He rolled his eyes, but I held up my hand to cut off his answer.
"Hold on," I said. "There's a codicil. If you pick smart, you can't be good-looking. And vice versa."
He pursed his lips. "Define 'not good-looking.' "
"Triple paper-bag ugly. But Nobel Prize-winner brilliant. And dumb as a stump, but drop-dead gorgeous."
He laughed. "You first."
"Option B. Gorgeous and stupid."
"Oh, now, that'd fail the test."
"Try it and see."
He cast the spell. When I repeated my answer, he leaned forward to look in my eyes, then nearly toppled backward laughing.
"I don't believe it. You are serious. Either that, or my casting is off, and I think that must be it, because I can't imagine you'd ever pick beauty over brains."
"No? Think about it. If you pick brains, you'd be smart enough to know exactly how ugly you were. But if you picked beauty, you'd be too dumb to know the difference. I'd rather be happy than miserable. And I'm sure the sex would be better, too. Well, a lot more plentiful at least. Go with option A, and you might as well join the priesthood."
He shook his head, still chuckling. "Well, I'm sticking with option A. Brains over beauty for me any day."
His eyes darkened.
I sputtered a laugh. "Liar."
He sighed. "You got me with the celibacy angle."
I laughed. He lifted me onto his lap and kissed me.
After a moment, he pulled back slowly. "I need you to promise me something, Eve."
"Hmm?"
"If things go wrong in there—badly wrong, and you get into a situation you can't get out of…" He hesitated, then wrapped his hand around mine. "The Fates said if you change your mind, at any point, and you need to become an angel—"
"No."
He took my chin in his hand and lifted my face to his.
I shook my head. "I'll find another way, Kris. There's always another way. I'll have the hellsbane potion, remember? Anything goes wrong, I gulp that, and I'm home free faster than the Creator could make me an angel."
"But if you ever did get stuck—if that was the only way out, I need to know you'll take it." When I hesitated, he stroked his finger across my cheek. "If it did come to that, Eve, we'd find a way. I'd find one for us. For now and forever. I say it and I mean it. I backed down once, and I'll never do it again."
"Backed down? You never—"
"I didn't have any say in your leaving last time, but I had years to fight your decision, twelve years to say
'I want you back and I don't care if it means giving up everything else to get you.' But I never did. Not because I didn't love you, or I didn't love you enough, but because I was a coward."
"You weren't—"
"I was afraid you wouldn't want me back. So I told myself that I'd wait, give you time to come to me, and when you didn't I convinced myself that my fears were well-founded, that you'd only wanted me for who I was and what I could give you… and even that wasn't worth staying with me for."
"Kris, I never—"
"I know. Even then, I think I saw that for what it was—self-pitying bullshit. But it made my cowardice easier to justify. Then I came here, and found you, and I knew I was wrong." He smiled. "Even as you were telling me to go to hell, and trying to send me there with an energy bolt, I knew I'd been wrong. So I vowed I'd get you back, and when I did, I'd make damn sure nothing got in the way again, not your obsession with protecting Savannah, not ghost-world bounty-hunter duty, not even impossibly good-looking angel mentors."
"But you're taller."
He grinned. "See? You did notice."
I laughed. When I finished, he touched my chin, turning my face to his.
"The point is that I'm not leaving, and no one can make me. No matter what happens, I'll fight. If you get stuck in there, absolutely stuck, you don't quit on me, either—you fight, even if it means you need that damned sword to do it."
I hesitated, then nodded. "I will."
When I was ready, Trsiel took me away, to escort me into Dachev's hell. As we walked through the complex, he gave me some tips about Dachev himself, based on his own encounters with him. I drilled him on that, getting everything he knew about Dachev, from concrete facts to behavioral interpretations to general impressions. Then I declared myself ready.
"He's right through that door," Trsiel said.
"Door?" I followed his finger to see a narrow door behind me. "He's through there?"
"His hell is, at least. You'll have to find Dachev himself. I don't know what's in…" He shook his head.
"This won't work. You need more details. Let me try tracking down Katsuo again. He's been there—"
"Don't," I said. "If I start stalling, I won't stop. If Dachev's in there, I'll find him."
Trsiel nodded. "But be careful. Remember what I said—"
"I know."
"Don't forget, the… men down there, they haven't seen a woman—"
"I know."
"They can hurt you, Eve. Really hurt you. You have to be—"
"I know." I reached out and squeezed his hand. "I know, Trsiel."
He hesitated, as if there was so much more he wanted to say, a hundred more warnings he wanted to impart, but instead he returned the squeeze and, with his free hand, pulled a vial from his pocket.
"Ah, the hellsbane potion," I said. "Don't want to forget that."
"If you did, or if you lost it, we'd send someone after you. You don't need to worry about that. No matter what happens there, you aren't trapped. But try not to lose it. Time is slowed in the hells, so we can afford to give you all the time you need to talk to Dachev. That means, though, that if something goes wrong, it could feel like days before we realized it and came to get you out. It—it wouldn't be a pleasant stay—"
"I have deep pockets," I said.
"Good. Put this in the deepest. Now, one last thing—or two last…" He shook his head. "Never mind.
"Hold on," I said. "There's a codicil. If you pick smart, you can't be good-looking. And vice versa."
He pursed his lips. "Define 'not good-looking.' "
"Triple paper-bag ugly. But Nobel Prize-winner brilliant. And dumb as a stump, but drop-dead gorgeous."
He laughed. "You first."
"Option B. Gorgeous and stupid."
"Oh, now, that'd fail the test."
"Try it and see."
He cast the spell. When I repeated my answer, he leaned forward to look in my eyes, then nearly toppled backward laughing.
"I don't believe it. You are serious. Either that, or my casting is off, and I think that must be it, because I can't imagine you'd ever pick beauty over brains."
"No? Think about it. If you pick brains, you'd be smart enough to know exactly how ugly you were. But if you picked beauty, you'd be too dumb to know the difference. I'd rather be happy than miserable. And I'm sure the sex would be better, too. Well, a lot more plentiful at least. Go with option A, and you might as well join the priesthood."
He shook his head, still chuckling. "Well, I'm sticking with option A. Brains over beauty for me any day."
His eyes darkened.
I sputtered a laugh. "Liar."
He sighed. "You got me with the celibacy angle."
I laughed. He lifted me onto his lap and kissed me.
After a moment, he pulled back slowly. "I need you to promise me something, Eve."
"Hmm?"
"If things go wrong in there—badly wrong, and you get into a situation you can't get out of…" He hesitated, then wrapped his hand around mine. "The Fates said if you change your mind, at any point, and you need to become an angel—"
"No."
He took my chin in his hand and lifted my face to his.
I shook my head. "I'll find another way, Kris. There's always another way. I'll have the hellsbane potion, remember? Anything goes wrong, I gulp that, and I'm home free faster than the Creator could make me an angel."
"But if you ever did get stuck—if that was the only way out, I need to know you'll take it." When I hesitated, he stroked his finger across my cheek. "If it did come to that, Eve, we'd find a way. I'd find one for us. For now and forever. I say it and I mean it. I backed down once, and I'll never do it again."
"Backed down? You never—"
"I didn't have any say in your leaving last time, but I had years to fight your decision, twelve years to say
'I want you back and I don't care if it means giving up everything else to get you.' But I never did. Not because I didn't love you, or I didn't love you enough, but because I was a coward."
"You weren't—"
"I was afraid you wouldn't want me back. So I told myself that I'd wait, give you time to come to me, and when you didn't I convinced myself that my fears were well-founded, that you'd only wanted me for who I was and what I could give you… and even that wasn't worth staying with me for."
"Kris, I never—"
"I know. Even then, I think I saw that for what it was—self-pitying bullshit. But it made my cowardice easier to justify. Then I came here, and found you, and I knew I was wrong." He smiled. "Even as you were telling me to go to hell, and trying to send me there with an energy bolt, I knew I'd been wrong. So I vowed I'd get you back, and when I did, I'd make damn sure nothing got in the way again, not your obsession with protecting Savannah, not ghost-world bounty-hunter duty, not even impossibly good-looking angel mentors."
"But you're taller."
He grinned. "See? You did notice."
I laughed. When I finished, he touched my chin, turning my face to his.
"The point is that I'm not leaving, and no one can make me. No matter what happens, I'll fight. If you get stuck in there, absolutely stuck, you don't quit on me, either—you fight, even if it means you need that damned sword to do it."
I hesitated, then nodded. "I will."
When I was ready, Trsiel took me away, to escort me into Dachev's hell. As we walked through the complex, he gave me some tips about Dachev himself, based on his own encounters with him. I drilled him on that, getting everything he knew about Dachev, from concrete facts to behavioral interpretations to general impressions. Then I declared myself ready.
"He's right through that door," Trsiel said.
"Door?" I followed his finger to see a narrow door behind me. "He's through there?"
"His hell is, at least. You'll have to find Dachev himself. I don't know what's in…" He shook his head.
"This won't work. You need more details. Let me try tracking down Katsuo again. He's been there—"
"Don't," I said. "If I start stalling, I won't stop. If Dachev's in there, I'll find him."
Trsiel nodded. "But be careful. Remember what I said—"
"I know."
"Don't forget, the… men down there, they haven't seen a woman—"
"I know."
"They can hurt you, Eve. Really hurt you. You have to be—"
"I know." I reached out and squeezed his hand. "I know, Trsiel."
He hesitated, as if there was so much more he wanted to say, a hundred more warnings he wanted to impart, but instead he returned the squeeze and, with his free hand, pulled a vial from his pocket.
"Ah, the hellsbane potion," I said. "Don't want to forget that."
"If you did, or if you lost it, we'd send someone after you. You don't need to worry about that. No matter what happens there, you aren't trapped. But try not to lose it. Time is slowed in the hells, so we can afford to give you all the time you need to talk to Dachev. That means, though, that if something goes wrong, it could feel like days before we realized it and came to get you out. It—it wouldn't be a pleasant stay—"
"I have deep pockets," I said.
"Good. Put this in the deepest. Now, one last thing—or two last…" He shook his head. "Never mind.
