Zoey
I'd known it before we saw the fire trucks and the smoke. I'd known all hell had broken loose at the House of Night the moment Thanatos had witnessed the truth of Neferet's crimes. That night it had been proven beyond all doubt that Neferet was on the side of Darkness. Thanatos hadn't wasted any time outing her. On the way back to the school from Grandma's lavender farm, the High Priestess of Death had made the emergency call to Italy and officially informed the Vampyre High Council that Neferet was no longer a Priestess of Nyx-that she'd chosen Darkness as her Consort. Neferet had been seen for who she really was, something I'd wanted since I'd first realized her disgusting truth. Only, now that I'd gotten my wish, I had a terrible feeling that outing Neferet would serve more to free her than to force her to pay the consequences for her lies and betrayals.
Everything seemed so awful and so confusing, like the entire night had been the last half of a terrible slasher horror movie: the ritual, rewatching images of my mother's murder, what had happened with Dragon and Rephaim and Kalona and Aurox ... Aurox? Heath? No, I can't go there! Not now. Now the stables were on fire. Seriously. At our school horses were neighing and clustering nervously by the east wall. Lenobia looked singed and soot-covered. Erik and Shaylin and a bunch of other fledglings were standing there, shell-shocked and soggy because, of course, it had started to pour buckets of rain. And Nicole, as in the Nicole who was a super mean red fledgling and Dallas's skanky, hateful girlfriend, was collapsed on a bench with a couple of human EMTs hovering around her like she was the gold-winged baby Jesus.
I wanted to punch a button, turn off the scary movie, and drift to sleep safely curled up next to Stark. Hell, I wanted to close my eyes and go back to a time when the worst stress I had was triple boyfriend stress, and that had been really, really bad.
I mentally shook myself, did my best to shut out the chaos that surrounded me inside and out, and focused on Lenobia.
"Yes, the stables caught fire," she was explaining to us. "We don't know who or what caused it. Have any of you seen Neferet?"
"We have not seen her in person, but we have seen her image in the recorded spirit of Zoey's grandmother's land." Thanatos lifted her chin, and in a strong, sure voice that carried through the rain pronounced, "Neferet has allied herself with the white bull. She sacrificed Zoey's mother to him. She will be a powerful enemy, but enemy she is to everyone who follows Light and the Goddess."
I could see that the announcement shook Lenobia, although I knew the Horse Mistress had been aware that Neferet had become our enemy months ago. Still, there was a big difference between thinking something, and knowing the worst you had imagined was true. Especially when that something was so horrible it was almost beyond comprehension. Then Lenobia cleared her throat and said, "The High Council has shunned her?"
"I have reported what I have witnessed this night," said Thanatos, acting High Priestess of our House of Night. "The High Council commands Neferet appear before them where they will mete out justice upon her for her betrayal of our Goddess and of our ways."
"She had to have known what you would find if your ritual was successful," Lenobia said.
"Yeah, which is why she sent that thing of hers after us-to kill Rephaim and mess up our circle and stop the reveal ritual," Stevie Rae said, sliding her hand within Rephaim's, who stood tall and strong by her side.
"Doesn't look like that worked," Erik Night said.
He was standing close to Shaylin. Now that I thought about it, it seemed Erik had been spending a lot of time standing close to Shaylin. Hmmm ...
"Well, it would've worked," Stevie Rae said, "but Dragon showed up and stopped Aurox for a while." She paused and looked back at Kalona. She actually sent him a warm, sweet, Stevie Rae smile before continuing, "Kalona is really who saved Rephaim. Kalona saved his son."
"Dragon! That's where he is-with you guys," Erik said, his eyes searching around behind us, obviously expecting to see Dragon.
I felt my gut clench and blinked hard so that I wouldn't start bawling. When no one said anything I drew in a deep breath and delivered the really crappy, sad news. "Dragon was with us. He fought to protect us. Well, us and Rephaim. But..." I trailed off, finding it hard to say the next words.
"But Aurox gored Dragon to death, breaking the spell that had sealed the circle and setting the rest of us free so we could get to Rephaim and protect him," Stark had no problem finishing for me.
"It was too late, though," Stevie Rae added. "Rephaim would have died, too, if Kalona hadn't shown up in time to save him."
"Dragon Lankford is dead?" Lenobia's face had gone still and white.
"He is. He died a Warrior, true to himself and to his Oath. He has been reunited with his Mate in the Otherworld," Thanatos said. "We all served witness to it."
Lenobia closed her eyes and bowed her head. I could see her lips were moving, as if she was murmuring a soft prayer. When she lifted her head her face was set in angry lines and her gray eyes looked like storm clouds. "Burning my stables was a distraction which allowed Neferet to escape."
"It seems likely," Thanatos said. Then the High Priestess paused as if listening carefully through the rain and firemen and horse noises. Her eyes narrowed and she said, "Death has been here-recently."
Lenobia shook her head. "No, the firemen are clearing the stables. I do not believe anyone died there."
"I am not sensing a fledgling or a vampyre spirit," Thanatos said.
"All the horses got out!" Nicole spoke up suddenly. I was surprised at her tone. I mean, until then I'd only heard Nicole sneer or say something nasty. This Nicole sounded like a regular kid-one who was normal and upset by stuff like horses on fire and evil loosed on the world.
But Stevie Rae, like me, knew a very different Nicole.
"What the hell are you doin' here, Nicole?" Stevie Rae said.
"She was helping Lenobia and Travis get the horses out," Shaylin said.
"Yeah, I'm sure she was-right after she set the fire!" Stevie Rae said.
"Bitch, you can't talk to me like that!" Nicole sneered, her voice becoming way more familiar.
"Watch yourself, Nicole," I said, stepping up beside Stevie Rae.
"Enough!" Thanatos lifted her hands and power surged, crackling through the rain and making all of us jump. "Nicole, you are a red fledgling. It is past time you gave your allegiance to the only High Priestess of your kind. You will not curse at her. Is that understood?"
Nicole crossed her arms and nodded, once. She didn't look sorry at all to me, and her attitude, on top of everything else that had happened that night, really pissed me off. I faced her and told her exactly what was on my mind. "You need to get that no one's going to put up with your crap anymore. From here on things are going to be different."
"For one, you'll have to get through me to hurt Zoey," Stark said.
"You used me to try to kill Stevie Rae once. That will never happen again," Rephaim spoke up.
"Zoey, Stevie Rae," Thanatos said sharply. "To be respected as High Priestesses you must act accordingly, and so must your Warriors."
"She tried to kill us. Both of us!" Stevie Rae said.
"Not recently!" Nicole shouted at Stevie Rae.
"How can we battle the great and ancient Darkness that has been newly loosed upon this world if we are no more than bickering children?" Thanatos spoke quietly. She didn't sound powerful or wise or strong. She sounded tired and hopeless, and that was way scarier than the zapping thing she'd done before.
"Thanatos is right," I said.
"What are you talkin' 'bout, Z? You know what Nicole's really like." Stevie Rae pointed at her. "Just like you knew what Neferet was really like, even when no one else believed you."
"What I'm talking about is that Thanatos is right about the bickering. We can't even begin to beat Neferet if our team isn't strong and together." I looked at Nicole. "Which means either get on our team, or get the hell off."
"If she's cussing, she's serious," Aphrodite said.
"I am in agreement with her," Damien said.
"As am I," Darius added.
"Me, too," Shaunee spoke up, and close behind her Erin said a quick, "Yep."
"I chose my side," Kalona spoke solemnly. "I believe it is time others do, too."
"I'm new here, but I know which side is right, and I choose their side." Shaylin stepped over to stand with us. Erik followed her. He didn't say anything, but he did meet my gaze and nod. I smiled at him and then turned to face Thanatos, supported by my group's solidarity. "We're not bickering kids. We're just tired of being pushed around by people who say they know what's best, but who seem to keep messing up-even more than we do."
"Which is a lot," Aphrodite said dryly.
"You're not helping," I responded automatically. To Nicole I said, "So choose your team."
"Fine. I choose Team Nicole," she said.
"Which really means Team Selfish," Stevie Rae said.
"Or Team Hateful," Erin said.
"Or Team Unattractive," Aphrodite added.
"Thanatos is leaving," Lenobia spoke quickly, gesturing to the High Priestess's back.
"As I originally thought," Kalona's voice seemed to dry up the rain with his anger. "She returns to her civilized High Council and leaves us to battle evil."
Thanatos stopped, turned, and skewered the winged immortal with her dark gaze. "Oathbound Warrior, be still! My word is no less binding than yours. Where I am going is to follow Death. Sadly, that does not take me from this school, nor will it in the foreseeable future." Without another word Thanatos continued walking away from us and toward the smoldering entrance to the field house.
"Jeesh, she's so damn dramatic." Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "She already said it's not a vamp or a fledgling or a horse. So, what the hell? If a gnat dies are we all going to freak the fuck out?"
"What is your problem?" Nicole shook her head at Aphrodite. "Goddess, you're always such a hag. Why don't you think instead of running your mouth? Thanatos isn't talking about bugs and shit like that. She has to be talking about a cat. That's the only other animal spirit here she'd care about."
That shut up Aphrodite, creating what seemed like a giant silent vacuum while we all realized Nicole had to be right.
I sucked air. "Oh, Goddess no! Nala!"
Frowning at Nicole, Aphrodite said, "Relax, our cats are at the depot-even that smelly dog. It's not one of ours."
"Duchess is not smelly," Damien said. "But, oh, I'm so glad she and Cammy are safe."
"I'd just die if something happened to Beelzebub," Shaunee said.
"I would, too!" Erin added, sounding more defensive than worried.
"I love Nal." Stevie Rae met my eyes and we both blinked back tears.
"Our familiars are safe." Darius's deep voice seemed to anchor me, until Erik spoke.
"Just because the cat wasn't one of yours doesn't make its death any less awful." Erik sounded way more mature than usual. "Wonder who's on Team Selfish now?"
I sighed, and was going to agree with Erik when Nicole made an exasperated sound and started walking away from us-following the path Thanatos had just taken.
"Where do you think you're goin'?" Stevie Rae called after her.
Nicole didn't pause. She didn't turn around, either, but her voice trailed back to us. "Team Selfish is going to help Thanatos with the dead cat-whosever dead cat it is-because Team Selfish likes animals. They're nicer than people. The end."
"I don't know what she's talking about," Aphrodite said.
I rolled my eyes at her.
"This is all some kinda act she's puttin' on. That girl can't be trusted." Stevie Rae glared after Nicole.
"Well, I can tell you that Nicole almost succumbed to smoke inhalation helping me free the horses," Lenobia said.
"Her color's changing," Shaylin whispered.
"Shhh," Erik said to her, touching her shoulder.
"She tried to kill me!" Stevie Rae sounded like she was getting ready to explode.
"Oh, for shit's sake, who hasn't tried to kill you? Or Zoey. Or me for that matter. Get over it," Aphrodite clipped, and before Stevie Rae could answer back, she raised her hand, palm out and continued, "Save it. Unless you and Stark and the rest of the burn-up-in-daylight-red-fledglings are planning on spending the day here and under cover, we'd better be reloading the short bus and getting back to the depot. Oh, and birdboy is gonna be one hundred percent bird and zero percent boy pretty soon, too, which I'm sure is awkward in public."
"I really hate it when she's right," Stevie Rae said to me.
"Tell me about it," I said. "Okay, why don't you guys gather up everyone who is supposed to go back to the depot? I'll find out what's going on with Thanatos and Death and whatnot, and then meet you at the bus. Soon."
"You mean you and I will find out what's going on with Thanatos and Death and whatnot, and then meet them at the bus. Soon," Stark corrected me.
I squeezed his hand. "That's exactly what I mean."
"And I," Kalona said. "I will follow Thanatos with you as well, though I will not be returning to the depot." His lips turned up just a little as his gaze shifted from me to his son. "Soon, though. I will see you all again soon."
Stevie Rae let loose of Rephaim's hand long enough to hurl herself into Kalona's arms, squeezing him in a giant hug, which seemed to surprise him as much as it did the rest of us, though Rephaim looked on with a humongous grin. "Yeah, we'll see you real soon. Thanks again for showin' up for your son."
Kalona awkwardly patted her back. "You are welcome."
Then she had a hold of Rephaim's hand again and was retracing our path to the parking lot. "'Kay, we'll wait for y'all, but remember, sure as sugar, the sun's gonna rise real soon."
Aphrodite shook her head and hooked her arm through Darius's. "What the hell does 'sure as sugar' mean, anyway? Do you think she even graduated from the eighth grade?"
"Just help her get the kids on the bus," I said.
Thankfully, the wind had picked up along with the rain, and both swallowed Aphrodite's reply as she and Darius and the rest of my circle, plus Shaylin and Erik, walked off-in theory doing what I asked of them. Which left me alone with Stark, Lenobia, and Kalona.
"Ready?" Stark asked me.
"Yeah, of course," I lied.
"The field house it is then," Lenobia said.
Following Thanatos and Nicole, I tried to ready myself for something terrible, but my terrible quota had been filled for the night, and all I could do was wipe the rain from my face and put one foot in front of the other. I wasn't really ready for anything but bed.
It was warm and dry inside the field house, but it smelled like smoke. The sand under our feet was damp and dirty. Dragon would hate to see his place messed up like this, was what I was thinking when Kalona pointed to the center of the dimly lit arena where I could just make out the vague shapes of Thanatos and Nicole.
"There-out there," he said.
"We should have lit the torches," Lenobia was murmuring as we walked across the soggy sand. "The humans extinguished almost all the lanterns along with the stable fire."
I didn't want to say anything, but the truth was that I was glad it was hard to see because I knew whatever it was Thanatos and Nicole were gathered around was not going to be pretty. I kept that thought to myself, though, and grabbed Stark's hand, borrowing strength from his firm grip.
"Have a care where you walk." When we got close to where she and Nicole were, Thanatos spoke to us without looking up from where she had knelt on the field house floor. "There is evidence of spellwork here. I'll want it saved and examined so I can discover who is responsible for this atrocity."
I peeked over her shoulder, not really understanding what I was seeing. A circle had been drawn in the sand. The sand looked weird and dark inside it. In the center of the circle were a couple of furry blobs. To the side of the blobs there were words scratched into the sand. I squinted, trying to make them out.
"What the heck is it?" I asked.
Red vampyres saw way better in the dark, so I knew when Stark's arm went around me that whatever it was, it was bad. Real bad. Before I could repeat my question, Nicole reached into her pocket and took out her phone. "I got a flash on this thing. It'll hurt your eyes, but at least it'll take a picture."
She was right. I was blinking tears and spots from my vision in the next second. Kalona, whose immortal vision was less susceptible to being messed with by light than any vampyre, spoke solemnly. "I know whose work this is. Can you not feel her lingering presence?"
My vision blinked clear and I moved closer, even though Stark's grip on me tried to pull me back. Too late, I understood what I was looking at. "Shadowfax! He's dead!"
"Sacrificed in a dark ritual," Thanatos said.
"And Guinevere, too," Nicole added.
I felt like I was going to puke. "Dragon's cat and Anastasia's cat? Both of them have been killed?"
Thanatos reached out and gently stroked her hand down Shadowfax's side, moving from his body to the much smaller cat that was curled up beside him. "This little one did not die sacrificially. She was not part of the ritual. Grief stopped her heart and her breath." The High Priestess stood and turned to Kalona. "You say you know whose work this is."
"I do, as do you. Neferet sacrificed the Warrior's cat. It was done as payment. Darkness obeys her, but the price of its obedience is blood and death and pain. That price must be paid over and over again. Darkness is never sated." He pointed to the words. "That proves what I say."
In the dim light I could see the sad, dead bodies of the cats, but the words written to the side of them were hard for me to make out. I didn't have to ask. Holding me close to him, Stark read them aloud.
"Through payment of blood, pain, and strife
I force the Vessel to be my knife."
"The Vessel is what Neferet calls Aurox," Kalona explained.
"Oh, great Goddess, this proves more than that this is Neferet's work." Thanatos's dark gaze met mine. "Your mother's death wasn't simply a random sacrifice to Darkness. It was the payment required to create Neferet's creature, the Vessel, Aurox."
My knees turned to rubber and I moved even closer to Stark. It felt like his arm was all that was keeping me standing.
"I knew that damn bull kid was bad news," Stark said. "No way was he some kind of gift from Nyx."
"The Vessel is the opposite. He is a creature fashioned from pain and death by Darkness, and controlled by Neferet," Thanatos said.
I couldn't tell them what I thought I'd seen in the Seer Stone. How could I, with Stark's arm around me, Dragon newly dead, and the awfulness of the cats? But I was too raw-too tired and hurt and confused to guard my words anymore to keep from blurting Heath's name, so instead, like a moron, I babbled. "There has to be more to Aurox than that! Remember what he asked you about after class? He wanted to know who he was-what he was. You said he could decide that for himself and not let his past control his future. Why would a creature who was totally made of Darkness, totally nothing but Neferet's Vessel, care to question anything about himself?"
"You have a point. I do remember Aurox came to me." Thanatos nodded. Her gaze moved back to the bodies of the cats. "Perhaps Aurox isn't completely an empty vessel. Perhaps his interaction with us, and in particular you, Zoey, touched some piece of a conscience within him."
I felt a rush of emotion that had Stark sending me a startled, questioning look. "He was telling the truth!" I explained. "Tonight, just before Aurox ran off he said 'I chose a different future. I chose a new future.' He meant that he hadn't wanted to hurt Rephaim or Dragon, but he couldn't help it if Neferet had control of him."
"It makes sense." Thanatos nodded, speaking slowly as if working her way verbally through a maze. "The sacrifice of Dragon Lankford's familiar was needed because Neferet was losing control of her Vessel. We all saw Aurox shift from the bull creature, to the boy, and then begin to shift back to the bull again as he ran off."
"You also had to have seen how freaked he was when he was Aurox again and he saw what he'd done to Dragon," I said.
"That doesn't change the fact that Aurox killed Dragon," Stark said. I could feel the tension coming from him and I hated that his face had turned into a hard mask.
"What if he only killed Dragon because of Neferet's awful sacrifice of Shadowfax?" I asked, trying to get Stark to see that there might be more than one right answer.
"Zoey, that doesn't make Dragon any less dead," Stark said, dropping his arm from around me and making a small movement away from me.
"Or Aurox any less dangerous," Kalona said.
"But perhaps less of a threat than we firstly believed," Thanatos spoke reasonably. "If Neferet must perform a sacrificial ritual, one of this extent, each time she wants to control him, she will have to choose carefully and selectively about how and when she uses him."
"He said it over and over that he chose a different future," I insisted.
"Z, that does not make Aurox a good guy," Stark said, shaking his head at me.
"You know, people can change," Nicole suddenly spoke up. We all blinked at her. Obviously I wasn't the only one of us who had forgotten she was there.
I hated to agree with Nicole, so I just chewed my lip silently and worried.
"Aurox is not a person, nor a guy, good or bad." In the dark field house, Kalona's deep voice seemed bomb-like, blasting against my already battered nerves. "Aurox is a Vessel. A creature created to be Neferet's weapon. Could he have a conscience and the capability to change?" He shrugged. "We can only guess at that. And truly, does it matter? It makes no difference whether a spear has a conscience. What is important is who is wielding the weapon. Neferet, clearly, wields Aurox."
"How long have you known this?" I rounded on Kalona. Stark was staring at me like I was being irrational, but I didn't stop myself. Even if I couldn't figure out how to tell them, I believed I had glimpsed Heath's soul within Aurox through the Seer Stone. "If you knew what Aurox was, why didn't you say something before now?"
"No one asked me," Kalona said.
"That's crap," I said, totally displacing my anger and frustration and confusion from myself and the Aurox/Heath puzzle and smacking Kalona with it. "What else have you kept from us?"
"What else would you like to know?" he replied without hesitation. "Just be careful, young Priestess, that you truly want to hear the answers to the questions you ask."
"You're supposed to be on our team, remember?" Stark said, stepping between Kalona and me.
"I remember more than you realize, red vampyre," Kalona said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Stark shot back at him.
"It means you haven't always been all goody-goody!" Nicole shouted.
"Don't you dare talk about him!" I hurled my words at her.
"Again you fight yourselves!" Thanatos shouted, the passion in her voice stirring the air around us. "Our enemy has wreaked havoc on our own house. She has committed murder not once, not twice, but over and over. She has allied herself with the greatest evil this world has ever known. Still you strike out at one another. If we cannot unite she has already defeated us."
Thanatos shook her head sadly. She turned from us back to the bodies of the two cats. The High Priestess knelt beside them and, once again, swept her hand gently over each of them. This time the air above the cats began to shimmer and the glittering outlines of Shadowfax and Guinevere materialized-only they weren't the adult cats that lay so still and cold on the area floor. They were kittens. Plump, adorable kittens. "Go to the Goddess, little ones," Thanatos spoke softly, warmly to them. "Nyx and those you love best await you." Young Shadowfax reached a fuzzy paw out to bat playfully at the edge of Thanatos's billowy sleeve before both kittens disappeared in a puff of glitter. I could swear I heard the distant sound of Anastasia's musical laughter, and I imagined she and Dragon must be having a blast welcoming their kittens to the Otherworld.
The Otherworld ...
My mom was there, along with Dragon and Anastasia and Jack and, if I'd been wrong about what I'd seen within Aurox, Heath was there, too. I'd been there. I knew the Otherworld existed as surely as I knew I existed. I also knew it was an amazing, magickal place, and even though it hadn't been my time to die and stay there, the beauty of it still lingered in my mind and my soul, forming a little bubble of wonder and safety that was the complete opposite of what the real world around me had become.
"Would it be so bad if we lost?"
I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud until Stark shook my shoulder. "What are you talking about, Z? We can't lose because Neferet can't win. Darkness can't win."
I could see his worry and feel his fear. I knew I was freaking him out, but I couldn't stop myself. I was just so damn tired of everything being a struggle between death and Darkness, love and Light. Why couldn't it all just end? I'd give anything if it all would just end! "What's the worst thing that can happen?" I heard myself asking and then kept right on babbling the answer to my own question. "Neferet will kill us. Well, being dead doesn't seem so awful." I flailed my hand in the direction of where the kittens had so recently manifested.
"Jeesh, give up much?" Nicole muttered under her breath in disgust.
"Zoey Redbird, death is far from the worst thing that could happen to any of us," Thanatos said. "Yes, Darkness seems overwhelming now, especially after all we have discovered this night, but there is love and Light here, too. Think of what sadness your words would bring Sylvia Redbird."
I felt a jolt of guilt. Thanatos was right. There were worse things than dying, and those worse things happened to the people you left behind. I bowed my head and stepped closer to Stark, taking his hand in mine. "I'm sorry. You guys are right. I should never have said that."
Thanatos smiled kindly at me. "Go back to your depot. Pray. Sleep. Find comfort and guidance in the words Nyx spoke to us: Hold to the memory of the healing that happened here this night. You will need that strength and peace for the upcoming fight." She hesitated, sighed heavily, and added, "You are so very young."
I wanted to scream I know! I'm way too young to save the world! Instead I stood there silent, feeling stupid and useless while Thanatos bent and gathered the bodies of Shadowfax and Guinevere to her, wrapping them in her voluminous skirts and holding them closely and gently, as if they were sleeping babies. Then she motioned to Kalona saying, "Come with me. I must tell the Sons of Erebus the sad news of the death of their Sword Master. While I do that I would have you begin building a pyre for Dragon and these little ones. It is at the lighting of that pyre that I will officially proclaim you Death's Warrior." Without another look at me, Thanatos walked from the field house. Kalona followed her without glancing at Stark or me.
"Your team, by the way, sucks." Shaking her head, Nicole walked away, too.
I could feel Stark's eyes on me. His hand seemed stiff in mine. I looked up at him, sure that he was going to shake me or yell at me or at the very least ask what the hell was wrong with me. Again.
Instead, he opened his arms, said, "Come here, Z," and he just loved me.
I'd known it before we saw the fire trucks and the smoke. I'd known all hell had broken loose at the House of Night the moment Thanatos had witnessed the truth of Neferet's crimes. That night it had been proven beyond all doubt that Neferet was on the side of Darkness. Thanatos hadn't wasted any time outing her. On the way back to the school from Grandma's lavender farm, the High Priestess of Death had made the emergency call to Italy and officially informed the Vampyre High Council that Neferet was no longer a Priestess of Nyx-that she'd chosen Darkness as her Consort. Neferet had been seen for who she really was, something I'd wanted since I'd first realized her disgusting truth. Only, now that I'd gotten my wish, I had a terrible feeling that outing Neferet would serve more to free her than to force her to pay the consequences for her lies and betrayals.
Everything seemed so awful and so confusing, like the entire night had been the last half of a terrible slasher horror movie: the ritual, rewatching images of my mother's murder, what had happened with Dragon and Rephaim and Kalona and Aurox ... Aurox? Heath? No, I can't go there! Not now. Now the stables were on fire. Seriously. At our school horses were neighing and clustering nervously by the east wall. Lenobia looked singed and soot-covered. Erik and Shaylin and a bunch of other fledglings were standing there, shell-shocked and soggy because, of course, it had started to pour buckets of rain. And Nicole, as in the Nicole who was a super mean red fledgling and Dallas's skanky, hateful girlfriend, was collapsed on a bench with a couple of human EMTs hovering around her like she was the gold-winged baby Jesus.
I wanted to punch a button, turn off the scary movie, and drift to sleep safely curled up next to Stark. Hell, I wanted to close my eyes and go back to a time when the worst stress I had was triple boyfriend stress, and that had been really, really bad.
I mentally shook myself, did my best to shut out the chaos that surrounded me inside and out, and focused on Lenobia.
"Yes, the stables caught fire," she was explaining to us. "We don't know who or what caused it. Have any of you seen Neferet?"
"We have not seen her in person, but we have seen her image in the recorded spirit of Zoey's grandmother's land." Thanatos lifted her chin, and in a strong, sure voice that carried through the rain pronounced, "Neferet has allied herself with the white bull. She sacrificed Zoey's mother to him. She will be a powerful enemy, but enemy she is to everyone who follows Light and the Goddess."
I could see that the announcement shook Lenobia, although I knew the Horse Mistress had been aware that Neferet had become our enemy months ago. Still, there was a big difference between thinking something, and knowing the worst you had imagined was true. Especially when that something was so horrible it was almost beyond comprehension. Then Lenobia cleared her throat and said, "The High Council has shunned her?"
"I have reported what I have witnessed this night," said Thanatos, acting High Priestess of our House of Night. "The High Council commands Neferet appear before them where they will mete out justice upon her for her betrayal of our Goddess and of our ways."
"She had to have known what you would find if your ritual was successful," Lenobia said.
"Yeah, which is why she sent that thing of hers after us-to kill Rephaim and mess up our circle and stop the reveal ritual," Stevie Rae said, sliding her hand within Rephaim's, who stood tall and strong by her side.
"Doesn't look like that worked," Erik Night said.
He was standing close to Shaylin. Now that I thought about it, it seemed Erik had been spending a lot of time standing close to Shaylin. Hmmm ...
"Well, it would've worked," Stevie Rae said, "but Dragon showed up and stopped Aurox for a while." She paused and looked back at Kalona. She actually sent him a warm, sweet, Stevie Rae smile before continuing, "Kalona is really who saved Rephaim. Kalona saved his son."
"Dragon! That's where he is-with you guys," Erik said, his eyes searching around behind us, obviously expecting to see Dragon.
I felt my gut clench and blinked hard so that I wouldn't start bawling. When no one said anything I drew in a deep breath and delivered the really crappy, sad news. "Dragon was with us. He fought to protect us. Well, us and Rephaim. But..." I trailed off, finding it hard to say the next words.
"But Aurox gored Dragon to death, breaking the spell that had sealed the circle and setting the rest of us free so we could get to Rephaim and protect him," Stark had no problem finishing for me.
"It was too late, though," Stevie Rae added. "Rephaim would have died, too, if Kalona hadn't shown up in time to save him."
"Dragon Lankford is dead?" Lenobia's face had gone still and white.
"He is. He died a Warrior, true to himself and to his Oath. He has been reunited with his Mate in the Otherworld," Thanatos said. "We all served witness to it."
Lenobia closed her eyes and bowed her head. I could see her lips were moving, as if she was murmuring a soft prayer. When she lifted her head her face was set in angry lines and her gray eyes looked like storm clouds. "Burning my stables was a distraction which allowed Neferet to escape."
"It seems likely," Thanatos said. Then the High Priestess paused as if listening carefully through the rain and firemen and horse noises. Her eyes narrowed and she said, "Death has been here-recently."
Lenobia shook her head. "No, the firemen are clearing the stables. I do not believe anyone died there."
"I am not sensing a fledgling or a vampyre spirit," Thanatos said.
"All the horses got out!" Nicole spoke up suddenly. I was surprised at her tone. I mean, until then I'd only heard Nicole sneer or say something nasty. This Nicole sounded like a regular kid-one who was normal and upset by stuff like horses on fire and evil loosed on the world.
But Stevie Rae, like me, knew a very different Nicole.
"What the hell are you doin' here, Nicole?" Stevie Rae said.
"She was helping Lenobia and Travis get the horses out," Shaylin said.
"Yeah, I'm sure she was-right after she set the fire!" Stevie Rae said.
"Bitch, you can't talk to me like that!" Nicole sneered, her voice becoming way more familiar.
"Watch yourself, Nicole," I said, stepping up beside Stevie Rae.
"Enough!" Thanatos lifted her hands and power surged, crackling through the rain and making all of us jump. "Nicole, you are a red fledgling. It is past time you gave your allegiance to the only High Priestess of your kind. You will not curse at her. Is that understood?"
Nicole crossed her arms and nodded, once. She didn't look sorry at all to me, and her attitude, on top of everything else that had happened that night, really pissed me off. I faced her and told her exactly what was on my mind. "You need to get that no one's going to put up with your crap anymore. From here on things are going to be different."
"For one, you'll have to get through me to hurt Zoey," Stark said.
"You used me to try to kill Stevie Rae once. That will never happen again," Rephaim spoke up.
"Zoey, Stevie Rae," Thanatos said sharply. "To be respected as High Priestesses you must act accordingly, and so must your Warriors."
"She tried to kill us. Both of us!" Stevie Rae said.
"Not recently!" Nicole shouted at Stevie Rae.
"How can we battle the great and ancient Darkness that has been newly loosed upon this world if we are no more than bickering children?" Thanatos spoke quietly. She didn't sound powerful or wise or strong. She sounded tired and hopeless, and that was way scarier than the zapping thing she'd done before.
"Thanatos is right," I said.
"What are you talkin' 'bout, Z? You know what Nicole's really like." Stevie Rae pointed at her. "Just like you knew what Neferet was really like, even when no one else believed you."
"What I'm talking about is that Thanatos is right about the bickering. We can't even begin to beat Neferet if our team isn't strong and together." I looked at Nicole. "Which means either get on our team, or get the hell off."
"If she's cussing, she's serious," Aphrodite said.
"I am in agreement with her," Damien said.
"As am I," Darius added.
"Me, too," Shaunee spoke up, and close behind her Erin said a quick, "Yep."
"I chose my side," Kalona spoke solemnly. "I believe it is time others do, too."
"I'm new here, but I know which side is right, and I choose their side." Shaylin stepped over to stand with us. Erik followed her. He didn't say anything, but he did meet my gaze and nod. I smiled at him and then turned to face Thanatos, supported by my group's solidarity. "We're not bickering kids. We're just tired of being pushed around by people who say they know what's best, but who seem to keep messing up-even more than we do."
"Which is a lot," Aphrodite said dryly.
"You're not helping," I responded automatically. To Nicole I said, "So choose your team."
"Fine. I choose Team Nicole," she said.
"Which really means Team Selfish," Stevie Rae said.
"Or Team Hateful," Erin said.
"Or Team Unattractive," Aphrodite added.
"Thanatos is leaving," Lenobia spoke quickly, gesturing to the High Priestess's back.
"As I originally thought," Kalona's voice seemed to dry up the rain with his anger. "She returns to her civilized High Council and leaves us to battle evil."
Thanatos stopped, turned, and skewered the winged immortal with her dark gaze. "Oathbound Warrior, be still! My word is no less binding than yours. Where I am going is to follow Death. Sadly, that does not take me from this school, nor will it in the foreseeable future." Without another word Thanatos continued walking away from us and toward the smoldering entrance to the field house.
"Jeesh, she's so damn dramatic." Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "She already said it's not a vamp or a fledgling or a horse. So, what the hell? If a gnat dies are we all going to freak the fuck out?"
"What is your problem?" Nicole shook her head at Aphrodite. "Goddess, you're always such a hag. Why don't you think instead of running your mouth? Thanatos isn't talking about bugs and shit like that. She has to be talking about a cat. That's the only other animal spirit here she'd care about."
That shut up Aphrodite, creating what seemed like a giant silent vacuum while we all realized Nicole had to be right.
I sucked air. "Oh, Goddess no! Nala!"
Frowning at Nicole, Aphrodite said, "Relax, our cats are at the depot-even that smelly dog. It's not one of ours."
"Duchess is not smelly," Damien said. "But, oh, I'm so glad she and Cammy are safe."
"I'd just die if something happened to Beelzebub," Shaunee said.
"I would, too!" Erin added, sounding more defensive than worried.
"I love Nal." Stevie Rae met my eyes and we both blinked back tears.
"Our familiars are safe." Darius's deep voice seemed to anchor me, until Erik spoke.
"Just because the cat wasn't one of yours doesn't make its death any less awful." Erik sounded way more mature than usual. "Wonder who's on Team Selfish now?"
I sighed, and was going to agree with Erik when Nicole made an exasperated sound and started walking away from us-following the path Thanatos had just taken.
"Where do you think you're goin'?" Stevie Rae called after her.
Nicole didn't pause. She didn't turn around, either, but her voice trailed back to us. "Team Selfish is going to help Thanatos with the dead cat-whosever dead cat it is-because Team Selfish likes animals. They're nicer than people. The end."
"I don't know what she's talking about," Aphrodite said.
I rolled my eyes at her.
"This is all some kinda act she's puttin' on. That girl can't be trusted." Stevie Rae glared after Nicole.
"Well, I can tell you that Nicole almost succumbed to smoke inhalation helping me free the horses," Lenobia said.
"Her color's changing," Shaylin whispered.
"Shhh," Erik said to her, touching her shoulder.
"She tried to kill me!" Stevie Rae sounded like she was getting ready to explode.
"Oh, for shit's sake, who hasn't tried to kill you? Or Zoey. Or me for that matter. Get over it," Aphrodite clipped, and before Stevie Rae could answer back, she raised her hand, palm out and continued, "Save it. Unless you and Stark and the rest of the burn-up-in-daylight-red-fledglings are planning on spending the day here and under cover, we'd better be reloading the short bus and getting back to the depot. Oh, and birdboy is gonna be one hundred percent bird and zero percent boy pretty soon, too, which I'm sure is awkward in public."
"I really hate it when she's right," Stevie Rae said to me.
"Tell me about it," I said. "Okay, why don't you guys gather up everyone who is supposed to go back to the depot? I'll find out what's going on with Thanatos and Death and whatnot, and then meet you at the bus. Soon."
"You mean you and I will find out what's going on with Thanatos and Death and whatnot, and then meet them at the bus. Soon," Stark corrected me.
I squeezed his hand. "That's exactly what I mean."
"And I," Kalona said. "I will follow Thanatos with you as well, though I will not be returning to the depot." His lips turned up just a little as his gaze shifted from me to his son. "Soon, though. I will see you all again soon."
Stevie Rae let loose of Rephaim's hand long enough to hurl herself into Kalona's arms, squeezing him in a giant hug, which seemed to surprise him as much as it did the rest of us, though Rephaim looked on with a humongous grin. "Yeah, we'll see you real soon. Thanks again for showin' up for your son."
Kalona awkwardly patted her back. "You are welcome."
Then she had a hold of Rephaim's hand again and was retracing our path to the parking lot. "'Kay, we'll wait for y'all, but remember, sure as sugar, the sun's gonna rise real soon."
Aphrodite shook her head and hooked her arm through Darius's. "What the hell does 'sure as sugar' mean, anyway? Do you think she even graduated from the eighth grade?"
"Just help her get the kids on the bus," I said.
Thankfully, the wind had picked up along with the rain, and both swallowed Aphrodite's reply as she and Darius and the rest of my circle, plus Shaylin and Erik, walked off-in theory doing what I asked of them. Which left me alone with Stark, Lenobia, and Kalona.
"Ready?" Stark asked me.
"Yeah, of course," I lied.
"The field house it is then," Lenobia said.
Following Thanatos and Nicole, I tried to ready myself for something terrible, but my terrible quota had been filled for the night, and all I could do was wipe the rain from my face and put one foot in front of the other. I wasn't really ready for anything but bed.
It was warm and dry inside the field house, but it smelled like smoke. The sand under our feet was damp and dirty. Dragon would hate to see his place messed up like this, was what I was thinking when Kalona pointed to the center of the dimly lit arena where I could just make out the vague shapes of Thanatos and Nicole.
"There-out there," he said.
"We should have lit the torches," Lenobia was murmuring as we walked across the soggy sand. "The humans extinguished almost all the lanterns along with the stable fire."
I didn't want to say anything, but the truth was that I was glad it was hard to see because I knew whatever it was Thanatos and Nicole were gathered around was not going to be pretty. I kept that thought to myself, though, and grabbed Stark's hand, borrowing strength from his firm grip.
"Have a care where you walk." When we got close to where she and Nicole were, Thanatos spoke to us without looking up from where she had knelt on the field house floor. "There is evidence of spellwork here. I'll want it saved and examined so I can discover who is responsible for this atrocity."
I peeked over her shoulder, not really understanding what I was seeing. A circle had been drawn in the sand. The sand looked weird and dark inside it. In the center of the circle were a couple of furry blobs. To the side of the blobs there were words scratched into the sand. I squinted, trying to make them out.
"What the heck is it?" I asked.
Red vampyres saw way better in the dark, so I knew when Stark's arm went around me that whatever it was, it was bad. Real bad. Before I could repeat my question, Nicole reached into her pocket and took out her phone. "I got a flash on this thing. It'll hurt your eyes, but at least it'll take a picture."
She was right. I was blinking tears and spots from my vision in the next second. Kalona, whose immortal vision was less susceptible to being messed with by light than any vampyre, spoke solemnly. "I know whose work this is. Can you not feel her lingering presence?"
My vision blinked clear and I moved closer, even though Stark's grip on me tried to pull me back. Too late, I understood what I was looking at. "Shadowfax! He's dead!"
"Sacrificed in a dark ritual," Thanatos said.
"And Guinevere, too," Nicole added.
I felt like I was going to puke. "Dragon's cat and Anastasia's cat? Both of them have been killed?"
Thanatos reached out and gently stroked her hand down Shadowfax's side, moving from his body to the much smaller cat that was curled up beside him. "This little one did not die sacrificially. She was not part of the ritual. Grief stopped her heart and her breath." The High Priestess stood and turned to Kalona. "You say you know whose work this is."
"I do, as do you. Neferet sacrificed the Warrior's cat. It was done as payment. Darkness obeys her, but the price of its obedience is blood and death and pain. That price must be paid over and over again. Darkness is never sated." He pointed to the words. "That proves what I say."
In the dim light I could see the sad, dead bodies of the cats, but the words written to the side of them were hard for me to make out. I didn't have to ask. Holding me close to him, Stark read them aloud.
"Through payment of blood, pain, and strife
I force the Vessel to be my knife."
"The Vessel is what Neferet calls Aurox," Kalona explained.
"Oh, great Goddess, this proves more than that this is Neferet's work." Thanatos's dark gaze met mine. "Your mother's death wasn't simply a random sacrifice to Darkness. It was the payment required to create Neferet's creature, the Vessel, Aurox."
My knees turned to rubber and I moved even closer to Stark. It felt like his arm was all that was keeping me standing.
"I knew that damn bull kid was bad news," Stark said. "No way was he some kind of gift from Nyx."
"The Vessel is the opposite. He is a creature fashioned from pain and death by Darkness, and controlled by Neferet," Thanatos said.
I couldn't tell them what I thought I'd seen in the Seer Stone. How could I, with Stark's arm around me, Dragon newly dead, and the awfulness of the cats? But I was too raw-too tired and hurt and confused to guard my words anymore to keep from blurting Heath's name, so instead, like a moron, I babbled. "There has to be more to Aurox than that! Remember what he asked you about after class? He wanted to know who he was-what he was. You said he could decide that for himself and not let his past control his future. Why would a creature who was totally made of Darkness, totally nothing but Neferet's Vessel, care to question anything about himself?"
"You have a point. I do remember Aurox came to me." Thanatos nodded. Her gaze moved back to the bodies of the cats. "Perhaps Aurox isn't completely an empty vessel. Perhaps his interaction with us, and in particular you, Zoey, touched some piece of a conscience within him."
I felt a rush of emotion that had Stark sending me a startled, questioning look. "He was telling the truth!" I explained. "Tonight, just before Aurox ran off he said 'I chose a different future. I chose a new future.' He meant that he hadn't wanted to hurt Rephaim or Dragon, but he couldn't help it if Neferet had control of him."
"It makes sense." Thanatos nodded, speaking slowly as if working her way verbally through a maze. "The sacrifice of Dragon Lankford's familiar was needed because Neferet was losing control of her Vessel. We all saw Aurox shift from the bull creature, to the boy, and then begin to shift back to the bull again as he ran off."
"You also had to have seen how freaked he was when he was Aurox again and he saw what he'd done to Dragon," I said.
"That doesn't change the fact that Aurox killed Dragon," Stark said. I could feel the tension coming from him and I hated that his face had turned into a hard mask.
"What if he only killed Dragon because of Neferet's awful sacrifice of Shadowfax?" I asked, trying to get Stark to see that there might be more than one right answer.
"Zoey, that doesn't make Dragon any less dead," Stark said, dropping his arm from around me and making a small movement away from me.
"Or Aurox any less dangerous," Kalona said.
"But perhaps less of a threat than we firstly believed," Thanatos spoke reasonably. "If Neferet must perform a sacrificial ritual, one of this extent, each time she wants to control him, she will have to choose carefully and selectively about how and when she uses him."
"He said it over and over that he chose a different future," I insisted.
"Z, that does not make Aurox a good guy," Stark said, shaking his head at me.
"You know, people can change," Nicole suddenly spoke up. We all blinked at her. Obviously I wasn't the only one of us who had forgotten she was there.
I hated to agree with Nicole, so I just chewed my lip silently and worried.
"Aurox is not a person, nor a guy, good or bad." In the dark field house, Kalona's deep voice seemed bomb-like, blasting against my already battered nerves. "Aurox is a Vessel. A creature created to be Neferet's weapon. Could he have a conscience and the capability to change?" He shrugged. "We can only guess at that. And truly, does it matter? It makes no difference whether a spear has a conscience. What is important is who is wielding the weapon. Neferet, clearly, wields Aurox."
"How long have you known this?" I rounded on Kalona. Stark was staring at me like I was being irrational, but I didn't stop myself. Even if I couldn't figure out how to tell them, I believed I had glimpsed Heath's soul within Aurox through the Seer Stone. "If you knew what Aurox was, why didn't you say something before now?"
"No one asked me," Kalona said.
"That's crap," I said, totally displacing my anger and frustration and confusion from myself and the Aurox/Heath puzzle and smacking Kalona with it. "What else have you kept from us?"
"What else would you like to know?" he replied without hesitation. "Just be careful, young Priestess, that you truly want to hear the answers to the questions you ask."
"You're supposed to be on our team, remember?" Stark said, stepping between Kalona and me.
"I remember more than you realize, red vampyre," Kalona said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Stark shot back at him.
"It means you haven't always been all goody-goody!" Nicole shouted.
"Don't you dare talk about him!" I hurled my words at her.
"Again you fight yourselves!" Thanatos shouted, the passion in her voice stirring the air around us. "Our enemy has wreaked havoc on our own house. She has committed murder not once, not twice, but over and over. She has allied herself with the greatest evil this world has ever known. Still you strike out at one another. If we cannot unite she has already defeated us."
Thanatos shook her head sadly. She turned from us back to the bodies of the two cats. The High Priestess knelt beside them and, once again, swept her hand gently over each of them. This time the air above the cats began to shimmer and the glittering outlines of Shadowfax and Guinevere materialized-only they weren't the adult cats that lay so still and cold on the area floor. They were kittens. Plump, adorable kittens. "Go to the Goddess, little ones," Thanatos spoke softly, warmly to them. "Nyx and those you love best await you." Young Shadowfax reached a fuzzy paw out to bat playfully at the edge of Thanatos's billowy sleeve before both kittens disappeared in a puff of glitter. I could swear I heard the distant sound of Anastasia's musical laughter, and I imagined she and Dragon must be having a blast welcoming their kittens to the Otherworld.
The Otherworld ...
My mom was there, along with Dragon and Anastasia and Jack and, if I'd been wrong about what I'd seen within Aurox, Heath was there, too. I'd been there. I knew the Otherworld existed as surely as I knew I existed. I also knew it was an amazing, magickal place, and even though it hadn't been my time to die and stay there, the beauty of it still lingered in my mind and my soul, forming a little bubble of wonder and safety that was the complete opposite of what the real world around me had become.
"Would it be so bad if we lost?"
I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud until Stark shook my shoulder. "What are you talking about, Z? We can't lose because Neferet can't win. Darkness can't win."
I could see his worry and feel his fear. I knew I was freaking him out, but I couldn't stop myself. I was just so damn tired of everything being a struggle between death and Darkness, love and Light. Why couldn't it all just end? I'd give anything if it all would just end! "What's the worst thing that can happen?" I heard myself asking and then kept right on babbling the answer to my own question. "Neferet will kill us. Well, being dead doesn't seem so awful." I flailed my hand in the direction of where the kittens had so recently manifested.
"Jeesh, give up much?" Nicole muttered under her breath in disgust.
"Zoey Redbird, death is far from the worst thing that could happen to any of us," Thanatos said. "Yes, Darkness seems overwhelming now, especially after all we have discovered this night, but there is love and Light here, too. Think of what sadness your words would bring Sylvia Redbird."
I felt a jolt of guilt. Thanatos was right. There were worse things than dying, and those worse things happened to the people you left behind. I bowed my head and stepped closer to Stark, taking his hand in mine. "I'm sorry. You guys are right. I should never have said that."
Thanatos smiled kindly at me. "Go back to your depot. Pray. Sleep. Find comfort and guidance in the words Nyx spoke to us: Hold to the memory of the healing that happened here this night. You will need that strength and peace for the upcoming fight." She hesitated, sighed heavily, and added, "You are so very young."
I wanted to scream I know! I'm way too young to save the world! Instead I stood there silent, feeling stupid and useless while Thanatos bent and gathered the bodies of Shadowfax and Guinevere to her, wrapping them in her voluminous skirts and holding them closely and gently, as if they were sleeping babies. Then she motioned to Kalona saying, "Come with me. I must tell the Sons of Erebus the sad news of the death of their Sword Master. While I do that I would have you begin building a pyre for Dragon and these little ones. It is at the lighting of that pyre that I will officially proclaim you Death's Warrior." Without another look at me, Thanatos walked from the field house. Kalona followed her without glancing at Stark or me.
"Your team, by the way, sucks." Shaking her head, Nicole walked away, too.
I could feel Stark's eyes on me. His hand seemed stiff in mine. I looked up at him, sure that he was going to shake me or yell at me or at the very least ask what the hell was wrong with me. Again.
Instead, he opened his arms, said, "Come here, Z," and he just loved me.
