Wrapping his arms around my back, he holds me, kissing my head. He keeps holding on to me for a second, and we just lie there as the sounds of the Zamboni start. Letting out a long breath, I relax against Jace and I can hear his heart, steady and strong. It’s obvious what’s happening between us, and I know I shouldn’t fight it, but it scares me. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to forget my main goal, and I feel that can happen if I give in to these developing feelings.
“I’ve been in love before, Jace,” I whisper then and his arms tighten around me. I really don’t know why I said that, but I feel like I owe him a reason for not wanting what he wants. If he had his way, he’d tattoo his name on my neck and keep me as his; I can see it in his eyes. But I remember Caleb looking at me like that too. I remember him telling me we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But then one day, it was like a switch and he was over me. Things change, people change, and people get hurt in the end. Lived it, almost didn’t survive it, and it scares me to try again. I want to say it’s just my need to make my dreams come true, but it’s more than that. Not only do I want to prove that I am important, that my life is worth living, but I never want to give anyone the chance to hurt me again. Though, I feel like I’m slowly letting that go for Jace, and I feel stupid for that.
Didn’t I learn the first time?
As I bite into my lip to keep the tears at bay because I just don’t know what to do, he says into my hair, “It didn’t end well, I’m guessing?”
“Not even kinda,” I say as the tears threaten to fall. “And I can’t do all that again.”
His heart picks up in cadence in his chest, and my eyes fall shut from the swooshing sound. He says his favorite sound is the sounds of the Zamboni, but if he heard what I did, the strong sounds of his heart beating, he’d choose that as his favorite sound. It’s becoming mine.
“I don’t know the dude, and I don’t ever want to meet him because I might kill him for hurting you. But it isn’t fair to assume that I’ll do what he did. I’m not a bad dude. What you see is what you get. I love my family, I love hockey, and I love my friends. I’m loyal as shit, and I don’t ever want to hurt someone the way my mom and sister got hurt. I get you, and I understand. But why let go of what this is, whatever it is, you know? Give me a chance.”
Closing my eyes, I nuzzle my nose into his chest as my heart jumps into my throat. Didn’t I say I want to feel alive? I want to live? I know I did, and when I’m with this guy, I feel that way. I’ve never felt more important than I do under his gaze. Is it what I was looking for? No. I wanted fun and sex. I wanted to get by until my dreams came true, but that might not be the case anymore.
I might want more.
“Fine, how about Javery is just us being us and not labeling anything?” I whisper before looking up at him. He doesn’t like it, I can tell. He wants it all, and I really don’t know if I can give him that. I’m pretty sure giving him everything would involve me opening up about things I never want to share with anyone. I just don’t think I can do that. “I, too, am very loyal and I would never want to hurt anyone I respect. And I respect you, Jace, but I’m not ready to hand you my heart. It’s only day one, you know? And we could hate each other come Friday.”
That makes him smile as he shakes his head. “We won’t.”
“Can’t promise things like that.”
“Yeah, I can. I will.” His words vibrate in my soul as he cups my face. “But it’s cool. Your version of Javery, I can do that.”
Grinning, I inch myself up his body until my chin is touching his. “You know, I’m pretty sure Javery involves lots of sex.”
Smiling back at me, he brings his hands to my ass before he squeezes, hard. “Would you believe me if I said, as long as you’re smiling like that at me, I don’t need sex?”
I shrug, going with aloofness, because I’m two seconds from falling and not worrying about what could happen. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, always loved the thought of love at first sight. I blame that trait for the reason I fell so damn hard for Caleb, but I said I would never do that again. I promised myself, but I am apparently forgetting that as I stare into his eyes.
But I can’t.
I can’t make those mistakes again.
Shaking my head, I push my heart back into my chest and smile. “I mean, I could believe it because you’re corny as hell, but I hope that doesn’t mean you don’t want me anymore.” I straddle him then, my center coming down on a very hard and thick Jace. I lean down on my elbows, and his eyes darken as I whisper, “That could put a damper on our Javery, because I still want you. Bad.”
Biting into his lip, he clenches his jaw as his eyes burn into mine. His hands tighten around my waist before he reaches up, throwing my hat off my head and cupping the back of my neck, bringing me down to him. When I’m only a breath away from his lips, he whispers, “Oh, baby, I want you. Trust and believe that.”
Oh, be still my heart. But how could I even ask it to when his eyes are trained on mine like that. Like I’m unrivaled to anyone else in the world. Like he only sees me. There aren’t enough words in the dictionary for me to explain how that makes me feel.
I nip at his bottom lip. “Then what are you waiting for?”
His lips curve as he moves his nose along mine, his fingers threading in my hair. “Just one thing.”
“Yeah?” I say, my breathing picking up as I rub against him, wanting him so badly I can’t see straight. Groaning against my lips, he squeezes his arms around me so tightly it’s hard to breathe as he holds my gaze.
Licking his lips, he breathes, “For you admit that the song is about me.”
Pausing, I let my head fall to the side as his lips turn up. “Why?”
“I just need to know the truth,” he says, his lips running along mine.
I take his bottom lip in between my teeth, and he hisses a breath as I sink my teeth into it. I let go of his mouth before running my tongue along his lip, trying to decide how I want to proceed with this. I could drag it out, but why? We both know the truth and I want him. Badly.
“Yeah, it is.”
He smiles triumphantly. “Have you ever written about anyone before?”
“Like that? No.”
“I’ve been in love before, Jace,” I whisper then and his arms tighten around me. I really don’t know why I said that, but I feel like I owe him a reason for not wanting what he wants. If he had his way, he’d tattoo his name on my neck and keep me as his; I can see it in his eyes. But I remember Caleb looking at me like that too. I remember him telling me we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But then one day, it was like a switch and he was over me. Things change, people change, and people get hurt in the end. Lived it, almost didn’t survive it, and it scares me to try again. I want to say it’s just my need to make my dreams come true, but it’s more than that. Not only do I want to prove that I am important, that my life is worth living, but I never want to give anyone the chance to hurt me again. Though, I feel like I’m slowly letting that go for Jace, and I feel stupid for that.
Didn’t I learn the first time?
As I bite into my lip to keep the tears at bay because I just don’t know what to do, he says into my hair, “It didn’t end well, I’m guessing?”
“Not even kinda,” I say as the tears threaten to fall. “And I can’t do all that again.”
His heart picks up in cadence in his chest, and my eyes fall shut from the swooshing sound. He says his favorite sound is the sounds of the Zamboni, but if he heard what I did, the strong sounds of his heart beating, he’d choose that as his favorite sound. It’s becoming mine.
“I don’t know the dude, and I don’t ever want to meet him because I might kill him for hurting you. But it isn’t fair to assume that I’ll do what he did. I’m not a bad dude. What you see is what you get. I love my family, I love hockey, and I love my friends. I’m loyal as shit, and I don’t ever want to hurt someone the way my mom and sister got hurt. I get you, and I understand. But why let go of what this is, whatever it is, you know? Give me a chance.”
Closing my eyes, I nuzzle my nose into his chest as my heart jumps into my throat. Didn’t I say I want to feel alive? I want to live? I know I did, and when I’m with this guy, I feel that way. I’ve never felt more important than I do under his gaze. Is it what I was looking for? No. I wanted fun and sex. I wanted to get by until my dreams came true, but that might not be the case anymore.
I might want more.
“Fine, how about Javery is just us being us and not labeling anything?” I whisper before looking up at him. He doesn’t like it, I can tell. He wants it all, and I really don’t know if I can give him that. I’m pretty sure giving him everything would involve me opening up about things I never want to share with anyone. I just don’t think I can do that. “I, too, am very loyal and I would never want to hurt anyone I respect. And I respect you, Jace, but I’m not ready to hand you my heart. It’s only day one, you know? And we could hate each other come Friday.”
That makes him smile as he shakes his head. “We won’t.”
“Can’t promise things like that.”
“Yeah, I can. I will.” His words vibrate in my soul as he cups my face. “But it’s cool. Your version of Javery, I can do that.”
Grinning, I inch myself up his body until my chin is touching his. “You know, I’m pretty sure Javery involves lots of sex.”
Smiling back at me, he brings his hands to my ass before he squeezes, hard. “Would you believe me if I said, as long as you’re smiling like that at me, I don’t need sex?”
I shrug, going with aloofness, because I’m two seconds from falling and not worrying about what could happen. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, always loved the thought of love at first sight. I blame that trait for the reason I fell so damn hard for Caleb, but I said I would never do that again. I promised myself, but I am apparently forgetting that as I stare into his eyes.
But I can’t.
I can’t make those mistakes again.
Shaking my head, I push my heart back into my chest and smile. “I mean, I could believe it because you’re corny as hell, but I hope that doesn’t mean you don’t want me anymore.” I straddle him then, my center coming down on a very hard and thick Jace. I lean down on my elbows, and his eyes darken as I whisper, “That could put a damper on our Javery, because I still want you. Bad.”
Biting into his lip, he clenches his jaw as his eyes burn into mine. His hands tighten around my waist before he reaches up, throwing my hat off my head and cupping the back of my neck, bringing me down to him. When I’m only a breath away from his lips, he whispers, “Oh, baby, I want you. Trust and believe that.”
Oh, be still my heart. But how could I even ask it to when his eyes are trained on mine like that. Like I’m unrivaled to anyone else in the world. Like he only sees me. There aren’t enough words in the dictionary for me to explain how that makes me feel.
I nip at his bottom lip. “Then what are you waiting for?”
His lips curve as he moves his nose along mine, his fingers threading in my hair. “Just one thing.”
“Yeah?” I say, my breathing picking up as I rub against him, wanting him so badly I can’t see straight. Groaning against my lips, he squeezes his arms around me so tightly it’s hard to breathe as he holds my gaze.
Licking his lips, he breathes, “For you admit that the song is about me.”
Pausing, I let my head fall to the side as his lips turn up. “Why?”
“I just need to know the truth,” he says, his lips running along mine.
I take his bottom lip in between my teeth, and he hisses a breath as I sink my teeth into it. I let go of his mouth before running my tongue along his lip, trying to decide how I want to proceed with this. I could drag it out, but why? We both know the truth and I want him. Badly.
“Yeah, it is.”
He smiles triumphantly. “Have you ever written about anyone before?”
“Like that? No.”
