“So what? You’re just going to be his fuck buddy?”
I shrug. “I don’t even know if he’ll go there with me again. He said he uses.”
“He openly admitted to being a player and you just let him in anyway?”
I frown at her. “He’s not a player, he’s honest. He doesn’t do relationships and whatever. Neither do I.”
“You’re playing with fire, Mali, and you’re going to get burned,” she warns.
“Maybe I will, but this way I might just be able to find out more about him.”
“Which you could probably do if you just told him who you are!” she yells, exasperated.
“We parted on harsh terms, Mimi. He might shut down completely if I tell him who I am. God, can’t you see? This is the best way. I’ll be a casual fling, and maybe I can work my way in . . .”
“You’re mad!” she spits. “You’re freaking mad. He’s not going to let you be a casual fling, and even if you get that far, what makes you think he’ll tell you anything?”
“Because I know him; I know what makes him tick. I’ll be more than a fling because I can work him differently. I need to do this, Mimi.”
She sighs and flops down onto my bed beside me. “I think you’re making a massive mistake, but I won’t stop you.”
“Something went wrong in his life, and I want to know what that is. The only way I can find out is to spend time with him. Maybe I’ll meet his friends . . . maybe someone can shed some light.”
“And if he doesn’t want to screw your brains out anymore?”
“Then I’ll try and be his friend, at the very least.”
She shakes her head. “Be careful, Mali. This could go bad.”
“Yeah,” I say, staring at the wall. “But I have to try.”
He’s my friend.
I have to do everything I can.
CHAPTER SIX
THEN – MALI
My foot slips and I let out a feral curse. Dammit, why did Rainer have to pick the room on the first floor? He could have picked the big one on ground floor, but he hates his father and so he decided no, he’d rather be as far away as he could get. So now I’m trying to climb the flimsy drain that has a supporting grid, and it isn’t going so well for me.
But I have to see him. He’s upset at me, and I don’t like leaving things like that.
I manage to fumble my way to the top. I used to be able to do this so much easier, but these days Rainer is usually the one to come to me, so I don’t tend to hang out at his place. He doesn’t like being here. I push my body up to the top of his small balcony and climb over the railing. His double doors are wide open and I stop dead when I see him at his bedroom door, wearing only a pair of loose cotton shorts.
He’s kissing Missy. Her body is pressed against his, and he’s got a hand curled around the back of her neck. The kiss is long, and soft, and for some, strange reason my chest clenches. An unusual feeling washes through my body, and I quickly shove it down. How weird. I shake my head and wait for him to pull back. He smiles down at her and then lets her out the door. A few minutes later the front door slams and she walks out to her car.
I turn back and see Rainer standing at the open doors, staring at me. He’s got his arms crossed over his broad, bare chest. Gosh, I didn’t realize just how big he’d gotten. He’s ripped. His hair is messy and it has a definite sex look about it. As if I didn’t know what the two of them were doing.
There goes that strange tug in my chest again.
“That looked pretty serious,” I say, jerking my thumb over my shoulder in the general direction Missy just was. “I didn’t think you were the loving kind.”
“What are you doin’ here, Em?”
I sigh. “Are you going to let me in?”
He stays in the door.
“I wanted to see you . . . can you let me in?”
“Just fucked a chick in my bed . . . You sure you wanna do that?”
God dammit chest, stop tightening like that.
“I don’t give a shit. Let me come in so I can talk to you.”
He steps out of the doorway and I walk in. God, it smells like sex in here. At least, that’s what I assume sex smells like. I walk over to his sofa and flop down on it, staring around his room. He keeps it mostly tidy. There are only a few items of clothes flicked about. Otherwise everything is well kept. I watch as he jerks his sheets off his bed and throws them in the basket near his en suite, then he pulls a fresh pair from the closet.
“A boy that keeps spare sheets on hand. Impressive.”
He says nothing.
I sigh.
“You’re angry at me,” I say. It’s not a question.
“And you’re a fuckin’ genius.”
“Jesus, Rainer, stop it. Tell me what the hell the problem is.”
He doesn’t answer me. I know he’s concerned, and I guess I understand why, but I can’t have this every time I decide to date a man.
“What does it truly matter to you?” I whisper.
He stops, sheet in hand, and turns and stares at me. “We’re best friends. I care about you. I don’t care about any other girls, but you are like a sister to me. So yeah, I fuckin’ care what happens.”
A sister?
My chest tightens. I don’t know why that bothers me.
“I get that, and I love it, but I have to make my own mistakes. You can’t keep protecting me—you have to let me live.”
He tosses the sheet to the side and growls. “You’re the only girl I have in my life. My father is fucked up. My mother is dead. I don’t have any siblings. You’re the only thing that makes me feel like . . .”
“Like what?” I ask, standing.
“Like I have something to fight for.”
My heart breaks and I walk forward, stopping in front of him. “You’ll always be able to fight for me, Rai Rai, but this is important to me. I need to do this. I promise to tell you everything that happens, and you’ll be the first to know if something goes wrong, but please.” I place a hand on his chest. “Please let me do this.”
He turns to me, eyes scanning my face. “If he hurts you, Em, I’ll kill him.”
“And I’ll let you.”
“You promise that?”
I smile, stepping closer into him. He wraps his arms around me and we both sigh. “I promise.”
He holds onto me longer than he’s ever done before, and it feels nice. His skin is soft, his muscles hard. I press my cheek to his chest and just take a moment to breathe him in.
“You wanna stay tonight?”
I let him go and nod. “Sure, why the hell not?”
~*~*~*~
“Ick, oh my God, turn it off!” I screech, pressing the pillow to my face.
Rainer laughs. “No, it’s epic.”
“He just . . . he just . . .”
“Cut his leg off, yes.”
“I can’t!” I cry, burrowing into the bed deeper.
“Pussy.”
A loud pounding on the door makes Rainer flinch beside me.
“Rainer, turn that fucking shit down. You’re not the only fucking person in this house!” his father roars.
“Yeah, right-o,” Rainer calls out.
I shrug. “I don’t even know if he’ll go there with me again. He said he uses.”
“He openly admitted to being a player and you just let him in anyway?”
I frown at her. “He’s not a player, he’s honest. He doesn’t do relationships and whatever. Neither do I.”
“You’re playing with fire, Mali, and you’re going to get burned,” she warns.
“Maybe I will, but this way I might just be able to find out more about him.”
“Which you could probably do if you just told him who you are!” she yells, exasperated.
“We parted on harsh terms, Mimi. He might shut down completely if I tell him who I am. God, can’t you see? This is the best way. I’ll be a casual fling, and maybe I can work my way in . . .”
“You’re mad!” she spits. “You’re freaking mad. He’s not going to let you be a casual fling, and even if you get that far, what makes you think he’ll tell you anything?”
“Because I know him; I know what makes him tick. I’ll be more than a fling because I can work him differently. I need to do this, Mimi.”
She sighs and flops down onto my bed beside me. “I think you’re making a massive mistake, but I won’t stop you.”
“Something went wrong in his life, and I want to know what that is. The only way I can find out is to spend time with him. Maybe I’ll meet his friends . . . maybe someone can shed some light.”
“And if he doesn’t want to screw your brains out anymore?”
“Then I’ll try and be his friend, at the very least.”
She shakes her head. “Be careful, Mali. This could go bad.”
“Yeah,” I say, staring at the wall. “But I have to try.”
He’s my friend.
I have to do everything I can.
CHAPTER SIX
THEN – MALI
My foot slips and I let out a feral curse. Dammit, why did Rainer have to pick the room on the first floor? He could have picked the big one on ground floor, but he hates his father and so he decided no, he’d rather be as far away as he could get. So now I’m trying to climb the flimsy drain that has a supporting grid, and it isn’t going so well for me.
But I have to see him. He’s upset at me, and I don’t like leaving things like that.
I manage to fumble my way to the top. I used to be able to do this so much easier, but these days Rainer is usually the one to come to me, so I don’t tend to hang out at his place. He doesn’t like being here. I push my body up to the top of his small balcony and climb over the railing. His double doors are wide open and I stop dead when I see him at his bedroom door, wearing only a pair of loose cotton shorts.
He’s kissing Missy. Her body is pressed against his, and he’s got a hand curled around the back of her neck. The kiss is long, and soft, and for some, strange reason my chest clenches. An unusual feeling washes through my body, and I quickly shove it down. How weird. I shake my head and wait for him to pull back. He smiles down at her and then lets her out the door. A few minutes later the front door slams and she walks out to her car.
I turn back and see Rainer standing at the open doors, staring at me. He’s got his arms crossed over his broad, bare chest. Gosh, I didn’t realize just how big he’d gotten. He’s ripped. His hair is messy and it has a definite sex look about it. As if I didn’t know what the two of them were doing.
There goes that strange tug in my chest again.
“That looked pretty serious,” I say, jerking my thumb over my shoulder in the general direction Missy just was. “I didn’t think you were the loving kind.”
“What are you doin’ here, Em?”
I sigh. “Are you going to let me in?”
He stays in the door.
“I wanted to see you . . . can you let me in?”
“Just fucked a chick in my bed . . . You sure you wanna do that?”
God dammit chest, stop tightening like that.
“I don’t give a shit. Let me come in so I can talk to you.”
He steps out of the doorway and I walk in. God, it smells like sex in here. At least, that’s what I assume sex smells like. I walk over to his sofa and flop down on it, staring around his room. He keeps it mostly tidy. There are only a few items of clothes flicked about. Otherwise everything is well kept. I watch as he jerks his sheets off his bed and throws them in the basket near his en suite, then he pulls a fresh pair from the closet.
“A boy that keeps spare sheets on hand. Impressive.”
He says nothing.
I sigh.
“You’re angry at me,” I say. It’s not a question.
“And you’re a fuckin’ genius.”
“Jesus, Rainer, stop it. Tell me what the hell the problem is.”
He doesn’t answer me. I know he’s concerned, and I guess I understand why, but I can’t have this every time I decide to date a man.
“What does it truly matter to you?” I whisper.
He stops, sheet in hand, and turns and stares at me. “We’re best friends. I care about you. I don’t care about any other girls, but you are like a sister to me. So yeah, I fuckin’ care what happens.”
A sister?
My chest tightens. I don’t know why that bothers me.
“I get that, and I love it, but I have to make my own mistakes. You can’t keep protecting me—you have to let me live.”
He tosses the sheet to the side and growls. “You’re the only girl I have in my life. My father is fucked up. My mother is dead. I don’t have any siblings. You’re the only thing that makes me feel like . . .”
“Like what?” I ask, standing.
“Like I have something to fight for.”
My heart breaks and I walk forward, stopping in front of him. “You’ll always be able to fight for me, Rai Rai, but this is important to me. I need to do this. I promise to tell you everything that happens, and you’ll be the first to know if something goes wrong, but please.” I place a hand on his chest. “Please let me do this.”
He turns to me, eyes scanning my face. “If he hurts you, Em, I’ll kill him.”
“And I’ll let you.”
“You promise that?”
I smile, stepping closer into him. He wraps his arms around me and we both sigh. “I promise.”
He holds onto me longer than he’s ever done before, and it feels nice. His skin is soft, his muscles hard. I press my cheek to his chest and just take a moment to breathe him in.
“You wanna stay tonight?”
I let him go and nod. “Sure, why the hell not?”
~*~*~*~
“Ick, oh my God, turn it off!” I screech, pressing the pillow to my face.
Rainer laughs. “No, it’s epic.”
“He just . . . he just . . .”
“Cut his leg off, yes.”
“I can’t!” I cry, burrowing into the bed deeper.
“Pussy.”
A loud pounding on the door makes Rainer flinch beside me.
“Rainer, turn that fucking shit down. You’re not the only fucking person in this house!” his father roars.
“Yeah, right-o,” Rainer calls out.
