I took a deep breath from the shock of the news and exhaled with the realization that I wasn’t about to lose her.
I am going to be a father.
I grabbed the glass of water from her and gulped down the rest of it before speaking. “Sweetheart…this is wonderful news. Don’t you know we can handle anything together? There is nothing I can’t handle as long as you’re by my side.
“I’m so glad you feel that way, Cedric. Because they’ll be here in late May. They’ll be Geminis.
My water glass slipped out of my hand and shattered on the sidewalk. “They?”
EPILOGUE
Gemini, you are feeling perky and positively elated. Celebration is in the air. You have overcome dramatic obstacles and you may actually be feeling on top of the world. Congrats on coming through the storm.
“Okay, this might be a little hot,” Vanessa said as she held the blowdryer to my breasts.
Trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, I clenched my va**na praying not to piss my pants, because there was no way I could get these spanx off under my gown.
“This cannot be happening right now. Please tell me it’s drying?”
“Patience…we’re getting there, baby,” she said.
“I can’t believe this.”
Elaine walked into room holding one of the twins who was sleeping in the infant seat. She looked beautiful wearing a long sleeveless brown two-piece dress adorned with a corsage. “What on Earth?” she asked.
“Hey, Elaine, come join the fun!” I said sarcastically.
“What happened, Allison?”
“My tits leaked through the satin. I forgot to slip the breast pads into my bra.”
Elaine covered her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. “Oh, honey…”
“Could you imagine Cedric’s face if the first thing he saw as I came down the aisle were two giant wet milk spots?”
Vanessa cracked up and the dryer accidentally blew some of my hair. “Hey!” I said.
“Sorry, sweetie, sorry,” she apologized, stifling her laughter.
Vanessa’s long dark hair was done up in a French twist. I had asked my birth mother to be one of my bridesmaids, along with Sonia, Denise and Callie. After all, she wasn’t all that much older than me and looked gorgeous in the strapless emerald green satin dress.
“What the—” Jake said looking at the ridiculous scene in this hotel room as he walked in dressed in a black tux, holding the other baby.
“Don’t ask, little brother. Don’t ask.”
Jake lifted her toward me and said, “Um…Holly just tried to suck my nipple…I think it’s time for her meal. What can I feed her?”
“There are some bottles of pumped milk over in the cooler over there.” I gestured to a blue cooler in the corner of the room. “I’ll pump after the ceremony, so you’ll have extra for the reception.”
Just then, Ed walked into the room and I smiled. “Hi, Dad.”
Ed’s eyes began to well up as he caught sight of me in my dress. “Oh, Allison…”
I had pictured this moment for some time…just not with the hot blowdryer on the tits thing.
Vanessa stopped the dryer, as I stood up to hug Ed, fanning the tears away from my eyes.
After the birth of my girls, Ed and I had a tender moment at the hospital, where he thanked me for making him a grandfather and he asked me if I would call him Dad. I had wanted to for so long, but hadn’t done so until I could be sure it was what he wanted. I knew I could never replace the little girl he lost, but I knew he truly loved me at that moment.
***
Holly Amanda and Hannah Allison came into the world three months ago, at the end of May, born naturally at seven and six pounds respectively. It was best day of my life. Cedric was by my side the entire time and when the babies came out, the look of wonder and love on his face and the tears in his eyes would be an image I’d keep with me and replay until the end of my days. He told me he had never loved me more than the moment I made him a father.
It’s been hard balancing summer grad school classes and breastfeeding twins, but with the help of my family, by some miracle, I’ve been able to juggle it all.
My family. It felt so good to say that.
It wasn’t a conventional one, but I went from having almost no one just a couple of years ago, to having a true blended family now.
Vanessa had moved to the Boston area to be closer to Jake who just started his freshman year at Northeastern as an electrical engineering major. My relationship with her is still a work in progress, but we have gotten much closer and she and Bettina help watch the twins two days a week when I have classes. On the other days, she works as a waitress at the Stardust. She and Jake moved into my old apartment in Malden when Sonia moved out to live with her now fiancé, Tom.
Jake is everything I could ever want in a brother. He helps out with the twins too and has turned into quite the tattooed “manny.” Holly, in particular, has taken a special liking to her Uncle Jake.
Ed continues to be in remission and he and Elaine purchased a summer home in Dennisport, on Cape Cod to be able to spend more quality time with us. Ed is able to work remotely from there for his consulting job. Cedric, the twins and I spent most weekends this summer down there. Ed and Cedric like to fetch quahogs and we often steam the clams for dinner, which we’d eat on the candlelit screened-in porch while listening to Jimmy Buffet on low volume, as the babies slept upstairs.
Denise gave birth to a baby boy named after Cedric’s father, Paul. They call him Pauly and his middle name is Cedric. I am excited about my daughters having a cousin so close in age and I am sure they’ll be wreaking lots of havoc together, like Caleb and Cedric did when they were younger.
Even though I had to stop working with Callie, she’s still my favorite girl and refers to the twins, her nieces, as ‘Teletubbies’. (She’s watching that show on her iPad now as a matter of fact, as she gets her hair done for the ceremony.) She’s still as in love as ever with Anderson Cooper.
Cedric and I moved from his condo to a single-family house in the Boston suburb of Brookline. He was promoted to senior agent at J.D. Westock and tries his best to make it home by 6:00 each night, so that I can study in between breastfeeding the girls. I can often be found sandwiched between two heads on a Boppy pillow.
We had decided on a late August wedding and wanted to wait until after the twins were born, so that I could at least try to squeeze into a presentable dress. I had lost about half the baby weight and very voluptuously managed to squirm my way into my dream Pnina Tornai dress which I picked out with Elaine and Bettina at Kleinfeld in Brooklyn before the babies were born.
Wanting to keep it simple, we opted for an outdoor ceremony with only our family and closest friends. After scouting lots of scenic areas, Cedric and I found the perfect spot by the water in Newport, Rhode Island.
***
The milk spots dissipated just in the nick of time. As the soft sounds of the harp played in the summer breeze, Ed reached out his arm.
Before taking it, I looked up to sunny cloudless sky and blew a kiss to my mother and sister in heaven. I hoped they were watching over us.
Ed’s eyes were watery and he kissed me lightly on the cheek. “Honey, thank you for letting me be the one to walk you down the aisle. I am so honored. Are you ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too,” I said shaking.
“You’ll be fine.”
“Dad?”
“Yes, Allison?”
“Do you feel like she’s here?”
Ed looked up to the sky and then back at me.
“She is here,” he said pointing to his heart and then to mine. “She’s right here, always.”
I smiled, though a part of me still wondered if Amanda would really be okay with my marrying Cedric. It was the one thing I would never be sure of.
“Okay, let’s go,” I said, clutching my bouquet of pink roses.
The wedding march started and I entwined my arm with Ed’s.
As I slowly marched down the aisle, floating past the faces of all the people I love standing in the sunlight, gratitude overcame me.
Thank you God for the life you’ve given me.
And then I looked straight ahead and he took my breath away. Just like that very first day, the most beautiful man in the world.
Blue Eyes.
Cedric was crying tears of joy as I moved closer and closer to him. What did I ever do to deserve to have someone look at me like that, with the intense love I see so clearly in his eyes?
I kissed Ed on the cheek and he shook Cedric’s hand.
“I love you,” I whispered to Cedric as he looked at me in awe.
“I love you so much…you look so beautiful.” He was beaming from ear to ear.
The priest began the ceremony amidst the beautiful background noise of our baby girls crying for food. My br**sts immediately tingled and I could feel the milk rushing through them at the sound of twins crying in unison.
Just a few more minutes, baby girls.
Father Mike started the vows.
“Cedric, will you have this woman as your lawful wedded partner, to live together in the estate of matrimony…”
Cedric lovingly said ‘I do’ and after a minute passed and in the middle of my turn, just as Father Mike asked, “Will you love him, honor him, comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health…”, a beautiful butterfly landed on the pink rose boutonniere Cedric wore.
It stayed still, facing me as if it were part of the ceremony.
Cedric looked down and smiled. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was. I couldn’t be sure.
After I said ‘I do’, amazingly the butterfly moved from Cedric’s rose to the skirt of my dress.
It stayed there fluttering its wings and I glanced down at it from time to time as Father Mike spoke.
“Cedric and Allison have consented together in wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God, this company of friends and family, and have given and pledged their promises to each other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving a ring, and by joining hands.”
As soon as Cedric and I exchanged rings, the butterfly flapped its wings and landed on top of our joined hands.
Cedric’s hands started to tremble a bit and I realized he knew what I was thinking.
Was it Amanda?
“In the name of the Lord and by the authority vested in me by the state of Rhode Island, I pronounce this couple to be united in marriage. Cedric, you may kiss the bride.”
The sound of ocean waves crashing filled the air and we kept still as the butterfly remained on our joined hands as we kissed for the first time as husband and wife.
Just as our faces parted to the cheers of our family and friends, the butterfly flapped its wings, disappearing into the sky above.
I am going to be a father.
I grabbed the glass of water from her and gulped down the rest of it before speaking. “Sweetheart…this is wonderful news. Don’t you know we can handle anything together? There is nothing I can’t handle as long as you’re by my side.
“I’m so glad you feel that way, Cedric. Because they’ll be here in late May. They’ll be Geminis.
My water glass slipped out of my hand and shattered on the sidewalk. “They?”
EPILOGUE
Gemini, you are feeling perky and positively elated. Celebration is in the air. You have overcome dramatic obstacles and you may actually be feeling on top of the world. Congrats on coming through the storm.
“Okay, this might be a little hot,” Vanessa said as she held the blowdryer to my breasts.
Trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, I clenched my va**na praying not to piss my pants, because there was no way I could get these spanx off under my gown.
“This cannot be happening right now. Please tell me it’s drying?”
“Patience…we’re getting there, baby,” she said.
“I can’t believe this.”
Elaine walked into room holding one of the twins who was sleeping in the infant seat. She looked beautiful wearing a long sleeveless brown two-piece dress adorned with a corsage. “What on Earth?” she asked.
“Hey, Elaine, come join the fun!” I said sarcastically.
“What happened, Allison?”
“My tits leaked through the satin. I forgot to slip the breast pads into my bra.”
Elaine covered her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. “Oh, honey…”
“Could you imagine Cedric’s face if the first thing he saw as I came down the aisle were two giant wet milk spots?”
Vanessa cracked up and the dryer accidentally blew some of my hair. “Hey!” I said.
“Sorry, sweetie, sorry,” she apologized, stifling her laughter.
Vanessa’s long dark hair was done up in a French twist. I had asked my birth mother to be one of my bridesmaids, along with Sonia, Denise and Callie. After all, she wasn’t all that much older than me and looked gorgeous in the strapless emerald green satin dress.
“What the—” Jake said looking at the ridiculous scene in this hotel room as he walked in dressed in a black tux, holding the other baby.
“Don’t ask, little brother. Don’t ask.”
Jake lifted her toward me and said, “Um…Holly just tried to suck my nipple…I think it’s time for her meal. What can I feed her?”
“There are some bottles of pumped milk over in the cooler over there.” I gestured to a blue cooler in the corner of the room. “I’ll pump after the ceremony, so you’ll have extra for the reception.”
Just then, Ed walked into the room and I smiled. “Hi, Dad.”
Ed’s eyes began to well up as he caught sight of me in my dress. “Oh, Allison…”
I had pictured this moment for some time…just not with the hot blowdryer on the tits thing.
Vanessa stopped the dryer, as I stood up to hug Ed, fanning the tears away from my eyes.
After the birth of my girls, Ed and I had a tender moment at the hospital, where he thanked me for making him a grandfather and he asked me if I would call him Dad. I had wanted to for so long, but hadn’t done so until I could be sure it was what he wanted. I knew I could never replace the little girl he lost, but I knew he truly loved me at that moment.
***
Holly Amanda and Hannah Allison came into the world three months ago, at the end of May, born naturally at seven and six pounds respectively. It was best day of my life. Cedric was by my side the entire time and when the babies came out, the look of wonder and love on his face and the tears in his eyes would be an image I’d keep with me and replay until the end of my days. He told me he had never loved me more than the moment I made him a father.
It’s been hard balancing summer grad school classes and breastfeeding twins, but with the help of my family, by some miracle, I’ve been able to juggle it all.
My family. It felt so good to say that.
It wasn’t a conventional one, but I went from having almost no one just a couple of years ago, to having a true blended family now.
Vanessa had moved to the Boston area to be closer to Jake who just started his freshman year at Northeastern as an electrical engineering major. My relationship with her is still a work in progress, but we have gotten much closer and she and Bettina help watch the twins two days a week when I have classes. On the other days, she works as a waitress at the Stardust. She and Jake moved into my old apartment in Malden when Sonia moved out to live with her now fiancé, Tom.
Jake is everything I could ever want in a brother. He helps out with the twins too and has turned into quite the tattooed “manny.” Holly, in particular, has taken a special liking to her Uncle Jake.
Ed continues to be in remission and he and Elaine purchased a summer home in Dennisport, on Cape Cod to be able to spend more quality time with us. Ed is able to work remotely from there for his consulting job. Cedric, the twins and I spent most weekends this summer down there. Ed and Cedric like to fetch quahogs and we often steam the clams for dinner, which we’d eat on the candlelit screened-in porch while listening to Jimmy Buffet on low volume, as the babies slept upstairs.
Denise gave birth to a baby boy named after Cedric’s father, Paul. They call him Pauly and his middle name is Cedric. I am excited about my daughters having a cousin so close in age and I am sure they’ll be wreaking lots of havoc together, like Caleb and Cedric did when they were younger.
Even though I had to stop working with Callie, she’s still my favorite girl and refers to the twins, her nieces, as ‘Teletubbies’. (She’s watching that show on her iPad now as a matter of fact, as she gets her hair done for the ceremony.) She’s still as in love as ever with Anderson Cooper.
Cedric and I moved from his condo to a single-family house in the Boston suburb of Brookline. He was promoted to senior agent at J.D. Westock and tries his best to make it home by 6:00 each night, so that I can study in between breastfeeding the girls. I can often be found sandwiched between two heads on a Boppy pillow.
We had decided on a late August wedding and wanted to wait until after the twins were born, so that I could at least try to squeeze into a presentable dress. I had lost about half the baby weight and very voluptuously managed to squirm my way into my dream Pnina Tornai dress which I picked out with Elaine and Bettina at Kleinfeld in Brooklyn before the babies were born.
Wanting to keep it simple, we opted for an outdoor ceremony with only our family and closest friends. After scouting lots of scenic areas, Cedric and I found the perfect spot by the water in Newport, Rhode Island.
***
The milk spots dissipated just in the nick of time. As the soft sounds of the harp played in the summer breeze, Ed reached out his arm.
Before taking it, I looked up to sunny cloudless sky and blew a kiss to my mother and sister in heaven. I hoped they were watching over us.
Ed’s eyes were watery and he kissed me lightly on the cheek. “Honey, thank you for letting me be the one to walk you down the aisle. I am so honored. Are you ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too,” I said shaking.
“You’ll be fine.”
“Dad?”
“Yes, Allison?”
“Do you feel like she’s here?”
Ed looked up to the sky and then back at me.
“She is here,” he said pointing to his heart and then to mine. “She’s right here, always.”
I smiled, though a part of me still wondered if Amanda would really be okay with my marrying Cedric. It was the one thing I would never be sure of.
“Okay, let’s go,” I said, clutching my bouquet of pink roses.
The wedding march started and I entwined my arm with Ed’s.
As I slowly marched down the aisle, floating past the faces of all the people I love standing in the sunlight, gratitude overcame me.
Thank you God for the life you’ve given me.
And then I looked straight ahead and he took my breath away. Just like that very first day, the most beautiful man in the world.
Blue Eyes.
Cedric was crying tears of joy as I moved closer and closer to him. What did I ever do to deserve to have someone look at me like that, with the intense love I see so clearly in his eyes?
I kissed Ed on the cheek and he shook Cedric’s hand.
“I love you,” I whispered to Cedric as he looked at me in awe.
“I love you so much…you look so beautiful.” He was beaming from ear to ear.
The priest began the ceremony amidst the beautiful background noise of our baby girls crying for food. My br**sts immediately tingled and I could feel the milk rushing through them at the sound of twins crying in unison.
Just a few more minutes, baby girls.
Father Mike started the vows.
“Cedric, will you have this woman as your lawful wedded partner, to live together in the estate of matrimony…”
Cedric lovingly said ‘I do’ and after a minute passed and in the middle of my turn, just as Father Mike asked, “Will you love him, honor him, comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health…”, a beautiful butterfly landed on the pink rose boutonniere Cedric wore.
It stayed still, facing me as if it were part of the ceremony.
Cedric looked down and smiled. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was. I couldn’t be sure.
After I said ‘I do’, amazingly the butterfly moved from Cedric’s rose to the skirt of my dress.
It stayed there fluttering its wings and I glanced down at it from time to time as Father Mike spoke.
“Cedric and Allison have consented together in wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God, this company of friends and family, and have given and pledged their promises to each other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving a ring, and by joining hands.”
As soon as Cedric and I exchanged rings, the butterfly flapped its wings and landed on top of our joined hands.
Cedric’s hands started to tremble a bit and I realized he knew what I was thinking.
Was it Amanda?
“In the name of the Lord and by the authority vested in me by the state of Rhode Island, I pronounce this couple to be united in marriage. Cedric, you may kiss the bride.”
The sound of ocean waves crashing filled the air and we kept still as the butterfly remained on our joined hands as we kissed for the first time as husband and wife.
Just as our faces parted to the cheers of our family and friends, the butterfly flapped its wings, disappearing into the sky above.
