Fragile Eternity
Page 47
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Seth grabbed a legal pad from his bin of miscellaneous things and sat down in the middle of the stacks of books. Research, it is.
When the phone rang several hours later, Seth scrambled for it, hoping it was Donia. It wasnt. But he hoped, against logic, that it might be help when he saw Nialls number.
Instead, the Dark King reiterated, Its a mistake.
Its not. Seth hung up on him. He didnt want to hear what anyone else thought. He didnt want to hear Aislinns explanation that it wasnt possible or Nialls guilt-heavy objections. He knew what he wanted: he wanted to be a faery, to have eternity with Aislinn, to be strong enough to be safe in the world where he now lived. Being human wasnt cutting it. He didnt want to be weak or finite or easily overwhelmed. He wanted to bemore. He wanted to be her equal again.
He just needed to figure out how to find Sorcha and then convince the High Queen to help him.
No problem.Seth scowled. He could just imagine shed be willing to pass that gift out without hesitation.Sure, Ill give you eternity, little mortal.
He looked at the books hed searched and found useless. He looked at the few notes hed made.Reclusive. Logical. Does not mingle with the other courts. Devlin. It wasnt helpful.
His careful control of his temper slid away. He stood and swept everything from the counter. It was a satisfying clatter.
Better than meditating.
He was in love, healthy, had plenty of money, a friend who was like a brotherbut because he was mortal, he could lose it all. Without her, hed have to sever ties with all faeries. There would be no more riverside concerts. There would be no more magic. Hed still have the Sight: hed see everything that he couldnt actually have. Losing Aislinn meant losing everything.
If she left him, it didnt matter if he was healthy. And if she didnt leave him, he wasnt strong enough to be in her life and be safe. And even if he was strong enough, hed grow old and die and shed move on.
The books were all over the room. None of them had answers.
Everything is wrong.
He walked into the kitchen.
Its useless.
Every dish he owned, except the two teacups and the teapot Aislinn had bought him, went smashing into the wall. Then, he punched the wall until his knuckles were bloodied. It didnt help, but it felt a helluva lot more satisfying than anything else he could think to do just then.
Come evening, Seth had cleaned away the evidence of his loss of temper. Hed reordered the house and his feelings. Being without her wasnt something he wanted to even consider. There had to be an answerbut he didnt have one.
Hed find it, though. He wasnt going to lose everything.
Not now. Not ever.
He sent Aislinn a textneed space. ttyland then paced around the house. Its size didnt usually bother him, but today it felt constricting. He didnt want to go out, to see faeries and pretend all was well. He knew what he didnt want, what he did wanteverything but how to make it happen. Until he came up with some sort of a plan, being around faeriesseeing what he wasntfelt like cruelty.
So when one of the court guards knocked on the door to ask if Seth was staying in or going out, Seth said, Go home, Skelley.
You sure you dont want to go grab a drink? Or we could come insidenot for long, but in shifts
Space, man. Thats what I need tonight, Seth said.
Skelley nodded. He stood there for a moment longer, though. The girls didnt mean harm. They justhe paused as if the words he needed werent quite familiarare fond of you. Its like your serpent.
Like Boomer?
He makes you happy by his presence?
Yeah. Seth cracked a grin at that. Boomer being here makes me happy.
You make the girls happy with your presence. Skelley looked so earnest that it was hard to find him anything but kind as he stood in the iron-heavy railroad yard, even though he likened Seth to a pet snake. They were worried youd go away like Niall did.
Seth wasnt sure if he should feel comforted that Skelley was trying to soothe him or insulted that he was being compared to a pet boa constrictor.
Or both.
Mostly, he was amused. Carefully keeping his amusement from his face, he gave Skelley a nod. That isinteresting to know.
The exceptionally thin guard had a gentle streak. Most of the guards wouldnt come to the door talking about feelings. Skelley was an anomaly. You are liked in the court, he added. Our queen is happy by your being with her.
I know that. Seth lifted a hand in a wave at the other guards at the edge of the yard. But right now, I need to crash. Go relax or whatever.
Well be here.
I know. Seth closed the door.
A few restless hours later, hed tried to sleep. It didnt work: he was too keyed up. He tried to burn energy: push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups on the bar in the walkway. It was futile.I need air.
He looked at his clock: just past midnight. The Crows Nest was still open. In a matter of minutes he was dressed and lacing his boots. His cell buzzed as another text came in. He looked at it: CYT?
Am I ready to see her tomorrow?
Usually, it wasnt a question. He didnt think it had ever been a question.Would she know about the park? Would she ask about Niall? Would she want to talk about Keenan?
He wasnt sure hed be ready to deal with any of that. He wanted a plan, a way to reach Sorcha, a way to make things better; talking to Aislinn about everything that wasnt right didnt feel like the best answer. He didnt respond to her message. He wanted to; he wanted to call her right then. Instead, he laid the phone down on the counter.
When the phone rang several hours later, Seth scrambled for it, hoping it was Donia. It wasnt. But he hoped, against logic, that it might be help when he saw Nialls number.
Instead, the Dark King reiterated, Its a mistake.
Its not. Seth hung up on him. He didnt want to hear what anyone else thought. He didnt want to hear Aislinns explanation that it wasnt possible or Nialls guilt-heavy objections. He knew what he wanted: he wanted to be a faery, to have eternity with Aislinn, to be strong enough to be safe in the world where he now lived. Being human wasnt cutting it. He didnt want to be weak or finite or easily overwhelmed. He wanted to bemore. He wanted to be her equal again.
He just needed to figure out how to find Sorcha and then convince the High Queen to help him.
No problem.Seth scowled. He could just imagine shed be willing to pass that gift out without hesitation.Sure, Ill give you eternity, little mortal.
He looked at the books hed searched and found useless. He looked at the few notes hed made.Reclusive. Logical. Does not mingle with the other courts. Devlin. It wasnt helpful.
His careful control of his temper slid away. He stood and swept everything from the counter. It was a satisfying clatter.
Better than meditating.
He was in love, healthy, had plenty of money, a friend who was like a brotherbut because he was mortal, he could lose it all. Without her, hed have to sever ties with all faeries. There would be no more riverside concerts. There would be no more magic. Hed still have the Sight: hed see everything that he couldnt actually have. Losing Aislinn meant losing everything.
If she left him, it didnt matter if he was healthy. And if she didnt leave him, he wasnt strong enough to be in her life and be safe. And even if he was strong enough, hed grow old and die and shed move on.
The books were all over the room. None of them had answers.
Everything is wrong.
He walked into the kitchen.
Its useless.
Every dish he owned, except the two teacups and the teapot Aislinn had bought him, went smashing into the wall. Then, he punched the wall until his knuckles were bloodied. It didnt help, but it felt a helluva lot more satisfying than anything else he could think to do just then.
Come evening, Seth had cleaned away the evidence of his loss of temper. Hed reordered the house and his feelings. Being without her wasnt something he wanted to even consider. There had to be an answerbut he didnt have one.
Hed find it, though. He wasnt going to lose everything.
Not now. Not ever.
He sent Aislinn a textneed space. ttyland then paced around the house. Its size didnt usually bother him, but today it felt constricting. He didnt want to go out, to see faeries and pretend all was well. He knew what he didnt want, what he did wanteverything but how to make it happen. Until he came up with some sort of a plan, being around faeriesseeing what he wasntfelt like cruelty.
So when one of the court guards knocked on the door to ask if Seth was staying in or going out, Seth said, Go home, Skelley.
You sure you dont want to go grab a drink? Or we could come insidenot for long, but in shifts
Space, man. Thats what I need tonight, Seth said.
Skelley nodded. He stood there for a moment longer, though. The girls didnt mean harm. They justhe paused as if the words he needed werent quite familiarare fond of you. Its like your serpent.
Like Boomer?
He makes you happy by his presence?
Yeah. Seth cracked a grin at that. Boomer being here makes me happy.
You make the girls happy with your presence. Skelley looked so earnest that it was hard to find him anything but kind as he stood in the iron-heavy railroad yard, even though he likened Seth to a pet snake. They were worried youd go away like Niall did.
Seth wasnt sure if he should feel comforted that Skelley was trying to soothe him or insulted that he was being compared to a pet boa constrictor.
Or both.
Mostly, he was amused. Carefully keeping his amusement from his face, he gave Skelley a nod. That isinteresting to know.
The exceptionally thin guard had a gentle streak. Most of the guards wouldnt come to the door talking about feelings. Skelley was an anomaly. You are liked in the court, he added. Our queen is happy by your being with her.
I know that. Seth lifted a hand in a wave at the other guards at the edge of the yard. But right now, I need to crash. Go relax or whatever.
Well be here.
I know. Seth closed the door.
A few restless hours later, hed tried to sleep. It didnt work: he was too keyed up. He tried to burn energy: push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups on the bar in the walkway. It was futile.I need air.
He looked at his clock: just past midnight. The Crows Nest was still open. In a matter of minutes he was dressed and lacing his boots. His cell buzzed as another text came in. He looked at it: CYT?
Am I ready to see her tomorrow?
Usually, it wasnt a question. He didnt think it had ever been a question.Would she know about the park? Would she ask about Niall? Would she want to talk about Keenan?
He wasnt sure hed be ready to deal with any of that. He wanted a plan, a way to reach Sorcha, a way to make things better; talking to Aislinn about everything that wasnt right didnt feel like the best answer. He didnt respond to her message. He wanted to; he wanted to call her right then. Instead, he laid the phone down on the counter.
