“Well, there’s the problem. Stu called me this morning. He wants her for Christmas…”
“Don’t!” Kelly said.
“I called my lawyer—I’m in a box. Since Stu pretty much threw her out, I knew I had her. All I wanted at the time was to get her some help, get control of the situation, and I never legally changed our custody arrangement. I should’ve done it while he was seeing her as a weird little freak who was more trouble than she was worth—he probably wouldn’t have given me any trouble. I’ll do that now, of course, but it’s not going to get us out of Christmas. Stu says they’re taking a family vacation to Disney World. Hopefully she can get through it. I’ll talk to him again before that—I’ll make sure I know where they are, make sure he knows I’m going to be nearby in case there’s a problem, make sure he’s not putting her on the floor in the kids’ toy room.”
“You think she’ll go?” Kelly asked.
“I’ll take her. I’m not sending her into the lion’s den. I’ll take her and stay in the same hotel…”
“Good,” she said. “I mean, bad for Christmas, but there are other Christmases ahead…”
“It’s my fault,” he said. “I’ve contacted Stu twice in the past year—mostly out of guilt from promising to kill him. I called him and told him we were moving so he wouldn’t accuse me of kidnapping, and I sent him Courtney’s recent school picture. She’s all cleaned up—no more Goth. Her smile looks real. I scribbled a note—that she was doing well and her grades were back up to As. If I’d just left it alone, left him thinking she was a wild, troublesome Goth character, I probably wouldn’t have heard from him.” He took a breath. “But like him or not, he’s her father. I thought I had a responsibility. Damn it. Damn my parents for all that responsibility talk when I was growing up!”
She smiled at him, though her blue eyes were a little liquid. “Well, good for you. And you’ll be just down the hall in the same hotel so you can rescue her if things get crazy.” She shook her head. “I had no idea.”
“There’s been these times recently that amaze me,” he said. “Like when she was showing my mother how to make a twisted French loaf, I saw the old Courtney. I love that kid, Kelly. She’s my daughter.”
Kelly straightened. “She was showing your mom a twisted French loaf?”
He nodded. “I know she learned from you…”
“Wow. I thought she pretty much hated me.”
“I think that’s just her fear and lack of confidence…”
“You realize I can’t help you with any of this, don’t you? I can sympathize and be an ear, but that’s about it. First of all, I have no experience, no insights. Second, Courtney really doesn’t want my help. She puts up with me—that’s all. But if she liked me even a little, I’d go with you. If you had any trouble from the bad people, I’d be happy to kick ass and take names.”
“I think she’d appreciate that…”
“She trusts you, Lief. If you tell her you’re going to be nearby, I’m sure she’ll be okay.”
“I’m sorry about all the melodrama. None of it is her fault, not really.”
She reached for his hand. “I know. Maybe we’ll get through it yet.”
“And I’m sorry about Christmas,”
“Not to worry. I’ll stay busy. Maybe I can help out—would you like me to take care of Spike?”
“He’s a load,” Lief said.
She smiled and squeezed his hand. “It’ll give me something to do. Maybe it’ll get me some points with Courtney.”
Once Lief left Kelly, she immediately started dragging vegetables out of the cooling drawers and refrigerator. After she had a big pile on the work island, she realized that she instinctively did this when she was at loose ends.
So much of what Lief had told her was shocking to her.
Courtney’s problems were so much bigger than hers, that was for certain. That poor kid, just not old enough to understand the dysfunction of the adults who were supposed to take care of her. And who could blame her or fault her? Kelly didn’t have to like her to realize she barely had a fighting chance.
Second, Lief’s commitment and the weight of his obligation kept growing. And yet, for the sake of a troubled young girl, she wouldn’t have it any other way. But this would definitely change things, going forward. It would be very hard for Kelly to be a part of that family. It just might not be possible.
Kelly and Lief had begun to talk a little bit about how they might see each other over Christmas. Jillian and Colin were going back east. One of the Riordan brothers was assigned to the Pentagon; it seemed Luke and Shelby would go also, leaving Shelby’s uncle Walt to check on the cabins in their absence. They had asked Kelly if she had any interest in going along, but she’d declined immediately. She had been looking forward to a rather quiet holiday, some of it with Lief. Perhaps with Lief and Courtney.
But not if they would be in Orlando.
Being a little lonely wasn’t the worst thing. She’d be busy. Perhaps she could help out with chores around the gardens in case Denny, the assistant, wanted to take some time for the holidays. She’d cook, can and bake. That’s what she did if she was lonely. If she was troubled or uncertain.
Why couldn’t she fall for a man who was free to fall for her?
“No!” Courtney said. “No, you can’t make me!”
Lief had talked to Jerry Powell, who’d encouraged him to break the news as soon as possible, not only to give Courtney time to get used to the idea but also time to talk to Jerry about her concerns at her next appointment. The minute he got her home from school that day, he broke it to her.
“I’m not going to make you, Court. I’m asking you to put up with this one last time and I’ll get my lawyer working on a change in that custody agreement so that you won’t have to do it again.”
“Please,” she said. “Please don’t send me!”
“I won’t send you,” he said. “I’ll take you myself. And I’ll find out where you’re staying in Orlando and I’ll go. I might even go on the same plane, stay at the same hotel. I won’t let him get away with anything.”
She put her hands on her hips. “I bet you’re just saying that. I bet it made your day—freed you right up to spend Christmas with your girlfriend!”
“Why would you say that? No,” he said, shaking his head.
“Why? Because I remember it made you pretty damn mad when Stu decided to stop having custody or visitation—you were pissed. You threatened to kill him for doing that to you!”
“No!” Lief said. “No, Court! I wanted to kill him for treating you that way!”
“That isn’t what it sounded like,” she said, turning abruptly to walk away from him.
He grabbed her arm and spun her back. “Is that what you think? That I was mad about getting you back full-time?”
“That’s how it looked. First thing you did after my mom died was send me to Stu. Then Stu sent me back and said, no—she’ll live with you, visit me. Then he said, ‘Just take the little freak’ and you had him up against the wall, telling him you were going to kill him. And then—all the way back to your house, you were like purple, you were so pissed! You think I’m too f**king stupid to figure out no one wanted me? That I had nowhere to go?”
Lief sank weakly to the couch in his great room. She’d been a witness to the whole thing. How could she not understand any of it? In his head he heard himself telling her she shouldn’t be saying f**king….
But she was gone. The door to her room slammed.
He felt like the bones in his body had melted. She couldn’t really have misunderstood to that degree, could she? He tried to run the film of the whole year following Lana’s death in his mind, and it was clear as yesterday, but he couldn’t see it from Courtney’s perspective. His wife had died of an aneurism while at work; he’d been called to come to the hospital, though she was already gone. He’d had to pick up Court from school and try to explain through his own choking tears. It was such a dark blur—holding his little girl, crying with her, burying her mother.
And after that—packing her off to Stu. Hating that son of a bitch as Lief only got her for a quick weekend a couple of times a month. After all, Stu hadn’t raised her; he’d never had her longer than the occasional weekend.
Finally he stood up, forced himself to lift his chin, and went to Courtney’s room. He didn’t knock. He opened the door to find her on her cell phone. “Call whoever that is back,” he said. “I need ten minutes.”
She clicked off and looked up at him expectantly.
“It wasn’t like that,” he said. “The worst day of my life was when your mom died. The second worst day was when your father said, ‘Well, I guess Courtney comes to live with us now.’ I had to fight him, Courtney, to get weekend visitation. I had to pay him child support to get you two weekends a month. That day you called me to come for you, the day I got violent with him, I wanted to kill him for letting you be treated that way, for talking about you the way he did, for shoving you away when he should have put his life on the line to keep you safe! To make sure you knew you were loved and wanted. I swear to God.”
She lifted her chin. “Looked like you were pissed off because he told you I was your problem from now on,” she said.
“I should have killed him for saying that. He should never have let you feel that way. He was wrong.”
“And I have to go there? To spend Christmas with him?”
“I will take you myself. I’ll stay close, my cell phone on at all times, and if things aren’t perfect, I’ll get you out of there. Please trust me.”
She looked down. “Funny you don’t just take advantage of the vacation,” she said. “You and the girlfriend.”
“And it’s funny you don’t give her a chance. She’s a good person. She wants to come along—camp out in Orlando where you are. She said one false move and she’d be happy to kick some ass.”
She widened her eyes. “She said that?”
Lief nodded. “Not that many people are like Stu and Sherry. I hope to God they’ve changed.”
“I don’t know if I can do it,” she said. Then she shuddered. “They’re awful.”
“Last time,” he promised. “The lawyer is working up some paperwork asking for custody. Permanent custody. And I’ll be close by, I promise.”
“What about Spike?”
“I’ll make sure he’s taken care of. I’ll find someone to take care of him before we go.”
“Okay,” she finally said. “But I think it’s a bad, bad idea.”
Fourteen
On the sixteenth, Kelly arrived at Lief’s house at four in the afternoon, her arms laden with groceries. A second trip to her car brought her back with gifts for Lief and Courtney. While Lief and Courtney were pulling the last of their things together to pack, Kelly was cooking a special farewell dinner for them.
Too bad it couldn’t be a joyous occasion.
Kelly didn’t add her gifts to those still under the tree; she put hers on the table. Then she got busy—Courtney loved pasta, and Kelly had some to-die-for meatballs that she’d made ahead and added to her great-grandmother’s sauce. By the time she was fluffing up a salad, Lief had joined her in the kitchen.
“How can I help?” he asked.
“You can pour us each a glass of wine and keep me company. I brought some gifts—nothing so much. Just a holiday thought.”
“Don’t!” Kelly said.
“I called my lawyer—I’m in a box. Since Stu pretty much threw her out, I knew I had her. All I wanted at the time was to get her some help, get control of the situation, and I never legally changed our custody arrangement. I should’ve done it while he was seeing her as a weird little freak who was more trouble than she was worth—he probably wouldn’t have given me any trouble. I’ll do that now, of course, but it’s not going to get us out of Christmas. Stu says they’re taking a family vacation to Disney World. Hopefully she can get through it. I’ll talk to him again before that—I’ll make sure I know where they are, make sure he knows I’m going to be nearby in case there’s a problem, make sure he’s not putting her on the floor in the kids’ toy room.”
“You think she’ll go?” Kelly asked.
“I’ll take her. I’m not sending her into the lion’s den. I’ll take her and stay in the same hotel…”
“Good,” she said. “I mean, bad for Christmas, but there are other Christmases ahead…”
“It’s my fault,” he said. “I’ve contacted Stu twice in the past year—mostly out of guilt from promising to kill him. I called him and told him we were moving so he wouldn’t accuse me of kidnapping, and I sent him Courtney’s recent school picture. She’s all cleaned up—no more Goth. Her smile looks real. I scribbled a note—that she was doing well and her grades were back up to As. If I’d just left it alone, left him thinking she was a wild, troublesome Goth character, I probably wouldn’t have heard from him.” He took a breath. “But like him or not, he’s her father. I thought I had a responsibility. Damn it. Damn my parents for all that responsibility talk when I was growing up!”
She smiled at him, though her blue eyes were a little liquid. “Well, good for you. And you’ll be just down the hall in the same hotel so you can rescue her if things get crazy.” She shook her head. “I had no idea.”
“There’s been these times recently that amaze me,” he said. “Like when she was showing my mother how to make a twisted French loaf, I saw the old Courtney. I love that kid, Kelly. She’s my daughter.”
Kelly straightened. “She was showing your mom a twisted French loaf?”
He nodded. “I know she learned from you…”
“Wow. I thought she pretty much hated me.”
“I think that’s just her fear and lack of confidence…”
“You realize I can’t help you with any of this, don’t you? I can sympathize and be an ear, but that’s about it. First of all, I have no experience, no insights. Second, Courtney really doesn’t want my help. She puts up with me—that’s all. But if she liked me even a little, I’d go with you. If you had any trouble from the bad people, I’d be happy to kick ass and take names.”
“I think she’d appreciate that…”
“She trusts you, Lief. If you tell her you’re going to be nearby, I’m sure she’ll be okay.”
“I’m sorry about all the melodrama. None of it is her fault, not really.”
She reached for his hand. “I know. Maybe we’ll get through it yet.”
“And I’m sorry about Christmas,”
“Not to worry. I’ll stay busy. Maybe I can help out—would you like me to take care of Spike?”
“He’s a load,” Lief said.
She smiled and squeezed his hand. “It’ll give me something to do. Maybe it’ll get me some points with Courtney.”
Once Lief left Kelly, she immediately started dragging vegetables out of the cooling drawers and refrigerator. After she had a big pile on the work island, she realized that she instinctively did this when she was at loose ends.
So much of what Lief had told her was shocking to her.
Courtney’s problems were so much bigger than hers, that was for certain. That poor kid, just not old enough to understand the dysfunction of the adults who were supposed to take care of her. And who could blame her or fault her? Kelly didn’t have to like her to realize she barely had a fighting chance.
Second, Lief’s commitment and the weight of his obligation kept growing. And yet, for the sake of a troubled young girl, she wouldn’t have it any other way. But this would definitely change things, going forward. It would be very hard for Kelly to be a part of that family. It just might not be possible.
Kelly and Lief had begun to talk a little bit about how they might see each other over Christmas. Jillian and Colin were going back east. One of the Riordan brothers was assigned to the Pentagon; it seemed Luke and Shelby would go also, leaving Shelby’s uncle Walt to check on the cabins in their absence. They had asked Kelly if she had any interest in going along, but she’d declined immediately. She had been looking forward to a rather quiet holiday, some of it with Lief. Perhaps with Lief and Courtney.
But not if they would be in Orlando.
Being a little lonely wasn’t the worst thing. She’d be busy. Perhaps she could help out with chores around the gardens in case Denny, the assistant, wanted to take some time for the holidays. She’d cook, can and bake. That’s what she did if she was lonely. If she was troubled or uncertain.
Why couldn’t she fall for a man who was free to fall for her?
“No!” Courtney said. “No, you can’t make me!”
Lief had talked to Jerry Powell, who’d encouraged him to break the news as soon as possible, not only to give Courtney time to get used to the idea but also time to talk to Jerry about her concerns at her next appointment. The minute he got her home from school that day, he broke it to her.
“I’m not going to make you, Court. I’m asking you to put up with this one last time and I’ll get my lawyer working on a change in that custody agreement so that you won’t have to do it again.”
“Please,” she said. “Please don’t send me!”
“I won’t send you,” he said. “I’ll take you myself. And I’ll find out where you’re staying in Orlando and I’ll go. I might even go on the same plane, stay at the same hotel. I won’t let him get away with anything.”
She put her hands on her hips. “I bet you’re just saying that. I bet it made your day—freed you right up to spend Christmas with your girlfriend!”
“Why would you say that? No,” he said, shaking his head.
“Why? Because I remember it made you pretty damn mad when Stu decided to stop having custody or visitation—you were pissed. You threatened to kill him for doing that to you!”
“No!” Lief said. “No, Court! I wanted to kill him for treating you that way!”
“That isn’t what it sounded like,” she said, turning abruptly to walk away from him.
He grabbed her arm and spun her back. “Is that what you think? That I was mad about getting you back full-time?”
“That’s how it looked. First thing you did after my mom died was send me to Stu. Then Stu sent me back and said, no—she’ll live with you, visit me. Then he said, ‘Just take the little freak’ and you had him up against the wall, telling him you were going to kill him. And then—all the way back to your house, you were like purple, you were so pissed! You think I’m too f**king stupid to figure out no one wanted me? That I had nowhere to go?”
Lief sank weakly to the couch in his great room. She’d been a witness to the whole thing. How could she not understand any of it? In his head he heard himself telling her she shouldn’t be saying f**king….
But she was gone. The door to her room slammed.
He felt like the bones in his body had melted. She couldn’t really have misunderstood to that degree, could she? He tried to run the film of the whole year following Lana’s death in his mind, and it was clear as yesterday, but he couldn’t see it from Courtney’s perspective. His wife had died of an aneurism while at work; he’d been called to come to the hospital, though she was already gone. He’d had to pick up Court from school and try to explain through his own choking tears. It was such a dark blur—holding his little girl, crying with her, burying her mother.
And after that—packing her off to Stu. Hating that son of a bitch as Lief only got her for a quick weekend a couple of times a month. After all, Stu hadn’t raised her; he’d never had her longer than the occasional weekend.
Finally he stood up, forced himself to lift his chin, and went to Courtney’s room. He didn’t knock. He opened the door to find her on her cell phone. “Call whoever that is back,” he said. “I need ten minutes.”
She clicked off and looked up at him expectantly.
“It wasn’t like that,” he said. “The worst day of my life was when your mom died. The second worst day was when your father said, ‘Well, I guess Courtney comes to live with us now.’ I had to fight him, Courtney, to get weekend visitation. I had to pay him child support to get you two weekends a month. That day you called me to come for you, the day I got violent with him, I wanted to kill him for letting you be treated that way, for talking about you the way he did, for shoving you away when he should have put his life on the line to keep you safe! To make sure you knew you were loved and wanted. I swear to God.”
She lifted her chin. “Looked like you were pissed off because he told you I was your problem from now on,” she said.
“I should have killed him for saying that. He should never have let you feel that way. He was wrong.”
“And I have to go there? To spend Christmas with him?”
“I will take you myself. I’ll stay close, my cell phone on at all times, and if things aren’t perfect, I’ll get you out of there. Please trust me.”
She looked down. “Funny you don’t just take advantage of the vacation,” she said. “You and the girlfriend.”
“And it’s funny you don’t give her a chance. She’s a good person. She wants to come along—camp out in Orlando where you are. She said one false move and she’d be happy to kick some ass.”
She widened her eyes. “She said that?”
Lief nodded. “Not that many people are like Stu and Sherry. I hope to God they’ve changed.”
“I don’t know if I can do it,” she said. Then she shuddered. “They’re awful.”
“Last time,” he promised. “The lawyer is working up some paperwork asking for custody. Permanent custody. And I’ll be close by, I promise.”
“What about Spike?”
“I’ll make sure he’s taken care of. I’ll find someone to take care of him before we go.”
“Okay,” she finally said. “But I think it’s a bad, bad idea.”
Fourteen
On the sixteenth, Kelly arrived at Lief’s house at four in the afternoon, her arms laden with groceries. A second trip to her car brought her back with gifts for Lief and Courtney. While Lief and Courtney were pulling the last of their things together to pack, Kelly was cooking a special farewell dinner for them.
Too bad it couldn’t be a joyous occasion.
Kelly didn’t add her gifts to those still under the tree; she put hers on the table. Then she got busy—Courtney loved pasta, and Kelly had some to-die-for meatballs that she’d made ahead and added to her great-grandmother’s sauce. By the time she was fluffing up a salad, Lief had joined her in the kitchen.
“How can I help?” he asked.
“You can pour us each a glass of wine and keep me company. I brought some gifts—nothing so much. Just a holiday thought.”
