Hooked by Love
Page 112
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But she shakes her head. “No, Jace. I know this isn’t planned, and Lord knows this is the last thing we both want. I really am sorry; I should have gotten on birth control a long time ago.”
“Avery, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like I was making sure the condom worked. I was too busy getting in your pants. It’s fine. We will figure this out.”
“I just don’t want to jeopardize your career, Jace,” she cries and I shake my head.
“You’re not—”
“Which is why I made an appointment to get an abortion tomorrow.”
Everything stops.
What?
Swallowing hard, I hold her gaze, unsure what to say to that. I didn’t expect her to say that. I didn’t even think it was on the table. My mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out as her tears splash onto my shirt.
“You don’t think we should think on this?”
She shakes her head almost violently. “We can’t, Jace. We’ll start to think we can do this, and we can’t. It’s really the only option. I thought it over and over again on the plane. And the thing is, I can’t carry it and give it to someone else. I just can’t, but we can’t keep it. We are too young, we have so much happening, and ugh, Jace. I’m so sorry. I know you don’t want this.” My heart is in my throat. I can’t speak as her eyes search mine. She seems so sure, so determined to do this. “I mean, I can’t have a career and take care of a baby, and neither can you. What if we don’t work out? Then we are taking turns raising a child. I don’t want to be Lucy and her douche ex; I want to be us. I want to make sure we are stable. I mean, you work at a coffee shop. I’m just an intern. It would be dumb to bring a child into this world.”
Looking down, I close my eyes. I know she is making sense, but it just doesn’t feel right. “Say something,” she yelps, and I swallow my sob back as I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
Fucking hell.
Running my hand down my face, I look up at her and take her face in my hands. “I’m so sorry that I don’t know what to say right now,” I get out, the lump in my throat hurting as my eyes burn with tears. “I’m sorry we’re in this situation, but I will stand by you and support you in every way possible. This is your body and your choice. I love you, Avery. With everything in my soul.”
Her face is red, her tears not stopping as she holds my gaze. “Will you please go with me?”
That breaks me, and I look away. A tear is rolling down my cheek, but I don’t allow any more. I have to be strong for her. I look up into her gorgeous face and nod. “Yes. Of course.”
She hiccups a sob and covers her face, her cries jerking her body hard. “I’m so scared.”
Holding her tighter, I dust her temple with kisses and whisper, “Me too.”
She turns her face into my neck and just howls with her tears. Closing my eyes as her body rocks against mine, I allow myself to cry with her. We didn’t plan this, and something like this is life-altering. She’s right. We aren’t ready for this. We have a plan, a life to live, one that could be ruined by a child. We aren’t even remotely ready to have a baby. We are young, not only in age but also in our relationship. While I know we will be together forever, and she may know too, she’s already doubted us. Because of that, I have no clue what to say to make her change her mind about the procedure.
I sure as hell don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to go through with it.
I can’t sleep.
Avery fell asleep hours ago, and all I can do is stare at the ceiling.
Trying to figure this out.
I spent most of the night holding her as she cried and then we tried to watch TV, but it was obvious neither of us could pay attention. Both of us were so lost in our thoughts. It just seems so crazy to me. All of it. I mean, yeah, we are pregnant. I’ve got that. But she seems so adamant about the abortion. Like it’s the only option, but is it? I agree giving the baby away is something I couldn’t do either. I know at first glance I would love it just as much as I love its mother. So that’s off the table. But I don’t believe in abortion.
I just don’t.
Lucy was eighteen when she got pregnant with Angie. She didn’t even consider getting rid of my niece. Instead, she got married. Yeah, it ended badly, but not because of her. Because of the douche. Of course it’s sucked and she’s struggled, but she’s happy. She loves her baby and I…I…can’t do this.
But it isn’t my body.
I’m not the one who would carry the child for nine months, who would be Mommy. I’m just Daddy. Am I being naïve here? Can we do this? I have no money—a little saved up from my dad and the ten hours a week I work at the coffee shop. But soon I’ll sign a damn good contract, and then I can take care of her and our child. She could still live her dreams; we’d figure it out, but can I get her to see that?
And then can I even guarantee it will work?
Fuck.
This is too much.
When she stirs against me, rolling onto her back, I look over at her. I can’t help it, I smile. She’s knocked the hell out, probably from crying most of the night. Her lips are parted, drool sliding down the side of her mouth. She’s so beautiful, and as I stare at her, I know she would make a great mom. Yeah, she comes from crap, but she would never treat her children like that. I’ve seen her firsthand with Angie. I know, but does she? Doesn’t she realize she could be the best mom in the world?
Abortion is not the answer for us.
But how do I tell her that?
I close my eyes, my lip trembling as my hand slides onto her flat stomach. I can’t feel anything. I mean, how could I? But one day I would be able to, because my baby is in there. When I look to where my hand rests, the tears start to fall because I’m supposed to stand back and let this happen. Sliding down the bed, I rest my head on her chest, and her hands come up to hold me instinctively. Looking at where her belly lies so flat, I choke back a sob and close my eyes. If this was the right thing to do, wouldn’t it feel like it? Wouldn’t I know? Because what I feel, what I know, is that I want to hold this baby. I don’t think I can stand back and let her do this.
This may be her body, but this is my baby too.
And I can’t let this happen.
But how do I tell her that?
Earlier, I just stared at her. Cried, frozen and speechless as she looked at me, wanting something other than what I could give her. I froze, my bad, but damn it, this isn’t right.
“Avery, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like I was making sure the condom worked. I was too busy getting in your pants. It’s fine. We will figure this out.”
“I just don’t want to jeopardize your career, Jace,” she cries and I shake my head.
“You’re not—”
“Which is why I made an appointment to get an abortion tomorrow.”
Everything stops.
What?
Swallowing hard, I hold her gaze, unsure what to say to that. I didn’t expect her to say that. I didn’t even think it was on the table. My mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out as her tears splash onto my shirt.
“You don’t think we should think on this?”
She shakes her head almost violently. “We can’t, Jace. We’ll start to think we can do this, and we can’t. It’s really the only option. I thought it over and over again on the plane. And the thing is, I can’t carry it and give it to someone else. I just can’t, but we can’t keep it. We are too young, we have so much happening, and ugh, Jace. I’m so sorry. I know you don’t want this.” My heart is in my throat. I can’t speak as her eyes search mine. She seems so sure, so determined to do this. “I mean, I can’t have a career and take care of a baby, and neither can you. What if we don’t work out? Then we are taking turns raising a child. I don’t want to be Lucy and her douche ex; I want to be us. I want to make sure we are stable. I mean, you work at a coffee shop. I’m just an intern. It would be dumb to bring a child into this world.”
Looking down, I close my eyes. I know she is making sense, but it just doesn’t feel right. “Say something,” she yelps, and I swallow my sob back as I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
Fucking hell.
Running my hand down my face, I look up at her and take her face in my hands. “I’m so sorry that I don’t know what to say right now,” I get out, the lump in my throat hurting as my eyes burn with tears. “I’m sorry we’re in this situation, but I will stand by you and support you in every way possible. This is your body and your choice. I love you, Avery. With everything in my soul.”
Her face is red, her tears not stopping as she holds my gaze. “Will you please go with me?”
That breaks me, and I look away. A tear is rolling down my cheek, but I don’t allow any more. I have to be strong for her. I look up into her gorgeous face and nod. “Yes. Of course.”
She hiccups a sob and covers her face, her cries jerking her body hard. “I’m so scared.”
Holding her tighter, I dust her temple with kisses and whisper, “Me too.”
She turns her face into my neck and just howls with her tears. Closing my eyes as her body rocks against mine, I allow myself to cry with her. We didn’t plan this, and something like this is life-altering. She’s right. We aren’t ready for this. We have a plan, a life to live, one that could be ruined by a child. We aren’t even remotely ready to have a baby. We are young, not only in age but also in our relationship. While I know we will be together forever, and she may know too, she’s already doubted us. Because of that, I have no clue what to say to make her change her mind about the procedure.
I sure as hell don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to go through with it.
I can’t sleep.
Avery fell asleep hours ago, and all I can do is stare at the ceiling.
Trying to figure this out.
I spent most of the night holding her as she cried and then we tried to watch TV, but it was obvious neither of us could pay attention. Both of us were so lost in our thoughts. It just seems so crazy to me. All of it. I mean, yeah, we are pregnant. I’ve got that. But she seems so adamant about the abortion. Like it’s the only option, but is it? I agree giving the baby away is something I couldn’t do either. I know at first glance I would love it just as much as I love its mother. So that’s off the table. But I don’t believe in abortion.
I just don’t.
Lucy was eighteen when she got pregnant with Angie. She didn’t even consider getting rid of my niece. Instead, she got married. Yeah, it ended badly, but not because of her. Because of the douche. Of course it’s sucked and she’s struggled, but she’s happy. She loves her baby and I…I…can’t do this.
But it isn’t my body.
I’m not the one who would carry the child for nine months, who would be Mommy. I’m just Daddy. Am I being naïve here? Can we do this? I have no money—a little saved up from my dad and the ten hours a week I work at the coffee shop. But soon I’ll sign a damn good contract, and then I can take care of her and our child. She could still live her dreams; we’d figure it out, but can I get her to see that?
And then can I even guarantee it will work?
Fuck.
This is too much.
When she stirs against me, rolling onto her back, I look over at her. I can’t help it, I smile. She’s knocked the hell out, probably from crying most of the night. Her lips are parted, drool sliding down the side of her mouth. She’s so beautiful, and as I stare at her, I know she would make a great mom. Yeah, she comes from crap, but she would never treat her children like that. I’ve seen her firsthand with Angie. I know, but does she? Doesn’t she realize she could be the best mom in the world?
Abortion is not the answer for us.
But how do I tell her that?
I close my eyes, my lip trembling as my hand slides onto her flat stomach. I can’t feel anything. I mean, how could I? But one day I would be able to, because my baby is in there. When I look to where my hand rests, the tears start to fall because I’m supposed to stand back and let this happen. Sliding down the bed, I rest my head on her chest, and her hands come up to hold me instinctively. Looking at where her belly lies so flat, I choke back a sob and close my eyes. If this was the right thing to do, wouldn’t it feel like it? Wouldn’t I know? Because what I feel, what I know, is that I want to hold this baby. I don’t think I can stand back and let her do this.
This may be her body, but this is my baby too.
And I can’t let this happen.
But how do I tell her that?
Earlier, I just stared at her. Cried, frozen and speechless as she looked at me, wanting something other than what I could give her. I froze, my bad, but damn it, this isn’t right.
