As expected, he doesn’t sound happy with my offer. “I didn't call for a handout. This is a job offer. I'm trying to give you a shot at it before we have to find someone else. I'm sure you don't want to be stuck in that shop fixing other people's fancy cars forever. Just think about it.”
He hangs up and I’m left with a vague sense of unease and a cloying sense of guilt. So far I’ve been able to keep my financial windfall relatively quiet. Not too many people know and the only big thing I’ve bought so far is my house. It feels weird knowing that all my old friends are still struggling and I can only help them so much.
I look up to see Josie watching me from the doorway. She gives me a little smile. “There was a time when you wouldn’t have been able to say no. You’ve become a better man right before my eyes.”
I squeeze my temples between my palms. There's a knot of tension between my brows that makes me feel like my forehead is about to crack open. “Hah. I would be a better man if I didn’t feel a little flash of excitement wondering what the job is.”
Her eyes soften. “I said you were a better man, not a robot.”
I smile in acknowledgment. Maybe there’s a part of me that will always miss the excitement of my old life but that doesn’t mean I’m doomed to repeat my mistakes. Especially when I have so many other things in my life that make staying on the straight and narrow worth it.
"You're still coming to my show tomorrow, right?" At my groan, Josie looks hurt. "It's okay if you forgot. You don’t have to come.”
"No, it's not that. I've had it on the calendar for weeks but that was before."
"Before Sasha?" she finishes.
"Yeah. I guess I'll have to see how she feels about spending a Saturday night looking at erotic photos. But even if she's not into it, I'm definitely coming. Zack is, too. You know we wouldn’t let you down.”
She nods. "I hope Sasha comes with you. If she's with you she's obviously not a complete prude."
I snort at the thought.
Josie turns to go but she pauses in the doorway. “It may not feel like you’ve come that far but you really have. A year ago, you would have been tempted to take the job despite the risks. I think you would have still said no, but you would have hesitated. There was no hesitation in your voice just now. I’m not sure if it’s Sasha’s influence but you’ve really changed.”
She waves before she turns to leave. Her words give me hope, dragging me back from the depressive state that pulls at me when I think about Cole’s situation. Under different circumstances, my life could have gone down that same path. But with Sasha, for the first time I truly have hope that I can forge an entirely different life. The kind of shiny, perfect life that I used to believe was reserved for only a select few. The lucky ones. With her it all seems possible.
I love her.
Maybe it's finally time to unclip the tethers of the past and move into the future with nothing holding me back.
But just as soon as the thought occurs to me, my dark side intercedes. I broke into the warehouse just because I wanted answers about Blade. I’d been all too happy to bend the boundaries of my new morality when it suited me.
I’ve changed but what if I haven’t changed enough?
Chapter fourteen
SASHA
When Gabe picks me up Saturday night, the appreciative look on his face makes the hours I spent getting ready worth it. The amethyst colored cocktail dress I’m wearing gives me a perfect hourglass shape and I’ve pulled my hair into a sassy side ponytail so the curls cascade over my mostly bare shoulder. I spent almost a month’s rent on this dress and I’ve used every makeup trick I’ve learned over the years from performing.
That’s what tonight feels like. A performance.
Ever since he told me about Josie’s show, I’ve had to fight down my jealousy. I’m not the kind of girl that assumes the worst of other women and the way I feel about him being friends with Josie makes me feel petty. I want to be the cool type who is totally okay with her man having a gorgeous female friend but I can’t deny that I feel the pressure to look perfect tonight.
I slip my arms into my long black coat and follow him out to the car. “So, where is this exhibit anyway?”
Gabe holds open the passenger side door for me. He doesn’t answer until he rounds the car and gets in the driver’s seat. “It’s in a gallery in Norfolk. It’s a very exclusive show highlighting new artists. The owner handpicks who will be in the show every year and since it’s so exclusive, the artists usually sell out and receive commissions for future work, too.”
Pride runs through his voice. I can tell he’s really happy for her. He sounds the same way when he talks about Zack. It calms me somewhat. Maybe he really does think of her like a sister.
But that doesn’t mean she feels the same way, a nasty little voice in the back of my head taunts.
Determined not to even go down that path, I focus on the music playing. Gabe usually listens to alternative music or hard rock but this time the radio is tuned to a jazz station. On the drive across the bridge to Norfolk, we listen in comfortable silence with Gabe occasionally asking me questions about the songs. Before long I’m telling him stories about listening to my father’s old records and giving my first concerts with my family as the audience. It touches me that he’s made such an effort to learn more about the kind of music that I like.
He hangs up and I’m left with a vague sense of unease and a cloying sense of guilt. So far I’ve been able to keep my financial windfall relatively quiet. Not too many people know and the only big thing I’ve bought so far is my house. It feels weird knowing that all my old friends are still struggling and I can only help them so much.
I look up to see Josie watching me from the doorway. She gives me a little smile. “There was a time when you wouldn’t have been able to say no. You’ve become a better man right before my eyes.”
I squeeze my temples between my palms. There's a knot of tension between my brows that makes me feel like my forehead is about to crack open. “Hah. I would be a better man if I didn’t feel a little flash of excitement wondering what the job is.”
Her eyes soften. “I said you were a better man, not a robot.”
I smile in acknowledgment. Maybe there’s a part of me that will always miss the excitement of my old life but that doesn’t mean I’m doomed to repeat my mistakes. Especially when I have so many other things in my life that make staying on the straight and narrow worth it.
"You're still coming to my show tomorrow, right?" At my groan, Josie looks hurt. "It's okay if you forgot. You don’t have to come.”
"No, it's not that. I've had it on the calendar for weeks but that was before."
"Before Sasha?" she finishes.
"Yeah. I guess I'll have to see how she feels about spending a Saturday night looking at erotic photos. But even if she's not into it, I'm definitely coming. Zack is, too. You know we wouldn’t let you down.”
She nods. "I hope Sasha comes with you. If she's with you she's obviously not a complete prude."
I snort at the thought.
Josie turns to go but she pauses in the doorway. “It may not feel like you’ve come that far but you really have. A year ago, you would have been tempted to take the job despite the risks. I think you would have still said no, but you would have hesitated. There was no hesitation in your voice just now. I’m not sure if it’s Sasha’s influence but you’ve really changed.”
She waves before she turns to leave. Her words give me hope, dragging me back from the depressive state that pulls at me when I think about Cole’s situation. Under different circumstances, my life could have gone down that same path. But with Sasha, for the first time I truly have hope that I can forge an entirely different life. The kind of shiny, perfect life that I used to believe was reserved for only a select few. The lucky ones. With her it all seems possible.
I love her.
Maybe it's finally time to unclip the tethers of the past and move into the future with nothing holding me back.
But just as soon as the thought occurs to me, my dark side intercedes. I broke into the warehouse just because I wanted answers about Blade. I’d been all too happy to bend the boundaries of my new morality when it suited me.
I’ve changed but what if I haven’t changed enough?
Chapter fourteen
SASHA
When Gabe picks me up Saturday night, the appreciative look on his face makes the hours I spent getting ready worth it. The amethyst colored cocktail dress I’m wearing gives me a perfect hourglass shape and I’ve pulled my hair into a sassy side ponytail so the curls cascade over my mostly bare shoulder. I spent almost a month’s rent on this dress and I’ve used every makeup trick I’ve learned over the years from performing.
That’s what tonight feels like. A performance.
Ever since he told me about Josie’s show, I’ve had to fight down my jealousy. I’m not the kind of girl that assumes the worst of other women and the way I feel about him being friends with Josie makes me feel petty. I want to be the cool type who is totally okay with her man having a gorgeous female friend but I can’t deny that I feel the pressure to look perfect tonight.
I slip my arms into my long black coat and follow him out to the car. “So, where is this exhibit anyway?”
Gabe holds open the passenger side door for me. He doesn’t answer until he rounds the car and gets in the driver’s seat. “It’s in a gallery in Norfolk. It’s a very exclusive show highlighting new artists. The owner handpicks who will be in the show every year and since it’s so exclusive, the artists usually sell out and receive commissions for future work, too.”
Pride runs through his voice. I can tell he’s really happy for her. He sounds the same way when he talks about Zack. It calms me somewhat. Maybe he really does think of her like a sister.
But that doesn’t mean she feels the same way, a nasty little voice in the back of my head taunts.
Determined not to even go down that path, I focus on the music playing. Gabe usually listens to alternative music or hard rock but this time the radio is tuned to a jazz station. On the drive across the bridge to Norfolk, we listen in comfortable silence with Gabe occasionally asking me questions about the songs. Before long I’m telling him stories about listening to my father’s old records and giving my first concerts with my family as the audience. It touches me that he’s made such an effort to learn more about the kind of music that I like.
