Forgiving Lies
Page 85
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“Jesus, Mase. About Rachel? Did he say anything about Rachel? Yeah, he did. So did Mom, and I know you probably put them up to it. But you have got to let it go; she wanted me gone.” Grabbing my beer again, I stood and headed for my room.
Three and a half months later, and I was worse now than when we’d moved back here. I snapped at everyone, I was in a constant state of being pissed off, and I spent hours each day thinking about everything I wished I could do over again. For the first couple months, I told myself I just had to give her time . . . wait for her to come back to me. But even Mason had stopped saying she would come around. Now he just kept trying to get me to go to her.
I froze and glared at the new addition to my bed for almost an entire minute before setting my beer on the dresser and walking over. I knew what would be in the black velvet box even though I hadn’t given Mason the box too. Picking it up in my left hand, I flipped the top open and snapped it shut again when I saw Rachel’s engagement ring nestled in the satin. Fisting my hand over the box, I put the hand to my mouth and grabbed the picture that had been lying underneath the box.
I don’t remember what had been happening; I don’t think we’d even realized someone had taken the picture. But we were in the girls’ apartment, Rachel was grabbing my shirt like she’d been pulling me toward her, and I had her cheeks cupped in my hands and was kissing her hard. Pain radiated through my body and I had to force my hand not to crumple up the picture.
My breaths came hard and fast through my nose as I turned and stormed back into the living room. “The f**k is this? Where did you get this?”
Mason leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “Candice sent the picture.”
“Why?”
“Kash, you can’t keep doing this to each other.”
I scoffed and turned back toward my room before spinning right back around and pointing the picture at myself. “I’m only doing exactly what she asked me to!”
“You’re both too damn stubborn to get over your own problems with the situation, but you both want each other. This is so f**king stupid! Grow a pair and go get her!”
Crumpling up the picture, I dropped it and the box on the sofa. “Mase, this ends. Now.”
Rachel
I STOOD UNSTEADILY and waited for the feeling to come back into my legs before bending over and pressing my fingers to my lips and then the headstones. “Bye, Mom and Dad,” I whispered, and wiped the tears from my cheeks as I made my way back to Candice’s car, which I’d borrowed.
It’d taken me almost four and a half years to finally visit my parents’ graves, but I’d done it. I was happy I had gone and spent hours talking to them instead of writing today; it almost felt like I’d just gotten closure that I hadn’t realized I’d needed. I let my right hand trail over my worn journal sitting in the passenger seat next to me and smiled. I would always be glad I had finally gone, but my journals were all I needed. They helped me feel connected to my parents in a way those headstones never could.
Turning the car off when I got into the driveway of the Jenkins home, I stepped out and zipped up my hoodie as the cooler January air hit me and started making my way across the long walkway. It wasn’t freezing by any means—this was Southern California—but they were having a lot cooler weather than Texas had been having when we left. I was thankful for it though; I was able to hide the scars on my arms from Candice and her family much more easily this way.
Eli opened the door before I got there and flashed a crooked smile as I quickened my pace and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Candice told me where you went,” was all he said after he kissed the top of my head. And I knew he wouldn’t say anything else; that’s just how he was. So I smiled and turned us to walk into the house.
“Yeah, and it was good. I’m glad I did it. Did you bring Paisley with you?”
Eli’s face lit up at the mention of his girlfriend and I loved seeing that look on him. He’d always dated a lot of girls, but we didn’t meet many of them, and if we did it was usually by accident. But Paisley had come with him to all the holiday dinners, plus some others, over the last week and a half, and it wasn’t hard to see that Eli adored her.
“I did, Mom’s trying to teach her to cook right now . . . so I’m staying out of the kitchen.”
I laughed and bumped his side as I removed my jacket and made sure my wrists were still covered by my long-sleeved shirt.
“She’s moving in with me as soon as her lease ends next month,” he said a little sheepishly.
“Really? Eli, that’s great!”
His eyes flickered over toward the kitchen and he smiled again. “Yeah, I think so too. You know, I finally realized one day that if I didn’t grab her for myself, someone else would. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the thought of her with anyone but me.”
My forehead creased as he led me back toward the bedrooms. I’d already heard all about him and Paisley getting together. She’d been in love with him for years, and he’d been too stupid to realize or do anything about it until just recently. So why was he telling me this again?
“I hadn’t realized how empty I was without her until the moment it hit me that I might not be able to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“I know, Eli . . .” I drew the words out slowly as we walked. “I really am happy for you.” Is he questioning that? I laughed softly, trying to lighten the conversation. “I’m glad you finally pulled your stubborn head out of your ass.”
Three and a half months later, and I was worse now than when we’d moved back here. I snapped at everyone, I was in a constant state of being pissed off, and I spent hours each day thinking about everything I wished I could do over again. For the first couple months, I told myself I just had to give her time . . . wait for her to come back to me. But even Mason had stopped saying she would come around. Now he just kept trying to get me to go to her.
I froze and glared at the new addition to my bed for almost an entire minute before setting my beer on the dresser and walking over. I knew what would be in the black velvet box even though I hadn’t given Mason the box too. Picking it up in my left hand, I flipped the top open and snapped it shut again when I saw Rachel’s engagement ring nestled in the satin. Fisting my hand over the box, I put the hand to my mouth and grabbed the picture that had been lying underneath the box.
I don’t remember what had been happening; I don’t think we’d even realized someone had taken the picture. But we were in the girls’ apartment, Rachel was grabbing my shirt like she’d been pulling me toward her, and I had her cheeks cupped in my hands and was kissing her hard. Pain radiated through my body and I had to force my hand not to crumple up the picture.
My breaths came hard and fast through my nose as I turned and stormed back into the living room. “The f**k is this? Where did you get this?”
Mason leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “Candice sent the picture.”
“Why?”
“Kash, you can’t keep doing this to each other.”
I scoffed and turned back toward my room before spinning right back around and pointing the picture at myself. “I’m only doing exactly what she asked me to!”
“You’re both too damn stubborn to get over your own problems with the situation, but you both want each other. This is so f**king stupid! Grow a pair and go get her!”
Crumpling up the picture, I dropped it and the box on the sofa. “Mase, this ends. Now.”
Rachel
I STOOD UNSTEADILY and waited for the feeling to come back into my legs before bending over and pressing my fingers to my lips and then the headstones. “Bye, Mom and Dad,” I whispered, and wiped the tears from my cheeks as I made my way back to Candice’s car, which I’d borrowed.
It’d taken me almost four and a half years to finally visit my parents’ graves, but I’d done it. I was happy I had gone and spent hours talking to them instead of writing today; it almost felt like I’d just gotten closure that I hadn’t realized I’d needed. I let my right hand trail over my worn journal sitting in the passenger seat next to me and smiled. I would always be glad I had finally gone, but my journals were all I needed. They helped me feel connected to my parents in a way those headstones never could.
Turning the car off when I got into the driveway of the Jenkins home, I stepped out and zipped up my hoodie as the cooler January air hit me and started making my way across the long walkway. It wasn’t freezing by any means—this was Southern California—but they were having a lot cooler weather than Texas had been having when we left. I was thankful for it though; I was able to hide the scars on my arms from Candice and her family much more easily this way.
Eli opened the door before I got there and flashed a crooked smile as I quickened my pace and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Candice told me where you went,” was all he said after he kissed the top of my head. And I knew he wouldn’t say anything else; that’s just how he was. So I smiled and turned us to walk into the house.
“Yeah, and it was good. I’m glad I did it. Did you bring Paisley with you?”
Eli’s face lit up at the mention of his girlfriend and I loved seeing that look on him. He’d always dated a lot of girls, but we didn’t meet many of them, and if we did it was usually by accident. But Paisley had come with him to all the holiday dinners, plus some others, over the last week and a half, and it wasn’t hard to see that Eli adored her.
“I did, Mom’s trying to teach her to cook right now . . . so I’m staying out of the kitchen.”
I laughed and bumped his side as I removed my jacket and made sure my wrists were still covered by my long-sleeved shirt.
“She’s moving in with me as soon as her lease ends next month,” he said a little sheepishly.
“Really? Eli, that’s great!”
His eyes flickered over toward the kitchen and he smiled again. “Yeah, I think so too. You know, I finally realized one day that if I didn’t grab her for myself, someone else would. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the thought of her with anyone but me.”
My forehead creased as he led me back toward the bedrooms. I’d already heard all about him and Paisley getting together. She’d been in love with him for years, and he’d been too stupid to realize or do anything about it until just recently. So why was he telling me this again?
“I hadn’t realized how empty I was without her until the moment it hit me that I might not be able to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“I know, Eli . . .” I drew the words out slowly as we walked. “I really am happy for you.” Is he questioning that? I laughed softly, trying to lighten the conversation. “I’m glad you finally pulled your stubborn head out of your ass.”
