Nodding my head, I look at him. “Yeah, I bet.”
“And so we’ve all been recovering from it, because we were like the perfect family. Yeah, my dad can be a dick sometimes, but we were a unit. He went to all our games, supported us with my mom, and I thought they loved each other. That he loved us enough to be faithful to us, but then it all went to shit.”
“That blows.”
He nods. “Yeah, but like I said, we are trying to find our footing. Because when he left, he left. Took everything. Thankfully, me and my brothers were on full-ride scholarships, so that’s why we were able to come here. But man, he really did a number on us.”
“Wow.” I really don’t know what to say. I can see the pain on Jace’s face and it hurts me. Like, guts me when really it shouldn’t. This isn’t my problem, it’s his, but it feels like my problem. It’s clear he hasn’t gotten over the betrayal of his father or the pain of watching his mother hurt over the whole thing. He’s still hurting. “So is that why you wanted to be a player?”
He laughs, rolling his eyes. “I am a player, thank you.” He just laughs harder when he meets my cynical gaze. Shrugging, he looks away. “I just don’t want to go through what my mom and sister went through. They both were cheated on and hurt bad. I don’t want that.”
“Who does?” I say sullenly, and he nods.
“Exactly, but anyway, it’s been like two years and Mom has been really down, really only living for us. So I guess I should be happy she wants to date.”
“You should. That’s nice.”
“It’s just weird, you know?”
When he looks at me, I smile. “Not really. Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m just running my mouth and I don’t know why. I usually don’t talk about this. It’s just…” He trails off and glances at me shyly, which makes me fight back a grin.
“Easy?” I supply and he nods.
“Yeah.” He lets go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders, holding me close. “So, yeah, it was hell when Coach asked, but I guess I should just go with it.”
“How do your brothers feel about it? And your sister…Lucy, was it?”
He nods. “Yeah, youngest of four, and they are cool with it. Want my mom to be happy.”
“That’s really sweet.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, I love my family.”
I could tell that even without his saying it. I’m jealous of his wholehearted love for his family. I wish I had that. I wish I could stand there and just know I love my family and they love me, but I can’t. Usually, when someone loves you, they prove it with their actions and don’t just depend on the three words as enough. With Jace, it’s crystal clear he loves them. No words needed, it’s just there. I wish I had that.
“So you said your mom and dad are still married?”
Looking up at him, I nod. “Yup, and I have two older brothers and a twin brother, but they all treat me like an afterthought.”
His face twists with confusion. “Don’t get along with them, I take it?”
I laugh. “What makes you say that?”
“You might as well have said, ‘I hate them all,’” he laughs and I shrug.
“They aren’t very good to me, I guess,” I say, but then I pause because I’ve already said too much.
“Why’s that?”
See? He wants to know stuff, and I just don’t know how to share it. I never had to because no one ever cared enough to ask. Well, Mekena did, but I just lied to her. Meeting Jace’s gaze, I really don’t think I can lie to him.
“I may be a twin, but I feel like the last priority and not like the baby of the family. Usually, the baby is babied and spoiled. That wasn’t the case for me. I was overlooked almost all the time, and I guess I’m bitter about it.” I look away. “Hockey is and always will be first in my family. It’s all that matters, makes the world turn, and all that shit. Since all three of my brothers play and are great, my parents put all their time into them, and I was just along for the ride. I never really mattered. My dreams didn’t hold a candle to theirs, and when I moved here, they weren’t supportive. They were kind of mean, except my mom. She tries—she does. I love her, truly, I do. She did the best she could, I guess, but still, I feel alone when I’m with them.”
What. The. Hell. Did. I. Just. Do?
Gasping, I look away, sucking in a breath as my eyes widen. I might as well have held up a sign that said, “I have family issues, feel sorry for me!” Jace isn’t saying anything, and I know he is probably taken aback by my blabbering. But I chance a glance anyway, and like I thought, he’s just watching me. Faking a grin, I look away. “Yeah, sorry about that. Whoa, right? Just letting my crazy flag fly.” I laugh with no humor in my voice, moving out of his arms to put some distance between us. Not for me, but for him. To give him an out because I know I just sounded every bit the crazy person I am. “Just listening to you talk about your family, I’m pretty sure you’ve never felt that way a day in your life. So yeah, you have no clue what I’m saying.”
I’m making it worse.
Just shut up!
When he stops, I stop too, meeting his gaze. And I’m confused by the way he’s looking at me. He isn’t looking at me like he pities me. Then he pulls me into a tight hug and I tense up because I don’t want his pity. Yeah, maybe I just word-vomited on him and I really shouldn’t have. But like he said earlier, it’s easy with him. I should want to push him away, but I don’t. Instead, I want to wrap my arms around him. When his lips press to my temple, so soft and sweet, I close my eyes and relax against him, my arms coming up around his waist. I may have been embarrassed and felt like a dumbass, but with his arms around me, his lips on me, I don’t feel like that anymore.
I feel good.
I feel normal.
“They suck not to realize how important you are and how awesome your dreams are. I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not apologizing for them. It’s their loss.”
My mouth pulls at the side as I nuzzle deeper in his arms. “Thanks.”
Pulling away, he kisses my nose and then we are walking again. “So, they all play?”
I scoff. “Of course, you’re gonna go back to that.”
“And so we’ve all been recovering from it, because we were like the perfect family. Yeah, my dad can be a dick sometimes, but we were a unit. He went to all our games, supported us with my mom, and I thought they loved each other. That he loved us enough to be faithful to us, but then it all went to shit.”
“That blows.”
He nods. “Yeah, but like I said, we are trying to find our footing. Because when he left, he left. Took everything. Thankfully, me and my brothers were on full-ride scholarships, so that’s why we were able to come here. But man, he really did a number on us.”
“Wow.” I really don’t know what to say. I can see the pain on Jace’s face and it hurts me. Like, guts me when really it shouldn’t. This isn’t my problem, it’s his, but it feels like my problem. It’s clear he hasn’t gotten over the betrayal of his father or the pain of watching his mother hurt over the whole thing. He’s still hurting. “So is that why you wanted to be a player?”
He laughs, rolling his eyes. “I am a player, thank you.” He just laughs harder when he meets my cynical gaze. Shrugging, he looks away. “I just don’t want to go through what my mom and sister went through. They both were cheated on and hurt bad. I don’t want that.”
“Who does?” I say sullenly, and he nods.
“Exactly, but anyway, it’s been like two years and Mom has been really down, really only living for us. So I guess I should be happy she wants to date.”
“You should. That’s nice.”
“It’s just weird, you know?”
When he looks at me, I smile. “Not really. Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m just running my mouth and I don’t know why. I usually don’t talk about this. It’s just…” He trails off and glances at me shyly, which makes me fight back a grin.
“Easy?” I supply and he nods.
“Yeah.” He lets go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders, holding me close. “So, yeah, it was hell when Coach asked, but I guess I should just go with it.”
“How do your brothers feel about it? And your sister…Lucy, was it?”
He nods. “Yeah, youngest of four, and they are cool with it. Want my mom to be happy.”
“That’s really sweet.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, I love my family.”
I could tell that even without his saying it. I’m jealous of his wholehearted love for his family. I wish I had that. I wish I could stand there and just know I love my family and they love me, but I can’t. Usually, when someone loves you, they prove it with their actions and don’t just depend on the three words as enough. With Jace, it’s crystal clear he loves them. No words needed, it’s just there. I wish I had that.
“So you said your mom and dad are still married?”
Looking up at him, I nod. “Yup, and I have two older brothers and a twin brother, but they all treat me like an afterthought.”
His face twists with confusion. “Don’t get along with them, I take it?”
I laugh. “What makes you say that?”
“You might as well have said, ‘I hate them all,’” he laughs and I shrug.
“They aren’t very good to me, I guess,” I say, but then I pause because I’ve already said too much.
“Why’s that?”
See? He wants to know stuff, and I just don’t know how to share it. I never had to because no one ever cared enough to ask. Well, Mekena did, but I just lied to her. Meeting Jace’s gaze, I really don’t think I can lie to him.
“I may be a twin, but I feel like the last priority and not like the baby of the family. Usually, the baby is babied and spoiled. That wasn’t the case for me. I was overlooked almost all the time, and I guess I’m bitter about it.” I look away. “Hockey is and always will be first in my family. It’s all that matters, makes the world turn, and all that shit. Since all three of my brothers play and are great, my parents put all their time into them, and I was just along for the ride. I never really mattered. My dreams didn’t hold a candle to theirs, and when I moved here, they weren’t supportive. They were kind of mean, except my mom. She tries—she does. I love her, truly, I do. She did the best she could, I guess, but still, I feel alone when I’m with them.”
What. The. Hell. Did. I. Just. Do?
Gasping, I look away, sucking in a breath as my eyes widen. I might as well have held up a sign that said, “I have family issues, feel sorry for me!” Jace isn’t saying anything, and I know he is probably taken aback by my blabbering. But I chance a glance anyway, and like I thought, he’s just watching me. Faking a grin, I look away. “Yeah, sorry about that. Whoa, right? Just letting my crazy flag fly.” I laugh with no humor in my voice, moving out of his arms to put some distance between us. Not for me, but for him. To give him an out because I know I just sounded every bit the crazy person I am. “Just listening to you talk about your family, I’m pretty sure you’ve never felt that way a day in your life. So yeah, you have no clue what I’m saying.”
I’m making it worse.
Just shut up!
When he stops, I stop too, meeting his gaze. And I’m confused by the way he’s looking at me. He isn’t looking at me like he pities me. Then he pulls me into a tight hug and I tense up because I don’t want his pity. Yeah, maybe I just word-vomited on him and I really shouldn’t have. But like he said earlier, it’s easy with him. I should want to push him away, but I don’t. Instead, I want to wrap my arms around him. When his lips press to my temple, so soft and sweet, I close my eyes and relax against him, my arms coming up around his waist. I may have been embarrassed and felt like a dumbass, but with his arms around me, his lips on me, I don’t feel like that anymore.
I feel good.
I feel normal.
“They suck not to realize how important you are and how awesome your dreams are. I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not apologizing for them. It’s their loss.”
My mouth pulls at the side as I nuzzle deeper in his arms. “Thanks.”
Pulling away, he kisses my nose and then we are walking again. “So, they all play?”
I scoff. “Of course, you’re gonna go back to that.”
