Forgiving Lies
Page 58
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I prayed she didn’t notice how tense my body had become. I searched her face for any indication that she knew I was hiding things from her, but when I found nothing, I worked at slowing my heart rate and relaxing every muscle in my body. Realizing I’d stopped my trail at the top of her back, I began slowly going up and down again.
“Forgiving makes more sense when you put it that way. And you did look beautiful that day; you always do.” My tone was gruff and I hoped like hell she wouldn’t try to figure out why.
Liar, she mouthed.
I shook my head, wishing I could say I wasn’t. I wasn’t lying about her always being beautiful. But being a liar was pretty much in my job description. So instead, I said the one thing that wasn’t, and never would be, a lie. “I love you, Rachel.”
“I know.” She smiled and ducked down to kiss along my jaw. “And I love you too.”
One of her hands trailed down my stomach and I caught it before it could get to where I was already hard. I wanted her, but she’d just unknowingly called me out on everything I was doing to her, and the guilt I had from lying to her had just tripled and was eating at me. I didn’t deserve anything from her right now; but she just rolled to her knees and began the same descent with her other hand. Capturing that one as well, I intertwined our fingers and pinned our hands to the bed.
“Rachel . . . ,” I said when she grinned devilishly at me.
Bending low, she placed a kiss on my right hip before trailing her tongue along the muscles of my lower abdomen. “Shut up, Kash.”
Flashing her blue eyes up at me, she winked and leaned back before letting her lips slowly trail up my length. My fingers dug into the top of her hands and pressed them harder against the comforter when they wrapped around the tip and her tongue darted out to taste me teasingly before releasing me. A growl worked its way out of my chest and cut off abruptly when she took me in completely, never once taking her eyes off me. My head fell so I was looking up at the ceiling before my eyes rolled back and I fought with hating myself for lying to her and loving everything she was giving to me, including her complete and utter trust. I released her hands and whispered, “Forgive me, Rachel,” to the ceiling low enough that I knew she couldn’t hear me as I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up my body.
I crushed our mouths together and squeezed her closer to me as I rolled us over and brought my knee up between her legs, parting them while I searched blindly for another condom. She wrapped her long legs around my back and flicked her tongue against my lip ring before tugging on it gently, and I groaned as I attacked her mouth again. I dug my hips harder against hers and we both stopped moving when I was pressed at her entrance. We stared at each other, our breathing ragged as I began teasing and sliding against her, and when I’d barely started to slip inside her, her face turned pleading.
“Please, Kash. Don’t stop.”
Stop. Stop. You need to stop . . . motherfucker, stop. “Shit.” I reached over to the nightstand and slapped my hand down on a condom.
Tearing it open with my teeth, I had it rolled on and was slamming into Rachel within seconds. She yelled my name and gripped my shoulders tight as I pounded into her and I almost lost it a few minutes later when she whispered for me to go harder. Raising myself up even more on one forearm, I reached down between us and watched her beautiful face respond to my touching her and as she came undone beneath me. I came crashing down with her and when I couldn’t support my weight anymore, I lowered my body onto hers.
“Holy hell,” she breathed, and let her hands run through my hair and down my back. “Just . . . wow.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I could say. I knew I was being a selfish bastard by keeping her when I was hiding everything that I was. And instead of breaking down and telling her everything, I’d just responded by claiming her. Curling one arm underneath her body and pressing my mouth to the soft skin at the base of her neck, I breathed her in and prayed that the day I told her everything wouldn’t also be the day I lost her.
Rachel
I BROUGHT MY legs up on my chair as I stared at the darkening sky. It was beautiful out here, so quiet, and just perfect. Vineyard on one side, and Texas country on the other . . . I preferred the country side. I was sitting out on the patio, enjoying our last night at The Vineyard, exactly as we had the first two nights. I loved listening to the cicadas, watching the sun set, and looking at the stars after. You just couldn’t get this atmosphere in Austin, and I was sad we were going back tomorrow. This impromptu trip had been incredible, and I loved Kash for it.
Looking over my shoulder through the windows, I caught a glimpse of him in the kitchen and a smile tugged at my lips. We’d been living up the honeymoon joke Mason had played on us, and though I knew it was just that—a joke—every time he called me his wife, it warmed my entire body, and I got a rush out of calling him my husband. My rational side kept telling me it was just the newness of being in love with him. That it was absolutely ridiculous to have a craving for this to be our reality. I mean honestly, who meets someone and a little over two months later knows without a doubt that they want to spend the rest of their life with that person?
Me.
I’d known even before we came here that I would spend the rest of my life with him. But this weekend had changed even that. It wasn’t just that I knew I would. I could see it now. I could see our lives together, and the absurd thing about all of that was that I now couldn’t see anything wrong with feeling this way after we’d only known each other for two months.
“Forgiving makes more sense when you put it that way. And you did look beautiful that day; you always do.” My tone was gruff and I hoped like hell she wouldn’t try to figure out why.
Liar, she mouthed.
I shook my head, wishing I could say I wasn’t. I wasn’t lying about her always being beautiful. But being a liar was pretty much in my job description. So instead, I said the one thing that wasn’t, and never would be, a lie. “I love you, Rachel.”
“I know.” She smiled and ducked down to kiss along my jaw. “And I love you too.”
One of her hands trailed down my stomach and I caught it before it could get to where I was already hard. I wanted her, but she’d just unknowingly called me out on everything I was doing to her, and the guilt I had from lying to her had just tripled and was eating at me. I didn’t deserve anything from her right now; but she just rolled to her knees and began the same descent with her other hand. Capturing that one as well, I intertwined our fingers and pinned our hands to the bed.
“Rachel . . . ,” I said when she grinned devilishly at me.
Bending low, she placed a kiss on my right hip before trailing her tongue along the muscles of my lower abdomen. “Shut up, Kash.”
Flashing her blue eyes up at me, she winked and leaned back before letting her lips slowly trail up my length. My fingers dug into the top of her hands and pressed them harder against the comforter when they wrapped around the tip and her tongue darted out to taste me teasingly before releasing me. A growl worked its way out of my chest and cut off abruptly when she took me in completely, never once taking her eyes off me. My head fell so I was looking up at the ceiling before my eyes rolled back and I fought with hating myself for lying to her and loving everything she was giving to me, including her complete and utter trust. I released her hands and whispered, “Forgive me, Rachel,” to the ceiling low enough that I knew she couldn’t hear me as I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up my body.
I crushed our mouths together and squeezed her closer to me as I rolled us over and brought my knee up between her legs, parting them while I searched blindly for another condom. She wrapped her long legs around my back and flicked her tongue against my lip ring before tugging on it gently, and I groaned as I attacked her mouth again. I dug my hips harder against hers and we both stopped moving when I was pressed at her entrance. We stared at each other, our breathing ragged as I began teasing and sliding against her, and when I’d barely started to slip inside her, her face turned pleading.
“Please, Kash. Don’t stop.”
Stop. Stop. You need to stop . . . motherfucker, stop. “Shit.” I reached over to the nightstand and slapped my hand down on a condom.
Tearing it open with my teeth, I had it rolled on and was slamming into Rachel within seconds. She yelled my name and gripped my shoulders tight as I pounded into her and I almost lost it a few minutes later when she whispered for me to go harder. Raising myself up even more on one forearm, I reached down between us and watched her beautiful face respond to my touching her and as she came undone beneath me. I came crashing down with her and when I couldn’t support my weight anymore, I lowered my body onto hers.
“Holy hell,” she breathed, and let her hands run through my hair and down my back. “Just . . . wow.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I could say. I knew I was being a selfish bastard by keeping her when I was hiding everything that I was. And instead of breaking down and telling her everything, I’d just responded by claiming her. Curling one arm underneath her body and pressing my mouth to the soft skin at the base of her neck, I breathed her in and prayed that the day I told her everything wouldn’t also be the day I lost her.
Rachel
I BROUGHT MY legs up on my chair as I stared at the darkening sky. It was beautiful out here, so quiet, and just perfect. Vineyard on one side, and Texas country on the other . . . I preferred the country side. I was sitting out on the patio, enjoying our last night at The Vineyard, exactly as we had the first two nights. I loved listening to the cicadas, watching the sun set, and looking at the stars after. You just couldn’t get this atmosphere in Austin, and I was sad we were going back tomorrow. This impromptu trip had been incredible, and I loved Kash for it.
Looking over my shoulder through the windows, I caught a glimpse of him in the kitchen and a smile tugged at my lips. We’d been living up the honeymoon joke Mason had played on us, and though I knew it was just that—a joke—every time he called me his wife, it warmed my entire body, and I got a rush out of calling him my husband. My rational side kept telling me it was just the newness of being in love with him. That it was absolutely ridiculous to have a craving for this to be our reality. I mean honestly, who meets someone and a little over two months later knows without a doubt that they want to spend the rest of their life with that person?
Me.
I’d known even before we came here that I would spend the rest of my life with him. But this weekend had changed even that. It wasn’t just that I knew I would. I could see it now. I could see our lives together, and the absurd thing about all of that was that I now couldn’t see anything wrong with feeling this way after we’d only known each other for two months.
