Hard to Love You
Page 5
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I place both my hands on her shoulders, “Look at you MacKenzie, really look at you. You’re gorgeous, Sweetie; you look nothing like a whale. Nothing! I’m envious of you; you’ve got the man of your dreams, the cutest little chunky monkey and a beautiful home. This,” I point to the dress, “is just material. Hunter loves you for this.” I point to her heart. She starts crying again and I’m right there with her. “Hunter said to me the other night that he couldn’t believe he’s actually marrying you. You, MacKenzie, you’re each other’s everything.”
Kenzie slowly turns around and hugs the hell out of me. “You’re the best friend that every girl should have, Hails.”
We hold each other for a little while and cry a little longer. After I’ve gotten it all out, I decide we definitely need some laughter in our lives. My hands start slowly moving from her back, down to her sides to rest on her hips. “You know, I would kill for these. I’m sure Hunter loves that he has something to hold on to while you’re getting your freak on.”
That seems to do the trick because she starts laughing and soon she lets go and holds her stomach because she can’t stop. It’s a contagious laugh.
After we calm down, she smirks at me. “He does love them.” She says, just above a whisper, and starts blushing. You would think by now that she wouldn’t be this shy talking about sex.
I put my hands on my hips, “Now Kenz, why the hell are you blushing, girl? You can’t be that shy about sex. Christ, Hunter had you bent over his bike in the Goddamn garage! Did you forget I walked in on that hot shit?”
Now she turns bright red, God I loved her. I wish my own sister were just like her. Instead my sister is the world’s biggest bitch.
She covers her face with her hands, “I can’t believe you caught us like that and you didn’t even try to leave quietly.”
I shrug, “What? It was hot!”
She walks over, stands in front of me and reaches for my sunglasses. I quickly turn my head. She sighs and grabs my face with both her hands. She takes my glasses off and gasps. I look down at the floor, both hands go for my back pockets and I rock on my feet. I know what is coming next.
“Hailey.”
I don’t look up, I can’t.
She grabs my face again and gives me no choice. Looking into my eyes, she can see everything -the hurt, the pain, all of it. After a few moments she says, “You need to talk to him. Give him hell, Hailey! He deserves it, whether he did it or not. You need to let the feisty Hailey out.”
I look down to the floor again, begging for the tears to stay at bay. I will not cry over Mason Cahill, I chant to myself.
She waits, “I know, Kenz, I will. Let’s just get past the wedding and then I’ll figure things out. I don’t want you worrying over us.”
“Oh Hailey, I love you.” She hugs me. “You are your own worst enemy, you know that right?”
I nod. I will not cry over Mason Cahill, I chant again. “I know.”
“Help me out of this dress and let’s go back to my house and grab a drink. I think we can both use one.” She turns around, giving me access to her zipper.
“You look like a princess, Kenz. Hunter’s a lucky man.”
She winks at me in the mirror; I help her unzip and then hang the dress up. We leave the shop and make our way to her house. I need something to help steel my heart, at least for tonight anyway.
3
This being on the road shit sucks. The away games never used to bother me, but now that everything is screwed up, I hate it. I hate not being home, hate being away from Hailey, hate the drama and I hate myself. Baseball has always been a part of my life, it’s a constant, I’m good at it and I’m able to control it. It’s not just a hobby to me, it’s my career. Since losing Hailey I just can’t put my heart into the game. I know I look like a complete jackass to everyone; they’re all still pissed at me. Hell, I’m pissed at myself for even putting myself in such a screwed up situation. It seems that I always get burned while protecting my family. One damn day I’ll learn my lesson.
Hailey has to know I wouldn’t touch Lily. God knows Lily’s been around the block more times than I even care to think about. I shudder at the visions coming to mind. I can’t believe Coop, Hunter and I f**ked that. What the hell were we thinking? Oh that’s right, we were thinking with the wrong head.
I’ve been sending Hailey her favorite flowers, stargazers, every other day for the last two weeks; I feel the need to keep sending them so she knows I still think of her all the damn time. I pray that deep down she knows I wouldn’t cheat on her. Hell, there are girls that hang around after the games and at the local bars, trying to sink their claws into one of us. Damn cleat chasers. After Hailey and I finally decided to try this relationship thing out last year, I’ve never even given them a second thought. Yeah I joke around and flirt to get the things that I want, but that is the extent of it. The guys on the team were having a f**king field day with that; they kept asking when I was going to get my balls back. My balls are exactly where I wanted them, back home with Hailey.
Hailey. Damn, what I wouldn’t do to have her wrapped in my arms right now. I’m living my dream right now; but Hailey should be here with me. I’d give all of this up for her. It was our turn to have our happily ever after, but I’m screwing up because I’m keeping a secret, a secret that shouldn’t even affect us. So she ran. I shouldn’t be surprised, she always does. That’s the reason she was always at my house growing up, she ran away from her dad. Her mom and dad were in the middle of a divorce back then and she hated all the fighting. For the last eight years, Hailey had snuck into my room every night and slept in my bed with me. No one knew, not even MacKenzie. Sometimes we talked about what that night’s fight was about and other times I just held her while she cried. The divorce screwed her up more than she’ll ever admit and her bitch of a sister blames her for causing it.
We just wrapped up a game and we’re sitting at some local bar in Boston. Cooper has bailed and said his ankle was bothering him and he was going to call it a night. He thinks I’m stupid, but I know he’s going back to call Jaylinn. We’ve been busy lately and we haven’t had much down time and it’s getting in my way of finding Lily and talking to her again.
Pat enters the bar and takes the seat to the left of me. Pat is our first baseman for the Bulldogs and he’s an instigator. I’m not in the mood for that shit tonight; I just want to get through the night so we can get our asses back home tomorrow.
Kenzie slowly turns around and hugs the hell out of me. “You’re the best friend that every girl should have, Hails.”
We hold each other for a little while and cry a little longer. After I’ve gotten it all out, I decide we definitely need some laughter in our lives. My hands start slowly moving from her back, down to her sides to rest on her hips. “You know, I would kill for these. I’m sure Hunter loves that he has something to hold on to while you’re getting your freak on.”
That seems to do the trick because she starts laughing and soon she lets go and holds her stomach because she can’t stop. It’s a contagious laugh.
After we calm down, she smirks at me. “He does love them.” She says, just above a whisper, and starts blushing. You would think by now that she wouldn’t be this shy talking about sex.
I put my hands on my hips, “Now Kenz, why the hell are you blushing, girl? You can’t be that shy about sex. Christ, Hunter had you bent over his bike in the Goddamn garage! Did you forget I walked in on that hot shit?”
Now she turns bright red, God I loved her. I wish my own sister were just like her. Instead my sister is the world’s biggest bitch.
She covers her face with her hands, “I can’t believe you caught us like that and you didn’t even try to leave quietly.”
I shrug, “What? It was hot!”
She walks over, stands in front of me and reaches for my sunglasses. I quickly turn my head. She sighs and grabs my face with both her hands. She takes my glasses off and gasps. I look down at the floor, both hands go for my back pockets and I rock on my feet. I know what is coming next.
“Hailey.”
I don’t look up, I can’t.
She grabs my face again and gives me no choice. Looking into my eyes, she can see everything -the hurt, the pain, all of it. After a few moments she says, “You need to talk to him. Give him hell, Hailey! He deserves it, whether he did it or not. You need to let the feisty Hailey out.”
I look down to the floor again, begging for the tears to stay at bay. I will not cry over Mason Cahill, I chant to myself.
She waits, “I know, Kenz, I will. Let’s just get past the wedding and then I’ll figure things out. I don’t want you worrying over us.”
“Oh Hailey, I love you.” She hugs me. “You are your own worst enemy, you know that right?”
I nod. I will not cry over Mason Cahill, I chant again. “I know.”
“Help me out of this dress and let’s go back to my house and grab a drink. I think we can both use one.” She turns around, giving me access to her zipper.
“You look like a princess, Kenz. Hunter’s a lucky man.”
She winks at me in the mirror; I help her unzip and then hang the dress up. We leave the shop and make our way to her house. I need something to help steel my heart, at least for tonight anyway.
3
This being on the road shit sucks. The away games never used to bother me, but now that everything is screwed up, I hate it. I hate not being home, hate being away from Hailey, hate the drama and I hate myself. Baseball has always been a part of my life, it’s a constant, I’m good at it and I’m able to control it. It’s not just a hobby to me, it’s my career. Since losing Hailey I just can’t put my heart into the game. I know I look like a complete jackass to everyone; they’re all still pissed at me. Hell, I’m pissed at myself for even putting myself in such a screwed up situation. It seems that I always get burned while protecting my family. One damn day I’ll learn my lesson.
Hailey has to know I wouldn’t touch Lily. God knows Lily’s been around the block more times than I even care to think about. I shudder at the visions coming to mind. I can’t believe Coop, Hunter and I f**ked that. What the hell were we thinking? Oh that’s right, we were thinking with the wrong head.
I’ve been sending Hailey her favorite flowers, stargazers, every other day for the last two weeks; I feel the need to keep sending them so she knows I still think of her all the damn time. I pray that deep down she knows I wouldn’t cheat on her. Hell, there are girls that hang around after the games and at the local bars, trying to sink their claws into one of us. Damn cleat chasers. After Hailey and I finally decided to try this relationship thing out last year, I’ve never even given them a second thought. Yeah I joke around and flirt to get the things that I want, but that is the extent of it. The guys on the team were having a f**king field day with that; they kept asking when I was going to get my balls back. My balls are exactly where I wanted them, back home with Hailey.
Hailey. Damn, what I wouldn’t do to have her wrapped in my arms right now. I’m living my dream right now; but Hailey should be here with me. I’d give all of this up for her. It was our turn to have our happily ever after, but I’m screwing up because I’m keeping a secret, a secret that shouldn’t even affect us. So she ran. I shouldn’t be surprised, she always does. That’s the reason she was always at my house growing up, she ran away from her dad. Her mom and dad were in the middle of a divorce back then and she hated all the fighting. For the last eight years, Hailey had snuck into my room every night and slept in my bed with me. No one knew, not even MacKenzie. Sometimes we talked about what that night’s fight was about and other times I just held her while she cried. The divorce screwed her up more than she’ll ever admit and her bitch of a sister blames her for causing it.
We just wrapped up a game and we’re sitting at some local bar in Boston. Cooper has bailed and said his ankle was bothering him and he was going to call it a night. He thinks I’m stupid, but I know he’s going back to call Jaylinn. We’ve been busy lately and we haven’t had much down time and it’s getting in my way of finding Lily and talking to her again.
Pat enters the bar and takes the seat to the left of me. Pat is our first baseman for the Bulldogs and he’s an instigator. I’m not in the mood for that shit tonight; I just want to get through the night so we can get our asses back home tomorrow.
