Force of Temptation
Page 60
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“So why are we having this fucking conversation?”
“Because we can’t have a mating bond without exposing our fears, secrets, vulnerabilities, and personal pain. We just can’t. I suspect a lot of yours are all linked with losing Torrie, and she’s behind that ‘No Access’ area we were talking about before.” Harley licked her lips. “I don’t want to change you or ‘fix’ you. But I will not be stonewalled. I will not be treated like I’m not good enough to share with. And I’m not interested in giving everything I am to someone who doesn’t appreciate just how difficult that is. If you want someone to come to you without walls, you need to do the same. If you can’t do that, Jesse, if you’re not ready for imprinting—”
“You are not walking out, so don’t even think it,” Jesse snapped, every fiber of his being going on high alert. Anger rose up, fast and furious. His wolf’s ears flattened as he let out a savage snarl. Their mate wasn’t going anywhere.
“Hear me out instead of preempting what I say.”
He advanced on her, fists clenched, but she backed up fast. “You’re not leaving me, Harley.”
“And you’re not listening.”
“I see where this is going. Not happening.”
“Dammit, Jesse, will you just listen!”
He backed her into the wall and planted a hand either side of her head. “I warned you that I wouldn’t let you go.” His tone was as lethal as his mood. “If you think I’ll watch you walk out of here, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” She opened her mouth to speak, so he growled, “You’re not going. You’re not leaving. We’ll talk this out.”
“Jesse—”
“You want to know about Torrie?”
“Not like this. Not when you’ll resent telling me.”
He threw up his arms. “I can’t fucking win with you.”
“Careful,” she warned, eyes flashing cat. The animal didn’t like his tone at all.
“I don’t get what it is that you want to know about her. Are you trying to ask if you mean more to me than she did? Is that what this is?”
Harley snorted. “I don’t need to ask that.” After last night, she knew exactly where she stood.
Uneasiness slithered through Jesse. “What’s that supposed to mean?” But she didn’t respond. “Explain what you mean by that.”
“She was your true mate. Your other half. I can’t compete with that.”
“It’s not a competition,” he clipped.
“You know what I mean.”
“And you know that you’re more important to me than anything.”
“Yeah? I can’t say I felt important last night when you used that cold razor-sharp tone and made it clear that I had no right to hear about her.”
Realization dawned on him, and he sighed. “You misunderstood.” No, he just hadn’t explained it well . . . which fully supported her argument that he needed to open up about this.
“Actually, I don’t think I did,” said Harley. “Look, if you feel you can’t share your grief or your guilt with me—”
“Wait, you think I haven’t grieved? You think I’m burying the pain and refusing to let Torrie go? Wrong. When I was eleven and she died, I went nuclear. Snapped. Did stupid, dangerous shit until all the rage was burned out and there was nothing left—no anger, no pain, nothing. I was just lifeless. A walking husk. Might as well have been in a damn grave myself.”
Harley swallowed hard, aching at the thought of him that way.
“Then one day I heard my sister screeching at someone to let her go. I followed the sound, thinking she was in trouble. I saw another young female forcing her to stand in the doorway of a motor home, telling her to take a good look at what her future would be like if she didn’t get off the damn drugs and accept that it was okay to live. She pointed out to Mia the simple truth that everything that’s born eventually dies; it’s life, a natural, universal cycle that everyone is powerless against.”
Shocked, Harley could only gape. “I didn’t know you heard that.”
“You worked out that Mia was suffering from survivor’s guilt. I didn’t see that. I was too messed up to see what was going on with anyone else. Your words didn’t resonate with Mia, but they did with me. And I decided to let myself live. To do more than just exist. And bit by bit, I became an actual person again. Not the same person—hell, not even close. What came out of that husk was scarred and dark and needed a lot of work, but it was a big improvement on the zombie I’d been for years.”
Harley had absolutely no clue what to say, still reeling from the fact that he’d been there that day when she’d taken Mia to her aunt’s motor home.
“You say you don’t want to change or fix me. Baby, you already did both those things. Unfortunately, this is as good as it gets.” Which wasn’t all that great. “You’re wrong if you think I feel guilty for claiming you. I would never have come to you with guilt saddling my shoulders. It wouldn’t have been fair to you. But did I once feel guilty about how much I wanted you? Yeah—more than you know. I hated myself for it. But I worked past that. I’m here, with you, because you’re who I want.”
Harley swallowed. “All right.”
“No, it’s not, because you don’t seem to believe how important you are to me.” Jesse framed her face with his hands as he softly added, “When I was fourteen, a girl with wounded gold eyes brought me back from the dead. She made me want to live. Saved me from a self-imposed hell. How could that girl not be more important to me than anything, Harley? You tell me how.”
“Because we can’t have a mating bond without exposing our fears, secrets, vulnerabilities, and personal pain. We just can’t. I suspect a lot of yours are all linked with losing Torrie, and she’s behind that ‘No Access’ area we were talking about before.” Harley licked her lips. “I don’t want to change you or ‘fix’ you. But I will not be stonewalled. I will not be treated like I’m not good enough to share with. And I’m not interested in giving everything I am to someone who doesn’t appreciate just how difficult that is. If you want someone to come to you without walls, you need to do the same. If you can’t do that, Jesse, if you’re not ready for imprinting—”
“You are not walking out, so don’t even think it,” Jesse snapped, every fiber of his being going on high alert. Anger rose up, fast and furious. His wolf’s ears flattened as he let out a savage snarl. Their mate wasn’t going anywhere.
“Hear me out instead of preempting what I say.”
He advanced on her, fists clenched, but she backed up fast. “You’re not leaving me, Harley.”
“And you’re not listening.”
“I see where this is going. Not happening.”
“Dammit, Jesse, will you just listen!”
He backed her into the wall and planted a hand either side of her head. “I warned you that I wouldn’t let you go.” His tone was as lethal as his mood. “If you think I’ll watch you walk out of here, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” She opened her mouth to speak, so he growled, “You’re not going. You’re not leaving. We’ll talk this out.”
“Jesse—”
“You want to know about Torrie?”
“Not like this. Not when you’ll resent telling me.”
He threw up his arms. “I can’t fucking win with you.”
“Careful,” she warned, eyes flashing cat. The animal didn’t like his tone at all.
“I don’t get what it is that you want to know about her. Are you trying to ask if you mean more to me than she did? Is that what this is?”
Harley snorted. “I don’t need to ask that.” After last night, she knew exactly where she stood.
Uneasiness slithered through Jesse. “What’s that supposed to mean?” But she didn’t respond. “Explain what you mean by that.”
“She was your true mate. Your other half. I can’t compete with that.”
“It’s not a competition,” he clipped.
“You know what I mean.”
“And you know that you’re more important to me than anything.”
“Yeah? I can’t say I felt important last night when you used that cold razor-sharp tone and made it clear that I had no right to hear about her.”
Realization dawned on him, and he sighed. “You misunderstood.” No, he just hadn’t explained it well . . . which fully supported her argument that he needed to open up about this.
“Actually, I don’t think I did,” said Harley. “Look, if you feel you can’t share your grief or your guilt with me—”
“Wait, you think I haven’t grieved? You think I’m burying the pain and refusing to let Torrie go? Wrong. When I was eleven and she died, I went nuclear. Snapped. Did stupid, dangerous shit until all the rage was burned out and there was nothing left—no anger, no pain, nothing. I was just lifeless. A walking husk. Might as well have been in a damn grave myself.”
Harley swallowed hard, aching at the thought of him that way.
“Then one day I heard my sister screeching at someone to let her go. I followed the sound, thinking she was in trouble. I saw another young female forcing her to stand in the doorway of a motor home, telling her to take a good look at what her future would be like if she didn’t get off the damn drugs and accept that it was okay to live. She pointed out to Mia the simple truth that everything that’s born eventually dies; it’s life, a natural, universal cycle that everyone is powerless against.”
Shocked, Harley could only gape. “I didn’t know you heard that.”
“You worked out that Mia was suffering from survivor’s guilt. I didn’t see that. I was too messed up to see what was going on with anyone else. Your words didn’t resonate with Mia, but they did with me. And I decided to let myself live. To do more than just exist. And bit by bit, I became an actual person again. Not the same person—hell, not even close. What came out of that husk was scarred and dark and needed a lot of work, but it was a big improvement on the zombie I’d been for years.”
Harley had absolutely no clue what to say, still reeling from the fact that he’d been there that day when she’d taken Mia to her aunt’s motor home.
“You say you don’t want to change or fix me. Baby, you already did both those things. Unfortunately, this is as good as it gets.” Which wasn’t all that great. “You’re wrong if you think I feel guilty for claiming you. I would never have come to you with guilt saddling my shoulders. It wouldn’t have been fair to you. But did I once feel guilty about how much I wanted you? Yeah—more than you know. I hated myself for it. But I worked past that. I’m here, with you, because you’re who I want.”
Harley swallowed. “All right.”
“No, it’s not, because you don’t seem to believe how important you are to me.” Jesse framed her face with his hands as he softly added, “When I was fourteen, a girl with wounded gold eyes brought me back from the dead. She made me want to live. Saved me from a self-imposed hell. How could that girl not be more important to me than anything, Harley? You tell me how.”
