It takes me three tries to manage to roll over on my back, and by the time I get there Im panting worse than I do when Ive freeze-framed for an hour, and shaking like a leaf. Theres blood in my eyes. I try to blink it away. Dude, that was a grand debacle! How embarrassing! Glad nobody saw it!
I assess my situation without moving. Im severely cut up. My skin burns where I can feel myself. The biggest threats to my survival are the holes in my thigh and shoulder, or what will be holes when the ice finishes melting. Ill need to get them bandaged fast. The problem is, I cant feel my hands. I close my eyes, trying to focus on moving my fingers. Nothing happens.
Ah, Dani.
I look up to see Inspector Jayne bending over me. Ive never been gladder to see him in my whole life.
Youve certainly done it now, havent you?
C-C-Candy b-b-bar, I manage.
He smiles but it doesnt reach his eyes.
In m-m-m-my p-puh I trail off. I dont even have the energy to say pocket. I give him a longing, starving look and I know he gets the picture.
He looks across me. I realize Im surrounded by Guardians. Good, they can carry me to Chesters and help me get patched up!
Have you got it? Jayne says.
Got it, Captain.
I go ice cold in a way that has nothing to do with cars or frozen people. I try to lunge to my feet but succeed only in flopping on the pavement like a beached fish. D-D-Dont you d-d-d-d-dare
Its been six days, Dani.
Six days? How long did I sleep at Chesters?
You should have come. If youd kept your word, I might have continued trying to put up with it. But I wont allow the fate of our city to rest in whimsical hands. The sword is ours now, for the good of Dublin. We take far more of them off the streets than you do. In time youll understand it always should have been this way.
Y-Y-You
Dont try to take it back. Your first warning is your final one. I wont treat you like a child if you do.
K-K-Kill y-you! I explode. I still cant feel my hands or feet but I feel my head. Its about to explode. He has no right. Its my sword!
Dont make it war, Dani. You wont win.
I try to tell him he better kill me right here and now because theres no way they can keep my sword from me. Ill take it back the second Im on my feet again. Theres no place on Earth, feck, theres no place in all of heaven or hell that theyll ever be safe from me again! But Im too light-headed to talk. Dizzy. My visions getting weird.
Shes awful bloody, Captain. She gonnalive?
Shes tough, Jayne says.
Maybe we should do something.
We cant help her, not even a little, or shell be able to take it back.
I flop on the pavement, unable to do a thing to stop them. Im vulnerable, completely at his mercy.
And hes not having any.
I wont have any for him when the time comes.
Hes leaving me here, to live or die on my own. Ill never forgive. Ill never forget.
They walk away. Just like that they leave me in the middle of a dirty street like a dog that got hit by a car, bleeding and helpless and alone. Dead if another car comes along. Ill remember that, too, when I see him again. Dude, they could have at least moved me to the sidewalk, balled up a shirt or something for a pillow beneath my head.
Something really bad happens to me then. Worse even than everything thats already happened to me in the past few days.
I feel woozy and strange and all the sudden its like Im outside of my body, watching me. But the me lying in the street has long blond hair and is looking up at the redheaded me with tears in her eyes and telling me she cant die yet because shes got people to protect. Shes got a sister named Mac back home in Georgia and she just left her a message, and if she dies, Mac will come over to hunt her killer because shes stubborn and idealistic, and shell die, too. But I dont seem to be able to feel anything about whats happening, and none of it seems real, so I walk away just like Jayne did.
My stomach heaves and I puke my guts out right there in the middle of the street. I cant even get on my hands and knees to do it. Lying on my back, I get sick all over myself. Not the blond-haired me thats the ghost of Alina, but the real, red-haired Dani thats really lying in the street wondering if shes going to bite it this time. And if theres something wet on my face that isnt blood or vomit Nah. Aint.
Eventually I get the feeling back in my hands and feet. I guess they thaw. I fumble for a candy bar. I curl in a ball in the street and eat every candy bar Ive got and plot revenge.
Dont make it war, he said, and I wont.
I dont have to.
He already did.
EIGHTEEN
I can be your hero, baby
I find her stumbling through the streets, bleeding to death. If not for all that hair, I might not have recognized her. Shes covered with blood, its on her clothes, matted in her curls, crusted on her face. Her long coat is flayed and hangs in tatters from her shoulders. It looks like she went through a dicer.
I dont see her sword anywhere. I look around, nothing shiny in the streets but her.
I assess my situation without moving. Im severely cut up. My skin burns where I can feel myself. The biggest threats to my survival are the holes in my thigh and shoulder, or what will be holes when the ice finishes melting. Ill need to get them bandaged fast. The problem is, I cant feel my hands. I close my eyes, trying to focus on moving my fingers. Nothing happens.
Ah, Dani.
I look up to see Inspector Jayne bending over me. Ive never been gladder to see him in my whole life.
Youve certainly done it now, havent you?
C-C-Candy b-b-bar, I manage.
He smiles but it doesnt reach his eyes.
In m-m-m-my p-puh I trail off. I dont even have the energy to say pocket. I give him a longing, starving look and I know he gets the picture.
He looks across me. I realize Im surrounded by Guardians. Good, they can carry me to Chesters and help me get patched up!
Have you got it? Jayne says.
Got it, Captain.
I go ice cold in a way that has nothing to do with cars or frozen people. I try to lunge to my feet but succeed only in flopping on the pavement like a beached fish. D-D-Dont you d-d-d-d-dare
Its been six days, Dani.
Six days? How long did I sleep at Chesters?
You should have come. If youd kept your word, I might have continued trying to put up with it. But I wont allow the fate of our city to rest in whimsical hands. The sword is ours now, for the good of Dublin. We take far more of them off the streets than you do. In time youll understand it always should have been this way.
Y-Y-You
Dont try to take it back. Your first warning is your final one. I wont treat you like a child if you do.
K-K-Kill y-you! I explode. I still cant feel my hands or feet but I feel my head. Its about to explode. He has no right. Its my sword!
Dont make it war, Dani. You wont win.
I try to tell him he better kill me right here and now because theres no way they can keep my sword from me. Ill take it back the second Im on my feet again. Theres no place on Earth, feck, theres no place in all of heaven or hell that theyll ever be safe from me again! But Im too light-headed to talk. Dizzy. My visions getting weird.
Shes awful bloody, Captain. She gonnalive?
Shes tough, Jayne says.
Maybe we should do something.
We cant help her, not even a little, or shell be able to take it back.
I flop on the pavement, unable to do a thing to stop them. Im vulnerable, completely at his mercy.
And hes not having any.
I wont have any for him when the time comes.
Hes leaving me here, to live or die on my own. Ill never forgive. Ill never forget.
They walk away. Just like that they leave me in the middle of a dirty street like a dog that got hit by a car, bleeding and helpless and alone. Dead if another car comes along. Ill remember that, too, when I see him again. Dude, they could have at least moved me to the sidewalk, balled up a shirt or something for a pillow beneath my head.
Something really bad happens to me then. Worse even than everything thats already happened to me in the past few days.
I feel woozy and strange and all the sudden its like Im outside of my body, watching me. But the me lying in the street has long blond hair and is looking up at the redheaded me with tears in her eyes and telling me she cant die yet because shes got people to protect. Shes got a sister named Mac back home in Georgia and she just left her a message, and if she dies, Mac will come over to hunt her killer because shes stubborn and idealistic, and shell die, too. But I dont seem to be able to feel anything about whats happening, and none of it seems real, so I walk away just like Jayne did.
My stomach heaves and I puke my guts out right there in the middle of the street. I cant even get on my hands and knees to do it. Lying on my back, I get sick all over myself. Not the blond-haired me thats the ghost of Alina, but the real, red-haired Dani thats really lying in the street wondering if shes going to bite it this time. And if theres something wet on my face that isnt blood or vomit Nah. Aint.
Eventually I get the feeling back in my hands and feet. I guess they thaw. I fumble for a candy bar. I curl in a ball in the street and eat every candy bar Ive got and plot revenge.
Dont make it war, he said, and I wont.
I dont have to.
He already did.
EIGHTEEN
I can be your hero, baby
I find her stumbling through the streets, bleeding to death. If not for all that hair, I might not have recognized her. Shes covered with blood, its on her clothes, matted in her curls, crusted on her face. Her long coat is flayed and hangs in tatters from her shoulders. It looks like she went through a dicer.
I dont see her sword anywhere. I look around, nothing shiny in the streets but her.
