Hearts of Blue
Page 66

“I can’t believe you’d do that to Mum,” I said, breaking the silence. “She’s never been anything but loyal to you, more loyal than you deserve.”
“It was a long time ago, Karla. I’ve put it behind me,” he answered, dismissive.
“Well, Jennings certainly hasn’t. Have you any idea what it’s like for me working with her? She literally goes out of her way to fuck with me every single day.”
Dad bristled at my use of language, but he didn’t reprimand me for it. “Katherine’s always been volatile,” he said, and if I wasn’t mistaken, there was a note of affection in his voice. Was he shitting me? I’d never heard him sound like that before, not even with Mum.
“You let the men who beat her go free,” I said, and the vein in his neck began to throb.
“Don’t try to act like you understand any of it, Karla. You were only a child when it happened.”
“I understand that you could have easily given a witness statement describing the men who broke into her home, but you refused.” What I really wanted to say was left unspoken, but I could see he knew what I was thinking. It was a cowardly act.
“Do you think I don’t regret what I did?” Dad asked after a long stretch of silence. His question surprised me as I levelled my eyes on him.
“I don’t know. Do you?”
“Of course I do. I was young, afraid of damaging my reputation. Why on earth do you think I’ve been putting all my energy into the McGregor case? What we had is in the past. It’ll never been rekindled, but I’m trying to do right by Katherine by finally putting that monster away for good, even if it might be years too late.”
“McGregor’s the one who beat her?”
Dad nodded soberly. “He and his men. You were a wee girl at the time, and you’d just started expressing an interest in the police. It was ridiculous. Why any woman would put herself in harm’s way like that still astounds me.”
Even though what he said pissed me off, I could read between the lines. He’d never admit it out loud, but maybe he didn’t like the idea of me becoming a policewoman because it frightened him. It was a little bit sad that he’d never be able to show weakness, admit his fears, even to his own daughter. He was too hard, too gruff, to ever be any kind of loving presence in my life, for us to ever have a relationship where we could share our feelings without worry of being judged. And on the matter of women joining the force, we were destined to forever disagree. Truthfully, it was a sorry state of affairs, because I’d known him my whole life, and that was long enough to know he’d never change, would never learn to admit he was wrong.
“I think you’ll find, Dad, that men are made of flesh and bone just like women. They can be hurt, too. This has nothing to do with gender. Katherine was just unlucky, as I’m sure many male officers have been.”
“You’re not as strong. That’s a genetic fact,” Dad countered.
“We’re not weak, either — far from it.”
He stared at me, silent, and it felt like we’d come to something of an impasse. I’d hardly touched my tea, but Dad picked his up, downing the rest of it before rising from the table.
“I have to get back,” he said, acting like we hadn’t just been discussing something as monumentally important as we had. “If you can spare the time, it’d make your mother happy to see you visit this week.”
With that he left, and I watched him go.
***
The following evening, I decided to pay a visit to the gym. What with everything that had been happening, I’d been falling behind on my workouts. Reya had a gig, so she couldn’t come along, but I didn’t mind. I needed some time alone to clear my head, my feet pounding hard on the treadmill as I pumped my legs fast. I was a hot, sweaty mess by the time I finished, and made my way to the showers, where I scrubbed my body clean.
My head was full of conflicting thoughts, the foremost being what was going to happen to Lee when my dad finally arrested McGregor. Would he get caught in the crossfire, just another piece of collateral damage? Or would he finally be free of the life he was embroiled in?
I so desperately wanted him to look me in the eye and promise he was going to clean up his act, get out of the game. But perhaps I was overestimating what I meant to him. Perhaps I’d allowed my feelings to grow too deep.
Piling my wet hair up into a messy bun, I quickly dressed in a T-shirt and some yoga pants before making my way out of the changing rooms to head home. I stopped in my tracks as soon as I stepped out and found Lee waiting for me. The gym was due to close in half an hour, so there weren’t many people around. He stood leaning back against the wall, his arms folded across his chest as he eyed me.
“Hi,” I said, wondering what he was doing here. After how we left things yesterday, I didn’t think he’d want to see me again. I’d told him I didn’t want to see him, but I knew the statement had fallen flat. I couldn’t even convince myself it was true, never mind anyone else. His gaze travelled from my wet, messy hair to the scooped neckline of my T-shirt.
“Snap,” said Lee, pushing off the wall and stepping toward me.
“Is everything all right?” I asked.
“Is it ever?” he asked back, expressionless.
“I’m sorry about yesterday.” I eyed him meaningfully, my gaze flickering over his face. There was a tension in his features, and he seemed stressed.