Half-Off Ragnarok
Page 23
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Crow was nowhere to be seen when I reached my car, but judging by the angry squawks of the geese, he was definitely nearby. I unlocked and opened the door before calling, “Crow! Home!”
He shot out of the midst of the gray-feathered waterfowl like a charcoal-colored missile, arrowing past me and through the open car door to land on the passenger seat. He had several goose feathers clasped firmly in his beak. Dropping them, he turned to me, beak open in what I would have sworn was silent laughter.
“Yes, you’re a mighty hunter,” I said, and got into the car. “Come on, mighty hunter. Let’s go home.”
Driving through Columbus during the middle of the workday was strange. Doing it with Crow wide awake and spun up from playing with the geese was nerve-racking. I kept waiting for the moment where he would pop up in the window like a demented jack-in-the-box and scare the holy hell out of the drivers around me. To my surprise, he did no such thing. Instead, he compacted himself into the classic cat loaf position, tail wrapped tight around his entire body, tucked his head under his wing, and went to sleep. I smiled a little. The world could end, and anything morphologically feline would find a way to take a nap.
Grandma’s car was gone, but Grandpa’s car was parked in its place. I scooped the still-snoozing Crow out of the passenger seat and made my way up to the house, unlocking the door and letting myself inside. It was even stranger to come home and not smell dinner in progress, or hear my family moving around.
Speaking of family . . . I paused and looked uneasily around the hall. Sarah sometimes liked to lurk in corners, perfectly still, waiting for something to attract her attention. It wasn’t normal cuckoo behavior, but what about Sarah was normal these days?
She wasn’t there. I walked into the living room, put Crow down on the couch, and went looking for my grandfather. Date night was always on the evening of his day off.
I found him upstairs in the office he shared with my grandmother. He was seated at his computer, glasses perched on his nose and sleeves rolled far enough up that I could see the faint discoloration where one body’s skin ended and the next began. He was usually careful to conceal his seams, unless he was certain that he wasn’t going to be seen by anyone who might find them strange.
I rapped my knuckles against the doorframe. He turned toward the sound and blinked, frowning slowly. “Alex? What are you doing home?”
“They closed the zoo early.”
There was a pause as he ran through the reasons this might have happened. Finally, he said, “Either a kid got into one of the big predator enclosures again, or there’s been a murder.”
“We don’t know yet whether it was actually a murder, versus an accidental death, but yes.” I walked across the office and sat down in Grandma’s chair, explaining the situation with Andrew as quickly and succinctly as I could. Grandpa only interrupted a few times, asking terse questions about where the body had been found and exactly what the vegetation around it had looked like.
When I finished, he sighed. “You realize what this means, don’t you?”
“That a man is dead?”
“That’s a problem for him, but for the rest of us, it means there’s an increased chance we’ll catch the Covenant’s attention. That’s not good.”
I nodded. “I know. I’m going to need you to get me a copy of the autopsy report. If it doesn’t say anything particularly shocking, maybe they won’t catch wind of this death.” Grandpa was a coroner for the City of Columbus. Dead bodies didn’t bother him, since he’d been one (or two, or three) himself at one point, and while he didn’t need replacement parts—all the ones he had were good for at least another forty years, barring accident or assault—others weren’t always so lucky. By working where he did, he was able to keep the Revenants, ghouls, and other humanivores of the city from bothering the living population. It was really a public service, and one that was helped along by the number of people who got into truly stomach-churning automobile accidents.
“I assumed you’d be asking for that,” he said. “Although we may have a problem.”
“What’s that?”
“They may decide to send his body someplace like the CDC for autopsy, since this is the sort of thing that qualifies as ‘unusual circumstances,’ and petrifaction could be mistaken as some sort of strange new disease. If that’s the case, we’re going to need to work much harder to get those results.”
“And there’s a much higher chance the Covenant will get involved,” I said slowly. “Is there any way you can find out who’s going to do the examination?”
“I can make a few calls.” Grandpa made a small “shoo” gesture with his hand. “Go get some food in you and call your father.”
“What?”
“We both know that as soon as you’re done with me, you’re going to call home and update everyone on what’s going on. I endorse this, since it will allow me to check in with the morgue without you hovering over my shoulder. Now go on, scat.” He smiled, making the scar on his cheek pull upward. “I can take care of this part by myself.”
“You’re the best, Grandpa,” I said.
“I know.”
Feeling better than I had since we found Andrew’s body in the bushes, I turned and left the office. Grandpa was right. It was time for me to work on my part of the plan.
Dad picked up the phone on the third ring. “This is an unlisted number,” he snapped.
“You know, Dad, I don’t mean to push, but there’s this thing called ‘caller ID’ that you can get these days. It might mean being a little less rude to your children when they call home.” I reclined on the bed, watching the Aeslin mice systematically dismantle the plate of cheese and apple slices I’d prepared for them.
“Ah, but what if someone steals your phone?” Dad countered. “What then? Maybe I answer with ‘hello, beloved only son, how are you today,’ and that confirms your identity as my eldest child to the horrible monsters that have kidnapped you for their own nefarious purposes.”
I laughed. It was impossible not to. “Nefarious purposes, Dad? Really?” My parents raised us to answer the phone like we hated the entire universe and wanted it to go away. It was supposedly part of the smokescreen that protected us from the Covenant of St. George. Given how memorable it was, I suspected that Dad actually just enjoyed having an excuse to snarl at people for a change.
He shot out of the midst of the gray-feathered waterfowl like a charcoal-colored missile, arrowing past me and through the open car door to land on the passenger seat. He had several goose feathers clasped firmly in his beak. Dropping them, he turned to me, beak open in what I would have sworn was silent laughter.
“Yes, you’re a mighty hunter,” I said, and got into the car. “Come on, mighty hunter. Let’s go home.”
Driving through Columbus during the middle of the workday was strange. Doing it with Crow wide awake and spun up from playing with the geese was nerve-racking. I kept waiting for the moment where he would pop up in the window like a demented jack-in-the-box and scare the holy hell out of the drivers around me. To my surprise, he did no such thing. Instead, he compacted himself into the classic cat loaf position, tail wrapped tight around his entire body, tucked his head under his wing, and went to sleep. I smiled a little. The world could end, and anything morphologically feline would find a way to take a nap.
Grandma’s car was gone, but Grandpa’s car was parked in its place. I scooped the still-snoozing Crow out of the passenger seat and made my way up to the house, unlocking the door and letting myself inside. It was even stranger to come home and not smell dinner in progress, or hear my family moving around.
Speaking of family . . . I paused and looked uneasily around the hall. Sarah sometimes liked to lurk in corners, perfectly still, waiting for something to attract her attention. It wasn’t normal cuckoo behavior, but what about Sarah was normal these days?
She wasn’t there. I walked into the living room, put Crow down on the couch, and went looking for my grandfather. Date night was always on the evening of his day off.
I found him upstairs in the office he shared with my grandmother. He was seated at his computer, glasses perched on his nose and sleeves rolled far enough up that I could see the faint discoloration where one body’s skin ended and the next began. He was usually careful to conceal his seams, unless he was certain that he wasn’t going to be seen by anyone who might find them strange.
I rapped my knuckles against the doorframe. He turned toward the sound and blinked, frowning slowly. “Alex? What are you doing home?”
“They closed the zoo early.”
There was a pause as he ran through the reasons this might have happened. Finally, he said, “Either a kid got into one of the big predator enclosures again, or there’s been a murder.”
“We don’t know yet whether it was actually a murder, versus an accidental death, but yes.” I walked across the office and sat down in Grandma’s chair, explaining the situation with Andrew as quickly and succinctly as I could. Grandpa only interrupted a few times, asking terse questions about where the body had been found and exactly what the vegetation around it had looked like.
When I finished, he sighed. “You realize what this means, don’t you?”
“That a man is dead?”
“That’s a problem for him, but for the rest of us, it means there’s an increased chance we’ll catch the Covenant’s attention. That’s not good.”
I nodded. “I know. I’m going to need you to get me a copy of the autopsy report. If it doesn’t say anything particularly shocking, maybe they won’t catch wind of this death.” Grandpa was a coroner for the City of Columbus. Dead bodies didn’t bother him, since he’d been one (or two, or three) himself at one point, and while he didn’t need replacement parts—all the ones he had were good for at least another forty years, barring accident or assault—others weren’t always so lucky. By working where he did, he was able to keep the Revenants, ghouls, and other humanivores of the city from bothering the living population. It was really a public service, and one that was helped along by the number of people who got into truly stomach-churning automobile accidents.
“I assumed you’d be asking for that,” he said. “Although we may have a problem.”
“What’s that?”
“They may decide to send his body someplace like the CDC for autopsy, since this is the sort of thing that qualifies as ‘unusual circumstances,’ and petrifaction could be mistaken as some sort of strange new disease. If that’s the case, we’re going to need to work much harder to get those results.”
“And there’s a much higher chance the Covenant will get involved,” I said slowly. “Is there any way you can find out who’s going to do the examination?”
“I can make a few calls.” Grandpa made a small “shoo” gesture with his hand. “Go get some food in you and call your father.”
“What?”
“We both know that as soon as you’re done with me, you’re going to call home and update everyone on what’s going on. I endorse this, since it will allow me to check in with the morgue without you hovering over my shoulder. Now go on, scat.” He smiled, making the scar on his cheek pull upward. “I can take care of this part by myself.”
“You’re the best, Grandpa,” I said.
“I know.”
Feeling better than I had since we found Andrew’s body in the bushes, I turned and left the office. Grandpa was right. It was time for me to work on my part of the plan.
Dad picked up the phone on the third ring. “This is an unlisted number,” he snapped.
“You know, Dad, I don’t mean to push, but there’s this thing called ‘caller ID’ that you can get these days. It might mean being a little less rude to your children when they call home.” I reclined on the bed, watching the Aeslin mice systematically dismantle the plate of cheese and apple slices I’d prepared for them.
“Ah, but what if someone steals your phone?” Dad countered. “What then? Maybe I answer with ‘hello, beloved only son, how are you today,’ and that confirms your identity as my eldest child to the horrible monsters that have kidnapped you for their own nefarious purposes.”
I laughed. It was impossible not to. “Nefarious purposes, Dad? Really?” My parents raised us to answer the phone like we hated the entire universe and wanted it to go away. It was supposedly part of the smokescreen that protected us from the Covenant of St. George. Given how memorable it was, I suspected that Dad actually just enjoyed having an excuse to snarl at people for a change.
