Find You in the Dark
Page 63

“I'm really messed up right now. I can't think.” He gripped his head with his hands like he had a headache. “Our friendship is really important to me. I don't know if I can ruin that.” He sounded vulnerable and I leaned over to kiss his cheek.
“Well, maybe for now, you just need to go in there and talk to her. Sort through your shit. Because I can't play middle man between the two of you much longer. It's exhausting.” I rubbed the back of his neck, trying to soothe him.
“You're pretty damn fantastic, Mags.” Daniel said, smiling his sad, drunk smile. “Yeah, I know.” I quipped, letting him pull me into a tight embrace, his hand coming up to stroke my hair. We stayed like that for awhile, hugging each other. Daniel seemed to cling to me like a life line. He pulled back finally and patted my cheek. “You're right. I should go talk to her. This has gotten out of hand.” I grabbed his other hand and squeezed.
I gave Daniel a nudge. “Okay, well go on.” I urged. Daniel got to his feet. “Wish me luck. If you hear my screams, know she's trying to kill me and come help. Okay?” Daniel was joking of course, but I could see how nervous he was. “Sure.” I said, smiling.
After Daniel left, I sat on the bench awhile longer. It was then I felt a strange prickle at the back of my neck. Turning around I could see Clay's dark form in the shadow of the trees. “Clay?” I called out. He didn't answer me, just stood there watching me. I got up and walked toward him, my stomach dropping at the look on his face.
Great, he was mad again.
“How long have you been out here?” I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets. His eyes met mine. “Long enough to see your touching little interlude there.” He spat out with disgust. I lifted my hands in the air and huffed. “Of course you'd say that. Because apparently all I do is go behind your back with other guys. I mean, that is what you're accusing me of, right?” I said bitterly, moving around him to go back in the house.
Clay grabbed my arm. “Well, if the shoe fits.” Clay said coldly. I whipped around and got in his face. “Well, I'm not the one out here like a damn stalker! Daniel is my friend, you moron! I'm through explaining myself to you!”
I ran back into the cabin and went straight upstairs.
Clay was right on my heels. “Maggie, stop. Please.” I could hear the change in his voice. He sounded worried, panicked even. “If it wasn't snowing, I'd tell you to take me home. This if ridiculous! You've been an ass**le all evening. I've had enough of your irrational insecurities.” I yelled at him as I ripped off my coat and threw it on the floor.
“Maggie! God! You know how I am. How hard it is...” I cut him off. “Stop with the goddamn excuses! I have been nothing but loving and supportive of you. But your shit will ruin us. You need to get it under control!” I could tell that was the wrong thing to say as Clay's eyes lit with a sudden anger.
“Nice, just throw my issues in my face, why don't you?! I'm trying here! Which is more than I can say for you. I think you're just looking for an excuse to get rid of me. Well, I'll make it easy for you. Get the f**k out!” He screamed at me. “You bastard.” I breathed, hardly able to believe he had just said that. After everything we'd been through. After all the times I had shown him how much I loved him. Well, if he wanted to act like a baby, I was getting off this rollercoaster.
Clay's eyes flashed at me. I shoved Clay solidly in the chest. He wasn't expecting it so he stumbled back a bit in surprise. “Fine. To hell with you!” I was out of breath as I shoved past him.
The rage drained from Clay's face and he looked stricken. The realization that I was leaving him sinking in hard and fast. I knew in that moment he hadn't meant what he said, that he was just trying to hurt me. But who does crap like that? I would not stand there and be his whipping post a moment longer. “Mags, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was saying.” He tried to reach out for me and I slapped him across the face. Hard.
His face swung with the force of my assault and a red splotch blossomed on his cheek. He put his hand to his face, stunned by my action. “You do not get to speak to me like!” I stormed to the bed and yanked off the top blanket, took a pillow and left the room.
Clay followed me. “What are you doing? Maggie, stop! I'm sorry!” He begged me, trying to stop me from leaving. I swung back around.. “I'm sleeping on the couch. I'd rather sleep alone than share a bed with someone who has no respect for me!” Clay's face crumpled as he tried to grab my arm. “Please, Maggie. I do respect you! So much! I was being stupid. I'm just so scared of you leaving me. I guess I push and push just to see if I'm right and that eventually you'll walk away. I say these horrible things just to know if you'll take it. If you'll stick by me no matter what. But I was wrong! I shouldn't treat you like that just to prove some sick, twisted theory in my head. Please, don't leave me! I can't live without you!” That was the closest to honest he had been about his feelings in weeks. But at that moment, it was too little too late. I was beyond hurt and angry and I just needed some space.
“Then I guess you should have thought about that before treating me like your emotional punching bag, huh?” I left him standing there alone and went down stairs. The house was quiet and I quickly made my nest on the couch. I laid down, trying to calm the rapid beat of my heart. I waited to see if Clay would follow me, but he didn't.