Here Be Sexist Vampires
Page 3

Standing there waiting for my own turn was agonising. I couldn’t even plan a strategy as I had no view of what the forest was like inside. Worse still, the members of the legion that were stood here were all Pagoris. There was no way to outrun a Pagori unless you were one yourself. Sure Sventés were stronger and faster than the fittest human, but it didn’t compare to Pagori strength and speed. There was one thing, however, that could go in my favour. What Pagoris lacked in was agility. Sventé vampires, however, had the dexterity and sprightliness of a jungle cat and if these legion members weren’t used to working alongside Sventés then they might not be prepared for it. So if I tapped into that and also made good use of my head start there was a chance – I didn’t like how slim that chance was – of succeeding.
Was it any wonder that I was left till last to do the task? Or that Jared paired me up with the stockiest legion member of the lot to chase after me?
Jared gave me the fakest, most patronising ‘good luck’ that I’d ever heard, so I gave him the fakest, most patronising ‘thank you’ that he had ever heard.
It felt like forever before Jared finally said ‘Go!’
I sprung forward with as much force as I could, grabbing hold of the nearest branch for only a fleeting moment before then swinging to the next one ahead of me. Never letting myself forget that soon I would be pursued, I zoomed through the forest with such grace and litheness like a feather in the wind.
Plenty of logs and boulders scattered the ground, but for now I was relying only on tree branches. Bouncing from branches to boulders and back again would be nice and creative, but would slow my speed. That was the last thing I needed. Before long I could hear my pursuer...and there was no sign yet of the end of the forest.
I put more force behind my swings but the Pagori bloke behind me was fast and I knew that I couldn’t stay out of his reach for much longer.
“I is a comin’,” the bloke called out in an accent that wasn’t authentic. Clearly he considered himself playful and that this was a game that he was going to win.
Ah crap! He may just win it. Up ahead there was a wide river. Plenty of rocks stuck out of it. I could easy dash across them but that would slow me down. I almost felt dispirited until I saw what was beyond the river: the end of the forest. As I noticed the fallen tree in front of the river, an idea entered my head.
“Don’t hurt yourself now,” the Pagori bloke was shouting in a patronising voice. Arsewipe.
As I reached the river I landed nimbly on the fallen tree and pushed hard on my legs as I leapt into the air...almost there...almost there. Down. Ha. I’d cleared the river.
“Fuck me!” exclaimed the Pagori in surprise.
I’d rather not. Swinging from branches again, I could hear the Pagori stomping across the rocks. Apparently he couldn’t match my leap.
One more swing. Yes! I celebrated in my head as my feet met the ground outside of the forest. Three seconds later the blonde Pagori was beside me. He shook his head at me, his smile was filled with surprise. His eyes were glowing with respect.
“What’s your name?” he asked. The Australian had dropped his playful accent now.
“Sam.”
“Well, Sam, I think I’ve just fell in love.” His state of disbelief now had him giggling. “Come on.”
We ran back through the forest at vampire speed, finding Jared waiting at the mouth of it. He seemed amused. Until the Pagori spoke.
“She’s like a nymph or something!” He shook his head. “I can’t believe she did it.”
The look on Jared’s face was priceless. “Green, are you saying she outran you?”
He nodded. “You should have seen her leap over the river, she completely cleared it!” He patted me on the back and then waltzed over to his comrades, telling them about the chase.
Whereas Green was dazed yet excited, Jared was dazed but irritated. The other blokes weren’t laughing anymore, but they were still looking at me oddly and whispering. Then I got extremely cheesed off when I heard one of them suggesting to another bloke that I must have given Green a bl*w j*b to get him to say I’d outran him. I stomped hard on his foot and shot him a scowl. He didn’t seem confident enough to scowl back. Were they all arsewipes?
The bloke with the shaven head who’d earlier assured me that I would not pass this tryout glared at me. “You sure you’re not a disguised Pagori vampire on crack?”
“Oh shut it, slap-head.”
He just chuckled.
“For the final stage, we’ll return inside.” Jared’s walk was filled with that much frustration that he was almost marching.
I knew as I entered the building and joined the line in front of Jared that my smugness must be apparent on my face because he was glowering madly at me. I snorted.
“The final stage,” he drawled. “Combat. This is where you get to use your gifts. In the legion we train to avoid up-close and personal combat as this only tires a vampire and leads to more injuries. Instead we like to rely mostly on our gifts, aiding us to attack from afar. For this stage the effectiveness of your gift will be just as important as your control of it. There are now only seven of you left. From what I have seen so far, I’m confident that the three spaces I have left to fill for the squad will be filled today. Which means four of you will be going home.”
Jared first matched up one of the two remaining Kejas with a Pagori for combat. “Your aim is to outmatch your opponent, not to kill or cause any harm that can’t be fixed by our self-healing.”
Contrary to mythology, vampires can be killed in lots of ways. A stab to the heart would do the trick purely because we need it beating just as much as we did as a human. We can also be bled out if our injuries are too extensive which leads to death. Being starved of blood for more than four weeks was another way to go. In addition, a lot of vampires have deadly gifts and these will just as effectively kill us as they would a human.
Both the Keja and the Pagori were good. They stayed clear of each other, as instructed. Their powers were impressive. Although the Keja was a conjurer and was materialising weapons, the Pagori could secrete smoke from his hands, making the room hazy and preventing the Keja from finding his target. As such, the Pagori seized a weapon on a bad throw and used it against the conjurer. Combat done and dusted.
Jared then paired up the other Keja with another of the Pagoris. The Keja was exhaling tiny thorns which I guessed were poisonous to some degree however seen as his opponent had the power to deflect or negate anything thrown at him with just the wave of his hand, the thorns simply hit the floor each time. As such, I never got to see what effect exactly the thorns could have. Jared eventually stopped the duel seen as they were both as good as the other.
The last two Pagoris were next – one being the annoying but cute slap-head. He winked at me before confidently heading to the Northern point of the building. And God his gift was extraordinary, which meant that the whole thing was over in seconds. He had the power to cause temporary sensory paralysis, which meant his opponent was rendered blind, deaf and mute. As such, he was shooting his superhuman breath blindly – literally.
I was next. And I lacked an opponent.
Jared sighed and glared at me with narrowed eyes. I half expected him to say ‘I’m afraid there’s no one to duel with you, you’ll have to run along home’. But instead he started removing his jacket.
“I guess I’ll have to be your duelling partner,” he sighed.
Chapter Two
(Sam)
A giggle almost choked me. “You’re joking, right?”
He arched his brow and gave me a ‘are you scared?’ look. I hadn’t been giggling with nerves or fear, I just couldn’t believe my luck. Even if it turned out that the bloke had the most amazing gift in the history of the universe and beat me within a second, I’d still be a happy girl just to get one shot in.
He positioned himself at the Northern point while I took the Southern. Still he was mistaking my giddiness for nervousness. “I already told you there’re no points for being a pretty girl. You really should’ve run along home. I tell you what, I’ll give you one more chance to leave with your pride still intact.”
“And while I appreciate the warning, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ignore it.”
“Fine then. We duel until one of us is floored.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Well if you really must embarrass yourself...” Although he made the movement so fast that it was a blur, my mind registered his left hand rise and his fingers twitch and admired as beautiful blue sparks of electricity came predatorily toward me. But I didn’t move out of the way. The sparks invaded my body with such aggression that I was suddenly zooming backwards and landed awkwardly on my back. God it hurt. Like a burning hot sizzling fire spreading through my veins. It took a lot for me not to cry out.
Seconds later I bounced to my feet, feeling a little frazzled and slightly unsteady. Jared was laughing like a giddy kid in a fairground.
“Thanks for that,” I said.
“For putting you on your ass?”
“No. For this.” In a movement faster than his I expelled the sizzling energy from my body, sending blue electric sparks identical to his soaring at him. Although he made a dive to the right, his shoulder was briefly caught.
“What the hell?” he exclaimed. He then watched carefully as my fingers prickled at the air around me, drawing and manipulating energy to manifest my favourite weapon. A silvery-blue energy whip materialised in my hand.
“You’re a Feeder,” Jared realised.
“And you’re electrokinetic.”
He seemed to be talking more to himself as he added, “You can feed on the energy around you; absorb it and control it. Very rare.”
“Again let me thank you for allowing me to absorb that power of yours. I have to say, I prefer this though.” I flicked my whip in his direction, teasingly. “I can shape the energy into lots of different weapons. Bolts, beams, balls, but I like the whip best. It’s more fun.”
“It is,” he agreed with a nervous smile. “But it’s not going to do you much good against high voltage electricity.”
I snorted. “As you Americans say – duh! You’re forgetting that I can practice electrokinesis now as well.”
“So you’re planning on defeating me by using my own power against me? Sounds a little like cheating.”
“Oh I’ve no time for pretty sparks. I can do something much more interesting than that.”
“Oh yeah?” Doubtful, his expression said.
“Yeah,” I said as I let the whip fade away. “Feeding on energy means that I can tap into the natural energies, which means...I can do this.” I absorbed more energy into my palms and then sharply released it as a blast of air. The gust of wind swept him up like he was no more than a leaf on the ground and sent him crashing into the wall behind him. “By natural energies, I meant the classical elements; air, water, fire and earth.”
Jared was on his feet in seconds, looking somewhat bemused and confounded.
“That wasn’t even full force,” I told him. “Are you sure you want to do this? I tell you what, I’ll give you one more chance to leave with your pride still intact.”
He wasn’t pleased to hear his own words coming back at him. Unsurprisingly, the blue sparks headed for me again. The strong sizzles in the air told me that this discharge was double the voltage of the last.
One single, sharp step to the left took me out of the reach of the electrical discharge. I enjoyed the sensation of my palms sucking in energy which I used to generate a blast of fire. It tingled as it left my hands. I could have burnt him alive but I settled on simply setting his clothes alight. Then I took a brief, morbid moment to enjoy his dismay before easing more energy into me and sending a long swish of water at him, calming the flames. And drenching him.
“You alright, Commander?” My tone was mocking. “You’re looking like something off an appeal poster.”
Totally peeved now, Jared growled as he raised his hand high and projected a massive lightning bolt. The voltage was so high that there was a ripple in the air. But I’d pre-empted him.
I squatted on the floor, slapped my palm to the ground on my right side and raised my arm over me to then slap my palm on my left side. Simultaneously I had tugged at the surrounding energy, making a beautiful silvery-blue energy shield appear over me like a tent. The lightning ricocheted off the force field, slamming into the eastern wall.
Before Jared could act again I sprung up in less than a blink, remoulding the energy from the shield into a silvery-blue ball. I blasted it at him. He moved fast, but not fast enough. It struck his arm.
Trying to appear unfazed, he emitted another stream of blue sparks but using both hands this time. Wow he really wanted to hurt me. And that really would hurt.
I pounded my foot twice on the ground, absorbed the energy of the Earth into me and let it sprout out as a mound of earth that rose speedily in front of me, building a protective bolder. Jared, relentless, was zapping the mound of earth when I darted out from behind it – my energy whip back in hand – and cracked the whip around him, pinning his arms to his sides. I yanked hard on the whip, bringing a tied-up Jared toward me. Just for fun, I cracked the whip again, making him slam once to the ground before I then let the whip fade away.
I looked down at a coughing Jared and arched a brow. “Now who’s the pretty girl?”
Although he appeared a mixture of nettled, flabbergasted and stupefied, his mouth twitched slightly in some form of dark amusement.
I offered my hand to him but he bounced independently to his feet, still staring at me. He seemed undecided whether to be extremely exasperated or pleasantly surprised. Either way, there was some respect there in his gaze. It was hard for me not to look smug considering the way he had dismissed me earlier. But I didn’t give him an ‘I told you so’ look or a quirky grin. Disconcertingly, I was actually more caught up in this little silent exchange of respect than I was in the glory of having won the duel. He might be a chauvinist, but he was a gorgeous one.