Hold Me Closer: The Tiny Cooper Story
Page 27
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WILL (shaking his head):
Nothing.
TINY:
C’mon. There has to be someplace.
WILL:
There isn’t, okay? Just my house. My room. That’s it.
TINY:
Fine—then where’s the nearest swing set?
The swing set from the opening of Act II is returned to the stage.
TINY:
Here’s one!
Tiny sits on one of the swings.
TINY:
Join me. (Will does.) Now, isn’t this better?
WILL:
Better than what?
Tiny laughs and shakes his head.
WILL:
What? Why are you shaking your head?
TINY:
It’s nothing.
WILL:
Tell me.
TINY:
It’s just funny.
WILL:
What’s funny?
TINY:
You. And me.
WILL:
I’m glad you find it funny.
TINY:
I wish you’d find it funnier. (pause) You know what’s a great metaphor for love?
WILL:
I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.
Tiny turns away and makes an attempt to swing high. The swing set groans so much that he stops and twists back Will’s way.
TINY:
Sleeping Beauty.
WILL:
Sleeping Beauty?
TINY:
Yes, because you have to plow through this incredible thicket of thorns in order to get to Beauty, and even then, when you get there, you still have to wake her up.
WILL:
So I’m a thicket?
TINY:
And the beauty that isn’t full awake yet.
WILL:
It figures you’d think that way.
TINY:
Why?
WILL:
Well, your life is a musical. Literally.
TINY:
Do you hear me singing now?
There’s a silence as they swing.
WILL:
Tiny . . .
TINY:
Will . . .
WILL:
Don’t you get it? I don’t need anyone.
TINY:
That only means you need me more.
WILL:
You’re not in love with me. You’re in love with my need.
TINY:
But I like you. I really, really like you.
WILL:
I’m really sorry.
Tiny swings for a moment.
TINY:
Don’t be. I fell for you. I know what happens at the end of falling—landing.
WILL:
I just get so pissed off at myself. I’m the worst thing in the world for you. I’m your pinless hand grenade.
TINY:
I like my pinless hand grenade.
WILL:
Well, I don’t like being your pinless hand grenade. Or anybody’s.
TINY:
I just want you to be happy. If that’s with me or with someone else or with nobody. I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be okay with life. With life as it is. And me, too. It is so hard to accept that life is falling. Falling and landing and falling and landing. I agree it’s not ideal. I agree.
But there is the word, this word Phil Wrayson taught me once: weltschmerz. It’s the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be. I live in a big goddamned weltschmerz ocean, you know? And so do you. And so does everyone. Because everyone thinks it should be possible just to keep falling and falling forever, to feel the rush of the air on your face as you fall, that air pulling your face into a brilliant goddamned smile. And that should be possible. You should be able to fall forever.
You’re still a pinless grenade over the world not being perfect. And I’m still—every time this happens to me, every time I land, it still hurts like it’s never happened before.
Tiny’s swinging higher now, kicking his legs hard, the swing set groaning. It looks like he’s going to bring the whole contraption down, but he just keeps pumping his legs and pulling against the chain with his arms and talking.
TINY:
Because we can’t stop the weltschmerz. We can’t stop imagining the world as it might be. Which is awesome! It is my favorite thing about us!
And if you’re gonna have that, you’re gonna have falling. They don’t call it rising in love. That’s why I love us!
Because we know what will happen when we fall!
Tiny leaps from the swing . . . and this time lands on his feet. As soon as he does, the finale begins.
[“FINALE”]
TINY:
It’s all about falling—
you land and get up so you can fall again.
It’s all about falling—
I won’t be afraid to hit that wall again.
I like love.
There, I’ve said it:
I really like love.
Not as a half
but as a whole
looking for another whole.
I want to be like my mom and dad—
I want to feel the love they’ve had.
I want to share this love with all my friends—
I want to fall alongside them ’til our story ends.
I was born big-boned and happily gay
but I’ve learned so much more along the way.
MOM AND DAD:
In the cold
In the wind
We’ll be there for you.
Your agony
Your ecstasy
We will feel it.
MOM:
The strongest kind of love
is unconditional love.
The moment you were born,
I knew unconditional love.
DAD:
In so many ways you amaze me.
MOM:
In so many ways you amaze me.
LYNDA AND THE GHOST OF OSCAR WILDE:
Look forward to the moment
when it falls apart.
Nothing.
TINY:
C’mon. There has to be someplace.
WILL:
There isn’t, okay? Just my house. My room. That’s it.
TINY:
Fine—then where’s the nearest swing set?
The swing set from the opening of Act II is returned to the stage.
TINY:
Here’s one!
Tiny sits on one of the swings.
TINY:
Join me. (Will does.) Now, isn’t this better?
WILL:
Better than what?
Tiny laughs and shakes his head.
WILL:
What? Why are you shaking your head?
TINY:
It’s nothing.
WILL:
Tell me.
TINY:
It’s just funny.
WILL:
What’s funny?
TINY:
You. And me.
WILL:
I’m glad you find it funny.
TINY:
I wish you’d find it funnier. (pause) You know what’s a great metaphor for love?
WILL:
I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.
Tiny turns away and makes an attempt to swing high. The swing set groans so much that he stops and twists back Will’s way.
TINY:
Sleeping Beauty.
WILL:
Sleeping Beauty?
TINY:
Yes, because you have to plow through this incredible thicket of thorns in order to get to Beauty, and even then, when you get there, you still have to wake her up.
WILL:
So I’m a thicket?
TINY:
And the beauty that isn’t full awake yet.
WILL:
It figures you’d think that way.
TINY:
Why?
WILL:
Well, your life is a musical. Literally.
TINY:
Do you hear me singing now?
There’s a silence as they swing.
WILL:
Tiny . . .
TINY:
Will . . .
WILL:
Don’t you get it? I don’t need anyone.
TINY:
That only means you need me more.
WILL:
You’re not in love with me. You’re in love with my need.
TINY:
But I like you. I really, really like you.
WILL:
I’m really sorry.
Tiny swings for a moment.
TINY:
Don’t be. I fell for you. I know what happens at the end of falling—landing.
WILL:
I just get so pissed off at myself. I’m the worst thing in the world for you. I’m your pinless hand grenade.
TINY:
I like my pinless hand grenade.
WILL:
Well, I don’t like being your pinless hand grenade. Or anybody’s.
TINY:
I just want you to be happy. If that’s with me or with someone else or with nobody. I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be okay with life. With life as it is. And me, too. It is so hard to accept that life is falling. Falling and landing and falling and landing. I agree it’s not ideal. I agree.
But there is the word, this word Phil Wrayson taught me once: weltschmerz. It’s the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be. I live in a big goddamned weltschmerz ocean, you know? And so do you. And so does everyone. Because everyone thinks it should be possible just to keep falling and falling forever, to feel the rush of the air on your face as you fall, that air pulling your face into a brilliant goddamned smile. And that should be possible. You should be able to fall forever.
You’re still a pinless grenade over the world not being perfect. And I’m still—every time this happens to me, every time I land, it still hurts like it’s never happened before.
Tiny’s swinging higher now, kicking his legs hard, the swing set groaning. It looks like he’s going to bring the whole contraption down, but he just keeps pumping his legs and pulling against the chain with his arms and talking.
TINY:
Because we can’t stop the weltschmerz. We can’t stop imagining the world as it might be. Which is awesome! It is my favorite thing about us!
And if you’re gonna have that, you’re gonna have falling. They don’t call it rising in love. That’s why I love us!
Because we know what will happen when we fall!
Tiny leaps from the swing . . . and this time lands on his feet. As soon as he does, the finale begins.
[“FINALE”]
TINY:
It’s all about falling—
you land and get up so you can fall again.
It’s all about falling—
I won’t be afraid to hit that wall again.
I like love.
There, I’ve said it:
I really like love.
Not as a half
but as a whole
looking for another whole.
I want to be like my mom and dad—
I want to feel the love they’ve had.
I want to share this love with all my friends—
I want to fall alongside them ’til our story ends.
I was born big-boned and happily gay
but I’ve learned so much more along the way.
MOM AND DAD:
In the cold
In the wind
We’ll be there for you.
Your agony
Your ecstasy
We will feel it.
MOM:
The strongest kind of love
is unconditional love.
The moment you were born,
I knew unconditional love.
DAD:
In so many ways you amaze me.
MOM:
In so many ways you amaze me.
LYNDA AND THE GHOST OF OSCAR WILDE:
Look forward to the moment
when it falls apart.
