Fearless In Love
Page 62

Maybe Evan had finally reached his limit.
Which only made Matt think of his own limits—and Ari’s too. Because she wouldn’t have left if he hadn’t acted like his father. Hell, if he hadn’t become his father the moment Noah had careened toward the gate on his bike.
“Whitney’s probably still pissed that Paige looked so good in that Cleopatra getup,” Sebastian said. “Even I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her.”
Evan glanced at Charlie by the pool. “Don’t let your fiancée hear you say that.”
Sebastian smiled, and love seemed to ooze from his pores just looking at his woman. “Charlie was actually the one who first pointed out Paige’s Halloween hotness, so I’m good here.”
Running over, Jeremy interrupted in his loud, enthusiastic voice. “Can me and Noah go swimming?” The question was for the group at large, probably because Harper had sent him over to ask for permission.
Jeremy was the best big brother Matt could have asked for for Noah. He was extra careful, and he got down and played on Noah’s level because he was a big, sweet kid himself.
Matt pulled the water wings from Noah’s beach bag. “As long as Noah wears these.”
Noah’s bottom lip jutted out. “I don’t want them.” His voice was borderline mutinous. “Ari says they make it hard for me to swim. You never listen to her. That’s why you sent her away—because she doesn’t do everything you tell her to.”
The pool deck fell inordinately quiet as Jeremy—missing the undertones of the conversation—grabbed the water wings, then sat down on the edge of the pool and began to secure the flotation devices to Noah’s arms amid happy, exuberant talk.
Matt didn’t wait for his friends to say anything. Not when he knew it would all come out now. “She’s gone.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Evan and Sebastian shot each other a look, then Evan asked, “You mean gone gone?”
“What other kind of gone is there?” Matt snapped.
“Well, there’s gone and she’s packed her bags never to be seen again. And then there’s gone but she’ll be back soon, and then you guys can work through whatever happened.”
That was the gone Matt wanted. The one where Ari was there when they got home. The one where they could rewind to the way things were before this morning and none of it had happened at all.
He experienced a powerful urge to head home right now, just in case. But he knew she wouldn’t be waiting. Who would, after what he’d said? After turning all her enthusiasm and excitement to tears?
Will rose and joined them. “So where is Ari?”
Naturally, Daniel suddenly appeared on the terrace. “Looks like I’m missing something. What’s going on?”
“Ari’s not here,” Will explained.
Daniel glared at Matt, immediately jumping to conclusions—the right conclusions. “What the hell did you do to her?”
“We had a disagreement about how to handle some situations that arose with Noah.” He tried to keep his voice even and moderated. But he couldn’t pull it off. “So we parted company.”
He wondered if they could hear the translation: I lost my cool and yelled at her. I’m head over freaking heels in love with her…and I still couldn’t stop myself from turning into my father.
“I don’t get it,” Sebastian said. “Everything seemed fine this morning when we dropped off the dinosaurs.”
“And at the Halloween bash, you two were like this.” Evan twined his fingers.
Meanwhile, Daniel was growling. “What kind of disagreement could have been big enough for you to part company?” He put the words in air quotes before he fisted his hands.
Harper and Charlie joined the fray, while over in the shallow end, an oblivious Jeremy whirled Noah around in the water. Matt wanted to shut out the world—so damn bleak without Ari—but he couldn’t take his gaze off his son. Not for one minute.
If anything happened, he’d never forgive himself. Just the way he’d never forgive himself for what he’d said to Ari. For what he’d yelled.
“Noah’s fine,” Harper said, observing the direction of Matt’s gaze. “Jeremy’s a great swimmer and he loves Noah. He won’t let anything bad happen in the pool.”
It was just what Ari had promised. That she would always protect Noah. That she wouldn’t leave.
Frustration—and the deep pain of loss—choked Matt as he forced himself to give them the basics of the story. Which didn’t include him falling back into painful memories and losing his shit, damn it. He finished with, “Noah could have careened out of that gate right into a car.”
Daniel didn’t look at all appeased by Matt’s explanation. “What the hell are you going to do when he’s older and wants to know why he can’t have a skateboard like all the other kids? You’re going to stunt him.”
“I’m not stunting him,” Matt shot back. “I’m protecting him.”
Throughout, Sebastian’s hand idly stroked Charlie’s hip. It was how Matt had wanted to be with Ari, touching her automatically, without conscious thought. Because he’d needed to. Because she’d wanted him there with her.
His heart ached watching them, just as it ached at the easy fit of Harper’s hand in Will’s. They were a unit that also included Jeremy.
Ari had fit too. Until he’d started yelling and driven her away.
In the water, Noah shrieked with laughter, then Jeremy shouted, “Come on, you can do it.”
Noah dog-paddled to him, his face screwed up in concentration as he tried to do an overarm stroke. But with the water wings, he couldn’t manage it. He wouldn’t go under—but Matt finally saw that he couldn’t actually swim properly with the wings in his way.
Ari had tried to tell him that. But he hadn’t listened.
His father had never listened either.
“Did you fire her?” As softly spoken as Daniel’s question was, it was still sharp enough to cut steel.
Matt had promised his friend he wouldn’t hurt Ari. He hadn’t just broken that promise, he’d shattered it.
“I didn’t fire her. She packed her bags and left after I yelled at her for taking off the training wheels.” A muscle jumped in his jaw as he forced himself to admit, “After I told her I didn’t give a damn what she thought was the right thing to do for Noah.”