Falling for Jillian
Page 63
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“So she came home because she needed us. All of us. She moved on from that shitty time in her life. She’d dealt with the fact that she couldn’t have kids, and she fell in love with you and your kid, and she was happier than I have ever seen her.
“Until Lo and I went to her house and found her in a tiny ball on the living room floor.”
“What?” I roar. “Is she okay? What the fuck? Why didn’t you call me?”
“She told me not to!” he yells back. “She was a mess because of you!”
“Ty, she told me she couldn’t get pregnant.”
“She didn’t think she could!”
I lean against the barn wall and stare at the man I consider a brother, then glance over at my dad, spotting Josh leaning against the barn door as well. I have no idea how long he’s been listening.
“Sounds like you have some apologizing to do,” Josh mutters.
I hang my head with a long sigh, suddenly more exhausted than I’ve been in my life.
“It was like déjà vu,” I mutter. “While Jill was telling me about her appointment at the doctor, I just saw Kensie in my head, thirteen years ago, and I reacted like a complete prick. I felt like she’d betrayed me, and I was being trapped all over again.”
“That’s not Jill,” Ty replies. “She’ll raise that baby by herself if she needs to. She wouldn’t accept a proposal from you right now if you crawled across hot coals with the Hope Diamond.”
“I fucked up.”
“That’s an understatement,” Dad says and watches me with sober eyes. “You know, son, when you came home last summer, I worried about you. How you’d deal with Seth. How being at war for so long would affect you.” He shakes his head and offers me a smile. “But you’re the best father I’ve seen. I couldn’t be prouder of the man you are, especially when you’re with your boy. The effects of war seem to be lessening with time, although I know you’ll always grieve for the boys you lost over there. But it seems to me, you have more PTSD from Kensie than you do from anything else.”
“I . . .” God, what have I done?
“You were a boy then, like I said before. You’re not now. Jill isn’t Kensie. And she’s been nothing but wonderful to both you and Seth. So, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to grovel.” I walk past Ty and pause, looking him in the eye. “I’m going to make it right.”
“See that you do.”
I ring her doorbell for the third time and finally just bang on the door with my fist.
“Jill, I know you’re in there!”
I listen for any sign of movement inside and when there still isn’t any, I find her spare key under the ugly gnome on the porch and unlock the door.
“Jill?”
Nothing.
Her car is in the driveway. The lights in the living room and kitchen are off, but I can hear voices from her bedroom.
Who the hell is in her room with her? I march down the hall and fling open her bedroom door to find the television on, one of the New Year’s Eve countdown shows on the screen, and Jill sitting up in bed with chips, ice cream, and cookies spread around her.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she demands angrily.
“You didn’t answer the door.”
“I didn’t hear it.”
I glance back at the TV and smile. “Obviously.”
She jerks up out of the bed, dressed only in an oversize T-shirt, and moves to walk past me. When I reach out to touch her, she jerks away, hands up as if in surrender.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
Punch to the gut.
She glares at me and walks quickly out of her bedroom to the living room, flipping on lights along the way.
“I don’t want you in my bedroom.”
“Look, Jilly, I’m here to apologize.”
“Good.” She crosses her arms over her chest and watches me with an impassive face, but her cheeks are red and her eyes look glassy. “Who beat the shit out of you?”
“Ty,” I reply. “He came out to see me today.”
“I told him not to do that, but you deserve that black eye. I wish I’d been the one to give it to you.”
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted yesterday, sugar. You didn’t deserve that.”
“I didn’t lie to you.”
“I know that now.” I swallow hard and rub my hand over my mouth. “It was a shock and it knocked me on my ass.”
“Good to know how you handle surprises. Remind me never to throw you a surprise party.”
“I deserve that.” I look at her longingly. Fuck, I want to pull her into my arms and hold her tight. “I love you, sugar.”
“No.” Her voice is loud and strong and her eyes are on fire. “You will not say that to me. You lost that right yesterday.”
I frown and shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her.
“I don’t need anyone who speaks to me the way you did yesterday.”
“I was an idiot,” I insist. “Jill, you need to know that it was a mirror image of what happened when Kensie got pregnant.”
“No,” she says again. “It’s not. I’m not that woman. This baby”—she points to her flat stomach—“is not Seth.”
“You have to understand—”
“And frankly, that’s all bullshit anyway. No matter what happened in your past, it’s not okay for you ever to speak to me or anyone else like that. You have an issue with your ex-wife? Take it up with her. I’m not your punching bag.”
“Until Lo and I went to her house and found her in a tiny ball on the living room floor.”
“What?” I roar. “Is she okay? What the fuck? Why didn’t you call me?”
“She told me not to!” he yells back. “She was a mess because of you!”
“Ty, she told me she couldn’t get pregnant.”
“She didn’t think she could!”
I lean against the barn wall and stare at the man I consider a brother, then glance over at my dad, spotting Josh leaning against the barn door as well. I have no idea how long he’s been listening.
“Sounds like you have some apologizing to do,” Josh mutters.
I hang my head with a long sigh, suddenly more exhausted than I’ve been in my life.
“It was like déjà vu,” I mutter. “While Jill was telling me about her appointment at the doctor, I just saw Kensie in my head, thirteen years ago, and I reacted like a complete prick. I felt like she’d betrayed me, and I was being trapped all over again.”
“That’s not Jill,” Ty replies. “She’ll raise that baby by herself if she needs to. She wouldn’t accept a proposal from you right now if you crawled across hot coals with the Hope Diamond.”
“I fucked up.”
“That’s an understatement,” Dad says and watches me with sober eyes. “You know, son, when you came home last summer, I worried about you. How you’d deal with Seth. How being at war for so long would affect you.” He shakes his head and offers me a smile. “But you’re the best father I’ve seen. I couldn’t be prouder of the man you are, especially when you’re with your boy. The effects of war seem to be lessening with time, although I know you’ll always grieve for the boys you lost over there. But it seems to me, you have more PTSD from Kensie than you do from anything else.”
“I . . .” God, what have I done?
“You were a boy then, like I said before. You’re not now. Jill isn’t Kensie. And she’s been nothing but wonderful to both you and Seth. So, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to grovel.” I walk past Ty and pause, looking him in the eye. “I’m going to make it right.”
“See that you do.”
I ring her doorbell for the third time and finally just bang on the door with my fist.
“Jill, I know you’re in there!”
I listen for any sign of movement inside and when there still isn’t any, I find her spare key under the ugly gnome on the porch and unlock the door.
“Jill?”
Nothing.
Her car is in the driveway. The lights in the living room and kitchen are off, but I can hear voices from her bedroom.
Who the hell is in her room with her? I march down the hall and fling open her bedroom door to find the television on, one of the New Year’s Eve countdown shows on the screen, and Jill sitting up in bed with chips, ice cream, and cookies spread around her.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she demands angrily.
“You didn’t answer the door.”
“I didn’t hear it.”
I glance back at the TV and smile. “Obviously.”
She jerks up out of the bed, dressed only in an oversize T-shirt, and moves to walk past me. When I reach out to touch her, she jerks away, hands up as if in surrender.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
Punch to the gut.
She glares at me and walks quickly out of her bedroom to the living room, flipping on lights along the way.
“I don’t want you in my bedroom.”
“Look, Jilly, I’m here to apologize.”
“Good.” She crosses her arms over her chest and watches me with an impassive face, but her cheeks are red and her eyes look glassy. “Who beat the shit out of you?”
“Ty,” I reply. “He came out to see me today.”
“I told him not to do that, but you deserve that black eye. I wish I’d been the one to give it to you.”
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted yesterday, sugar. You didn’t deserve that.”
“I didn’t lie to you.”
“I know that now.” I swallow hard and rub my hand over my mouth. “It was a shock and it knocked me on my ass.”
“Good to know how you handle surprises. Remind me never to throw you a surprise party.”
“I deserve that.” I look at her longingly. Fuck, I want to pull her into my arms and hold her tight. “I love you, sugar.”
“No.” Her voice is loud and strong and her eyes are on fire. “You will not say that to me. You lost that right yesterday.”
I frown and shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her.
“I don’t need anyone who speaks to me the way you did yesterday.”
“I was an idiot,” I insist. “Jill, you need to know that it was a mirror image of what happened when Kensie got pregnant.”
“No,” she says again. “It’s not. I’m not that woman. This baby”—she points to her flat stomach—“is not Seth.”
“You have to understand—”
“And frankly, that’s all bullshit anyway. No matter what happened in your past, it’s not okay for you ever to speak to me or anyone else like that. You have an issue with your ex-wife? Take it up with her. I’m not your punching bag.”
