Golden Trail
Page 171

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered and his eyes locked on hers. “You’re workin’ for it. You want this. I’m givin’ it to you but, warning, Rocky, you told me last Friday not to let you do this shit and I’m not gonna let you do this shit. There is nothin’ here for you to be pissed about. You’re just pissed to be pissed because you’re scared as shit.”
“I’m not scared,” she stated.
“Baby, you’ve spent two decades controlling everything in your life so you wouldn’t feel what you feel right now with me. And I’m not stupid, I know why.”
“Yeah? You do? Enlighten me, oh wise Layne, why?” she asked with deep sarcasm and Layne’s body got tight.
“Raquel, fair warning, I’m already pissed, don’t make me mad.”
“You’re pissed?” she asked, leaning forward, her words a hiss. “You’re pissed? You f**ked me in her bed. You f**ked me in your closet wearing her clothes. And you’re pissed?”
“I do not give a shit about furniture and clothes. You want, build a bonfire in my yard, toss it all on and replace it. I do not care. It means nothing to me.”
“Melody meant something to you.”
“Yeah, she did, and clue the f**k in, Roc, it wasn’t enough or I wouldn’t be here right now.”
“You should have told me,” she snapped.
“Yeah? When? When I had you against the wall moaning for me, do I whisper in your ear, ‘By the way, baby, Melody bought me this suit.’ Or, when you’re locked in your head because of Ma’s games and I had to talk you out of that shit, ‘And since we’re discussing Melody, you should know, she picked out this bed.’ Jesus, Roc, seriously?”
It was then, Rocky went in for the kill.
“I’ve never had an orgasm, except with you and, obviously, self-induced. I’ve had two lovers. My husband and you. I’ve kissed two men in my life. I’m thirty-eight years old, Layne, and I’ve kissed two men in my life. One I married, the other was you.”
He had no idea where she was going with that but it didn’t mean she hadn’t scored a direct hit.
“Baby –” he whispered.
“I’ve loved one man, and that was also you.”
“Rocky –”
“You’re beautiful and I see how women look at you. I also know what I did to you. You don’t think I wonder, especially when you bring it up all the time, when you’ll remember what I did to you and when you’ll wonder if it isn’t worth the risk. You decide it isn’t, I’ll be right back there, Layne, without you, and now without Tripp and Jas. And you’ll move on, you did before, you can have anyone you want. You’ll move on. But I won’t. I never did even though I got married, and you know it. But you did. Maybe not the same way, but you did. And you didn’t make the play for me. You would have carried on and you wouldn’t have to do it alone. You think you took a grave risk taking me back, what do you think I’m feeling, knowing, any time, your head can turn to someone who’ll know she’s lucky to have you, who wouldn’t do anything to rock that boat and you’ll decide I’m not worth the worry and you’ll be gone.”
Layne stared at her, completely stunned that any of that shit was in her head.
Then he said quietly, “Baby, that’s totally f**ked up.”
“It isn’t,” she declared.
“It is.”
“No, Layne, it isn’t.”
“Come here,” he ordered.
“No,” she denied.
“Sweetcheeks, come here.”
“I said no.”
“Don’t make me come there,” he warned.
She shook her head. “Go home, Layne, I need to think.”
“Nope,” he replied. “No you don’t. ‘Cause you just told me what you’ve been thinking and every last bit of it is seriously jacked.”
“I’m being honest!” she cried.
“Yeah, I get that, but that doesn’t mean what’s in your head isn’t jacked.”
“I’m telling you what I think.”
“And I’m tellin’ you it’s jacked.”
“Layne –”
Layne had had enough.
“Christ, Rocky, I’m in love with you!” he shouted, leaning forward and putting his hands on the bar. “I’ve kissed more than two women and I’ve f**ked more too, but I’ve only ever loved you. You cut me up, baby, when you left me. You cut me up bad.” She winced but he kept talking. “So, what’s it say to you I’d take this risk? What’s it tell you? You nearly destroyed me, Rocky, I loved you that much. Shit, I love you that much. I existed for eighteen years. Now I’m livin’ again. And I like it. I like it so much, it’s worth the risk. You are worth the risk. Yeah, you had to play me because I needed that statement from you, but, baby, I didn’t make you work too hard and you f**kin’ know it. You did that to me and you’re back in my life. Think about that, Roc, give that a second. What’s that say about how I feel about you? Does that say I’m ever gonna let anything turn my head?”
“Layne –”
“Shut it, sweetcheeks, you walked in here full of attitude and you just spewed some seriously stupid shit. You need your head straightened out and you’re gonna keep your mouth shut while I see to it.”
Her eyes were big when she whispered, “Okay.”
Layne went on. “Melody was in my house for maybe ten minutes at the most after you left. She called it, she knew it before I knew it. She knew who you were because she snooped and found the pictures I kept of you.” Rocky’s lips parted and Layne nodded. “Yeah, baby, I never let go of you. Never. I carried you with me everywhere.”
“Layne –”
“You were so freaked out, you didn’t see it but after my preliminary shock and, somethin’ else you didn’t catch, anger at seein’ a near na**d woman in the house I share with my sons, she ceased to exist. It was all about you and your reaction. Melody caught it, you didn’t. So now, cast your mind back, baby, and see it through her eyes. That’s why she left because she knew why she never got in there and she knew it was because of you.”
“Layne –”
“And she told me to be happy before she left. She told me she hoped you’d make me happy again. That’s the woman who picked the bed you sleep in. She wasn’t the one because you are but she’s a good woman and she cared about me. I didn’t have you, you don’t love me enough to want me to have at least that?”