“Connor, I have a boyfriend,” I blurted out.
He blinked quickly and pulled farther back. “You have a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, in Texas. It’s Tyler’s cousin.”
“Where is he?”
“In Texas,” I said slowly, making sure he heard me, since apparently he hadn’t the first time.
Connor shook his head like I wasn’t getting it. “Cassidy, does he know about your past?” He still hadn’t released his hold on me, but thankfully he wasn’t so close that I was worried he was about to kiss me again.
“He’s known since the day I met him; that’s the person Tyler told.”
“Right.” Connor nodded and stepped closer. “Then tell me why the hell he isn’t here with you now. If you were my girl, no way would I let you walk into your personal hell without me right there beside you.”
“He doesn’t even know why I’m here though, I just left.”
That crooked smile was back and he leaned in, kissing me harder this time, letting his lean, muscled body press against me. “You aren’t helping your argument,” he whispered against my lips.
“I don’t understand,” I whispered back, “I thought you were just doing this to get answers about the fire and that night the police were called.”
“No, Cassidy. I told you I have thought about you every minute since I left you that first day and I have been thinking of ways to see you. But seeing as you didn’t give me your number, I thought it would be a little much to just show up unannounced. You’re incredibly beautiful, Cassidy—God, you’re so beautiful. Even when you’d had no sleep and had a black eye, I had to continuously remind myself to not just sit there and stare at you. And I didn’t realize who you were until the last time we came to visit; the way you opened the door and looked up at me was what finally brought that night back to me.”
“Connor—”
“Today, I swear to you I thought I was seeing things, because that’s how bad I wanted to see you again. And you looked so different,” he mumbled as he ran a hand through my hair. “No matter what you do, you look amazing. And then you tell me about your past, one that makes mine look like I spent it at Disneyland, and you say we didn’t deserve what happened to us, and neither did your mom. Your mother, who did all of those things to you for all those years. And you cried for the woman she was before, and who she was when she died. Cassidy, I gotta tell you, I thought your beauty was only skin-deep when I saw you the morning of the fire, when I figured out your past. I thought you were wasting it when I thought you were in an abusive relationship. Now, after today, God, I know your beauty goes straight through to your soul. It’s rare to find someone like you, and until a few minutes ago I hadn’t realized I’d been looking for someone just like you. Someone who understands my past, someone with your heart; and as an added bonus, you don’t let people intimidate you, and by ‘people’ I mean me and Sanders.” He smiled crookedly. “And I just know the more I get to know you, the more I’m gonna find that I like.”
My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn’t stop looking into his smiling blue eyes. The butterflies in my stomach intensified and I knew I was in trouble. “Connor,” I murmured around his mouth, which was on mine again, “I’m in love with Gage. I’m going to marry him.”
“Are you engaged?” He leaned back suddenly.
“No, but we both know we’re going to get married. We talk about it often.” Or at least I think about it often.
“Then why wouldn’t you tell him where you were going, especially when it’s something like this? Have you even talked to him since you’ve been here?”
I bit the corner of my bottom lip and looked to the side. When he smirked again I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “He’s the reason I had the black eye.”
Connor’s body went solid and his face fell.
“But it’s not like you think, it’s exactly how Tyler and I told you. There was this huge fight, and I saw Gage in the middle of it and I freaked. I hate violence, and I couldn’t stand to see him hitting his friend. I wanted to yell at him to stop. Thinking about it now, I doubt it would’ve done any good anyway. All the guys were yelling at each other, girlfriends were shrieking at their boyfriends to stop, and the music was playing. But I tried to yell, I just couldn’t get my voice to work. So I didn’t think, I just ran in and tried to pull him off. He wasn’t facing me and didn’t know it was me. I’d been in the other room and as far as he knew I was just another guy getting ready to fight him. He flung his elbow back and turned around to throw a punch and that’s when he saw me. It killed him, knowing he did that to me, but all I could see was the look on his face and my past came rushing back to me. Now that’s all I can see when I look at or think about him. Tyler called to tell me about the house just a few hours later. So I did what I do best: I left.”
Connor’s arms dropped and understanding covered his face.
“I am in love with Gage. I just need to figure out how to not see that look on his face every time I look at him from here on out. Until then, I know he’ll just continue to torture himself knowing he hurt me that way.”
“Talk, Cassidy.”
“Um . . . I am talking . . .”
He shook his head. “That’s exactly what I meant about needing to talk about your past, and now that letter. If you keep it inside, they’ll remain demons for you the exact way your mom had her own demons. Those demons will take away every happy thing in your life. You need to talk about it. If you don’t, you’ll always see your boyfriend the way you saw him during the fight.” Connor blew out a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. “Shit,” he mumbled, “all right, I get it, you love him.” He handed the envelope back to me and pulled me into his arms. “You want to marry Gage, Gage should be the one you talk to. You need someone who understands what you went through, you have my card. And I’ll behave from now on.” He grinned at me and kissed my forehead and left his lips there as he spoke. “Unless you’re single. Then it’s fair game and I’m fighting for my turn next.”
He blinked quickly and pulled farther back. “You have a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, in Texas. It’s Tyler’s cousin.”
“Where is he?”
“In Texas,” I said slowly, making sure he heard me, since apparently he hadn’t the first time.
Connor shook his head like I wasn’t getting it. “Cassidy, does he know about your past?” He still hadn’t released his hold on me, but thankfully he wasn’t so close that I was worried he was about to kiss me again.
“He’s known since the day I met him; that’s the person Tyler told.”
“Right.” Connor nodded and stepped closer. “Then tell me why the hell he isn’t here with you now. If you were my girl, no way would I let you walk into your personal hell without me right there beside you.”
“He doesn’t even know why I’m here though, I just left.”
That crooked smile was back and he leaned in, kissing me harder this time, letting his lean, muscled body press against me. “You aren’t helping your argument,” he whispered against my lips.
“I don’t understand,” I whispered back, “I thought you were just doing this to get answers about the fire and that night the police were called.”
“No, Cassidy. I told you I have thought about you every minute since I left you that first day and I have been thinking of ways to see you. But seeing as you didn’t give me your number, I thought it would be a little much to just show up unannounced. You’re incredibly beautiful, Cassidy—God, you’re so beautiful. Even when you’d had no sleep and had a black eye, I had to continuously remind myself to not just sit there and stare at you. And I didn’t realize who you were until the last time we came to visit; the way you opened the door and looked up at me was what finally brought that night back to me.”
“Connor—”
“Today, I swear to you I thought I was seeing things, because that’s how bad I wanted to see you again. And you looked so different,” he mumbled as he ran a hand through my hair. “No matter what you do, you look amazing. And then you tell me about your past, one that makes mine look like I spent it at Disneyland, and you say we didn’t deserve what happened to us, and neither did your mom. Your mother, who did all of those things to you for all those years. And you cried for the woman she was before, and who she was when she died. Cassidy, I gotta tell you, I thought your beauty was only skin-deep when I saw you the morning of the fire, when I figured out your past. I thought you were wasting it when I thought you were in an abusive relationship. Now, after today, God, I know your beauty goes straight through to your soul. It’s rare to find someone like you, and until a few minutes ago I hadn’t realized I’d been looking for someone just like you. Someone who understands my past, someone with your heart; and as an added bonus, you don’t let people intimidate you, and by ‘people’ I mean me and Sanders.” He smiled crookedly. “And I just know the more I get to know you, the more I’m gonna find that I like.”
My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn’t stop looking into his smiling blue eyes. The butterflies in my stomach intensified and I knew I was in trouble. “Connor,” I murmured around his mouth, which was on mine again, “I’m in love with Gage. I’m going to marry him.”
“Are you engaged?” He leaned back suddenly.
“No, but we both know we’re going to get married. We talk about it often.” Or at least I think about it often.
“Then why wouldn’t you tell him where you were going, especially when it’s something like this? Have you even talked to him since you’ve been here?”
I bit the corner of my bottom lip and looked to the side. When he smirked again I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “He’s the reason I had the black eye.”
Connor’s body went solid and his face fell.
“But it’s not like you think, it’s exactly how Tyler and I told you. There was this huge fight, and I saw Gage in the middle of it and I freaked. I hate violence, and I couldn’t stand to see him hitting his friend. I wanted to yell at him to stop. Thinking about it now, I doubt it would’ve done any good anyway. All the guys were yelling at each other, girlfriends were shrieking at their boyfriends to stop, and the music was playing. But I tried to yell, I just couldn’t get my voice to work. So I didn’t think, I just ran in and tried to pull him off. He wasn’t facing me and didn’t know it was me. I’d been in the other room and as far as he knew I was just another guy getting ready to fight him. He flung his elbow back and turned around to throw a punch and that’s when he saw me. It killed him, knowing he did that to me, but all I could see was the look on his face and my past came rushing back to me. Now that’s all I can see when I look at or think about him. Tyler called to tell me about the house just a few hours later. So I did what I do best: I left.”
Connor’s arms dropped and understanding covered his face.
“I am in love with Gage. I just need to figure out how to not see that look on his face every time I look at him from here on out. Until then, I know he’ll just continue to torture himself knowing he hurt me that way.”
“Talk, Cassidy.”
“Um . . . I am talking . . .”
He shook his head. “That’s exactly what I meant about needing to talk about your past, and now that letter. If you keep it inside, they’ll remain demons for you the exact way your mom had her own demons. Those demons will take away every happy thing in your life. You need to talk about it. If you don’t, you’ll always see your boyfriend the way you saw him during the fight.” Connor blew out a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. “Shit,” he mumbled, “all right, I get it, you love him.” He handed the envelope back to me and pulled me into his arms. “You want to marry Gage, Gage should be the one you talk to. You need someone who understands what you went through, you have my card. And I’ll behave from now on.” He grinned at me and kissed my forehead and left his lips there as he spoke. “Unless you’re single. Then it’s fair game and I’m fighting for my turn next.”
