I let out a small laugh and help her up to her feet. I still can’t believe she is here and standing in my damn house. The feeling is so surreal.
We both stand here for a moment, taking each other in with smiles before turning to find Onyx pacing around the living room. She’s biting her nails and shaking as the tears pour out.
As much as I want to hold her and tell her that it’s okay, it really isn’t. She just made the worst mistake of her life and it’s going to take a while for me to get over this. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is. She hurt me, knowing that she was, and in the worst way possible.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That’s all I can say. You don’t think I wanted to tell you? I did. Trust me, I did.” Onyx walks over to us and looks between the both of us. “I love you both so much,” she cries. “I never meant to hurt anyone, but you have to understand that Hemy is a different person than the one I knew years ago. I couldn’t put you through what I had to go through. That’s all I can say. I was going to tell you as soon as I knew things were different for real this time.” She sucks in a breath and walks past us. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what to fucking say,” I seethe. “I trusted you.”
She swallows hard and fights back more tears. “I’m going, just please don’t hate me. I can’t survive knowing you hate me.”
Exhaling, I watch as Onyx walks down the hall and disappears into my bedroom. I’m so fucking mad right now that if I open my mouth again I will probably say something I will regret forever.
So . . . I just watch as she walks away . . . again.
Chapter Fifteen
Hemy
It’s been three weeks since I found out Ash was really Sage and I watched as Onyx walked out of my life again. Not a second has gone by that I haven’t thought of her and missed the shit out of her. I have wanted to call her so many times and tell her I forgive her and I understand why she did it, but the pain is still too fresh. As far as I know, she has known about Sage for over a year, over a fucking year. How am I just supposed to forget about that?
A part of me knows that she didn’t find me right away because she was scared of getting hurt again and didn’t know if she’d be able to handle being around me without losing control, but it hurts like hell. I could have had Sage back in my life that whole damn time. I just can’t get over that as much as I want to.
Everything has changed in the last few weeks and besides not having Onyx in my life, things have been good. Sage has been staying with me and I spend most of my time at Mitch’s shop instead of at the club. I’ve told the boys I will stay on for two days a week until they can find someone else to take over. After that, I will stay and bartend. I guess I’m pulling a Slade.
It didn’t take long for me and Sage to get comfortable with each other again and we have actually been spending a lot of time together talking about our childhood; only the good stuff though, I’m not reminding her of the all the fucked up shit our parents did to us. She doesn’t deserve that and I won’t put her through it.
I’ve been pacing around my living room with a beer in hand for the last three hours, trying to drown out the damn noise in my head. Nothing has been working. “Shit!”
I’m just pulling out another beer when I hear the front door open, so I pull out three beers instead. Sage and Stone have been spending a lot of time together and I need to keep my eye on that slick motherfucker. I won’t hesitate to hand him his ass.
“Yo!” Stone calls out while stepping into the kitchen, instantly spotting the three bottles of beer with a grin. “This is why I love you so damn much, man. Always looking out when a brother is thirsty.”
I slap him upside the back of the head as he reaches for a beer and pops the top. “Where’s Sage?”
He lets out a sigh and quickly takes a drink of his beer. He’s hesitant for a moment before he replies. “With Onyx. They’ve been talking a lot. She’s meeting me here in twenty.” He takes another drink of beer before setting it down and focusing his attention on me. “That girl loves you, man. I know what she did hurt you, but you have to look at it from her point of view too, man.”
I take a gulp of my beer and clench my jaw. “Keep talking.” Maybe I need this.
“Alright then. The truth hurts, but . . . from what I’ve heard, you had a lot of fucking issues. You were never really here.” He points to his head and looks me in the eyes. “You can’t expect her to risk hurting someone she cares about by bringing them into your sick fucked up world. I know you’re not like that anymore, but for someone that experienced it every day for ten years, it’s a little harder to convince. You ripped that girl’s heart out and stomped on it and she still brought your sister back in hopes that you would be able to meet her one day. She just wanted to make sure the time was right for all of you; not just her, or you, but all three of you. You can’t be mad at that, man. That’s a good ass woman.”
I close my eyes and run my hands through my hair, lost in thought. He’s fucking right and hearing someone say it out loud really opens my eyes. She was there for me every fucking time I needed someone.
“You don’t have to fucking tell me. She’s the best woman I’ve ever known.” I pause to let out a sigh. “I’ll never forget that shit.”
She’s always done what she felt was best. This isn’t any different. If I would have gotten Sage back while I was high out of my mind and always fucked up, then I would have probably lost her for good, just like everyone else; her and Onyx. Maybe I can’t blame Onyx for being as cautious as she was. Maybe, I should be blaming myself and thanking Onyx. I always was the one to fuck shit up. Still am.
“I fucked up real bad, man. I’m not proud of the things I did one bit. I had a lot of shit I was dealing with and I couldn’t handle it without getting out of my head.” I open my eyes and grip onto the counter, realizing that I’m the one that fucked up once again. “I need to go find her. Fuck, I can’t live without her. I’ve loved her since the day she attacked me in the alley with a hug. I fell in love with that girl and it took me what seems like an eternity to figure that out. It might be too late now. Fuck me!”
Gripping my shoulder, Stone nods his head in understanding. “Better late than never, asshole,” he says jokingly. “Never too late, not when you have the kind of love you two have. I have heard it all, man. Now, I’m no mushy pussy or anything, but it’s real, bro. Even I can see that.”
We both stand here for a moment, taking each other in with smiles before turning to find Onyx pacing around the living room. She’s biting her nails and shaking as the tears pour out.
As much as I want to hold her and tell her that it’s okay, it really isn’t. She just made the worst mistake of her life and it’s going to take a while for me to get over this. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is. She hurt me, knowing that she was, and in the worst way possible.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That’s all I can say. You don’t think I wanted to tell you? I did. Trust me, I did.” Onyx walks over to us and looks between the both of us. “I love you both so much,” she cries. “I never meant to hurt anyone, but you have to understand that Hemy is a different person than the one I knew years ago. I couldn’t put you through what I had to go through. That’s all I can say. I was going to tell you as soon as I knew things were different for real this time.” She sucks in a breath and walks past us. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what to fucking say,” I seethe. “I trusted you.”
She swallows hard and fights back more tears. “I’m going, just please don’t hate me. I can’t survive knowing you hate me.”
Exhaling, I watch as Onyx walks down the hall and disappears into my bedroom. I’m so fucking mad right now that if I open my mouth again I will probably say something I will regret forever.
So . . . I just watch as she walks away . . . again.
Chapter Fifteen
Hemy
It’s been three weeks since I found out Ash was really Sage and I watched as Onyx walked out of my life again. Not a second has gone by that I haven’t thought of her and missed the shit out of her. I have wanted to call her so many times and tell her I forgive her and I understand why she did it, but the pain is still too fresh. As far as I know, she has known about Sage for over a year, over a fucking year. How am I just supposed to forget about that?
A part of me knows that she didn’t find me right away because she was scared of getting hurt again and didn’t know if she’d be able to handle being around me without losing control, but it hurts like hell. I could have had Sage back in my life that whole damn time. I just can’t get over that as much as I want to.
Everything has changed in the last few weeks and besides not having Onyx in my life, things have been good. Sage has been staying with me and I spend most of my time at Mitch’s shop instead of at the club. I’ve told the boys I will stay on for two days a week until they can find someone else to take over. After that, I will stay and bartend. I guess I’m pulling a Slade.
It didn’t take long for me and Sage to get comfortable with each other again and we have actually been spending a lot of time together talking about our childhood; only the good stuff though, I’m not reminding her of the all the fucked up shit our parents did to us. She doesn’t deserve that and I won’t put her through it.
I’ve been pacing around my living room with a beer in hand for the last three hours, trying to drown out the damn noise in my head. Nothing has been working. “Shit!”
I’m just pulling out another beer when I hear the front door open, so I pull out three beers instead. Sage and Stone have been spending a lot of time together and I need to keep my eye on that slick motherfucker. I won’t hesitate to hand him his ass.
“Yo!” Stone calls out while stepping into the kitchen, instantly spotting the three bottles of beer with a grin. “This is why I love you so damn much, man. Always looking out when a brother is thirsty.”
I slap him upside the back of the head as he reaches for a beer and pops the top. “Where’s Sage?”
He lets out a sigh and quickly takes a drink of his beer. He’s hesitant for a moment before he replies. “With Onyx. They’ve been talking a lot. She’s meeting me here in twenty.” He takes another drink of beer before setting it down and focusing his attention on me. “That girl loves you, man. I know what she did hurt you, but you have to look at it from her point of view too, man.”
I take a gulp of my beer and clench my jaw. “Keep talking.” Maybe I need this.
“Alright then. The truth hurts, but . . . from what I’ve heard, you had a lot of fucking issues. You were never really here.” He points to his head and looks me in the eyes. “You can’t expect her to risk hurting someone she cares about by bringing them into your sick fucked up world. I know you’re not like that anymore, but for someone that experienced it every day for ten years, it’s a little harder to convince. You ripped that girl’s heart out and stomped on it and she still brought your sister back in hopes that you would be able to meet her one day. She just wanted to make sure the time was right for all of you; not just her, or you, but all three of you. You can’t be mad at that, man. That’s a good ass woman.”
I close my eyes and run my hands through my hair, lost in thought. He’s fucking right and hearing someone say it out loud really opens my eyes. She was there for me every fucking time I needed someone.
“You don’t have to fucking tell me. She’s the best woman I’ve ever known.” I pause to let out a sigh. “I’ll never forget that shit.”
She’s always done what she felt was best. This isn’t any different. If I would have gotten Sage back while I was high out of my mind and always fucked up, then I would have probably lost her for good, just like everyone else; her and Onyx. Maybe I can’t blame Onyx for being as cautious as she was. Maybe, I should be blaming myself and thanking Onyx. I always was the one to fuck shit up. Still am.
“I fucked up real bad, man. I’m not proud of the things I did one bit. I had a lot of shit I was dealing with and I couldn’t handle it without getting out of my head.” I open my eyes and grip onto the counter, realizing that I’m the one that fucked up once again. “I need to go find her. Fuck, I can’t live without her. I’ve loved her since the day she attacked me in the alley with a hug. I fell in love with that girl and it took me what seems like an eternity to figure that out. It might be too late now. Fuck me!”
Gripping my shoulder, Stone nods his head in understanding. “Better late than never, asshole,” he says jokingly. “Never too late, not when you have the kind of love you two have. I have heard it all, man. Now, I’m no mushy pussy or anything, but it’s real, bro. Even I can see that.”
