He's So Fine
Page 63
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“Good to know,” he said. “Thanks for your approval.”
She slid her fingers into his hair. “I’ve seen Sam and Tanner,” she said. “I’ve seen them with you. There’s no doubt in my mind how much you mean to them and the lengths they’d go to for you.”
“Then why didn’t they tell me?” he asked.
“I don’t know, but I’m betting they had your best interests at heart.” She paused, cupped his jaw, and looked directly into his eyes. “But what happened between Gil and Susan wasn’t Sam’s or Tanner’s doing. You know that.”
“They knew and didn’t tell me. That’s a betrayal as sure as Gil and Susan’s.”
She stilled and then slowly dropped back to the balls of her feet, her hands falling to her sides. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree here,” she said slowly.
“Is that right?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” he asked.
Her smile didn’t quite make it to her eyes as she turned away. “Because we have two very different definitions of betrayal.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I don’t think now’s a good time to get into it,” she said.
“Because?”
“You’re pissed off.”
“Damn right,” he said. “I expected more out of the people who claimed to love me.”
“You expect a hell of a lot,” she said, which immediately put him on the defensive because Christ, he was so over hearing about him and his unrealistic expectations. “What’s so wrong about expecting honesty?” he demanded.
She didn’t say anything to this. Of course she didn’t. God forbid she tell him a damn thing. “You don’t have the relationships in your life that I do, with Sam and Tanner and my family.” He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth, but anger leapt into her eyes before he could take the words back.
“You’re right,” she said stiffly. “But this isn’t about me.” She moved to a chest of drawers and hopped into a pair of jeans. And then pulled on a sweatshirt. And then, before he could formulate a thought or catch her, she stormed out of her own place.
That was the second time now. He looked around, at the bed they’d decimated after the couch, at the clothes all over the floor. “What the fuck just happened?”
Her apartment had no answer.
Chapter 26
Olivia went for a very long walk, and when she got back to her place, it was empty.
She ignored the little pang of disappointment.
After all, she’d been the one to walk out. Again.
She’d work on it. But she wasn’t used to being in this position, which was falling for a guy. It was damned uncomfortable.
And so not smart, because it meant letting him inside her carefully protected heart after a long period of disuse, never mind the fact that she’d jumped the gun, and instead of waiting for him to walk out on her, she’d done the walking.
God. She was such an idiot.
She tried to get another hour of sleep, but it was a lost cause. She got into the shower, scrubbing her hands over her face, wishing she could take last night back. She refused to let herself cry. But the good thing about a shower was that she could tell herself the drops on her face were just hot water.
Not tears.
Never tears. She didn’t cry over people anymore. This was just exhaustion from spending her night staring up at her ceiling wishing she’d done things differently.
So differently.
As in maybe told Cole the truth about her past. The problem wasn’t him.
It was her.
She was afraid. That was the bottom line. She was a coward.
Lots of people had shitty childhoods and had managed to overcome them. She’d thought she’d done exactly that. After all, she’d picked herself up, dusted herself off, and gone on, creating her own story, giving herself her fantasy identity. It’d meant freedom.
She’d been happy. Or she’d thought so. But for the first time, she was regretting what she’d done, how she’d chosen to escape her past.
Other people faced their demons by accepting them and moving on. Not making shit up. That she’d done just that suddenly felt…childish. Like maybe she hadn’t grown up at all.
She dressed, grabbed her purse, and headed out with no real destination in mind, just knowing she needed a change of scenery.
“Hey. Right on time.”
Olivia turned in the hallway and came face-to-face with Becca and Callie, clearly on their way to breakfast.
“You’re joining us, right?” Becca asked.
“If there’s a short stack of pancakes in my immediate future,” Olivia said.
Becca looked at her for a long moment. “Whatever you want,” she finally said. “You okay?”
As okay as she could be. “Just hungry.”
Becca nodded. “Me too. Have you seen Cole, by any chance?”
Seen. Touched. Kissed. Hurt…But he’d given as good as he’d gotten, hadn’t he? “Yes, I saw him last night.”
“Is he okay?” Becca asked. “I guess there was some sort of misunderstanding between the guys, and he took off.”
There’d been a lot of misunderstandings last night, as it turned out. But Olivia wasn’t about to air Cole’s dirty laundry, no matter how much she liked Becca, who was watching her with care and concern.
She slid her fingers into his hair. “I’ve seen Sam and Tanner,” she said. “I’ve seen them with you. There’s no doubt in my mind how much you mean to them and the lengths they’d go to for you.”
“Then why didn’t they tell me?” he asked.
“I don’t know, but I’m betting they had your best interests at heart.” She paused, cupped his jaw, and looked directly into his eyes. “But what happened between Gil and Susan wasn’t Sam’s or Tanner’s doing. You know that.”
“They knew and didn’t tell me. That’s a betrayal as sure as Gil and Susan’s.”
She stilled and then slowly dropped back to the balls of her feet, her hands falling to her sides. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree here,” she said slowly.
“Is that right?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” he asked.
Her smile didn’t quite make it to her eyes as she turned away. “Because we have two very different definitions of betrayal.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I don’t think now’s a good time to get into it,” she said.
“Because?”
“You’re pissed off.”
“Damn right,” he said. “I expected more out of the people who claimed to love me.”
“You expect a hell of a lot,” she said, which immediately put him on the defensive because Christ, he was so over hearing about him and his unrealistic expectations. “What’s so wrong about expecting honesty?” he demanded.
She didn’t say anything to this. Of course she didn’t. God forbid she tell him a damn thing. “You don’t have the relationships in your life that I do, with Sam and Tanner and my family.” He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth, but anger leapt into her eyes before he could take the words back.
“You’re right,” she said stiffly. “But this isn’t about me.” She moved to a chest of drawers and hopped into a pair of jeans. And then pulled on a sweatshirt. And then, before he could formulate a thought or catch her, she stormed out of her own place.
That was the second time now. He looked around, at the bed they’d decimated after the couch, at the clothes all over the floor. “What the fuck just happened?”
Her apartment had no answer.
Chapter 26
Olivia went for a very long walk, and when she got back to her place, it was empty.
She ignored the little pang of disappointment.
After all, she’d been the one to walk out. Again.
She’d work on it. But she wasn’t used to being in this position, which was falling for a guy. It was damned uncomfortable.
And so not smart, because it meant letting him inside her carefully protected heart after a long period of disuse, never mind the fact that she’d jumped the gun, and instead of waiting for him to walk out on her, she’d done the walking.
God. She was such an idiot.
She tried to get another hour of sleep, but it was a lost cause. She got into the shower, scrubbing her hands over her face, wishing she could take last night back. She refused to let herself cry. But the good thing about a shower was that she could tell herself the drops on her face were just hot water.
Not tears.
Never tears. She didn’t cry over people anymore. This was just exhaustion from spending her night staring up at her ceiling wishing she’d done things differently.
So differently.
As in maybe told Cole the truth about her past. The problem wasn’t him.
It was her.
She was afraid. That was the bottom line. She was a coward.
Lots of people had shitty childhoods and had managed to overcome them. She’d thought she’d done exactly that. After all, she’d picked herself up, dusted herself off, and gone on, creating her own story, giving herself her fantasy identity. It’d meant freedom.
She’d been happy. Or she’d thought so. But for the first time, she was regretting what she’d done, how she’d chosen to escape her past.
Other people faced their demons by accepting them and moving on. Not making shit up. That she’d done just that suddenly felt…childish. Like maybe she hadn’t grown up at all.
She dressed, grabbed her purse, and headed out with no real destination in mind, just knowing she needed a change of scenery.
“Hey. Right on time.”
Olivia turned in the hallway and came face-to-face with Becca and Callie, clearly on their way to breakfast.
“You’re joining us, right?” Becca asked.
“If there’s a short stack of pancakes in my immediate future,” Olivia said.
Becca looked at her for a long moment. “Whatever you want,” she finally said. “You okay?”
As okay as she could be. “Just hungry.”
Becca nodded. “Me too. Have you seen Cole, by any chance?”
Seen. Touched. Kissed. Hurt…But he’d given as good as he’d gotten, hadn’t he? “Yes, I saw him last night.”
“Is he okay?” Becca asked. “I guess there was some sort of misunderstanding between the guys, and he took off.”
There’d been a lot of misunderstandings last night, as it turned out. But Olivia wasn’t about to air Cole’s dirty laundry, no matter how much she liked Becca, who was watching her with care and concern.
