She nodded then, but before he could kiss her she reached to press her fingers to his lips.
“But Menes needs her,” she said softly.
Chapter Sixteen
Jackson knew it was the truth, just as much as she did. But then again, he’d made no secret about his desires … on all fronts. He just was reluctant to talk about it right then, while he was still inside her and in desperate need to make love to her again, this time taking it slow and doing it right. Not that what they’d just done could be considered wrong on any level. More right, was possibly a better way of looking at it. He was afraid that if they started in on this topic once again everything would dissolve into defensive posturing and huge protective walls flying up in front of his face.
“You know, I’m going to have to stop referring to myself in the third person eventually,” he said carefully. “Don’t try to separate us, Marissa. We’ve very much become the same person. But there will always be the ability to do what I call a sidebar, where we can step apart from our self as a Blended being in order to debate an issue, voice a strong opinion, or when considering options. Sort of like having a very powerful conscience, I guess you could say.”
“So you mean you want her, too,” she said, an odd sort of flatness to her tone. Not petulant. Not curious. Just emotionless. Which led him to believe she was reacting to something with very strong emotion. It was a habit for her, he realized, this heavy curtain over her emotions. It might work very well for her in her profession, but he wasn’t her patient any longer.
Very gently he eased away from her, moving to lie on his side right up against the length of her. She was rumpled and was wearing nothing but her skirt and heels and he schooled his features from smiling lest she mistake what was amusing him. The minute he was off of her though, she pulled down her skirt, smoothing it against her thighs. He saw her searching for her blouse with a turn of her head … either that or she was trying to hide some more.
“At the moment,” he said, “everything I want is right here.” He reached to run slow, gentle fingers along the path of her breastbone. His words and his touch must have gotten her attention because she looked back into his eyes.
“But he’s not … I mean, if he wants me like this, doesn’t that make him unfaithful to this woman he’s supposed to love with every fiber of his being?”
“You’re thinking in very black and white human ways. With the nature of who we are, Bodywalkers I mean, we have to flex to accommodate the fact that we’re sharing the desires and needs of multiple souls.”
“So it’s carte blanche on cheating. How lovely for you,” she said, sitting up suddenly. But Jackson took her by her arm and pulled her back down and even closer to his side.
“What I mean is, I know that Hatshepsut understands that by doing things this way, by trying to find a volunteer for her rather than letting her resurrect in the usual way of our people, things can’t be left so black and white. She wants me to choose someone I would be very attracted to. It’s … it’s like a gift she’s giving me, in some respects. However, once she is here, I would be taking my life in my hands if I even thought about another woman. I am a faithful man, Marissa. I always have been. I may not have had many long relationships, but when I was in one I didn’t disrespect my significant other by sleeping around on her. And as you know, Menes has had what could potentially be the longest relationship on earth, and I assure you, he’s never been unfaithful to Hatshepsut.” He smiled a little. “That’s not to say she hasn’t occasionally over our lifetimes found a woman she’s thought I would like and brought her into our bedroom as a gift to me.”
Marissa gasped and flushed hot, indignation rising in her eyes. “I would never do that!”
“Never is not a word we use when we can potentially live hundreds of years in our mortal bodies … barring outside interference of course. And we come from a time when multiple wives were commonplace. We’ve been through every single sexual evolution and revolution known to mankind. What we’ve done here is blunt and rudimentary. And you’re being very narrow-minded, Marissa. You’re far too educated to start pretending you don’t understand these things. And I assure you, if she does not have permission of her host, she wouldn’t push or try to change the host’s mind. Well” —he smiled a bit wolfishly—“not much anyway. She can be quite persuasive when arguing a point. Rather a lot like you. And she loves opportunities to put me in my place. Also a common trait between you.”
That made her smile and laugh. “So she’s convincing, kinky and bossy.”
He laughed as well. “In a nutshell, yes. But she’s also incredibly kind, fierce when it comes to protecting her people and her family, and plays a mean game of chess.”
“You make her sound so human,” she said with a sigh. “But the truth is, she just isn’t. And I don’t know if I can be all the things that she is. A queen? A Bodywalker? Your … your …”
“Wife,” he said in a soft word. “We’ve been married over two dozen times, by everything from a priest to an island native that stomped and danced for the gods to take notice before playing a tune on a nose flute.”
“Oh stop, now you’re joking,” she cried with a laugh, pushing at his chest in reprimand.
“I am not joking,” he said almost seriously. “It’s the truth. All of it.”
She stopped smiling and turned pensive. “So, you’re telling me that if I become Hatshepsut’s host, then you’ll want to marry me.”
“As long as we all think it’s agreeable, then yes.”
“But you didn’t seem like the marrying type,” she hedged, her fingers smoothing her skirt down again even though it hadn’t budged from the initial time. He was beginning to realize that her need to keep a perfect image at all times was like a protective armor for her. She was probably feeling very vulnerable right then, talking about difficult things without her armor on. It could very well be the reason why he’d never seen a single sign of a dating life from her in the two years she’d been on the force.
“I’m with Menes on this one,” he told her quietly. “I’m waiting for the right woman. No one else will do.”
“If I say no, then someone else will have to do,” she said a bit sharply. “I don’t see Menes giving up after the first try fails. You either for that matter. You’re as tenacious as that dog of yours.”
“Well, at least you’re forewarned.”
“About what?”
“My tenaciousness. I’m not the sort to give up easily, Marissa. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you say yes to me.”
Her expression was one of pure consternation. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that if you push too hard it makes people shove back?”
“I’m sure they did somewhere along the line. I think I disregarded it.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed this time shoving at him harder.
Marissa wanted to be mad at him. She wanted to push back, push away and run. It was just too overwhelming. All of it. Everything he wanted from her was just asking so much. He probably wouldn’t even be asking if he really knew who she was. She wasn’t queen material. She just … wasn’t.
“You’re incorrigible,” she said to him, unable to make it sound at all serious. She liked it when he teased her, although god only knew why. Just like she liked it when he acted like her hair was his favorite place for his fingers to be. And she damn well liked it when he threw her on the bed and took her like a man out of control with lust for her.
Oh yes, she liked that very much. Just like she was liking the way his fingers were drifting over her chest, tracing curling, lazy patterns over and between her breasts.
She had always thought that ha**ng s*x that hastily was more about the man’s pleasure and had very little to do with her own. Women needed more time, or so the textbooks said. But she had to admit she’d never felt anything so exciting in her life. There was something about knowing he was out of control and that it was because of her, and not because of his own selfish needs, that made it so incredibly hot. She’d had no doubt about it at that moment. And even now. And that was why, she supposed, he had refused to budge unless she was the aggressor. It had been very clever of him. No … no wait. Clever implied that she felt it had been manipulative. She didn’t feel that way at all. She felt like he was beginning to understand her and the way she was. Of course, it was a far cry from them getting married … but still …
His fingertips skied up the slope of her breast and over her nipple just then and the sensation was electric. She could feel herself instantly going taut all over, including the nipple. She saw him smile and there was sudden hunger in those peacock eyes of his. He leaned his head forward, dipping down so he could touch his tongue to her and then quite boldly took her nipple into his mouth, the soft sucking sensation followed up with the scraped of his teeth as he let the turgid tip go once more. If she wasn’t already quite wet from their earlier encounter, she knew she would instantly become so at that.
“Jackson,” she breathed softly, meeting his gaze and trying for all she was worth to say things without saying a word. She wanted him … no, needed him in her life. It had been quite some time since she’d let a man this close to her. Even then there was, to her, a proper sort of etiquette that she followed, which did not include making it to the bed only halfway clothed, not even taking the time to kick off her shoes. She did so now, toeing them off so they landed on the wood floor with two little clunking sounds.
“Getting ready for bed?” he asked her as he rose up and pulled her underneath himself; his big body covering her so completely that she actually felt small. What a peculiar thing, she thought. She was almost the same height as he was, and even without heels she was very tall for a woman. She found she liked the perception, although she would have thought it would have bothered her. She didn’t like to feel overshadowed. She didn’t like to feel out of control.
But she had already been out of control. She had let this happen in spite of her better judgment. She didn’t know what to think about that and, thanks to his mouth returning to her breast she didn’t think clarity would be coming any time soon.
“I’m already in bed,” she said, hearing the breathless quality of her voice, knowing it was because she was already eager for more, the stupid skirt she wore the only reason why she didn’t raise her knees on either side of his h*ps and immediately cradle him between her thighs.
“Here, let me help you.” He moved back, kneeling and levering himself up far enough to turn her over, exposing the zipper to her skirt. “God,” he muttered, “you’re poured into this thing.” Then she felt his hand on her backside, slowly running down the length of her skirt, shaping her into his palm and clearly enjoying himself. He moved to the hem, then slipped his hand beneath it, instead of going for her zipper like she had thought he would. His hand crept up between her thighs, his fingers seeking and finding.
She gasped in a short breath, her face flushing with heat.
“Oh, I like this,” he said breathily into her ear. “You’re wet with me.” He drew his fingers along the slickness of her flesh, his hand moving between her tightly compressed thighs and his fingers suddenly sliding into her. She tried so hard to catch her breath, to stop reacting like she’d never done this before. But she couldn’t seem to help herself. There was something so illicit in their situation, with her being in serious breech of her ethics and him pushing her past her own tightly draw lines at every single turn.
Then he was just as suddenly gone, moving away from her. She turned to see where he’d gone, but he went only as far as standing at her feet, putting his hands on her thighs and pulling her back up onto her knees, her hands scrambling to press into the bed for balance. Then he was pushing her skirt up over her thighs and backside, exposing her to the cool air of the room and making her realize just how hot her body was. He pulled her all the way back to the edge of the mattress, until her rear was pressed against his h*ps and the stellar erection he’d come up with. More than a little impressed with his recovery time, she turned her shoulders to look back at him, but a hand on the back of her head gently prevented her from doing so.
“I-I just think you should know … I don’t, umm, respond well to this position.” She was blushing again, wanting to hide her face against the mattress but unable to reconcile herself with the wanton position of having her ass in the air and pointed in his direction.
“I think you should know that I don’t believe that for a second. It’s not the position, hummingbird. It’s the vulnerability you don’t respond well to. But I’m going to teach you that being vulnerable can be a very good thing.”
“But Menes needs her,” she said softly.
Chapter Sixteen
Jackson knew it was the truth, just as much as she did. But then again, he’d made no secret about his desires … on all fronts. He just was reluctant to talk about it right then, while he was still inside her and in desperate need to make love to her again, this time taking it slow and doing it right. Not that what they’d just done could be considered wrong on any level. More right, was possibly a better way of looking at it. He was afraid that if they started in on this topic once again everything would dissolve into defensive posturing and huge protective walls flying up in front of his face.
“You know, I’m going to have to stop referring to myself in the third person eventually,” he said carefully. “Don’t try to separate us, Marissa. We’ve very much become the same person. But there will always be the ability to do what I call a sidebar, where we can step apart from our self as a Blended being in order to debate an issue, voice a strong opinion, or when considering options. Sort of like having a very powerful conscience, I guess you could say.”
“So you mean you want her, too,” she said, an odd sort of flatness to her tone. Not petulant. Not curious. Just emotionless. Which led him to believe she was reacting to something with very strong emotion. It was a habit for her, he realized, this heavy curtain over her emotions. It might work very well for her in her profession, but he wasn’t her patient any longer.
Very gently he eased away from her, moving to lie on his side right up against the length of her. She was rumpled and was wearing nothing but her skirt and heels and he schooled his features from smiling lest she mistake what was amusing him. The minute he was off of her though, she pulled down her skirt, smoothing it against her thighs. He saw her searching for her blouse with a turn of her head … either that or she was trying to hide some more.
“At the moment,” he said, “everything I want is right here.” He reached to run slow, gentle fingers along the path of her breastbone. His words and his touch must have gotten her attention because she looked back into his eyes.
“But he’s not … I mean, if he wants me like this, doesn’t that make him unfaithful to this woman he’s supposed to love with every fiber of his being?”
“You’re thinking in very black and white human ways. With the nature of who we are, Bodywalkers I mean, we have to flex to accommodate the fact that we’re sharing the desires and needs of multiple souls.”
“So it’s carte blanche on cheating. How lovely for you,” she said, sitting up suddenly. But Jackson took her by her arm and pulled her back down and even closer to his side.
“What I mean is, I know that Hatshepsut understands that by doing things this way, by trying to find a volunteer for her rather than letting her resurrect in the usual way of our people, things can’t be left so black and white. She wants me to choose someone I would be very attracted to. It’s … it’s like a gift she’s giving me, in some respects. However, once she is here, I would be taking my life in my hands if I even thought about another woman. I am a faithful man, Marissa. I always have been. I may not have had many long relationships, but when I was in one I didn’t disrespect my significant other by sleeping around on her. And as you know, Menes has had what could potentially be the longest relationship on earth, and I assure you, he’s never been unfaithful to Hatshepsut.” He smiled a little. “That’s not to say she hasn’t occasionally over our lifetimes found a woman she’s thought I would like and brought her into our bedroom as a gift to me.”
Marissa gasped and flushed hot, indignation rising in her eyes. “I would never do that!”
“Never is not a word we use when we can potentially live hundreds of years in our mortal bodies … barring outside interference of course. And we come from a time when multiple wives were commonplace. We’ve been through every single sexual evolution and revolution known to mankind. What we’ve done here is blunt and rudimentary. And you’re being very narrow-minded, Marissa. You’re far too educated to start pretending you don’t understand these things. And I assure you, if she does not have permission of her host, she wouldn’t push or try to change the host’s mind. Well” —he smiled a bit wolfishly—“not much anyway. She can be quite persuasive when arguing a point. Rather a lot like you. And she loves opportunities to put me in my place. Also a common trait between you.”
That made her smile and laugh. “So she’s convincing, kinky and bossy.”
He laughed as well. “In a nutshell, yes. But she’s also incredibly kind, fierce when it comes to protecting her people and her family, and plays a mean game of chess.”
“You make her sound so human,” she said with a sigh. “But the truth is, she just isn’t. And I don’t know if I can be all the things that she is. A queen? A Bodywalker? Your … your …”
“Wife,” he said in a soft word. “We’ve been married over two dozen times, by everything from a priest to an island native that stomped and danced for the gods to take notice before playing a tune on a nose flute.”
“Oh stop, now you’re joking,” she cried with a laugh, pushing at his chest in reprimand.
“I am not joking,” he said almost seriously. “It’s the truth. All of it.”
She stopped smiling and turned pensive. “So, you’re telling me that if I become Hatshepsut’s host, then you’ll want to marry me.”
“As long as we all think it’s agreeable, then yes.”
“But you didn’t seem like the marrying type,” she hedged, her fingers smoothing her skirt down again even though it hadn’t budged from the initial time. He was beginning to realize that her need to keep a perfect image at all times was like a protective armor for her. She was probably feeling very vulnerable right then, talking about difficult things without her armor on. It could very well be the reason why he’d never seen a single sign of a dating life from her in the two years she’d been on the force.
“I’m with Menes on this one,” he told her quietly. “I’m waiting for the right woman. No one else will do.”
“If I say no, then someone else will have to do,” she said a bit sharply. “I don’t see Menes giving up after the first try fails. You either for that matter. You’re as tenacious as that dog of yours.”
“Well, at least you’re forewarned.”
“About what?”
“My tenaciousness. I’m not the sort to give up easily, Marissa. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you say yes to me.”
Her expression was one of pure consternation. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that if you push too hard it makes people shove back?”
“I’m sure they did somewhere along the line. I think I disregarded it.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed this time shoving at him harder.
Marissa wanted to be mad at him. She wanted to push back, push away and run. It was just too overwhelming. All of it. Everything he wanted from her was just asking so much. He probably wouldn’t even be asking if he really knew who she was. She wasn’t queen material. She just … wasn’t.
“You’re incorrigible,” she said to him, unable to make it sound at all serious. She liked it when he teased her, although god only knew why. Just like she liked it when he acted like her hair was his favorite place for his fingers to be. And she damn well liked it when he threw her on the bed and took her like a man out of control with lust for her.
Oh yes, she liked that very much. Just like she was liking the way his fingers were drifting over her chest, tracing curling, lazy patterns over and between her breasts.
She had always thought that ha**ng s*x that hastily was more about the man’s pleasure and had very little to do with her own. Women needed more time, or so the textbooks said. But she had to admit she’d never felt anything so exciting in her life. There was something about knowing he was out of control and that it was because of her, and not because of his own selfish needs, that made it so incredibly hot. She’d had no doubt about it at that moment. And even now. And that was why, she supposed, he had refused to budge unless she was the aggressor. It had been very clever of him. No … no wait. Clever implied that she felt it had been manipulative. She didn’t feel that way at all. She felt like he was beginning to understand her and the way she was. Of course, it was a far cry from them getting married … but still …
His fingertips skied up the slope of her breast and over her nipple just then and the sensation was electric. She could feel herself instantly going taut all over, including the nipple. She saw him smile and there was sudden hunger in those peacock eyes of his. He leaned his head forward, dipping down so he could touch his tongue to her and then quite boldly took her nipple into his mouth, the soft sucking sensation followed up with the scraped of his teeth as he let the turgid tip go once more. If she wasn’t already quite wet from their earlier encounter, she knew she would instantly become so at that.
“Jackson,” she breathed softly, meeting his gaze and trying for all she was worth to say things without saying a word. She wanted him … no, needed him in her life. It had been quite some time since she’d let a man this close to her. Even then there was, to her, a proper sort of etiquette that she followed, which did not include making it to the bed only halfway clothed, not even taking the time to kick off her shoes. She did so now, toeing them off so they landed on the wood floor with two little clunking sounds.
“Getting ready for bed?” he asked her as he rose up and pulled her underneath himself; his big body covering her so completely that she actually felt small. What a peculiar thing, she thought. She was almost the same height as he was, and even without heels she was very tall for a woman. She found she liked the perception, although she would have thought it would have bothered her. She didn’t like to feel overshadowed. She didn’t like to feel out of control.
But she had already been out of control. She had let this happen in spite of her better judgment. She didn’t know what to think about that and, thanks to his mouth returning to her breast she didn’t think clarity would be coming any time soon.
“I’m already in bed,” she said, hearing the breathless quality of her voice, knowing it was because she was already eager for more, the stupid skirt she wore the only reason why she didn’t raise her knees on either side of his h*ps and immediately cradle him between her thighs.
“Here, let me help you.” He moved back, kneeling and levering himself up far enough to turn her over, exposing the zipper to her skirt. “God,” he muttered, “you’re poured into this thing.” Then she felt his hand on her backside, slowly running down the length of her skirt, shaping her into his palm and clearly enjoying himself. He moved to the hem, then slipped his hand beneath it, instead of going for her zipper like she had thought he would. His hand crept up between her thighs, his fingers seeking and finding.
She gasped in a short breath, her face flushing with heat.
“Oh, I like this,” he said breathily into her ear. “You’re wet with me.” He drew his fingers along the slickness of her flesh, his hand moving between her tightly compressed thighs and his fingers suddenly sliding into her. She tried so hard to catch her breath, to stop reacting like she’d never done this before. But she couldn’t seem to help herself. There was something so illicit in their situation, with her being in serious breech of her ethics and him pushing her past her own tightly draw lines at every single turn.
Then he was just as suddenly gone, moving away from her. She turned to see where he’d gone, but he went only as far as standing at her feet, putting his hands on her thighs and pulling her back up onto her knees, her hands scrambling to press into the bed for balance. Then he was pushing her skirt up over her thighs and backside, exposing her to the cool air of the room and making her realize just how hot her body was. He pulled her all the way back to the edge of the mattress, until her rear was pressed against his h*ps and the stellar erection he’d come up with. More than a little impressed with his recovery time, she turned her shoulders to look back at him, but a hand on the back of her head gently prevented her from doing so.
“I-I just think you should know … I don’t, umm, respond well to this position.” She was blushing again, wanting to hide her face against the mattress but unable to reconcile herself with the wanton position of having her ass in the air and pointed in his direction.
“I think you should know that I don’t believe that for a second. It’s not the position, hummingbird. It’s the vulnerability you don’t respond well to. But I’m going to teach you that being vulnerable can be a very good thing.”
