. He was actually nice about it, but I could tell that he wanted to rip my head off. I don’t want to cause problems. I had kinda hoped we could be friends, but like I said, no problem. Since I am interested in you, he’s right. I’ll stay away.”
Jackson was interested in me? He said he would’ve pursued me before, and he was saying the same thing again. There was a ball of tension in my stomach. The more he talked, the deeper it dug down. Jackson was different than Mason or Logan. He understood the shadows, how comfortable it could be there. That was a foreign concept to Mason and Logan. I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. Jackson had been easy to talk to the night he took my virginity, and he still was. That hadn’t gone away, even though I had been ripped apart with guilt over cheating on Jeff. Now he was here and a different part of me was coming back.
“Jackson, you’re fine. You don’t have to worry about Logan.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t know what I meant when I said that, but Jackson was like me. If he had pursued me, I would’ve dated him, but I couldn’t think about that. Things would’ve been different, maybe. I would’ve been with him instead of Jeff when my mom left David for James Kade. For a split second, I envisioned that year if I had been dating Jackson, then the memories of that time came back to me. Mason watching me in the kitchen. Seeing me in the dark when Logan had no clue. The day he made me a sandwich and never said a word about it. All the tension I felt around him. The night Logan went to a party, and Mason stayed home with me. Then the cabin, being with him. I hadn’t been able to fight my feelings for him.
No. It wouldn’t have been different. I just would’ve cheated on Jackson.
Jackson was watching me. He asked, “What’s wrong?”
I stood and spoke softly, “When you told me last week that you were interested, a part of me had wished that you had pursued it. I was miserable with your cousin, and I hope that you would’ve treated me better, but hearing this, I thought about it again. I was so sad with Jeff. You would’ve been a break, just a brief one to take away some of that pain.” My head moved in the slightest shake. “It wouldn’t have lasted. I remember that year, when I moved in with Mason, and even if I had been with you, I would still have ended up with him. I love Mason so much. Being away from him is hard and Logan’s right. I’m lonely. I’m hurting. I miss Mason, but nothing would’ve changed. No matter what path I’m on, all roads lead to him. They always will.”
Jackson nodded and murmured, “I hope he realizes what he’s got with you.”
The corners of my lips tugged, forming a small grin. “He does. I think I’m the one who doesn’t realize it sometimes.”
He lifted his beer and tipped it towards me. “It was nice being considered a maybe-friend for a little while.”
My grin grew. “Yeah.” Logan. Making things right. I groaned. That was the real reason I was there. “He’s outside?”
“Logan?”
I nodded.
He gestured to the backyard. “He and his friends are by the campfire, holding court.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just go and see for yourself. You’ll understand.”
I turned for the last screen door. Pausing, as I was about to push it open, I said, “It was nice to talk to you. It was nice seeing you again.”
“You too.”
I pushed open the screen door, and as it shut behind me, I heard from him again, “You too, Sam.”
The backyard was packed as well. Bean bags were being tossed on one side. Another group was hitting a volleyball over a badminton net and laughing when the ball wouldn’t go over. The garage had its doors lifted. Light flooded out from it, illuminating the front of the garage. A basketball hoop was attached to the top and a couple of guys were holding beers in one hand, shooting a basketball with the other. People stood in groups all around, laughing, drinking, flirting, telling stories. I walked around, looking for a campfire, but it wasn’t until I circled to the other side of the garage that I saw the flame. It was set back in the farthest corner of the backyard and a ring of people had formed around it, but they stood away, standing sideways so they could talk to their friends, but the closer I got, I saw they were sneaking looks at the campfire.
I realized why. Log benches were set around the fire, lined with guys, but there was no laughter coming from that group. Varying intense expressions were on all of them and no girls were there. The girls were in the groups standing away from the campfire, but still looking over at them every few minutes. An exclusive feel filled the air. It intensified the closer I got, until I was standing at the edge of the groups. I, too, couldn’t look away from the guys around the campfire.
