I’m feeling immeasurably comfortable, tucked up against Garrett’s body and warm in my cocoon. So far, the antinausea drugs are working, and other than being bone tired, I’m thinking this may not be such a bad day after all.
“So, tell me everything you know so far,” Garrett asks with no hesitation in his voice, and suddenly the reality of my world hits home once again.
“Hmmm…let’s see. So, my doctor—Dr. Yoffman—says that this is a very indolent or slow-growing cancer. That it’s rarely curable but very treatable. That we should be able to put it into remission, but that it will probably come back at some point.”
“Have you been staged yet?”
“No, they’re waiting on the results of the bone-marrow biopsy, but Dr. Yoffman said he’s treating it like stage four because they saw a nodule on my lung.”
“What does that mean?” he asks with a tinge of unease.
“No clue,” I say softly, and suddenly it’s clear how very little I actually know about my disease. “I just didn’t think to ask those questions,” I admit lamely.
Garrett rolls to his side so he’s facing me on the bed, then pulls me back in closer. He does this…I realize…so he can look me directly in the eye. “Listen to me…you have a lot on your plate right now. Your head must be absolutely swimming with all of this shit that’s being thrown at you. So, don’t worry if you forget to ask something. You can always call your doctor as questions arise.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “I guess I sort of just chose to focus on the fact that the doctor said it’s treatable. I don’t feel very informed.”
“We’ll figure it out. Maybe we should write down questions and then you give him a call.”
For the first time since I was diagnosed, I actually feel like I might be able to get a handle on this. So far, I’ve felt stuck in the middle of a huge tornado of information, catching only about half of what’s flying by me. But Garrett’s right…the doctor is only a phone call away and I don’t have to just sit back and worry over the what-ifs.
“Olivia?” Garrett says cautiously, his green eyes seeking some great truth from me.
“Yeah.”
“Are you scared?”
“A little bit,” I whisper. “But I’m also optimistic.”
“Me too,” he murmurs as his hand comes up to cup the back of my head and tuck it into the crook of his neck.
He doesn’t say anything else, and I have to wonder if he’s scared, optimistic, or both.
Chapter 13
Garrett
“Garrett…man, wait up,” I hear from behind me as I walk toward my car in the player’s parking lot and I hustle up my pace to leave that voice far behind. I hear the pounding of feet and then an arm is on my shoulder, halting my progress.
Blowing out a hiss of frustration, I turn and face Alex for the first time since I stormed out of his house the day before yesterday. At practice today, I kept my distance, even though I could feel his gaze on me. As soon as practice was done, I got dressed as quickly as I could and got the fuck out of there before he could approach me.
“What do you want?” I ask in a tired voice.
I’m tired because I slept for shit last night. I stayed at Olivia’s, and while she got sick again late in the afternoon, it was nothing compared to what it was like the day before. She finally was able to drift off into an exhausted sleep, but I tossed and turned most of the night, worrying about her future.
“I want to apologize,” he says. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Olivia.”
“Apology accepted,” I say, and turn away from him.
His hand comes back to my shoulder. “Clearly you don’t, or else you’d stay here and talk for a minute.”
Turning around, I rake my fingers through my hair. “Look, man…I get it. And I’m not even mad you didn’t tell me at first. That was Olivia’s wish. Why I’m pissed is because you both didn’t think highly enough of me to be good enough for her or to trust I’d do the right thing. You knew I liked her…I mean, really liked her. You even said I had it bad for her that day in the locker room, yet you still didn’t think enough of me to tell me. My friendship should have outweighed Olivia’s request at that point.”
“You’re right,” Alex says hastily. “I know that now. Hindsight’s always clearer and all that shit. I handled it badly, and I’m asking you to really forgive me so we can move past this.”
I dart my eyes around the parking lot, seeing some of the other players getting in their cars. I have a ton of shit to do today, most of it involving Olivia, and I don’t feel like wasting my time here thinking about how badly Alex and Sutton let me down.
“Garrett,” Alex says seriously, and his hand comes up to my shoulder. “You have some serious shit going on right now in your life. Your girlfriend has cancer and it’s going to be a tough road. Let your friends back in. Forgive me and Sutton for being stupid and let us back in, so we can help support you too. You’re going to need it as much as Olivia.”
Overwhelming emotion hits me as I realize just how terrifying and isolating this has all been. I’ve been focusing on staying strong for Olivia, and not even giving much credence to my own feelings. I keep pushing them back, realizing that I’ll probably pay the price later when I have time to deal with them.
“So, tell me everything you know so far,” Garrett asks with no hesitation in his voice, and suddenly the reality of my world hits home once again.
“Hmmm…let’s see. So, my doctor—Dr. Yoffman—says that this is a very indolent or slow-growing cancer. That it’s rarely curable but very treatable. That we should be able to put it into remission, but that it will probably come back at some point.”
“Have you been staged yet?”
“No, they’re waiting on the results of the bone-marrow biopsy, but Dr. Yoffman said he’s treating it like stage four because they saw a nodule on my lung.”
“What does that mean?” he asks with a tinge of unease.
“No clue,” I say softly, and suddenly it’s clear how very little I actually know about my disease. “I just didn’t think to ask those questions,” I admit lamely.
Garrett rolls to his side so he’s facing me on the bed, then pulls me back in closer. He does this…I realize…so he can look me directly in the eye. “Listen to me…you have a lot on your plate right now. Your head must be absolutely swimming with all of this shit that’s being thrown at you. So, don’t worry if you forget to ask something. You can always call your doctor as questions arise.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “I guess I sort of just chose to focus on the fact that the doctor said it’s treatable. I don’t feel very informed.”
“We’ll figure it out. Maybe we should write down questions and then you give him a call.”
For the first time since I was diagnosed, I actually feel like I might be able to get a handle on this. So far, I’ve felt stuck in the middle of a huge tornado of information, catching only about half of what’s flying by me. But Garrett’s right…the doctor is only a phone call away and I don’t have to just sit back and worry over the what-ifs.
“Olivia?” Garrett says cautiously, his green eyes seeking some great truth from me.
“Yeah.”
“Are you scared?”
“A little bit,” I whisper. “But I’m also optimistic.”
“Me too,” he murmurs as his hand comes up to cup the back of my head and tuck it into the crook of his neck.
He doesn’t say anything else, and I have to wonder if he’s scared, optimistic, or both.
Chapter 13
Garrett
“Garrett…man, wait up,” I hear from behind me as I walk toward my car in the player’s parking lot and I hustle up my pace to leave that voice far behind. I hear the pounding of feet and then an arm is on my shoulder, halting my progress.
Blowing out a hiss of frustration, I turn and face Alex for the first time since I stormed out of his house the day before yesterday. At practice today, I kept my distance, even though I could feel his gaze on me. As soon as practice was done, I got dressed as quickly as I could and got the fuck out of there before he could approach me.
“What do you want?” I ask in a tired voice.
I’m tired because I slept for shit last night. I stayed at Olivia’s, and while she got sick again late in the afternoon, it was nothing compared to what it was like the day before. She finally was able to drift off into an exhausted sleep, but I tossed and turned most of the night, worrying about her future.
“I want to apologize,” he says. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Olivia.”
“Apology accepted,” I say, and turn away from him.
His hand comes back to my shoulder. “Clearly you don’t, or else you’d stay here and talk for a minute.”
Turning around, I rake my fingers through my hair. “Look, man…I get it. And I’m not even mad you didn’t tell me at first. That was Olivia’s wish. Why I’m pissed is because you both didn’t think highly enough of me to be good enough for her or to trust I’d do the right thing. You knew I liked her…I mean, really liked her. You even said I had it bad for her that day in the locker room, yet you still didn’t think enough of me to tell me. My friendship should have outweighed Olivia’s request at that point.”
“You’re right,” Alex says hastily. “I know that now. Hindsight’s always clearer and all that shit. I handled it badly, and I’m asking you to really forgive me so we can move past this.”
I dart my eyes around the parking lot, seeing some of the other players getting in their cars. I have a ton of shit to do today, most of it involving Olivia, and I don’t feel like wasting my time here thinking about how badly Alex and Sutton let me down.
“Garrett,” Alex says seriously, and his hand comes up to my shoulder. “You have some serious shit going on right now in your life. Your girlfriend has cancer and it’s going to be a tough road. Let your friends back in. Forgive me and Sutton for being stupid and let us back in, so we can help support you too. You’re going to need it as much as Olivia.”
Overwhelming emotion hits me as I realize just how terrifying and isolating this has all been. I’ve been focusing on staying strong for Olivia, and not even giving much credence to my own feelings. I keep pushing them back, realizing that I’ll probably pay the price later when I have time to deal with them.
