Hot Ticket
Page 63

He laughed bitterly. “Yeah, I was just a dumb kid. I must have misunderstood.” He peeled her off his body and stood. He’d lock himself in the men’s room for a while until he got himself under control. Surely she wouldn’t follow him there.
Aggie shoved him back down on the bench. His back hit the fall board covering the piano keys, and pain snaked through the healing wound in his shoulder. She straddled his lap, facing him, and grabbed his chin in one hand. She had that cold, dominatrix look in her eyes. It effectively got his attention.
“You’re not going to get out of this that easily. You can pretend to be mad at me, but it won’t get me off your case.”
“Who’s pretending?”
“You are. Tell me what your mother said that hurt you so deeply.”
“I’m not hurt.”
“You are hurt, you dummy, and that pain won’t ever go away unless you let it go. I want to help you, but I don’t know what I’m up against, Jace. Talk to me. Tell me.”
“Maybe I don’t want it to go away. Maybe I like it. You’re the one who made me admit I like pain.”
She hit him in the chest with both palms. “This isn’t a game anymore, dammit. Don’t you get it?” She hugged him unexpectedly, pressing her nose into his neck. Her warm breath brushed his skin beneath his ear. “I’m sorry I hit you. I’m so frustrated. What did she say to you, sweetheart? What did she say? Go away? Give me a minute to myself? Go play in your room for a while, Mommy’s busy right now? What? Just tell me.”
Jace snorted. If Mother had only been so kind. He repeated his mother’s mantra to Aggie in the same low whisper she’d always used. Mother had always whispered it close to his ear, as if she wasn’t really saying those hurtful words, if she said them quietly enough, if no one heard them but him. “If it weren’t for you, Jason, I could have had my dream. If it weren’t for you, Jason, I wouldn’t have had to marry your father. Why did I get pregnant? I should have given you up for adoption. I never wanted you. You’re the reason I live like this. In this hovel. With that man. I could have been a concert pianist. I could have been somebody. And now, you know what I am? I’m just your mother. That’s all I am. His wife. Your mother. I am no one. I don’t want to be your mother, Jason. I never did. I’ll give you away. Give you to someone who can stand to look at you.”
His hands gripped Aggie’s waist as old fears found their way into his heart. “She left me places, Aggie. She pretended she was happy to see me when the cops brought me home. ‘He’s always wandering off by himself,’ she’d tell them and then give them coffee and cookies while she told them stories about my wandering ways. They’d laugh about how cute I was. ‘He’s adorable. You’re lucky no one took him,’ they’d say. I was afraid to leave the house with her. I never knew where she’d leave me. When we were out, I didn’t dare go to the bathroom or turn my back or let her out of my sight, because if I did, she’d be gone. I could never find her. I’d look for her and call for her, but she’d be gone. She didn’t want me, Aggie. She never wanted me. But when we played piano together, I felt something—some closeness to her. I don’t know what it was.” Something hot and wet slipped down his cheek. “She loved that f**king piano, but she never loved me.” He dashed a tear away angrily. “Do you see why I don’t want to talk about this? Now I’m f**kin’ crying like a little girl.”
Aggie crushed his face into her chest, her body shaking with sobs. What was she crying about? She’d wanted him to tell her, so he had. And now she was crying? Women. He didn’t understand them.
Aggie kissed the top of his head, rubbing her face against his hair. Getting it wet with tears. Messing it up. Making him feel like a total ass. What if one of the guys saw them like this? He’d never hear the end of it.
“She’s gone, Jace. She can’t hurt you anymore.”
She was gone. His mother. And before she died, he never got to tell her it didn’t matter that she didn’t love him. He loved her. And that f**king piano of hers? He loved it too. A week after she’d been buried, his father had donated her piano to some school—gotten rid of it because it reminded him of her. That had been worse for Jace, somehow, than her actual death. Father wanted no reminders of her in his house. The woman had been everything to him. Not just his wife. His life. He’d changed after she’d died. He became crueler than Jace’s mother had ever thought of being, because Dad needed someone to blame for the love of his life’s premature death, and Jace had been the only one available to hold responsible.
Jace closed his eyes tightly, blocking thoughts of his father from his mind.
Aggie kissed his temple tenderly. “I think she did love you, Jace, but it doesn’t matter. She’s gone, and I’m here. I love you. I do. I love you.”
Fear paralyzed him. He couldn’t move when every instinct told him to run. “Don’t,” he whispered.
“Shhh,” Aggie murmured. “It’s okay. I know you don’t know how to respond. I understand. I won’t ever abandon you. I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
And that was far more terrifying than being six years old and left alone in the reptile house at the zoo. At least there, the things that frightened him were in cages. They couldn’t get to him. But Aggie got to him. And it scared the hell out of him. “Will you hurt me?” he asked. “I need it.” The pain was too raw. He needed help burying it again.
She cupped his face in both hands—kissed his eyelids, the tip of his nose, his lips. “Yes. I’ll hurt you. I know what to do now.”
Panic flooded his chest. She knew what to do? What did she mean by that?
“We need someplace private,” she murmured. “Do you think the guys would be willing to install a soundproof room on the tour bus?”
Jace laughed. “You know, they might. We wouldn’t be the only ones to benefit from that.”
She kissed him again, smiling down at him. “Let’s go.”
***
Aggie approached Sed, who sat slouched on the couch watching television in a trancelike state next to Eric. Jace headed straight for the bedroom.
Sed glanced at her. “What’s up?”
“Do you think you could get everyone to stay off this bus for about an hour? Jace and I need a little privacy. Well, a lot of privacy.”