I kept waiting. Nothing.
“What the fuck?”
Tori tipped up her chin, keeping her eyes closed. “I’m done talking to you,” she said. “You’re not listening to me anyway, and everything you’re saying is either making me confused, uncomfortable, or not knowing what to think.”
“Uncomfortable?”
“Embarrassed,” she clarified, eyes opening and turning soft. “I know how I reacted to what you did to me. I was there, Jamie. You don’t need to rub it in my face.”
“Not rubbing it in your face, Legs. Just wantin’ you to admit you liked it as much as I did.”
“I liked it,” she shot out quickly. “Okay? Obviously. I came. And I appreciate you doing what you did for me. But it’s done. Meaning, we don’t need to keep doing it.”
“We absolutely need to keep doin’ it,” I returned.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with you.”
“Yeah?”
“I really don’t.”
“You sayin’ if I show up here again tomorrow night, the next night, and the next, wantin’ more, you wouldn’t be down, and not only that, you’d tell me to fuck off?”
Tori swallowed. “If?” she asked quietly, sounding anxious.
My brow furrowed.
Seeing that happen, she nodded sharply and added with a flat tone, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“You’re full of shit,” I laughed.
Her eyes flashed with anger and narrowed. “No, I’m not,” she hissed. “If you show up here again, ever, I’m telling you exactly that.”
“Right.”
“I’m serious, Jamie.”
“You’re seriously full of shit, Legs.”
She pushed to her elbows and got in my face. “And you’re seriously delusional if you think I’m believing anything you’re saying to me right now.”
My brows lifted.
Tori read that as a question and went on, keeping close to explain, “You say you want to put in time with me. That I’m safe to have expectations. What do you think, I’m stupid? I know exactly what this was to you, Jamie. And I will not be that girl waiting around and expecting things. Not from you. I will not be stupid.”
I listened to Tori, staring back and reading the seriousness in her eyes while seeing the fear she was trying to keep hidden. And I remembered her “if” from seconds ago and the worry she had in her voice, thinking I wouldn’t be showing up here again.
Reason hit me like a punch to the gut.
All her bullshit. The lies. The layers. Why she was always fighting me.
It wasn’t that Tori didn’t want me here. It wasn’t that she would tell me to fuck off if I showed.
She was scared this was it. That I wouldn’t come back, or that when I did and this shit built between us, becoming something real and on the regular, I’d stop showing and blindside her.
She was scared of getting hurt.
“Jesus, babe,” I mumbled, staring at her as I started sliding my arm up her body to cup her face, then deciding that wasn’t enough.
Hand on her side, I pushed her back.
She gasped as she fell. “What are you doing?”
I leaned into her, body sliding over to pin her down and keep her flat on the mattress, elbows planted on either side and hands holding gently to her cheeks. I ran my thumb over the flush in her skin.
She pressed her fingers to my chest, gently pushing as she blinked up at me. “Jamie, I—”
“You said what you needed to say. Now it’s my turn,” I told her. She shook her head. “But—”
“Legs, shut up.”
Her lips pinched together tightly. I heard her breath as it escaped her, coming out in heavy pants.
“Told you this wasn’t about a piece of ass I was lookin’ to score,” I began, pushing strands of hair out of her face and curling my fingers behind her head. “Also told you I’ve had that with women, they were aware and wantin’ the same thing, so you know if this was about that, I wouldn’t have a problem lettin’ you know up front. Last I checked, I did not give any indication I was just lookin’ to get a few fucks outta my system with you. Unless I’m forgettin’ I said it. Did you hear those words from me?”
She shook her head again. “No, but—”
“Shut up, Legs.”
Her eyes narrowed. Looking ready to argue, she shocked me by actually following orders.
Seeing that, I continued, “Not gonna lie. Saw you that first day at Whitecaps and, first reaction, wanted to fuck.”
Somehow, Tori’s eyes narrowed further. Still, she didn’t speak.
“Months went by. Still feelin’ that. Then the more I got to know shit about you, the longer I looked and saw the way you are with people you care about, the more time we spent together after Dash and Syd hooked up, shit started changin’. Still wanted to fuck. Pretty sure the only way that urge is going away is if I’m six feet under, but bein’ around you, babe, watchin’ you and the way you are with Dash, how you smile at him ’cause of the way he treats your girl, fuck, I wanted that. Drove me crazy you weren’t givin’ it to me.”
Tori’s eyes went back to their normal, oval-shaped size. Her mouth relaxed.
I ran my thumb below her bottom lip, watching that movement as I went on.
“Came to me last night, upset, crying, wanting someone to make that shit better for you. Needin’ someone.” I looked into her eyes. “You got people you smile at, babe. People you take in and let live with you. And you came to my door. You gave me that.” I breathed a laugh and cupped her cheek. “Still don’t think you know what that meant to me.”
Tori inhaled sharply, blinking and looking to be fighting tears. I moved in, getting closer. “You give it up, Legs, don’t matter what it is and I’m keepin’ it. Know what it means to you and want you knowin’ you ain’t alone in that. I feel it, too, babe.”
Her breath hitched.
“Trusted me to take care of shit before,” I reminded her, bending lower and speaking slowly against her lips. “Gonna need you to trust me on this, too.”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Quit thinkin’.”
“I have to think. I have to, Jamie. If I don’t—”
I cut her off, tilting my head and kissing her. It was slow and wet, and fuck, she kissed back. Not fighting it. The second she felt my tongue push inside, Tori started giving it just as good.
She stopped thinking.
Her fingers moved to my jaw and she lifted up, pressing firmer against my mouth, going deeper with her tongue and telling me what I needed to know when she was too afraid to say it.
“We doin’ this?” I asked.
She kissed me harder.
“You likin’ me yet?”
She pulled my bottom lip into her mouth and sucked until I groaned.
“Fuck, babe,” I panted, breaking away and rolling with her, pulling her body against and partially on top of mine. One hand behind her back and curling around her waist and the other reaching down, hitching her leg up and draping it over me. I turned my head and pressed my mouth against her hair. “We’re doin’ this,” I said.
“What the fuck?”
Tori tipped up her chin, keeping her eyes closed. “I’m done talking to you,” she said. “You’re not listening to me anyway, and everything you’re saying is either making me confused, uncomfortable, or not knowing what to think.”
“Uncomfortable?”
“Embarrassed,” she clarified, eyes opening and turning soft. “I know how I reacted to what you did to me. I was there, Jamie. You don’t need to rub it in my face.”
“Not rubbing it in your face, Legs. Just wantin’ you to admit you liked it as much as I did.”
“I liked it,” she shot out quickly. “Okay? Obviously. I came. And I appreciate you doing what you did for me. But it’s done. Meaning, we don’t need to keep doing it.”
“We absolutely need to keep doin’ it,” I returned.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with you.”
“Yeah?”
“I really don’t.”
“You sayin’ if I show up here again tomorrow night, the next night, and the next, wantin’ more, you wouldn’t be down, and not only that, you’d tell me to fuck off?”
Tori swallowed. “If?” she asked quietly, sounding anxious.
My brow furrowed.
Seeing that happen, she nodded sharply and added with a flat tone, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“You’re full of shit,” I laughed.
Her eyes flashed with anger and narrowed. “No, I’m not,” she hissed. “If you show up here again, ever, I’m telling you exactly that.”
“Right.”
“I’m serious, Jamie.”
“You’re seriously full of shit, Legs.”
She pushed to her elbows and got in my face. “And you’re seriously delusional if you think I’m believing anything you’re saying to me right now.”
My brows lifted.
Tori read that as a question and went on, keeping close to explain, “You say you want to put in time with me. That I’m safe to have expectations. What do you think, I’m stupid? I know exactly what this was to you, Jamie. And I will not be that girl waiting around and expecting things. Not from you. I will not be stupid.”
I listened to Tori, staring back and reading the seriousness in her eyes while seeing the fear she was trying to keep hidden. And I remembered her “if” from seconds ago and the worry she had in her voice, thinking I wouldn’t be showing up here again.
Reason hit me like a punch to the gut.
All her bullshit. The lies. The layers. Why she was always fighting me.
It wasn’t that Tori didn’t want me here. It wasn’t that she would tell me to fuck off if I showed.
She was scared this was it. That I wouldn’t come back, or that when I did and this shit built between us, becoming something real and on the regular, I’d stop showing and blindside her.
She was scared of getting hurt.
“Jesus, babe,” I mumbled, staring at her as I started sliding my arm up her body to cup her face, then deciding that wasn’t enough.
Hand on her side, I pushed her back.
She gasped as she fell. “What are you doing?”
I leaned into her, body sliding over to pin her down and keep her flat on the mattress, elbows planted on either side and hands holding gently to her cheeks. I ran my thumb over the flush in her skin.
She pressed her fingers to my chest, gently pushing as she blinked up at me. “Jamie, I—”
“You said what you needed to say. Now it’s my turn,” I told her. She shook her head. “But—”
“Legs, shut up.”
Her lips pinched together tightly. I heard her breath as it escaped her, coming out in heavy pants.
“Told you this wasn’t about a piece of ass I was lookin’ to score,” I began, pushing strands of hair out of her face and curling my fingers behind her head. “Also told you I’ve had that with women, they were aware and wantin’ the same thing, so you know if this was about that, I wouldn’t have a problem lettin’ you know up front. Last I checked, I did not give any indication I was just lookin’ to get a few fucks outta my system with you. Unless I’m forgettin’ I said it. Did you hear those words from me?”
She shook her head again. “No, but—”
“Shut up, Legs.”
Her eyes narrowed. Looking ready to argue, she shocked me by actually following orders.
Seeing that, I continued, “Not gonna lie. Saw you that first day at Whitecaps and, first reaction, wanted to fuck.”
Somehow, Tori’s eyes narrowed further. Still, she didn’t speak.
“Months went by. Still feelin’ that. Then the more I got to know shit about you, the longer I looked and saw the way you are with people you care about, the more time we spent together after Dash and Syd hooked up, shit started changin’. Still wanted to fuck. Pretty sure the only way that urge is going away is if I’m six feet under, but bein’ around you, babe, watchin’ you and the way you are with Dash, how you smile at him ’cause of the way he treats your girl, fuck, I wanted that. Drove me crazy you weren’t givin’ it to me.”
Tori’s eyes went back to their normal, oval-shaped size. Her mouth relaxed.
I ran my thumb below her bottom lip, watching that movement as I went on.
“Came to me last night, upset, crying, wanting someone to make that shit better for you. Needin’ someone.” I looked into her eyes. “You got people you smile at, babe. People you take in and let live with you. And you came to my door. You gave me that.” I breathed a laugh and cupped her cheek. “Still don’t think you know what that meant to me.”
Tori inhaled sharply, blinking and looking to be fighting tears. I moved in, getting closer. “You give it up, Legs, don’t matter what it is and I’m keepin’ it. Know what it means to you and want you knowin’ you ain’t alone in that. I feel it, too, babe.”
Her breath hitched.
“Trusted me to take care of shit before,” I reminded her, bending lower and speaking slowly against her lips. “Gonna need you to trust me on this, too.”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Quit thinkin’.”
“I have to think. I have to, Jamie. If I don’t—”
I cut her off, tilting my head and kissing her. It was slow and wet, and fuck, she kissed back. Not fighting it. The second she felt my tongue push inside, Tori started giving it just as good.
She stopped thinking.
Her fingers moved to my jaw and she lifted up, pressing firmer against my mouth, going deeper with her tongue and telling me what I needed to know when she was too afraid to say it.
“We doin’ this?” I asked.
She kissed me harder.
“You likin’ me yet?”
She pulled my bottom lip into her mouth and sucked until I groaned.
“Fuck, babe,” I panted, breaking away and rolling with her, pulling her body against and partially on top of mine. One hand behind her back and curling around her waist and the other reaching down, hitching her leg up and draping it over me. I turned my head and pressed my mouth against her hair. “We’re doin’ this,” I said.
