Fighting Attraction
Page 44

    My eyes water from the pain, and I gasp, wrap my legs around him, throw myself forward, and bury my face in his shoulder. He smells of sweat and cologne and sex and sin. He smells of Jack, and I missed him.
    “Yes.” He lifts me and slams me down over his cock until he is sheathed completely inside me. I moan, wrap my arms around his shoulders, and hang on for the ride.
    “Good girl.” He pulls out and hammers into me, lifting me as if I weigh nothing. His hips piston back and forth. My nipples pebble beneath my bra. Sweat beads on my brow. Pain and pleasure blend into pure sensation.
    Jack slides his hand between us, his fingers circling my clit. My muscles tense, and a violent climax rips through me, tearing a scream from my throat as my pussy clenches around his thick cock. He hammers into me, drawing out my orgasm, and then his arms tighten around me and he groans as he comes in hard, long, heated jerks.
    He holds me against him until our breaths slow and our hearts stop pounding. Jack lowers me to sit on the edge of the desk and runs his hand up and down my back, through my hair, the whisper of a caress over my ass. Dazed, I look up at him, and he kisses me softly.
    “Why didn’t you come to me?” he murmurs.
    I relax against him, floating in a sea of calm. “I didn’t think you wanted to see me, and I didn’t know you could make me feel…like this.”
    “Next time, call or text or just show up at my door or Redemption. I’ll give you my address. Promise me. Promise me and mean it.”
    “I promise.” I rest my head against his chest.
    “I want you to do something else for me.” He helps me down, and I lower my skirt and lean against my desk, watching as he disposes of the condom. He is still erect, still hard, and still glorious in his masculinity.
    “What?”
    “I want you to see a therapist.”
    My blood chills, and I push away, letting my hair fall over my face to hide my burning cheeks. For a moment I felt normal. I should have known it wouldn’t last.
    “Pen. Look at me.” His voice drops to that deep, commanding tone that makes me melt inside.
    “Been there,” I say. “Done that. Dissected my entire childhood. I am who I am. I’m not going to change.” I grab my ruined knickers from the floor and ball them in my fist. “I’ve accepted this about me. I don’t think you can say the same about you.”
    He flinches and I know I’ve hit the mark. “We’re not talking about me. And maybe you didn’t see the right person.” He pulls up his clothes and buttons his fly, then threads his belt back around his waist.
    “I’m not going to let you make me feel like I need help,” I snap. “I’m not suicidal. I’m not going to hurt anyone. This is my form of release like going to the club is yours. Are we really that different, Jack? We both need pain—you need to give it; I need to take it.”
    The front bell tinkles. Shoes thud across the wooden floor. Only someone with a key could be out in reception, and I have a sick feeling I know who it is. I brush past Jack and unlock the door. “I’ll see you at Redemption.”
    If I thought he would let me so easily dismiss him, I am sorely mistaken. Something has changed between us, and I’m not sure what. He walks past me and reaches for the door. Then he turns, his expression soft and a touch wounded. “I’ll come by later tonight, and we can talk. I’ve got to meet some sponsors over dinner.”
    “I’ve got plans tonight. I’m meeting Cora, Blade Saw, and…Doctor Death after Fuzzy’s class.”
    His face tightens. “Don’t even think about it.”
    “He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with me.” I flinch at the unmistakable warning in my tone, but now I’m hurting inside, and I want him to hurt, too.
    “Damn it, Pen—”
    “Penny?” Ray’s voice echoes through the door. I reach around Jack and pull it open, abruptly ending our conversation.
    Ray startles when he sees Jack in the doorway. “What are you…?”
    “Ray.” Jack gives him a nod, and Ray watches him walk out the door.
    Ray’s gaze flicks to me, and he lifts a questioning eyebrow. I thought there was only one way to put a man like Ray off an impending interrogation. But now I know another.
    “We fucked on my desk,” I say.
    And I close my door.
15

    I promise I won’t attack you
    PENNY     When I get to Redemption, I’m in a bad mood. I opened myself up to a man I thought understood me, only to discover he doesn’t understand me at all. I’m broken, damaged, and unfixable. And no amount of therapy is going to change that.
    Worthless. No good…
    With the monsters clawing inside me, I need to do something to relieve the pressure, and I need to do it fast, or, promise or no promise, I won’t be able to stop myself from cutting tonight. I briefly consider calling Jack and asking him for another round of mind-blowing, ass-bruising sex. But all that would do is reinforce in his mind just how broken I really am.
    I change into my workout clothes, wincing at every touch of my tender skin, and walk through the gym to the fitness area where Fuzzy holds Punch or Perish. The warehouse hums with the buzz of cardio equipment, the rattle of speed bags, and the grunts and groans of fighters grappling on the mats and straining with the free weights. On a mission, I stand front and center of the group. I missed class yesterday and nothing pisses Fuzzy off more than people who miss class, except people who miss class and then show up without an excuse and don’t even make an effort to hide.
    “What are you doing?” Cora whispers, coming up behind me. “He’s going to eat you alive.”
    “I feel like being tortured today,” I tell her. “It’ll make for an easy class for the rest of you.”