“But you’ve decided to inspect the length of Jace Sinclair’s stick?”
I laugh. “Clever, Ms. Preston.” I applaud her. “And yes. I am invested in that task. I will report on the girth, length, and curve.”
“Good, I expect an extensive report.”
“I will be very thorough in my investigations,” I say with a wink and I try not to smile. But soon, I can’t hold it in and we both dissolve in laughter. When I lie back on the bed, my body shakes with my giggles and I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard. Mekena is great. I really like her and she is making coming to Nashville worth it. I have a feeling we are going to be good friends, and I’ve always needed that. I never had a hard time making friends; it’s just keeping them that was an issue. Coming from a serious hockey family, one where my brothers were bred to be in the NHL, the friends I had didn’t stick around long because their families were jealous of mine.
We are the Kennedys of hockey in New Jersey.
But I don’t want to think about that. I want to be thankful for the friend I have made. Glancing over at Mekena, I smile. But before either of us can say anything now that we’ve stopped laughing, my phone dings with a text message. Bringing it out of my pocket, I see that it’s from Matty, and that surprises me. I haven’t heard from him since I left. Hell, I haven’t heard from any of my brothers.
Opening the message, I roll my eyes.
Matty: I miss you, fuckface.
Me: Usually when you tell someone you miss them, you leave off the fuckface.
Matty: Whatever, come home. Stop being dumb.
That’s what my whole family, minus my mom, thinks. That I’m being dumb, chasing after something that won’t ever happen.
Me: No way. I love it here.
Matty: You won’t for long. It’s just all shiny and new. You’ll change your mind and then everyone will have to stop their lives to come and get you.
He can be such a dick.
Me: Don’t worry, I won’t call you.
Matty: Yeah, you will. And you’ll also ignore that I’m being a dick because you love me and I love you. I just don’t like being apart.
That makes me wrinkle my face in confusion. I want to think he is being sincere, but that isn’t Matty. He’s an asshole to almost everyone. He’s cocky, he knows he’s the best, and he is, but you would think since I shared a womb with him for nine months, he would be nice to me. Nope, I’m an inconvenience more than a sister, and I’m coping with that.
Me: Matty, why the hell does it matter if we are apart?
Matty: I guess I never noticed until you were gone. There is no one to hold my sticks and shit. It’s annoying.
He’s lucky we aren’t near each other. I would have punched him in the throat.
Me: I doubt you’ll have problems finding someone to hold your sticks.
Matty: I don’t want to tho, but whatever. Dad said he got you to fly home next month.
Closing my eyes, I shake my head. Didn’t I tell him I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come home? Opening my eyes, I look at the screen as I type back quickly.
Me: I don’t know if I’m coming.
Matty: You are. It’s opening night. Seth and Laurence will be home.
Me: Yeah, I don’t know.
Matty: Don’t be dumb. You can put your life on hold to be with your family.
Because they’ve ever put their lives on hold for me, at any point.
Neither of my parents flew down here with me. They put me on a plane, had a car service take me to the dealership to get my new car, and when I got to Bellevue, my things were already here and set up. Some people would kill for that, but not me. I wanted my mom and dad here. I wanted the tears and the “I’m gonna miss yous.” Instead of doing it all with me, my dad had everything done by someone else. I got no welcome, no speech about making good decisions, and no don’t get pregnant talk. I was thrown off on my own, and really, I’m used to it. I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember, but it still hurts.
Especially since the reason I got for why they couldn’t come with me was because Laurence and Matty needed my parents to go with them to do paperwork they had forgotten to do. Being at the bottom of the totem pole sucks ass.
Very angrily, I type back.
Me: I’ll get right on that.
Matty: Nice talk.
Me: Best ever.
Ugh, I don’t like him much.
“You okay?”
I look over at Mekena as my phone comes to rest on my chest. “Yeah, just my brother sucks.”
“Which one?”
“Matty.”
“Your twin? Aren’t you two supposed to be best friends?”
I shrug. “Apparently he missed that memo when we were in the womb.”
“That sucks.”
I couldn’t agree more, but as I watch her finish her makeup, I decide I have to let this go. I left for a reason. That reason was to be on my own, to pave my own road and live the life I want. If Matty wants to be a dick to me, that’s fine. I’ve always been an afterthought to him, so now he’ll be the afterthought to me. I have too much to be excited about. Too much to be happy about. I’m not going to let him ruin that.
I just won’t.
No matter how much it hurts.
No matter how much I want his love.
“You don’t talk about your family much.”
Glancing up at the ceiling, I shrug. “Not much to discuss. I’m the one no one thinks about. They all have better things to do than worry about me. They all hate that I left, even though no one ever had time for me. Kinda doesn’t make sense, if you ask me.”
“Yeah, that blows,” she says, and I know she cares by the way she is looking at me. But I don’t want her sympathy.
“Doesn’t matter, though. I’m gonna do me. I refuse to be something that’s shelved until they need me.”
As soon as I say that, though, I feel like a jerk. As I shake my head, tears sting my eyes, but I won’t let them fall. My throat thick with emotion, I say, “But my mom isn’t too bad. She’s good to me when she has time to be. She’s sorta weak, goes with what my dad and brothers say. I guess because they monopolized her a lot of the time.”
Makena doesn’t say anything for a long while until I glance over at her. “It’s really no big deal.”
“Still, I’m sorry. That blows.”
I laugh. “Clever, Ms. Preston.” I applaud her. “And yes. I am invested in that task. I will report on the girth, length, and curve.”
“Good, I expect an extensive report.”
“I will be very thorough in my investigations,” I say with a wink and I try not to smile. But soon, I can’t hold it in and we both dissolve in laughter. When I lie back on the bed, my body shakes with my giggles and I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard. Mekena is great. I really like her and she is making coming to Nashville worth it. I have a feeling we are going to be good friends, and I’ve always needed that. I never had a hard time making friends; it’s just keeping them that was an issue. Coming from a serious hockey family, one where my brothers were bred to be in the NHL, the friends I had didn’t stick around long because their families were jealous of mine.
We are the Kennedys of hockey in New Jersey.
But I don’t want to think about that. I want to be thankful for the friend I have made. Glancing over at Mekena, I smile. But before either of us can say anything now that we’ve stopped laughing, my phone dings with a text message. Bringing it out of my pocket, I see that it’s from Matty, and that surprises me. I haven’t heard from him since I left. Hell, I haven’t heard from any of my brothers.
Opening the message, I roll my eyes.
Matty: I miss you, fuckface.
Me: Usually when you tell someone you miss them, you leave off the fuckface.
Matty: Whatever, come home. Stop being dumb.
That’s what my whole family, minus my mom, thinks. That I’m being dumb, chasing after something that won’t ever happen.
Me: No way. I love it here.
Matty: You won’t for long. It’s just all shiny and new. You’ll change your mind and then everyone will have to stop their lives to come and get you.
He can be such a dick.
Me: Don’t worry, I won’t call you.
Matty: Yeah, you will. And you’ll also ignore that I’m being a dick because you love me and I love you. I just don’t like being apart.
That makes me wrinkle my face in confusion. I want to think he is being sincere, but that isn’t Matty. He’s an asshole to almost everyone. He’s cocky, he knows he’s the best, and he is, but you would think since I shared a womb with him for nine months, he would be nice to me. Nope, I’m an inconvenience more than a sister, and I’m coping with that.
Me: Matty, why the hell does it matter if we are apart?
Matty: I guess I never noticed until you were gone. There is no one to hold my sticks and shit. It’s annoying.
He’s lucky we aren’t near each other. I would have punched him in the throat.
Me: I doubt you’ll have problems finding someone to hold your sticks.
Matty: I don’t want to tho, but whatever. Dad said he got you to fly home next month.
Closing my eyes, I shake my head. Didn’t I tell him I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come home? Opening my eyes, I look at the screen as I type back quickly.
Me: I don’t know if I’m coming.
Matty: You are. It’s opening night. Seth and Laurence will be home.
Me: Yeah, I don’t know.
Matty: Don’t be dumb. You can put your life on hold to be with your family.
Because they’ve ever put their lives on hold for me, at any point.
Neither of my parents flew down here with me. They put me on a plane, had a car service take me to the dealership to get my new car, and when I got to Bellevue, my things were already here and set up. Some people would kill for that, but not me. I wanted my mom and dad here. I wanted the tears and the “I’m gonna miss yous.” Instead of doing it all with me, my dad had everything done by someone else. I got no welcome, no speech about making good decisions, and no don’t get pregnant talk. I was thrown off on my own, and really, I’m used to it. I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember, but it still hurts.
Especially since the reason I got for why they couldn’t come with me was because Laurence and Matty needed my parents to go with them to do paperwork they had forgotten to do. Being at the bottom of the totem pole sucks ass.
Very angrily, I type back.
Me: I’ll get right on that.
Matty: Nice talk.
Me: Best ever.
Ugh, I don’t like him much.
“You okay?”
I look over at Mekena as my phone comes to rest on my chest. “Yeah, just my brother sucks.”
“Which one?”
“Matty.”
“Your twin? Aren’t you two supposed to be best friends?”
I shrug. “Apparently he missed that memo when we were in the womb.”
“That sucks.”
I couldn’t agree more, but as I watch her finish her makeup, I decide I have to let this go. I left for a reason. That reason was to be on my own, to pave my own road and live the life I want. If Matty wants to be a dick to me, that’s fine. I’ve always been an afterthought to him, so now he’ll be the afterthought to me. I have too much to be excited about. Too much to be happy about. I’m not going to let him ruin that.
I just won’t.
No matter how much it hurts.
No matter how much I want his love.
“You don’t talk about your family much.”
Glancing up at the ceiling, I shrug. “Not much to discuss. I’m the one no one thinks about. They all have better things to do than worry about me. They all hate that I left, even though no one ever had time for me. Kinda doesn’t make sense, if you ask me.”
“Yeah, that blows,” she says, and I know she cares by the way she is looking at me. But I don’t want her sympathy.
“Doesn’t matter, though. I’m gonna do me. I refuse to be something that’s shelved until they need me.”
As soon as I say that, though, I feel like a jerk. As I shake my head, tears sting my eyes, but I won’t let them fall. My throat thick with emotion, I say, “But my mom isn’t too bad. She’s good to me when she has time to be. She’s sorta weak, goes with what my dad and brothers say. I guess because they monopolized her a lot of the time.”
Makena doesn’t say anything for a long while until I glance over at her. “It’s really no big deal.”
“Still, I’m sorry. That blows.”
