Like the fucking princess she is.
“Sorry, it was just surprising,” Jude says then, and I nod.
“You can say that again.” When I look up, everyone’s eyes are on me. I can only look back down, feeling like an idiot. How can I be dating a girl—hell, be in love with that girl—and not know this kind of stuff? I look like a dumbass in front of my family. How could she let that happen? After how we talked about her opening up, being honest with me. It’s like she’s been lying to me. But, why? Why would she do that?
When I feel her lips by my ear, my body tenses up and I hate that. Really? I’m not mad? Damn it. “Are you mad?”
“Later,” I say firmly, my eyes across the table on my brothers. Jude’s eyes widen and Jayden shakes his head, but neither Avery nor I move. I feel her heartbeat against my arm, and I know she wants to ask more. Instead, she slowly backs away, her eyes burning into the side of my face.
But I can’t look at her.
Not when I’m fuming with anger.
When dinner is over, I’m the first one up and I head outside because I need air. I knew if I left before dinner, my mom would worry and I don’t need to cause her any more grief. I can’t. Done enough of that today. But shit, the last part of that dinner was suffocating. So damn awkward, and Avery didn’t say a word to anyone but Lucy and Angie. It was pathetic and sad, and maybe I was a dick for not saying anything, but I was trying to figure out my next move. If I have the right to be upset with her.
I mean, she doesn’t talk about her family, and I don’t ask too many questions because I know it hurts her. But the commissioner? I feel like she should have told me that. Even if it doesn’t matter, I feel like I should have known. It’s just a huge surprise I really wasn’t ready for, and I don’t know what to say to her. Will she shut down? But honestly, what can she have to say? She didn’t tell me. There is nothing else to be said, but damn it, I need her to say something.
When Jude and Jayden flank me, I don’t even know why I’m surprised and we head outside. Avery must still be playing with Angie, and that’s cool, I just need a minute. A minute to breathe and to gather my thoughts because I have a twenty-minute car ride with her, and we are going to have to talk about this.
Whether she likes it or not. I don’t care. We are talking.
“You didn’t know?” Jayden asks once the cold air hits my face.
Crossing my arms, I let my head fall back as I suck in a deep breath. “No.”
“She never told you?” Jude asks incredulously and I shrug, looking back at him.
“We don’t talk about her family. They are shit to her, and it’s just not something that comes up. Plus, for the last three weeks, I thought her name was Avery Rose, so I never connected the dots.”
“Why didn’t she tell you?”
“I don’t fucking know, Jay. Fuck,” I groan, shaking my head.
“I don’t get it,” Jayden says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why hide that?”
“I don’t know,” I say softly, my throat itching with emotion.
Jude shakes his head as Jayden looks at me. “Jace, I’m not trying to sound like a dick but—”
“If it goes bad, you could be fucked!” Jude yells and I flinch. I already thought about that, and yeah, it scares me shitless. But what can I do? I’m already in it. There is no turning back at this point.
“I know.”
“Jace,” Jayden stresses. “This isn’t smart.”
“Can you get out?” Jude asks, and I shake my head, dread filling my belly.
“I don’t want to,” I say, looking up at them. “I love her.”
Jayden looks away, as frustrated as I am, while Jude shakes his head. “Can you un-love her? This is playing with fire, Jace!”
“Can you un-love Claire?”
He runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “No, yeah, that was dumb.”
“I didn’t choose her, my heart did,” I say and they both look at me, deadpan.
“Okay, Romeo, tuck that corny shit back in,” Jude teases. While, yeah, it was corny, it’s the truth. I didn’t want a girlfriend, didn’t want to be connected with anyone. I wanted an easy year, a fun one, and somehow I fell hard for some beautiful singing temptress I saw up against a tree. One who has some demons that scare the shit out of me, but I don’t care.
I love her.
Taking a step toward me, Jayden takes me by the shoulders. “If you even think there is a possibility you can get out, please do.”
I hold his gaze, my eyes burning with irritation because why would they even suggest this? I mean, I get it. This is a big deal, but didn’t they hear me when I said I love her? “Did you get out when you knew you loved Baylor? Even when she didn’t want anything to do with you, when she was more concerned with winning than you? Did you give up?”
His eye twitches as his hands drop from my shoulders. “No.”
“Then don’t ask me to,” I say, my fingers biting into my ribs. “I’ll figure it out.”
“We aren’t trying to piss you off or doubt you, Jace. It’s just this is a big deal. This can ruin your career. Is she worth your fucking career?”
Is she?
“I hear you,” I say quickly as the door opens and the rest of the family starts to spill out. “I got it.”
Before either of them can say anything else, my mom’s arms wrap around me and she kisses my jaw. It’s funny how even when you think you’re grown up and don’t need anyone, you actually still need your mommy’s hugs. Relaxing in her arms, I close my eyes as she kisses me once more. I feel safe in my mom’s arms, like nothing can touch me or hurt me. When she squeezes me hard, she whispers, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say even though I know I don’t deserve any of her pride. I should be the one saying it because she stood up to my dad. She didn’t let him bother her at all. All through dinner, she was animated, sweet, and everything I love about her. She made everyone feel important. She had nothing but love in her eyes the whole time, my dad an afterthought. Yet, I still feel horrible she even had to see him. “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head against mine, her lips on my cheek. “No, Jace, don’t be. It’s fine.”
“Sorry, it was just surprising,” Jude says then, and I nod.
“You can say that again.” When I look up, everyone’s eyes are on me. I can only look back down, feeling like an idiot. How can I be dating a girl—hell, be in love with that girl—and not know this kind of stuff? I look like a dumbass in front of my family. How could she let that happen? After how we talked about her opening up, being honest with me. It’s like she’s been lying to me. But, why? Why would she do that?
When I feel her lips by my ear, my body tenses up and I hate that. Really? I’m not mad? Damn it. “Are you mad?”
“Later,” I say firmly, my eyes across the table on my brothers. Jude’s eyes widen and Jayden shakes his head, but neither Avery nor I move. I feel her heartbeat against my arm, and I know she wants to ask more. Instead, she slowly backs away, her eyes burning into the side of my face.
But I can’t look at her.
Not when I’m fuming with anger.
When dinner is over, I’m the first one up and I head outside because I need air. I knew if I left before dinner, my mom would worry and I don’t need to cause her any more grief. I can’t. Done enough of that today. But shit, the last part of that dinner was suffocating. So damn awkward, and Avery didn’t say a word to anyone but Lucy and Angie. It was pathetic and sad, and maybe I was a dick for not saying anything, but I was trying to figure out my next move. If I have the right to be upset with her.
I mean, she doesn’t talk about her family, and I don’t ask too many questions because I know it hurts her. But the commissioner? I feel like she should have told me that. Even if it doesn’t matter, I feel like I should have known. It’s just a huge surprise I really wasn’t ready for, and I don’t know what to say to her. Will she shut down? But honestly, what can she have to say? She didn’t tell me. There is nothing else to be said, but damn it, I need her to say something.
When Jude and Jayden flank me, I don’t even know why I’m surprised and we head outside. Avery must still be playing with Angie, and that’s cool, I just need a minute. A minute to breathe and to gather my thoughts because I have a twenty-minute car ride with her, and we are going to have to talk about this.
Whether she likes it or not. I don’t care. We are talking.
“You didn’t know?” Jayden asks once the cold air hits my face.
Crossing my arms, I let my head fall back as I suck in a deep breath. “No.”
“She never told you?” Jude asks incredulously and I shrug, looking back at him.
“We don’t talk about her family. They are shit to her, and it’s just not something that comes up. Plus, for the last three weeks, I thought her name was Avery Rose, so I never connected the dots.”
“Why didn’t she tell you?”
“I don’t fucking know, Jay. Fuck,” I groan, shaking my head.
“I don’t get it,” Jayden says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why hide that?”
“I don’t know,” I say softly, my throat itching with emotion.
Jude shakes his head as Jayden looks at me. “Jace, I’m not trying to sound like a dick but—”
“If it goes bad, you could be fucked!” Jude yells and I flinch. I already thought about that, and yeah, it scares me shitless. But what can I do? I’m already in it. There is no turning back at this point.
“I know.”
“Jace,” Jayden stresses. “This isn’t smart.”
“Can you get out?” Jude asks, and I shake my head, dread filling my belly.
“I don’t want to,” I say, looking up at them. “I love her.”
Jayden looks away, as frustrated as I am, while Jude shakes his head. “Can you un-love her? This is playing with fire, Jace!”
“Can you un-love Claire?”
He runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “No, yeah, that was dumb.”
“I didn’t choose her, my heart did,” I say and they both look at me, deadpan.
“Okay, Romeo, tuck that corny shit back in,” Jude teases. While, yeah, it was corny, it’s the truth. I didn’t want a girlfriend, didn’t want to be connected with anyone. I wanted an easy year, a fun one, and somehow I fell hard for some beautiful singing temptress I saw up against a tree. One who has some demons that scare the shit out of me, but I don’t care.
I love her.
Taking a step toward me, Jayden takes me by the shoulders. “If you even think there is a possibility you can get out, please do.”
I hold his gaze, my eyes burning with irritation because why would they even suggest this? I mean, I get it. This is a big deal, but didn’t they hear me when I said I love her? “Did you get out when you knew you loved Baylor? Even when she didn’t want anything to do with you, when she was more concerned with winning than you? Did you give up?”
His eye twitches as his hands drop from my shoulders. “No.”
“Then don’t ask me to,” I say, my fingers biting into my ribs. “I’ll figure it out.”
“We aren’t trying to piss you off or doubt you, Jace. It’s just this is a big deal. This can ruin your career. Is she worth your fucking career?”
Is she?
“I hear you,” I say quickly as the door opens and the rest of the family starts to spill out. “I got it.”
Before either of them can say anything else, my mom’s arms wrap around me and she kisses my jaw. It’s funny how even when you think you’re grown up and don’t need anyone, you actually still need your mommy’s hugs. Relaxing in her arms, I close my eyes as she kisses me once more. I feel safe in my mom’s arms, like nothing can touch me or hurt me. When she squeezes me hard, she whispers, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say even though I know I don’t deserve any of her pride. I should be the one saying it because she stood up to my dad. She didn’t let him bother her at all. All through dinner, she was animated, sweet, and everything I love about her. She made everyone feel important. She had nothing but love in her eyes the whole time, my dad an afterthought. Yet, I still feel horrible she even had to see him. “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head against mine, her lips on my cheek. “No, Jace, don’t be. It’s fine.”
