I Only Have Eyes for You
Page 48
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She knew she should unlock her door and take him inside, but she needed to hold him right that second. She opened her arms and he walked into them, pulling her tight against him.
“It’s so good to see you,” he said into her hair. “So good to hold you.”
She didn’t know how long they stood like that in her hallway. All she knew was that she didn’t want to ever let go of him. Everything had seemed so perfect this morning, like maybe there was a chance that they were going to get their happily-ever-after.
Not moving her head from where it lay over Jake’s heart, she asked, “Who did this to you?”
Jake finally pulled out of her arms. “Let’s go inside.”
She frowned. That wasn’t an answer.
Her hands were shaking slightly as she slid her key into the lock, but she worked hard at remaining calm as she moved into the kitchen, found a clean hand towel, and turned on a stream of lukewarm water to wet it. God, she hated knowing Jake was hurt. He was so much bigger than she was, but she wanted to protect him, wanted to make sure he didn’t know any more pain in his life than he already had.
His voice came from behind her. “I went to see Zach tonight.”
She spun from the sink, forgetting she had the wet towel in her hand and flinging water on her walls. “Why?” But she knew why. “You told him about us, about my pregnancy, didn’t you?” When he didn’t deny it, pain moved through her as she said, “How could you? You promised me you’d wait. You promised you’d let me figure things out first.” She loved him—would always love him—but she was angry with him too. “Why ask for a week if you weren’t actually going to give it to me?”
“You keep wanting to hold on to this week thing, but after yesterday, after this morning, you know as well I do that things are different between us now.”
“Different? Different? How different could things be if you’re still acting like you run the world and the rest of us should just blindly follow your every last command?”
“I’m not going to keep hiding the truth from your family.”
“The truth? And what truth is that, exactly? That you have zero respect for my wishes? That you just up and take whatever you want, whenever you want it? That it is so important to you to lock me into marrying you that you had to go behind my back to tell my brother you made the mistake of sleeping with me and getting me pregnant?”
“You want to hear the goddamned truth?”
Jake had never raised his voice to her like this before, but then again, neither had she. “Of course I do, but you wouldn’t know the truth if it slammed into you like one of my brother’s fists!”
The abrupt silence that followed was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.
“I’m in love with you, Sophie.”
Sophie had waited for this moment her whole life...but even in her wildest dreams, she hadn’t thought it would be like this, while they were screaming at each other and she was furious with him.
“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, since the first time a pretty little five-year-old girl looked up at me and asked me if I wanted to play dolls.”
“You said no.” The words, the memories, came before she could clamp down on them. “You said you wouldn’t play dolls with me if someone was holding a gun to your head. You scared me.” And thrilled her in equal measure. Even then, she’d known he shouldn’t be talking about guns to a five-year-old girl, but Jake didn’t play by anyone else’s rules. Whereas, Sophie had rarely played outside those rules...until Chase’s wedding, when she’d chucked the rules in for desire.
And love.
“I only said that stuff to you because I hated the way I felt when you looked at me. The way I still feel every time I’m with you. Hell, Sophie, I feel it every time I even think about you, like I’ve finally found something, someone, who matters. Only, I’ve never had the first clue how to hold on to you. Or how to be worthy of you.”
How long had she wanted to believe she mattered to him? To believe in impossible love becoming possible?
Jake’s arms came around her as he sat on a kitchen chair and pulled her onto his lap. “I know I screwed this up. Big time.” He brushed a trail of moisture from her face. “I’m an idiot, remember?”
“No,” she had to say, “you’re not. You’re anything but that, Jake.”
But it was as if she’d never spoken. “Let me make it up to you.” He stroked her hair, pulled her closer. “Please don’t be mad at me. Don’t push me away. Even if I deserve it.”
Loving and hating someone at the same time was crazy. Sophie knew that. But she’d never been able to stop the way she felt about Jake.
All at once, the week full of highs and lows, of excitement and fear, of joy and anger, came crashing down on her. She didn’t want to think about the ramifications of what he’d just done by talking to Zach, couldn’t even begin to process what it would mean to really and truly have Jake’s love.
All she wanted was to feel.
“I need you.” Her throat was thick with emotion. “Make love to me.”
Maybe, she thought as she frantically fumbled with his belt buckle, it would be easier to believe him if they were skin to skin, connected by flesh and heat and pleasure. Maybe then she’d be able to actually hold onto his words of love instead of feeling like they were simply skidding past her, flying out of reach before she could catch them.
“Sophie, you know I want you. I always want you.” But instead of helping her strip his clothes off, he put his hands over hers. “But we don’t have to do th—”
“Please.”
She didn’t want to hit the Pause button, couldn’t stand it if he tried to be rational rather than just taking her. She yanked his zipper down and pulled his shirt from his pants a beat before he finally gave her what she wanted and unzipped her skirt to push it down her hips. She shoved his jeans down to his thighs, then kicked off her shoes. His fingertips grazed the bare skin of her stomach, pulling her sweater over her head right before she yanked open the buttons on his long-sleeved shirt. A heartbeat later she was straddling his hips and sinking down onto him, her eyes closing as she took him inside.
Yes, this was exactly what she needed right now. Pleasure to replace her confusion. Ecstasy to replace the fear.
And yet, she remembered too late that sex with Jake had never been simple, had never just been about pleasure. They’d always been such a perfect fit, their bodies utterly in tune with each other even during that first stolen night in Napa.
“It’s so good to see you,” he said into her hair. “So good to hold you.”
She didn’t know how long they stood like that in her hallway. All she knew was that she didn’t want to ever let go of him. Everything had seemed so perfect this morning, like maybe there was a chance that they were going to get their happily-ever-after.
Not moving her head from where it lay over Jake’s heart, she asked, “Who did this to you?”
Jake finally pulled out of her arms. “Let’s go inside.”
She frowned. That wasn’t an answer.
Her hands were shaking slightly as she slid her key into the lock, but she worked hard at remaining calm as she moved into the kitchen, found a clean hand towel, and turned on a stream of lukewarm water to wet it. God, she hated knowing Jake was hurt. He was so much bigger than she was, but she wanted to protect him, wanted to make sure he didn’t know any more pain in his life than he already had.
His voice came from behind her. “I went to see Zach tonight.”
She spun from the sink, forgetting she had the wet towel in her hand and flinging water on her walls. “Why?” But she knew why. “You told him about us, about my pregnancy, didn’t you?” When he didn’t deny it, pain moved through her as she said, “How could you? You promised me you’d wait. You promised you’d let me figure things out first.” She loved him—would always love him—but she was angry with him too. “Why ask for a week if you weren’t actually going to give it to me?”
“You keep wanting to hold on to this week thing, but after yesterday, after this morning, you know as well I do that things are different between us now.”
“Different? Different? How different could things be if you’re still acting like you run the world and the rest of us should just blindly follow your every last command?”
“I’m not going to keep hiding the truth from your family.”
“The truth? And what truth is that, exactly? That you have zero respect for my wishes? That you just up and take whatever you want, whenever you want it? That it is so important to you to lock me into marrying you that you had to go behind my back to tell my brother you made the mistake of sleeping with me and getting me pregnant?”
“You want to hear the goddamned truth?”
Jake had never raised his voice to her like this before, but then again, neither had she. “Of course I do, but you wouldn’t know the truth if it slammed into you like one of my brother’s fists!”
The abrupt silence that followed was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.
“I’m in love with you, Sophie.”
Sophie had waited for this moment her whole life...but even in her wildest dreams, she hadn’t thought it would be like this, while they were screaming at each other and she was furious with him.
“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, since the first time a pretty little five-year-old girl looked up at me and asked me if I wanted to play dolls.”
“You said no.” The words, the memories, came before she could clamp down on them. “You said you wouldn’t play dolls with me if someone was holding a gun to your head. You scared me.” And thrilled her in equal measure. Even then, she’d known he shouldn’t be talking about guns to a five-year-old girl, but Jake didn’t play by anyone else’s rules. Whereas, Sophie had rarely played outside those rules...until Chase’s wedding, when she’d chucked the rules in for desire.
And love.
“I only said that stuff to you because I hated the way I felt when you looked at me. The way I still feel every time I’m with you. Hell, Sophie, I feel it every time I even think about you, like I’ve finally found something, someone, who matters. Only, I’ve never had the first clue how to hold on to you. Or how to be worthy of you.”
How long had she wanted to believe she mattered to him? To believe in impossible love becoming possible?
Jake’s arms came around her as he sat on a kitchen chair and pulled her onto his lap. “I know I screwed this up. Big time.” He brushed a trail of moisture from her face. “I’m an idiot, remember?”
“No,” she had to say, “you’re not. You’re anything but that, Jake.”
But it was as if she’d never spoken. “Let me make it up to you.” He stroked her hair, pulled her closer. “Please don’t be mad at me. Don’t push me away. Even if I deserve it.”
Loving and hating someone at the same time was crazy. Sophie knew that. But she’d never been able to stop the way she felt about Jake.
All at once, the week full of highs and lows, of excitement and fear, of joy and anger, came crashing down on her. She didn’t want to think about the ramifications of what he’d just done by talking to Zach, couldn’t even begin to process what it would mean to really and truly have Jake’s love.
All she wanted was to feel.
“I need you.” Her throat was thick with emotion. “Make love to me.”
Maybe, she thought as she frantically fumbled with his belt buckle, it would be easier to believe him if they were skin to skin, connected by flesh and heat and pleasure. Maybe then she’d be able to actually hold onto his words of love instead of feeling like they were simply skidding past her, flying out of reach before she could catch them.
“Sophie, you know I want you. I always want you.” But instead of helping her strip his clothes off, he put his hands over hers. “But we don’t have to do th—”
“Please.”
She didn’t want to hit the Pause button, couldn’t stand it if he tried to be rational rather than just taking her. She yanked his zipper down and pulled his shirt from his pants a beat before he finally gave her what she wanted and unzipped her skirt to push it down her hips. She shoved his jeans down to his thighs, then kicked off her shoes. His fingertips grazed the bare skin of her stomach, pulling her sweater over her head right before she yanked open the buttons on his long-sleeved shirt. A heartbeat later she was straddling his hips and sinking down onto him, her eyes closing as she took him inside.
Yes, this was exactly what she needed right now. Pleasure to replace her confusion. Ecstasy to replace the fear.
And yet, she remembered too late that sex with Jake had never been simple, had never just been about pleasure. They’d always been such a perfect fit, their bodies utterly in tune with each other even during that first stolen night in Napa.
