From Twinkle, with Love
Page 11

I, Twinkle Mehra, wallfloweriest of wallflowers, have a SECRET ADMIRER.
This is not a drill.
I repeat: I have a secret admirer.
I printed out the e-mail, and I’m pasting it below:
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Hello!
Dear Twinkle,
Hi! How are you? You’re probably wondering who I am, and you will find out. Just not yet.
The first thing you should know about me: I think you’re pretty. And funny. And I like the way you wear your hair. PPC is a vast and germy pit stop on the highway of life, but you make it a little cooler. (I got your e-mail from the school directory, in case you’re wondering.)
Secondly, please don’t try to guess who I am. I’ll reveal my identity at the perfect time, but if you try to guess, I’ll have to fade away and this will be game over. :(So I hope you’ll play along!
I’ll write again soon!
Your secret admirer,
N
Do you see how he signed off? N!! And he called me pretty, just like you-know-who did at the lockers yesterday! Do you know what this means?
It’s Neil. It has to be Neil. IS IT NEIL??
I wrote back immediately. I’m stapling my response below.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: ????
Hi, N!
I know you said you don’t want to say who you are and I promise I get it (and I love surprises so it’s totally cool), but can you give me a hint?? You’re my first secret admirer and I don’t know all the protocol, but I’m hoping you’ll make an exception!
Love,
Twinkle
He hasn’t written back yet. I went and looked up Neil’s e-mail in the school directory, but there isn’t one listed. I mean, I know he’s using one he made up specifically for this purpose (if it’s even Neil), but I just hoped! AAAHHHH. I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight.
Love,
Twinkle
FriYAY, June 5
Homeroom

Dear Nora Ephron, N never wrote back. Grrrrr. I’ve chewed my nails to little stubs. It has to be Neil. He’s not at school, so I can’t even just go up to him and ask. I mean, not that I would. Because (a) that would be embarrassing if it isn’t him, (b) I am, after all, the Greatest Coward West of the Mississippi, and (c) I kinda like the mystery and he clearly does too, so who am I to ruin it?
You were always super good at showing the relationship between guys and women, Nora. I wish you were here to give me some advice. Because I feel like I’m in a movie and I’m the main character.
I’m used to being invisible, you know? Papa works a lot—he has since I was a baby—and Mummy’s always been … Mummy-like and distant. People at school constantly looked through me, but I didn’t care much because I had Maddie. But now she’s semi-gone and … I’m not okay with being overlooked anymore. And all of this—Neil (potentially) e-mailing me, the movie, and my new friendships with Sahil and the rest of them? It feels like my life is finally getting on track.
Besides, what girl doesn’t want to be the object of someone’s affections, secretly or otherwise?
He-he-he.
Love,
Twinkle
Friday, June 5
Lunch

Dear Sofia Coppola, I’m not sitting alone at lunch anymore. I’m sitting at Sahil Roy’s table, with him and Skid and Aaron! They just casually waved me over and I just casually walked there.
Maddie was watching me, so I waved. And guess what? She glanced at Hannah and bit her lip, like she was afraid to say hi or something. And then Hannah saw me and did this obviously fake laugh and grabbed Maddie’s arm so they could look at something on her phone together. And Maddie went along with it. Totally uncool, but that’s how it’s been—I’ve learned to accept that Maddie is completely different from the Maddie I know when her other friends are around. I’m hoping she’ll realize that this blows as a long-term strategy, but in the meantime, I just go with the flow.
Brij and Matthew came over too, even though the invitation was not exactly meant for them. Maybe Brij is trying to get some more info on Maddie, which I am okay with. Maybe he can loosen Hannah’s hold on her like I haven’t been able to. We scooted over and made room.
“Man, I do not want to do that project for Cultural Studies,” Skid grumbled, shoveling some pizza into his mouth.
“Show-and-tell for high school,” Aaron said, shaking his head and scoffing.
“What are you complaining about?” Skid elbowed him. “You were all excited last night about getting to talk about your underground bands.”
Aaron blinked and looked momentarily caught out. “Uh, yes, but …” He looked around. “Sahil’s going to talk about Roger Ebert, an old dead guy who loved movies way more than a normal amount!” he blurted out suddenly. “He’s bringing in the poster and everything.”
Every head at our table swiveled to look at Sahil. “So what?” he said, thrusting his chin out. “The man’s a legend. Our loss is tremendous.”
Brij and Matthew snorted, but I smiled. “I agree with Sahil. I mean, there are some people who deserve legend status and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’d bring in my poster of Ava DuVernay if it weren’t falling apart.”
He bumped me gently with his shoulder. “Thanks, T. I knew my director would have my back.”
Brij was watching us intently. “Well, I’m going to be bringing in my E-3000 Digital Study Buddy,” he said, looking directly at me. “It has a built-in bank of SAT vocab words.”
Everyone just stared at him. “Er,” I said finally, because he was still looking at me. “Great, Brij. That’s awesome. You should remember to tell Maddie about it too.”
“So, what are you bringing in?” Aaron asked me, folding his giant pool-noodle arms on the table.
“I’m not sure yet,” I said, taking a swig of milk.
“Maybe you could bring in your camera,” Sahil said. Our arms were resting on the table together, and the hairs on his brushed mine lightly. An interesting and not altogether unpleasant little ripple went up my spine, but I ignored it.
“My Canon?” I said. “I don’t know. … I need it to make our film.” I’d gotten it for a total steal on Craigslist because the lens cap was missing and the handle was broken, and even then it had wiped out my entire savings account.
“No, I mean the other one,” Sahil said, his brown eyes sparkling as he looked at me. “That vintage Kodak you brought to school in eighth grade?”
I shook my head slowly. “You remember that?” I’d been so ridiculously excited that I’d slept with it for a week.
He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at his food. “I mean, yeah,” he said softly. Brij and Matthew were arguing loudly about cryptocurrencies and Skid and Aaron were debating which was more important to society, botany or music, but I could barely hear them. Sahil glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “It seemed important to you, so.”
I didn’t even know Sahil had seen it or realized it meant so much to me. Dadi buying it at the flea market was the first time someone in my family had acknowledged my dream of becoming a filmmaker. I’d leveled up that day. I wasn’t even sure Maddie remembered anymore that I had the Kodak. “That’s sweet,” I said, looking down at my food too. It was hard to meet his eyes all of a sudden. “Maybe I will bring it in.”
“Grab,” Sahil said, and I heard the smile in his voice.
“Definitely grab,” I said, smiling too.
Your movies were a lot about insider/outsider status, Sofia, and I wonder what you’d say about me sitting at this table (ostensibly a loser table, but populated by some of the funniest, kindest, most talented people I’ve ever met). I tossed my hair and laughed extra hard just so Maddie could see how happy I was, even though half my heart was over there, beside her. It’s not the most mature thing I’ve ever done. I’m running out of ideas, though, to show my ex-BFF that I won’t just wait around forever. But at the same time? I’m not ready to let her go.