Golden Trail
Page 96

“Yeah, because her son got a paper route the minute he could and got a job the minute he could get that. Couldn’t play football, even though you were good, as good as Alec Colton, if not better, because you had to quit when you were fifteen and work after school to help out at home.”
Layne tried to lighten the mood. “I don’t have amnesia, sweetcheeks.”
Rocky didn’t feel like lightening the mood. Her eyes had grown intense and her hand moved out of his hair so she could run the backs of her knuckles against his jaw. She flattened her hand on his cheek and her eyes held his.
“What am I going to do with you, Tanner Layne?” she whispered.
“If you’re open to suggestions, I got a few,” Layne whispered back.
“Do you want real?” she asked suddenly and he didn’t understand the question.
Still, he answered, “Yeah, I want real.”
“How real?” she asked quickly back.
“Lay it on me, Rocky,” Layne invited.
“I didn’t love him,” she returned and his body got tight under hers again. “I talked myself into thinking I loved him, but I didn’t. I liked him. I admired him. He’s brilliant at what he does, he’s passionate about it. I wanted to love him, I tried, but I never did.”
“What I’m hearin’, Roc, he wasn’t an easy man to love,” Layne replied.
“He treated me like shit,” Rocky announced and his arm automatically squeezed her as his hand holding her hair balled into a fist. “That’s why I couldn’t love him, I guess. Because he treated me like shit. For ten years. Even before we were married. And I took that, Layne. I took ten years of it. I took it.”
“You goin’ somewhere with this?” he asked.
“Do you think we’re going somewhere?” she asked back.
“We are goin’ somewhere,” he returned.
She nodded. “Then you need to know what kind of woman I’ve become.”
Layne stared at her a second and he fought it, he really did, but he couldn’t help it and he burst out laughing.
“Layne!” she snapped after he’d been laughing awhile and he rolled so she was on her back in the couch and he was mostly on top of her. When he got her in that position and kept laughing, she repeated, “Layne!”
“Give me a minute, sweetcheeks, that was f**kin’ funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny,” she hissed.
“Well you were,” he said through waning laughter.
She glared at him then announced, “He’s bad in bed.” Layne burst out laughing again and Rocky slapped his arm. “Stop laughing, that’s not funny!”
“No, baby, you’re right, it isn’t, for you, for me, I find it hilarious,” Layne returned.
“I put up with that too,” she declared stubbornly then went back on it. “Well, I did then I didn’t so I guess it’s no surprise he went looking elsewhere because… well…”
Layne’s body was shaking and his side hurt so he said, “Please, Roc, you’re killin’ me.”
She fell silent, Layne got control of his hilarity and when he did he saw she was staring at him, serious as a heart attack.
“It’s interesting you think the last ten years of my life are amusing,” she noted and Layne sobered instantly and just as instantly gave it to her straight.
“I’m not glad he treated you like shit and I’m not glad he was shit in bed but at the same time I am. I’m glad you didn’t move onto anything better than what we had because I didn’t. Not in bed and not out of it, not ever, not once, not even close. It would suck if you did because that would kill and these last eighteen years without you were bad enough. These last eighteen years thinkin’ you’d gone onto somethin’ good, somethin’ solid, somethin’ that made you happy cut straight to the bone, Rocky. Knowin’ you didn’t is a relief, you should know that and I don’t give a f**k what you think about it, that’s how I feel.”
When he was done, she was still staring at him but her face had changed, her lips were parted and her eyes were intense. But she didn’t speak so he took that at his cue to continue.
“Somethin’ else, sweetcheeks,” he went on. “I know what kind of woman you are, you can’t hide it. So you made shitty decisions. I got blotto a week after you left me, f**ked the first woman who came along that night who reminded me of you, the condom broke and she got pregnant. I was drunk but that’s no excuse, it was a shitty decision. I was pissed and in pain, made that decision and bore the consequences. I lucked out and got Jasper and Tripp outta that. You, if you play your cards right, can take his ass to the cleaners and make it so you’ll never worry about money. That’s what you’ll get out of yours.”
“I think, don’t you, that I should just cut my losses and move on. There’s no reason to make Jarrod pay for me not loving him,” Rocky replied.
“Oh yeah… yeah there is,” Layne returned.
“Really? What?”
His face dipped close. “Because he could have made you happy. It was me, you gave me a shot, I’d tie myself into knots to make you happy. He didn’t do that. He treated you like shit, made you feel small and f**ked around on you. You think you played him but you didn’t. He might not be any good at f**kin’ but he’s the master at f**kin’ you over and he should pay for that.”
“Layne –” she started, her mouth had gone soft, her eyes had gone half-mast but he was on a roll.
She wanted to talk? They were going to talk.
“Why were you in my hospital room?”
Her body went solid underneath him and she repeated, “Layne.”
His arms gave her a rough squeeze. “Answer me, Rocky, why?” She closed her eyes and he gave her another squeeze on a warning, “Roc.”
She opened her eyes and whispered, “You know why, Layne.”
And that was when Layne watched the tears fill her eyes and one slid out the side, down her temple, into her hair and there it was. He knew it, or he had wanted to know it but he couldn’t be sure but there it was, the proof leaking from Rocky’s eyes.
He lifted his hand, slid his fingers into her hair and used his thumb to wipe the wetness away.
“Yeah, baby,” he said gently, “I know why and now that I’ve reminded you, can we get passed this shit?”