Find You in the Dark
Page 66

“But I can't do that, Clay. Because I believe that you are trying to change. That you do love me. But you need to know that what happened here earlier. That has to stop. I wasn't kidding when I said it would ruin us. What we have, what we feel for each other; is too special to kill that way.” I bit out. Clay shook his head and pulled my hand from his lips.
“It will NEVER happen again. I swear to you!” He pleaded, pulling on my arms so that I was pressed against him. Our noses brushed and I closed my eyes, resting my forehead on his. “This night was supposed to be our night. I wanted it to be about us, together. Now I feel mixed up and confused and I just want to stop feeling that way.” I recognized the neediness in my tone. I wasn't sure what I was asking him to do. I could see that Clay didn't know either.
But then I just plunged ahead, without thought to consequences or what it would mean to do this right now after the emotional turmoil of the last few hours. I kissed him, pressing my mouth to his, running my tongue along his bottom lip.
Clay pulled back to stare at me. I knew I was confusing the hell out of him. Damn, I was confusing myself. But I just needed to lose myself in him. To feel that sense of peace that only came when we were close.
I needed to feel his love, not his jealousy, or his anger and insecurity.
My body woke up at his close proximity. The physical attraction I felt muddled my brain and made it difficult to think of anything else. I could feel my heart beating against my ribcage and I had a hard time catching my breath as we laid so close together, our legs brushing against each other. Our chests, a whisper apart.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and tugged him toward me again. This time he resisted. “I don't know, Maggie. I don't like doing this when it feels like we still have so much to resolve.” He sighed as I kissed his chin, nibbling his skin.
“Clay. I know you love me. I love you too. Let's just forget the drama. Please.” I murmured into his skin. I wasn't entirely sure what was possessing me. But I wanted the conflict to be over. I wanted to see the beautiful sparkle in my boyfriend's eyes. And yeah, maybe I was using my body to manipulate the situation a bit. But at that moment I didn't care.
I threw myself into kissing him. Into tasting his mouth and his neck. My hands ran up and down his back as I pressed my chest into his. I felt the slow, dizzying warmth of arousal as he kissed me back with equal ardor.
I pulled his shirt over his head and ran my hands down his bare chest, scrapping my nails so that he shivered. I pressed kisses to the flesh below his throat, teasing with my tongue.
Slowly, as though he were waiting for me to stop him, Clay lifted the hem of my shirt and brought it over my head. Clay stared at me, his eyes smoldering with desire and an aching tenderness that made my breath hitch. “You are so beautiful.” He whispered, letting his fingers barely brush the soft fabric that still covered my br**sts.
Not waiting for him to do it, I reached up and unsnapped my bra, shrugging out of it and throwing it onto the floor. Clay's eyes grew large and then with agonizing slowness, he lowered his mouth to my waiting ni**les. His tongue danced and teased over me.
In that moment, I realized that despite his hangups, despite the crazy drama he created, I would love him always. Clay was mine just as surely as I was his. My life and his were inexplicably intertwined and there was no denying the intense connection we shared. I wanted to give everything to him, to make him feel whole, and loved, and worthy.
He pressed me to him, our naked skin molding together perfectly as he took my mouth again. His hands caressed my flesh and I thought I would burn up inside.
After forever of this, I unbuttoned his jeans and released the zipper. Clay hissed in a breath and moaned deep in his throat as I put my hands inside and found him. We hadn't done much beyond a bit of tame groping. Nothing below the clothing. So this was new to me. He groaned into my mouth as I rubbed him with unsure fingers. I didn't really know what I was doing, but given his reaction, I must be doing it right. My hand slid up and down the length of him, feeling him shudder beneath my grip.
“My god, Maggie!” He moaned into my mouth as my hand's movements became surer. I smiled against his lips as his hands palmed my br**sts, the pad of his thumbs running over my ni**les roughly, making me shiver.
Clay pulled my hand from his hot flesh and grinned at me. “You need to stop doing that, or we'll be done before we've even started.” He teased as he began to unbutton my pants. With deft fingers, Clay peeled my jeans back and pushed them down to my ankles, leaving me only in my panties. He rolled on top of me, the feel of his weight sending delightful shivers throughout my body. He rubbed his hand down my side, sliding down to kiss my stomach, my inner thighs, my br**sts and then my mouth again. “You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. I love you so much.” His words were quiet as he adored me with his mouth.
I flushed with the compliment. “I love you too, Clay.” I said in response, gripping his hair as he traced a line upwards from my knee with his tongue. I swallowed hard as I was waiting for him to kiss me...you know, there. And I was really disappointed when he stopped and suddenly leaned over me. “Are you sure you want this?” He asked me. He seemed unsure, though I could feel how much he wanted me as his body pressed against mine. I initially wanted to grab a hold of his hair and shove him back between my thighs. I was about to get primal, as the intense waves of euphoria brought on by his fingers and tongue cascaded over me. But then I sobered a bit and really thought about what he was asking me.