Fragile Eternity
Page 66
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Oh.
She was sort of like you, Aislinn. Strong. Clever. Afraid of me. He winced at the memory. I didnt understand it, but she looked at me like I was a monster. So when she ran, I couldnt follow her. I knew shed have to come back when she became a Summer Girl. I knew she wouldnt accept the test, so I let her go.
And what? Waited?
I couldnt un-choose someone once she was chosen. Keenan looked sad. I knew she was special. Just like you. When I realized that you were the one, I wondered if she wouldve been my queen if
Ive wondered too. She realized they were whispering even though the faeries that shed seen in the orchard werent anywhere near. Or if Im this because she was changing when she had me.
If Id have done things differentlybrought her backhow many things wouldve been different? If Id known she was pregnant, you wouldve been raised by the court. You wouldnt have resisted if youd grown up with us. You wouldnt have been so involved with mortals.
She knew exactly what mortal involvement he was thinking of, but she couldnt consider even for a heartbeat that her life wouldve been better without her mortal life. Loving Seth was the most perfect thing shed known, and his love would be the only true love shed ever know. That wasnt something to wish away, even now when her heart ached. Of course, saying all of that to the faery she was tied to for eternity wasnt something either of them needed.
Im glad you didnt know, she said.
That year while Moira was away, pregnant with you, I spent all the free time I suddenly had trying to convince Don to forgive me. He looked wistful. Some nights she would deign to sit with me. We went to a revel togetherand
Does it get easier?
He glanced at her. Does what get easier?
Losing someone you love.
No. He looked away. I kept thinking one of her rejections would be the one that stopped hurting, but it was when she didnt reject me that it hurt worse. I thought that we had a few years, but nowHes gone, Ash, and I cant not be around you. Youre my queen. I cantnot be drawn to you. If I could set you free somehow and make Donia my queen, I would, but I cant. And if theres a chance that you and I might become more, I will be here with you.
And Donia is
Not something I want to discuss right now. Please? He held Aislinns gaze and said, I need time before I can talk about her.
So we try to figure out how to be happy with what we do have, she added.
It wasnt love she felt, not like she felt for Seth, but there was friendship. There was longing. She could convince herself it was enough. If this was to be her future, she could do it. Loving someone meant being hurt; choosing passion with a friend was safer. Maybe it was calculating, keeping her heart safe, but it wasnt only selfish: it would make their court stronger. It made good sense.
She didnt want to fall in love with anyone elsenot that she wanted to tell him that.How do you tell someone that even though youll be together for centuries, you dont want to love him? Keenan deserved better.
They sat there, talking about the courts, faeries, stories from their livesjust talking. Finally, he paused. Stay right here, he said. Then he vanished.
She leaned against the tree, content for a change, at peace with her world.
When he returned, he had several apples hed plucked from a tree. These were almost ripe the other day. I knew theyd be perfect today. Keenan knelt on the ground beside her and held an apple out, not to give it to her but for her to bite. Taste.
She hesitated, but only for a moment. Then she tasted it: sweet and juicy. He had made that happen, brought these trees to strength when the world was trapped under ice. A few drops of juice trickled down her chin as she bit into the fruit, and she laughed. Perfect.
He ran his thumb across her skin and brought the apple juice to his mouth. It could be.
Its not.It wasnt real. It wasnt enough.Hes not Seth.
She backed away, trying not to see the hurt in Keenans eyes.
Chapter 26
Niall stood scowling in Sorchas sitting room. Shadows radiated from him, strands of darkness extending from a black star. He didnt move, even though the temptation to strike out was obvious in the clenching of his hands. Youve made a mistake, Sorcha.
Slowly, far more slowly than shed approach any faery other than Bananach, Sorcha crossed the room to stand in front of him. She didnt stop until the hem of her skirt was atop his boots. I do not make mistakes. I make reasonable choices. I chose to make him mine.
He was not yours to take, he said. The handmaids of the abyss spun and faded into tongues of black flames as Niall gripped her arms. The other courts might let you take the Sighted ones without consequence, but Ill fight for this one. Ill not let you take any of the halflings or Sighted ones that are mine to protect.
You stand in Faerie and think to tell me what will be, Niall. Is this really what you consider wise? Around them, the room faded away until it was just the two of them in a wide-open plain. My will is all that matters here.
Perhaps you might want to remember which court once held equal sway in Faerie? He stared at the space beside her. His brow furrowed in concentration, but it worked. The Dark King smiled as an obsidian mirror, shadows made solid, reached up from the dry earth at their feet. It wasnt much, but it wasthere .
The tempting cadence of Nialls voice revealed his pleasure as he remarked, I might be new tothis court, but I watched you well once upon a time. I learned more of your secrets than Ive told anyone.
She was sort of like you, Aislinn. Strong. Clever. Afraid of me. He winced at the memory. I didnt understand it, but she looked at me like I was a monster. So when she ran, I couldnt follow her. I knew shed have to come back when she became a Summer Girl. I knew she wouldnt accept the test, so I let her go.
And what? Waited?
I couldnt un-choose someone once she was chosen. Keenan looked sad. I knew she was special. Just like you. When I realized that you were the one, I wondered if she wouldve been my queen if
Ive wondered too. She realized they were whispering even though the faeries that shed seen in the orchard werent anywhere near. Or if Im this because she was changing when she had me.
If Id have done things differentlybrought her backhow many things wouldve been different? If Id known she was pregnant, you wouldve been raised by the court. You wouldnt have resisted if youd grown up with us. You wouldnt have been so involved with mortals.
She knew exactly what mortal involvement he was thinking of, but she couldnt consider even for a heartbeat that her life wouldve been better without her mortal life. Loving Seth was the most perfect thing shed known, and his love would be the only true love shed ever know. That wasnt something to wish away, even now when her heart ached. Of course, saying all of that to the faery she was tied to for eternity wasnt something either of them needed.
Im glad you didnt know, she said.
That year while Moira was away, pregnant with you, I spent all the free time I suddenly had trying to convince Don to forgive me. He looked wistful. Some nights she would deign to sit with me. We went to a revel togetherand
Does it get easier?
He glanced at her. Does what get easier?
Losing someone you love.
No. He looked away. I kept thinking one of her rejections would be the one that stopped hurting, but it was when she didnt reject me that it hurt worse. I thought that we had a few years, but nowHes gone, Ash, and I cant not be around you. Youre my queen. I cantnot be drawn to you. If I could set you free somehow and make Donia my queen, I would, but I cant. And if theres a chance that you and I might become more, I will be here with you.
And Donia is
Not something I want to discuss right now. Please? He held Aislinns gaze and said, I need time before I can talk about her.
So we try to figure out how to be happy with what we do have, she added.
It wasnt love she felt, not like she felt for Seth, but there was friendship. There was longing. She could convince herself it was enough. If this was to be her future, she could do it. Loving someone meant being hurt; choosing passion with a friend was safer. Maybe it was calculating, keeping her heart safe, but it wasnt only selfish: it would make their court stronger. It made good sense.
She didnt want to fall in love with anyone elsenot that she wanted to tell him that.How do you tell someone that even though youll be together for centuries, you dont want to love him? Keenan deserved better.
They sat there, talking about the courts, faeries, stories from their livesjust talking. Finally, he paused. Stay right here, he said. Then he vanished.
She leaned against the tree, content for a change, at peace with her world.
When he returned, he had several apples hed plucked from a tree. These were almost ripe the other day. I knew theyd be perfect today. Keenan knelt on the ground beside her and held an apple out, not to give it to her but for her to bite. Taste.
She hesitated, but only for a moment. Then she tasted it: sweet and juicy. He had made that happen, brought these trees to strength when the world was trapped under ice. A few drops of juice trickled down her chin as she bit into the fruit, and she laughed. Perfect.
He ran his thumb across her skin and brought the apple juice to his mouth. It could be.
Its not.It wasnt real. It wasnt enough.Hes not Seth.
She backed away, trying not to see the hurt in Keenans eyes.
Chapter 26
Niall stood scowling in Sorchas sitting room. Shadows radiated from him, strands of darkness extending from a black star. He didnt move, even though the temptation to strike out was obvious in the clenching of his hands. Youve made a mistake, Sorcha.
Slowly, far more slowly than shed approach any faery other than Bananach, Sorcha crossed the room to stand in front of him. She didnt stop until the hem of her skirt was atop his boots. I do not make mistakes. I make reasonable choices. I chose to make him mine.
He was not yours to take, he said. The handmaids of the abyss spun and faded into tongues of black flames as Niall gripped her arms. The other courts might let you take the Sighted ones without consequence, but Ill fight for this one. Ill not let you take any of the halflings or Sighted ones that are mine to protect.
You stand in Faerie and think to tell me what will be, Niall. Is this really what you consider wise? Around them, the room faded away until it was just the two of them in a wide-open plain. My will is all that matters here.
Perhaps you might want to remember which court once held equal sway in Faerie? He stared at the space beside her. His brow furrowed in concentration, but it worked. The Dark King smiled as an obsidian mirror, shadows made solid, reached up from the dry earth at their feet. It wasnt much, but it wasthere .
The tempting cadence of Nialls voice revealed his pleasure as he remarked, I might be new tothis court, but I watched you well once upon a time. I learned more of your secrets than Ive told anyone.
