There’s nothing I can do about my mom, because she’s my mom. She’s not going anywhere. Neither are Stevie and Sutton, who have been long-standing in my life.
But Garrett is a bit different. He’s new to my life, and while I care for him deeply, as deeply as I’ve ever felt for a man before, I have to wonder if I did the right thing by getting involved with him.
Here this amazing man has set his sights on me…the first relationship he’s had since high school, and he picked someone that could destroy him. Guilt gnaws at me and I feel incredibly selfish. And if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been feeling this way for a while. Ever since Garrett wigged out over me being in the hospital.
But I refused to let go of that selfishness, because as shallow as it might make me feel, Garrett provides me with comfort and security. He makes me feel alive and eager to face each day with joy. At times he makes me forget all the scary things I face. Even though it makes me self-absorbed, I’m not sure I could give him up at this point.
So I think I’ll just suffer with the guilt for now.
Chapter 25
Garrett
I knock on Olivia’s apartment door. She’s not expecting me, or otherwise I would have just walked right in. I hear movement from within and bounce on the balls of my feet, sneaking a quick glance at my watch.
The door opens and Olivia’s eyes are round with surprise. A smile lights up her face—so fucking beautiful—and she says, “What are you doing here?”
Stepping in, I reach behind her head and pull her close for a kiss. It’s a sweet kiss, because we had a pretty passionate, almost-causing-us-to-get-a-quick-fuck-in kiss not but a half hour ago when I left her apartment. I was supposedly on my way to an early-morning practice, and Olivia was getting in the shower because she had an appointment with Dr. Yoffman.
This appointment was a big one. Having finished her third cycle of treatment last week, this was the midway-point evaluation. She had a CT scan done yesterday and more blood work, and she was going in to get the results.
And I just couldn’t—not in good conscience—let her go by herself. Not that she really needed someone with her. This would just be to get results and ensure they were on the right path. In fact, Olivia put everyone off…telling me, Stevie, and Sutton she could handle this one on her own. She was brimming with confidence and hope that today’s appointment would bring nothing but good news.
I, on the other hand, knew there was a possibility of bad news, so despite her assurances, I felt that Olivia needed someone with her. So I made it only halfway to Raleigh before I turned around and headed back. I put in a quick call to Coach Pretore, told him I had food poisoning and that I wouldn’t make practice. It was a complete and utter lie…the first I’ve ever told to him. The first time I’ve ever missed a practice in my career. I even had to come up with food poisoning as my illness, because I’ve actually played sick with colds and flu symptoms before, and Pretore would know that it would take a lot to knock me on my ass. Told him I had it coming out of both ends and no way I could even think about moving away from my toilet.
I didn’t have a moment’s guilt about it either as I headed my car back to Olivia’s apartment.
“I’m going to go with you to see Dr. Yoffman,” I tell her with a smile.
“But you have practice,” she says with confusion as she pulls away from me.
“Yeah…well, I called in sick for the day,” I say with a cheeky grin. “This was more important. Now get your purse and let’s go.”
Olivia’s eyes harden and her lips flatten out in censure. “No, Garrett. This isn’t more important than missing a practice. That’s your job. You just can’t call in sick.”
Shrugging, I give her lackadaisical smile. “People call in sick all the time.”
“Not professional athletes,” she grits out. “You have obligations.”
Reaching out, I place my hands on her shoulders and give her a reassuring squeeze. “I know. But I have an obligation to you as well.”
Olivia shrugs, dislodging my hands. She steps back and she looks pissed. “I don’t want to be an obligation to you, Garrett.”
Sighing in frustration, I scrub a hand through my hair. “Listen…I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that you are as important to me as hockey. Actually, I’m thinking maybe more so, and that there are times when you will take priority over it. This is one of those times.”
“No, it’s not one of those times,” she says, and actually stomps her foot on the ground. “It’s a freakin’ follow-up appointment. It probably won’t last ten minutes. I don’t need you or anyone there with me.”
Okay, now I’m getting pissed. Foolish, hardheaded woman.
My hands shoot out and cup her face, pulling her in close to me. I lean down and practically touch my nose to hers. When I’m assured her eyes won’t go anywhere other than in a locked position on mine, I tell her quietly, “Olivia…baby…this is more than just a follow-up. It’s where we find out how you are responding to treatment. Now, I know you…and I know you’re a fighter, so I’m expecting this is going to be full of good news, puppies, and rainbows. But in the off chance it’s not what we’re expecting, I want to be there with you. You need me there with you if that happens.”
Her eyes go soft, limpid pools of mossy green, and she utters a small sigh of resignation. “I just don’t like disrupting your career.”
But Garrett is a bit different. He’s new to my life, and while I care for him deeply, as deeply as I’ve ever felt for a man before, I have to wonder if I did the right thing by getting involved with him.
Here this amazing man has set his sights on me…the first relationship he’s had since high school, and he picked someone that could destroy him. Guilt gnaws at me and I feel incredibly selfish. And if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been feeling this way for a while. Ever since Garrett wigged out over me being in the hospital.
But I refused to let go of that selfishness, because as shallow as it might make me feel, Garrett provides me with comfort and security. He makes me feel alive and eager to face each day with joy. At times he makes me forget all the scary things I face. Even though it makes me self-absorbed, I’m not sure I could give him up at this point.
So I think I’ll just suffer with the guilt for now.
Chapter 25
Garrett
I knock on Olivia’s apartment door. She’s not expecting me, or otherwise I would have just walked right in. I hear movement from within and bounce on the balls of my feet, sneaking a quick glance at my watch.
The door opens and Olivia’s eyes are round with surprise. A smile lights up her face—so fucking beautiful—and she says, “What are you doing here?”
Stepping in, I reach behind her head and pull her close for a kiss. It’s a sweet kiss, because we had a pretty passionate, almost-causing-us-to-get-a-quick-fuck-in kiss not but a half hour ago when I left her apartment. I was supposedly on my way to an early-morning practice, and Olivia was getting in the shower because she had an appointment with Dr. Yoffman.
This appointment was a big one. Having finished her third cycle of treatment last week, this was the midway-point evaluation. She had a CT scan done yesterday and more blood work, and she was going in to get the results.
And I just couldn’t—not in good conscience—let her go by herself. Not that she really needed someone with her. This would just be to get results and ensure they were on the right path. In fact, Olivia put everyone off…telling me, Stevie, and Sutton she could handle this one on her own. She was brimming with confidence and hope that today’s appointment would bring nothing but good news.
I, on the other hand, knew there was a possibility of bad news, so despite her assurances, I felt that Olivia needed someone with her. So I made it only halfway to Raleigh before I turned around and headed back. I put in a quick call to Coach Pretore, told him I had food poisoning and that I wouldn’t make practice. It was a complete and utter lie…the first I’ve ever told to him. The first time I’ve ever missed a practice in my career. I even had to come up with food poisoning as my illness, because I’ve actually played sick with colds and flu symptoms before, and Pretore would know that it would take a lot to knock me on my ass. Told him I had it coming out of both ends and no way I could even think about moving away from my toilet.
I didn’t have a moment’s guilt about it either as I headed my car back to Olivia’s apartment.
“I’m going to go with you to see Dr. Yoffman,” I tell her with a smile.
“But you have practice,” she says with confusion as she pulls away from me.
“Yeah…well, I called in sick for the day,” I say with a cheeky grin. “This was more important. Now get your purse and let’s go.”
Olivia’s eyes harden and her lips flatten out in censure. “No, Garrett. This isn’t more important than missing a practice. That’s your job. You just can’t call in sick.”
Shrugging, I give her lackadaisical smile. “People call in sick all the time.”
“Not professional athletes,” she grits out. “You have obligations.”
Reaching out, I place my hands on her shoulders and give her a reassuring squeeze. “I know. But I have an obligation to you as well.”
Olivia shrugs, dislodging my hands. She steps back and she looks pissed. “I don’t want to be an obligation to you, Garrett.”
Sighing in frustration, I scrub a hand through my hair. “Listen…I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that you are as important to me as hockey. Actually, I’m thinking maybe more so, and that there are times when you will take priority over it. This is one of those times.”
“No, it’s not one of those times,” she says, and actually stomps her foot on the ground. “It’s a freakin’ follow-up appointment. It probably won’t last ten minutes. I don’t need you or anyone there with me.”
Okay, now I’m getting pissed. Foolish, hardheaded woman.
My hands shoot out and cup her face, pulling her in close to me. I lean down and practically touch my nose to hers. When I’m assured her eyes won’t go anywhere other than in a locked position on mine, I tell her quietly, “Olivia…baby…this is more than just a follow-up. It’s where we find out how you are responding to treatment. Now, I know you…and I know you’re a fighter, so I’m expecting this is going to be full of good news, puppies, and rainbows. But in the off chance it’s not what we’re expecting, I want to be there with you. You need me there with you if that happens.”
Her eyes go soft, limpid pools of mossy green, and she utters a small sigh of resignation. “I just don’t like disrupting your career.”
