Grinning, she climbs down. But before she can reach the ground, I smack her butt, making her squeal. Whipping around, she goes to smack me, but I catch her in my arms, squeezing her to my chest. Looking up at me with those eyes that could seriously carve my heart out of my chest, she says, “I shouldn’t be jealous of a kid, right?”
I grin. “You shouldn’t be jealous of anyone, but… And I’m just throwing this out there…”
“Lord help me.”
I laugh as I squeeze her hard, making her laugh. “But you’re really jealous for someone who doesn’t want anything more than Javery.”
That has her grinning as she scrunches up her nose. Leaning down, she presses her forehead to mine, her eyes searching mine. “Maybe I do want more?”
My brow rises as my heart starts to pick up in speed. Moving my nose along hers, something I tend to do a lot, I don’t miss the uncertainty in her voice. “You sound a little unsure there.”
She holds my gaze, her eyes full of worry, and that bothers me. Why is she still like that around me? Shouldn’t she be completely comfortable with me by now?
“Because I am.”
“Way to kill the moment,” I say, letting her go despite her protest.
“Don’t be like that,” she says to my back as I slide my shoes on.
Turning, I reach for her because I have to. I have to touch her, feel her. Am I pathetic? Maybe, but I can’t help it. “I just… I just want…”
“Me?”
I nod. “Yeah. All of you.”
Looking away, she leans her forehead to my chin. “I hear you. I do.”
But does she, really?
Can’t say I believe her.
When we get to Lucy’s office, I don’t miss that Avery really didn’t say anything the whole trip into downtown. I think I might have messed up by asking for more than she is able to give, but then, why should I settle? Why should I give my whole self to someone who doesn’t want to give themselves to me? It’s only fair, I feel. Putting the car in park, I look over at her as she takes her seat belt off.
“Sorry if I pissed you off.”
She shakes her head, looking up at me with those sinful eyes. “No, you didn’t. It’s just I feel like I’m letting you down, and I don’t like that.”
“No—”
“Stop. Don’t say I’m not,” she says sternly, her eyes burning into mine. “These last two weeks have been fucking amazing. Really. I’ve never felt this good in all my life. I’m writing like mad, and, Jace, I love life. That’s new, and I know you don’t understand that. But really, it’s crazy-new for me and I love it. I love waking up in the morning, and I can’t wait to see you. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I mean, aren’t you?”
I shrug as I try to process what she is saying. She’s never been happy? How? What did those people do to her? I don’t understand it. But as I look into her tormented eyes, I can’t help but feel so much for her. I may be scared of what I’m feeling because it’s new, but I’m grasping it and I’m ready to act on it. I may be young, but then, so were my brothers. The thing is, and Jayden said this to me once, you can’t control what you feel for someone or even when it happens. It just does. And like him, I’m not going to fight it.
I couldn’t if I wanted to.
I get that we come from two totally different families. Mine is in my face, and we love with everything inside us. But hers… Just based on the little information I have, I suspect she had to fight for attention. That blows my mind. I never had to fight for attention. My mom loves all of us the same and spoiled us all, especially me. I still think I’m her favorite, though. But I don’t think Avery was ever a favorite, and that hurts me. Guts me, because she is simply breathtaking. How could anyone look at her and not instantly want her to be their favorite person in the world?
I have no clue. But it’s cool, because she can be my favorite.
Clearing my throat, I say, “No. Why would I be scared?”
“Because this could end.”
“You’re right, and yeah, that scares me. But I could die tomorrow too. Why should I not enjoy this moment and be thankful for what you give me now? I can’t let that hold me back. If I worried so much about the future, I’d talk myself out of everything. I wouldn’t push to be the best on the ice. I wouldn’t push to be a better person. I would just be stuck, and I can’t do that. I have too many plans, and damn it, Avery, I want you to be in them.”
Pressing her lips together, she shakes her head and my heart drops. Does she not feel the same? Shit, am I putting myself out there to be rejected? I’ve never been rejected. I’m Jace Fucking Sinclair!
“You really are amazing, Jace,” she whispers, sneaking a peek at me.
Grinning, I nod as I reach out, taking her hand in mine. “I’ve been told that a few times—mostly by my mom.”
Her lips break into a grin as she laces her fingers with mine. “She’s right.”
“I know, she’s the best. Which, by the way, I’d like you to meet her. At my game. Friday.”
She pauses, nodding her head as she bites her lip. “I’ll be there.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised, and she wrinkles her nose.
“Um, yeah. No shit, I’m scared to meet your mom and have her hate me since you basically keep that woman on the highest pedestal ever… But yeah, I want to be there. I don’t like hockey, but I really like you.”
Grinning, I lean into her. “She won’t hate you. She loves everyone.”
“I hope so.” She smiles but then she pauses. “But why did you seem so surprised?”
I shrug, feeling a little dumb. Maybe I’m just freaking out. Probably because she doesn’t give me much to work with. “I didn’t think you wanted to go ’cause you hate it.”
“I have my own issues and demons with hockey, but that’s my shit to worry about. I want to be there for you. I want to cheer you on and I will.”
“It doesn’t have to be just your shit, though. I can help.”
Looking at me, she nods slowly. “I’d like that, but…” She trails off as she leans her head to mine and lets out a long breath. “I’m just scared, Jace.”
I grin. “You shouldn’t be jealous of anyone, but… And I’m just throwing this out there…”
“Lord help me.”
I laugh as I squeeze her hard, making her laugh. “But you’re really jealous for someone who doesn’t want anything more than Javery.”
That has her grinning as she scrunches up her nose. Leaning down, she presses her forehead to mine, her eyes searching mine. “Maybe I do want more?”
My brow rises as my heart starts to pick up in speed. Moving my nose along hers, something I tend to do a lot, I don’t miss the uncertainty in her voice. “You sound a little unsure there.”
She holds my gaze, her eyes full of worry, and that bothers me. Why is she still like that around me? Shouldn’t she be completely comfortable with me by now?
“Because I am.”
“Way to kill the moment,” I say, letting her go despite her protest.
“Don’t be like that,” she says to my back as I slide my shoes on.
Turning, I reach for her because I have to. I have to touch her, feel her. Am I pathetic? Maybe, but I can’t help it. “I just… I just want…”
“Me?”
I nod. “Yeah. All of you.”
Looking away, she leans her forehead to my chin. “I hear you. I do.”
But does she, really?
Can’t say I believe her.
When we get to Lucy’s office, I don’t miss that Avery really didn’t say anything the whole trip into downtown. I think I might have messed up by asking for more than she is able to give, but then, why should I settle? Why should I give my whole self to someone who doesn’t want to give themselves to me? It’s only fair, I feel. Putting the car in park, I look over at her as she takes her seat belt off.
“Sorry if I pissed you off.”
She shakes her head, looking up at me with those sinful eyes. “No, you didn’t. It’s just I feel like I’m letting you down, and I don’t like that.”
“No—”
“Stop. Don’t say I’m not,” she says sternly, her eyes burning into mine. “These last two weeks have been fucking amazing. Really. I’ve never felt this good in all my life. I’m writing like mad, and, Jace, I love life. That’s new, and I know you don’t understand that. But really, it’s crazy-new for me and I love it. I love waking up in the morning, and I can’t wait to see you. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I mean, aren’t you?”
I shrug as I try to process what she is saying. She’s never been happy? How? What did those people do to her? I don’t understand it. But as I look into her tormented eyes, I can’t help but feel so much for her. I may be scared of what I’m feeling because it’s new, but I’m grasping it and I’m ready to act on it. I may be young, but then, so were my brothers. The thing is, and Jayden said this to me once, you can’t control what you feel for someone or even when it happens. It just does. And like him, I’m not going to fight it.
I couldn’t if I wanted to.
I get that we come from two totally different families. Mine is in my face, and we love with everything inside us. But hers… Just based on the little information I have, I suspect she had to fight for attention. That blows my mind. I never had to fight for attention. My mom loves all of us the same and spoiled us all, especially me. I still think I’m her favorite, though. But I don’t think Avery was ever a favorite, and that hurts me. Guts me, because she is simply breathtaking. How could anyone look at her and not instantly want her to be their favorite person in the world?
I have no clue. But it’s cool, because she can be my favorite.
Clearing my throat, I say, “No. Why would I be scared?”
“Because this could end.”
“You’re right, and yeah, that scares me. But I could die tomorrow too. Why should I not enjoy this moment and be thankful for what you give me now? I can’t let that hold me back. If I worried so much about the future, I’d talk myself out of everything. I wouldn’t push to be the best on the ice. I wouldn’t push to be a better person. I would just be stuck, and I can’t do that. I have too many plans, and damn it, Avery, I want you to be in them.”
Pressing her lips together, she shakes her head and my heart drops. Does she not feel the same? Shit, am I putting myself out there to be rejected? I’ve never been rejected. I’m Jace Fucking Sinclair!
“You really are amazing, Jace,” she whispers, sneaking a peek at me.
Grinning, I nod as I reach out, taking her hand in mine. “I’ve been told that a few times—mostly by my mom.”
Her lips break into a grin as she laces her fingers with mine. “She’s right.”
“I know, she’s the best. Which, by the way, I’d like you to meet her. At my game. Friday.”
She pauses, nodding her head as she bites her lip. “I’ll be there.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised, and she wrinkles her nose.
“Um, yeah. No shit, I’m scared to meet your mom and have her hate me since you basically keep that woman on the highest pedestal ever… But yeah, I want to be there. I don’t like hockey, but I really like you.”
Grinning, I lean into her. “She won’t hate you. She loves everyone.”
“I hope so.” She smiles but then she pauses. “But why did you seem so surprised?”
I shrug, feeling a little dumb. Maybe I’m just freaking out. Probably because she doesn’t give me much to work with. “I didn’t think you wanted to go ’cause you hate it.”
“I have my own issues and demons with hockey, but that’s my shit to worry about. I want to be there for you. I want to cheer you on and I will.”
“It doesn’t have to be just your shit, though. I can help.”
Looking at me, she nods slowly. “I’d like that, but…” She trails off as she leans her head to mine and lets out a long breath. “I’m just scared, Jace.”
