Firebrand
Page 200
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“Would you like another story?” he asked, but she did not answer. Her eye was closed and she breathed deeply as though she were already asleep. He drew a blanket over her.
Estral motioned that they should step outside. When they did so, she said, “Thank you for the rescue.”
“I was going to bathe,” he told her. “I didn’t realize the two of you were there. I saw—I saw her back.” Estral remained silent, so he continued, “I never wanted, never meant for her to be hurt. Not any of my people, but especially not her.”
“She is a Green Rider,” Estral said, as if it explained all, and in a way it did.
The rage he always held at bay made him tremble. “Green Riders ride into danger. I know that.” He shook his head. “I have witnessed floggings before, and it is an unpleasant punishment, but what was done to her was not just flogging, not even just torture. It was the work of a sadist.” He clenched his hands, the cheerful song of the birds counterpoint to the darkness that welled up within him.
“I know,” Estral said after a time. “I saw Nyssa’s pleasure as she hurt Karigan. Karigan was strong during it all. She never told Nyssa a thing, not even to make her stop.” She took a shaking breath. “Do you know that when we were imprisoned in Nyssa’s workshop, Karigan didn’t tell me she’d seen you and my father in the keep? She knew I would not be able to withstand torture, or even witnessing her being tortured, so she kept the information to herself with the hope that Second Empire didn’t know who you really were. I did not find out you were there until after Enver rescued us and she regained consciousness and told us.”
Even under those circumstances, he thought, she’d been protecting him. Her honorary Weapon status had been well bestowed.
“I was so eager to find my father.” Estral squeezed her eyes shut, obviously still racked by guilt. “If Karigan hadn’t followed me into the Lone Forest, we would not have known you and he were there. Thank the gods you are both now safe, but I keep asking myself, would I run off into the forest again knowing what would happen to Karigan? Do I prefer to have Karigan safe, but my father in the hands of Second Empire? Or to have my father safe and my best friend savaged by Nyssa?”
“It is an impossible choice,” Zachary replied.
“Yes. You cannot win when playing such games with the universe.” She shuddered. “Her screams, I can still hear them.”
He’d been assailed by what-ifs, as well, but no matter how dire his situation, he would have dealt with it if it meant sparing Karigan. If he entered his realm into the equation, and how Grandmother might have used him against it, the question grew murkier for the situation became much greater than the fate of two individuals. Estral was wise, he decided, not to play that game.
“I know that Karigan asked that you not see her,” Estral said. “She did not want you to see her wounds, because of how it would make you feel.”
“She should not be ashamed by how her injuries look,” he whispered.
“No, my lord, it is more than that.” Her sea green eyes were earnest.
“What do you mean?”
“She thought it would make you angry, and she knows you have more than enough to worry about than just her.”
How fortunate for Cade Harlowe, he thought, to have had her love.
Estral continued to gaze at him with a tilt to her head. “Your Majesty, she didn’t want you to see her because she cares about you. More than cares, and she didn’t want to cause you pain.”
He stared at her, hope surging.
“She loved Cade Harlowe, yes, but she loved you first.” Estral took his hand and squeezed it, then let it go. “Perhaps you would sit with her a while? I am going to go watch for Enver.”
“Of course,” he said more calmly than he felt. He slipped back into the tent and sat beside Karigan.
He had always been certain of his own feelings for her, but he’d never known hers for sure. Until now. Estral had provided confirmation, and he trusted her word as Karigan’s best friend. With the thrill of confirmation, however, came severe disappointment, the disappointment he could not act on it. He had tried a few years ago, and had failed miserably. He’d made the choice to marry Estora for the good of the realm, but had tried to have it both ways. Karigan had rejected him then, as well she should have. He’d been foolish. The irony of being king, the most powerful person in the land, was that he had so little power over his own life to do with as he wished.
Karigan awoke, cracked her eye open to see, to her surprise, her king sitting beside her. He was gazing off into the distance, his expression, in profile, pensive. There must be a thousand things on his mind, she thought, not least of which was what to do with Second Empire.
Was he really sitting there, she wondered, or was it just another false dream? At times, it was difficult to separate the dreams from reality. She thought to reach out to touch him to see if he was, in fact, real, for what king would sit with one of his lowly servants?
He would.
She resisted the temptation, content to study his profile, his strong jawline that had been concealed by his beard since first she’d met him. It took years off him, the removal of his beard, but she knew that if she looked into his eyes, it would be there, the years and all he’d witnessed, the depth of his thinking and concerns. His eyes made him older than his years.
Cade, whose life certainly hadn’t been easy, had not had the weight of a realm on his shoulders, and had been some years younger than the king. That level of responsibility had not been upon him, though if he survived to carry on the work of the opposition against the empire of his time, it would not take long.
Estral motioned that they should step outside. When they did so, she said, “Thank you for the rescue.”
“I was going to bathe,” he told her. “I didn’t realize the two of you were there. I saw—I saw her back.” Estral remained silent, so he continued, “I never wanted, never meant for her to be hurt. Not any of my people, but especially not her.”
“She is a Green Rider,” Estral said, as if it explained all, and in a way it did.
The rage he always held at bay made him tremble. “Green Riders ride into danger. I know that.” He shook his head. “I have witnessed floggings before, and it is an unpleasant punishment, but what was done to her was not just flogging, not even just torture. It was the work of a sadist.” He clenched his hands, the cheerful song of the birds counterpoint to the darkness that welled up within him.
“I know,” Estral said after a time. “I saw Nyssa’s pleasure as she hurt Karigan. Karigan was strong during it all. She never told Nyssa a thing, not even to make her stop.” She took a shaking breath. “Do you know that when we were imprisoned in Nyssa’s workshop, Karigan didn’t tell me she’d seen you and my father in the keep? She knew I would not be able to withstand torture, or even witnessing her being tortured, so she kept the information to herself with the hope that Second Empire didn’t know who you really were. I did not find out you were there until after Enver rescued us and she regained consciousness and told us.”
Even under those circumstances, he thought, she’d been protecting him. Her honorary Weapon status had been well bestowed.
“I was so eager to find my father.” Estral squeezed her eyes shut, obviously still racked by guilt. “If Karigan hadn’t followed me into the Lone Forest, we would not have known you and he were there. Thank the gods you are both now safe, but I keep asking myself, would I run off into the forest again knowing what would happen to Karigan? Do I prefer to have Karigan safe, but my father in the hands of Second Empire? Or to have my father safe and my best friend savaged by Nyssa?”
“It is an impossible choice,” Zachary replied.
“Yes. You cannot win when playing such games with the universe.” She shuddered. “Her screams, I can still hear them.”
He’d been assailed by what-ifs, as well, but no matter how dire his situation, he would have dealt with it if it meant sparing Karigan. If he entered his realm into the equation, and how Grandmother might have used him against it, the question grew murkier for the situation became much greater than the fate of two individuals. Estral was wise, he decided, not to play that game.
“I know that Karigan asked that you not see her,” Estral said. “She did not want you to see her wounds, because of how it would make you feel.”
“She should not be ashamed by how her injuries look,” he whispered.
“No, my lord, it is more than that.” Her sea green eyes were earnest.
“What do you mean?”
“She thought it would make you angry, and she knows you have more than enough to worry about than just her.”
How fortunate for Cade Harlowe, he thought, to have had her love.
Estral continued to gaze at him with a tilt to her head. “Your Majesty, she didn’t want you to see her because she cares about you. More than cares, and she didn’t want to cause you pain.”
He stared at her, hope surging.
“She loved Cade Harlowe, yes, but she loved you first.” Estral took his hand and squeezed it, then let it go. “Perhaps you would sit with her a while? I am going to go watch for Enver.”
“Of course,” he said more calmly than he felt. He slipped back into the tent and sat beside Karigan.
He had always been certain of his own feelings for her, but he’d never known hers for sure. Until now. Estral had provided confirmation, and he trusted her word as Karigan’s best friend. With the thrill of confirmation, however, came severe disappointment, the disappointment he could not act on it. He had tried a few years ago, and had failed miserably. He’d made the choice to marry Estora for the good of the realm, but had tried to have it both ways. Karigan had rejected him then, as well she should have. He’d been foolish. The irony of being king, the most powerful person in the land, was that he had so little power over his own life to do with as he wished.
Karigan awoke, cracked her eye open to see, to her surprise, her king sitting beside her. He was gazing off into the distance, his expression, in profile, pensive. There must be a thousand things on his mind, she thought, not least of which was what to do with Second Empire.
Was he really sitting there, she wondered, or was it just another false dream? At times, it was difficult to separate the dreams from reality. She thought to reach out to touch him to see if he was, in fact, real, for what king would sit with one of his lowly servants?
He would.
She resisted the temptation, content to study his profile, his strong jawline that had been concealed by his beard since first she’d met him. It took years off him, the removal of his beard, but she knew that if she looked into his eyes, it would be there, the years and all he’d witnessed, the depth of his thinking and concerns. His eyes made him older than his years.
Cade, whose life certainly hadn’t been easy, had not had the weight of a realm on his shoulders, and had been some years younger than the king. That level of responsibility had not been upon him, though if he survived to carry on the work of the opposition against the empire of his time, it would not take long.
