Forever Innocent
Page 9

“Tomorrow is my date with destiny and the lumberjack.” Jenny braced her elbows on the counter.
“You mean Robert?”
“I like him better as the lumberjack.” She stared up at the ceiling. “I like to think beneath those plaid sleeves lies raw muscle.”
Hardly. I had more bulk than that boy. But it was Jenny’s dream. “Did you break it off with hipster dude?”
Jenny popped up and untied her apron. “No way. Never jump ship until you have a lifeboat.”
I dropped some change into the empty tip jar to get it started. “Jenny’s life axioms. They are my favorite thing about you, you know.”
She stuffed her apron in the cabinet below the register. “Good. ‘Cuz I’ve got a million of ‘em. Are you excited? Tonight you will be at one of the most romantic spots in San Diego, on top of a building overlooking the ocean, gazing at the stars.”
“If we can even see them in the city.”
Jenny shoved me playfully. “Can’t you be romantic for at least a minute?”
“You wouldn’t want me romantic. I’d steal all your men.”
“As if!” Jenny laughed, then sobered. “Actually, maybe I do like you because you are a safe wingman. You never look at them.” She snatched her purse from the cabinet and slammed it shut. “You HAVE to call me and tell me what it’s like up there. I’ll want to know exactly how to dress.”
“Lumberjack will be busy, you know. Instructing.” I sorted through the customer numbers on little wire stands, organizing them into neat lines.
“I’ll make sure he notices me.” She headed for the door. “You better text me!”
The shop seemed quieter after she left, less colorful and bright. I didn’t think I ever lit up a room quite like Jenny could. I sank onto a stool, knowing I should get to the tasks I had to perform before a rush hit, but really, for the first time, I let it sink in that I was still in class with Gavin.
He looked so different with his sunglasses and black clothes. He’d changed since high school, no doubt. I didn’t know him anymore.
Tea-bag boy got up from his table and brought his empty cup to the counter. “Can I get some more hot water?”
I nodded, turning with the mug. As the steam curled up toward my face, I wondered if maybe I had been wrong to stay completely away from dating. If I had some other person in my life, Gavin probably wouldn’t have such an impact. This guy seemed normal.
Smile. Turn around and be nice. Give yourself something else to think about. I picked up the mug and carried it back to the counter. The boy wore a white shirt and cargo shorts. His hair was shaggy and dirty blond, his eyes hazel. When I didn’t let go of the mug, he raised his eyebrows. “You okay?”
“Sorry. Here you go.” God, I’d messed up already.
“Thanks.” He took the mug and headed back to his seat.
Some start. I watched him walk away, a little on the lean side, but intriguing and deep, like he could be an indie musician or maybe someone who wrote dark stories. There was an intensity in him, just below the surface of his laid-back ease.
He sat down and looked back at me, catching my stare.
I whirled around. Hell. I was mucking this up something awful. I sat on the stool and began a mindless task, picking up a bottle of syrup for Italian sodas and wiping it down with a damp cloth.
Fact was, I’d never dated, ever. Gavin was my best friend from before I could remember. We grew up together, and our relationship transitioned from talking about cartoons and games to who was starting to pair off and how far they were going.
My first kiss had been when I was twelve. We watched Hello, Dolly! and I was full of romantic expectation. I asked Gavin what it must have been like for those couples to kiss, and he hadn’t said a word, but took my hand and led me to my room, then my closet, shutting the door behind us.
A little light came in through the slats, crossing his face with fine lines. “What are we doing?” I whispered, even though I had known, my belly fluttering.
He placed a palm against each of my cheeks and leaned in, brushing his lips against mine.
The closet burst into color like the Fourth of July, sparks flying behind my eyes. I closed them without knowing I should.
Gavin leaned back. “Do you think we did that right?”
I put my hands on top of his and nodded. Something started that day. This happiness I always felt around him changed from something simple to a yearning, and I didn’t know what for.
But we kept kissing, a lot, more and more. In fact, with that head start, we jumped ahead of the curve for most of the things boys and girls did together.
“Miss?”
My head snapped up. Tea-bag boy was back.
I hopped off the stool and set the syrup bottle down. I had never gotten past the first one.
“Yes! Can I help you?”
He didn’t answer right away, and I could see he only came up to talk to me. “I just thought,” he began and looked back at his table, as if it might give him a clue to what he was after, then turned back to me. “You seemed…something.”
Panic rose in my chest. Jenny and the others had been right about him, and now I’d given him a reason to think I was interested. I had a hard time breathing, and I wondered why I had considered seeing anyone. It had just been too long since I felt this way, this crazy horrifying fear that I might be attracted to someone, that I might rely on them, and that they might just disappear.