Final Debt
Page 26

I didn’t want her to look. I’d been around death before. I’d been the instigator of taking another’s life. It wasn’t easy to stare into the eyes of your victim once it was over. Especially when self defence forced your actions.
“Don’t look. Forget what happened. I’m here now, and I’m never leaving again.” I kissed her hair, so, so thankful I had her back in my arms.
Nila squirmed, disobeying me and looking at Daniel’s corpse. Her muscles locked; a haunting hollowness entered her eyes. “He deserved it. So why do I feel like such a monster?”
I clamped my hands on her shoulders. “He did deserve it. Don’t second-guess. You did what you had to do.”
“Did I? Was there no other choice?”
I shook my head firmly. “None. It was the only way.”
Nila bit her lip, her eyes overflowing with liquid. “But…he was the youngest. He couldn’t help that Bonnie and Cut called him a mistake. He couldn’t stop being ridiculed or believing in what he’d been told.”
What?
What did she know about our upbringing and who Daniel had become because of his childhood? I’d caught him hurting for fun, killing animals for a rush. I’d told him off for being so egotistical and crude. Kes dealt with Daniel’s fuck-ups more than I did because being around him was too hard. I’d slowly feed off the nastiness inside him. But because of my condition, I could wholeheartedly say he deserved what he got. Nila hadn’t killed him. Karma had.
“Putting tragic tales to villains is a sure way to destroy yourself when they force you to do something cruel in order to survive, Nila.”
Nila clenched her jaw, ready to argue. To judge herself into torment. Yet again another ripple of need, completely out of context to the situation, polluted the air.
Forcing her to twist and look at me, rather than Daniel, I cupped her cheeks. “Nila, listen to me. Don’t look for redemption in those who don’t deserve it. If you hadn’t fought back, he would’ve raped you and possibly killed you. You don’t know him—not like I do. And I can safely say, he deserved it.”
She sniffed, dropping her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jethro.”
“Sorry?” My heart thundered. “What for?” Letting her go, I marched toward the bed and whipped the sheet free. Wrapping her bottom nakedness, I guided her further away from the body. “Why the hell are you apologising?”
I’m the one who should.
I’m the one who left you on your own.
Her body quaked as she looked over her shoulder, unable to stop staring at Daniel. “Because…because I just killed your flesh and blood.”
I grabbed her waist, holding her tight. “I’m grateful. Not mad. Did you think I would care? Nila, I love you. Ever since you replied to my first text, my heart has put you above everyone in my family. I love you. And you’re killing me by hating yourself for doing what was needed.”
Softening my voice, I tucked her short black hair behind her ears, rubbing away her tears with a thumb. “Nila…he deserved to die. You need to trust me on that. You can’t hold his death inside you. You can’t feel responsible. I’m glad you ended him because if you hadn’t, I would’ve made his demise a lot fucking worse. You did the right thing—that’s all you need to know. Promise me that’s all you’ll remember?”
She sucked in a breath, leaning into my touch. “But—”
“No buts.”
My heart cracked at what she was going through. I wished I’d arrived sooner. Been the one to stab him and wear his life on my soul, pinned there for eternity. Anything to prevent her from feeling the pain of aftermath. However, I hadn’t been. And knowing Daniel had hurt her—taken something that didn’t belong to him—that was my punishment to bear.
I shook as my own hurt surfaced. I had no right to ask. Not now when she struggled. But I couldn’t stop the question falling from my lips. “Please…tell me one thing…and be truthful.”
Her eyes met mine. “Anything.”
I swallowed hard.
I swallowed again.
I lost courage but spoke anyway. “I know he touched you, Nila, you can’t hide that from me. But how badly did he rape you? How much do you hate me for letting that happen?”
I hated my question. How badly did he rape you? Were there gradients of rape? Every form, no matter how long or brutal, were equally as terrible.
Christ!
I wanted to kill myself for being so useless.
But I had another question. One I didn’t want to ask. Why did I feed off her overwhelming desire for sex? Why did she have such powerful thoughts when the current predicament was so inappropriate?
A slight pause, another lie formed. She shook her head. “I could never hate you. And I already told you. I stopped him—before…”
My shoulders sagged.
She rushed. “Jethro, don’t torture yourself. Let me keep some secrets. Let me choose which ones to tell you and which ones to let die.” Her voice cracked. “Please…you don’t need to know. Just…leave it. I’m sorry…”
I died a little as my condition flared into full reception. Her emotions told me everything I needed to know. He’d been inside her. And she’d defended herself the only way she could.
Fuck.
How could I ever forgive myself for this?
Would she want me now? Would she trust I could protect her?