“We’ll be close to Rhonda. I’ve thought that was important for a while now anyway.”
Still, Mateo didn’t respond. He didn’t walk away, either. He stood next to Josiah, in front of Tristan.
And it was Tristan who broke the silence. “Do you think we would be here if it weren’t for you? You’re the catalyst that propelled us forward. You’re...” he shook his head and looked up at them—first Teo, and then Josiah. Feeding the words to Josiah, without even realizing it. They were a truth Josiah had known for the past two weeks, yet hadn’t shared.
“That night we shared a while ago...we wouldn’t have had that without you, Teo.”
“Dios, it was stupid fuckin’ luck that I found her.”
“That’s not what I mean. When Tristan came home to us that night. When he told us that he wanted us to show him how to give himself to us, what was the first thing I told him?” In some ways he hated the fact that it was true, but then, it was part of the reason they all fit, wasn’t it? They each were able to do something for one another that no one else could.
“I told Tristan he didn’t have to do it. I didn’t want to push him. It was you who took control. You who told me we had to do it for him. You who gave Tristan the strength to let me be with him. It wasn’t me. I couldn’t have done that. If you hadn’t been there, I would have continued to say he didn’t have to, and Tristan would have said it was okay, when we both knew it was something we both needed. You made that happen.”
Tristan and Teo both had a different kind of strength than Josiah had—a different kind of brokenness as well. He saw that bond of brokenness between them, one he didn’t share but one he loved seeing thrive, because he loved them, and he knew they both needed him just as much, only in different ways.
“I couldn’t have let him inside me without you leading the way. That is a truth we all know. And eventually, I would have pushed him away. Eventually, what I could give wouldn’t have been enough.” There was an ache in Tristan’s voice that shook Josiah’s insides.
Josiah held his breath when Tristan’s arm came up, first the right latching onto Josiah, and more slowly, the other grabbing Teo. Josiah stepped closer to him, still holding Mateo’s hand, and prayed he moved with him. Teo paused a beat. Josiah’s heart did, too, and then Mateo stepped closer. Tristan’s fingers dug into his skin, and he knew the ones on his other hand did the same to Teo.
Tristan dropped his head forward, leaning it half against Teo’s stomach, and the other half on Josiah’s. “It won’t affect my job. If it does...it won’t. I just...I need you both. Fuck, why is this still so goddamned hard for me?” But he didn’t pull away. “We’re going to move into my mother’s building. All of us. I’ll pay for both apartments. We stay in one. Period. It’s the only way to make this work, and we...we have to make this work, because I love you both.”
Tristan’s hands dropped away. Josiah ached for his beautiful, broken, closed-off man who hid so much of who he was from the world.
“If you’ll excuse me, there are a few things I still need to take care of.” Tristan grabbed his pants and pulled them on before walking out of their bedroom.
CHAPTER FIVE
Tristan
His gut cramped as he sat in his office. It had only been about thirty minutes since he walked out on Josiah and Mateo. Or maybe ran was a better word. Mateo had told Josiah he wouldn’t run anymore. They both knew Josiah worried about that. Mateo had already disappeared twice from Josiah’s life. He’d done it to protect Josiah, but that didn’t change what the end result had been both times. Tristan knew Mateo wouldn’t leave. But Tristan himself? He still ran. Maybe not to the extremes Mateo had in their past, but instead, Tristan shutdown, or locked himself in his office, as though that would fix things.
For the past two weeks he’d thought about the night Mateo helped him let Josiah fuck him, the night he’d taken someone inside him who he actually wanted there. And he’d wanted it. It had felt good, yet the thought of going there again still made his fingers reach for his pulse like a magnet. Made his body seize up and his mind shut down.
And still those words that pumped blood to his heart stuck in his throat. “I love you,” Tristan whispered, testing them again. Why was it still such a struggle for him? Why was he so afraid to really need them? He didn’t know how to get past it, but he needed to, not just for himself, but for the two men in the next room.
Despite the late hour, he picked up his phone and dialed. The whole time he half cursed himself for the phone call because he hated needing anything, while at the same time, a small part of him thinking it meant things had to be getting better. He had to be getting better if he was doing it.
